The lies you love, p.8
The Lies You Love, page 8
“What about your sleeping hours? Could I have those? Are you around?”
I furrow my brow. I don’t even know if that’s something they’d allow. “I, uh, yeah, I mean, yes I’m around, but I don’t know,”
“You don’t know if you want this to be longer than a month. I should just shut up and enjoy the sex.”
I take both of her hands. “No,” I say, shaking my head. “That’s not what I’m saying. It’s more complicated than that with my career.”
Auden crinkles her forehead. “Are you saying people in your career don’t get married and have families? Do they not have long-term girlfriends or boyfriends? A life outside of work other than the fleeting months they have off? You’re saying work is your whole life?”
“Is it allowed, sure, but what person would want to deal with having a partner who is there only half the time? I never considered it for myself because it seemed too selfish.”
She looks away but lets me keep her hands. “You’ve never been with a woman you wanted to keep?” Her slim neck works as she swallows. “One that made you want a constant life outside of work? Do you want a wife? Kids?”
“Woah, woah, woah, you’re throwing out some pretty deep questions. I don’t let myself consider those things.”
I don’t know enough about Auden, and I wished that I had done more research into Ramsey’s friend back when I had the case file in front of me. The Charge Men intel gives us basic information about the people surrounding our Principals. I know numbers. I know Auden’s former addresses, her birthday, her license plate. I read a background check, and I know she’s never been incarcerated or had any run-ins with the law. The report doesn’t give us family background or any sort of in-depth information about their personality. Where they came from or why they are the way they are. Not like with Ramsey. I know every god-forsaken detail about her.
“I never considered it before,” I say once more. “If the right woman came along, well, all that stuff wouldn’t be off the table.”
Auden pulls out of my grasp and stands to pace. “And now you think I’m asking for me, that I’m a psycho.”
Standing, I stop her by putting my hands on her shoulders. “I don’t think that.”
“What do you think, then?”
I press my lips together as I look at her face. It takes a Herculean effort not to kiss her. “I think that you deserve everything in the world that you want. I think a man destroyed your trust, and I think you’re still trying to get back on track.” I pause and choose my next words carefully. “You’re safe with me.”
Her face wilts, and fresh tears spring to her eyes. “The only man who ever saved me also destroyed me.” She drags her hands into her hair. “I shouldn’t have come here. I should have called Ramsey to complain. You have me so confused and horny, and I don’t even know anymore. Walker gets to get married and have babies, and I get, I get to be… obsessed with your dick!” She throws her arms up and lets them fall to her sides.
Pressing my lips into a thin line, I can’t stop it. The laugh comes, and it’s throaty and rich.
A smile picks up at one corner of her mouth. “What’s so funny?”
I inhale deeply. “I don’t think anyone has ever been obsessed with my dick.”
She looks at the floor. “Oh, they have, and your mouth, but they just didn’t tell you. Be sure of that, buddy.”
I chuckle again, but this time, I let my hands glide down her arms and encircle her wrists. “My mouth, huh? Funny thing is, I can’t stop staring at your mouth. Does that mean I’m obsessed with it?”
I back her up to the wall, slowly, one step at a time to make sure she doesn’t stumble. Her gaze is all mine, and I don’t blink, I don’t even breathe until her back is against the wall, and I have her hands pinned above her head with one of mine. With my free one, I untie the trench coat and let my eyes take in her body. She has on a tiny thong and a lace, see-through bra.
“Fuck,” I say, unable to keep any form of composure. Auden wets her lips, and a hint of a smile plays on the corner of her mouth. “I want to kiss you.”
“Kiss me, then. As long as you don’t stop at my lips.”
Forcefully, I press my lips against hers, softly opening them with my tongue. She’s warm and even though I can taste the remnants of her tears, I also sample her hunger. Her desire is so all-encompassing that my dick throbs to maximum hardness. I get lost in the hunger of the kiss, letting my brain form a plan for every which way I’ll fuck her. I want her every way, and it won’t be enough. I pull away, and she squirms in my hold, but I don’t release her, not yet.
“You want that dick you’re so obsessed with?”
She nods, her forehead pressed against mine. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day.”
I blow out a breath, shaking my head. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“No, Beck, you’re going to be the death of me.”
Tracing her lips with my tongue, I kiss her ruthlessly once more and let her hands go when she moans into my mouth. “You’re going to get what you want in life,” I tell her. “You deserve it.”
Her eyes tilt down on the sides, and I wonder what she’s thinking, but not with enough concern to stop kissing her. Her trench coat slides off her back and hits the floor, and I bring my lips against the hollow of her neck. “I hope you’re right,” she says, breathing rapidly as I trace my tongue around the shell of her ear. “Right now, I just want you.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
I hit my knees in front of her, and pull my t-shirt off with one hand, then grabbing the sides of her panties, I slide them down her legs. She steps out of them gracefully as I wrap one of her legs over my shoulder so I can eat her out. As soon as my mouth hits wet flesh, her hips buck against me, and she braces her body against the wall to give me wider access. With her hands in my hair, I devour her, licking her clit up and down while I slip two fingers inside her to stroke her G-spot. Her scent hits me like a ton of bricks. All of the orgasms from last night and the soft mewls when she was exhausted but still wanted to come all over my cock came flooding back. The cum on her stomach and ass when I spent myself the final time, and the fucking hollow pit in my stomach when I woke up to her being gone.
Auden takes my head firmly in her grasp as her orgasm hits, her wet cunt gripping my fingers and her scream echoing in the small space. It’s tortured and agonizingly blissful. Her face is pink, and her lips are wet—her face serene, unlike several minutes ago. Her pussy throbs and I don’t release her clit. I continue my slow, sucking assault, hoping to drain her of another. She fucks my face, greedy for my fingers, hungry for my cock to fill her when the harmonizing chime of my doorbell echoes through the small speaker in the hallway.
Her pliant, warm body stills in my grasp. “Who the hell is that?”
I kiss her slit and give one final suck of her clit to make her whimper before I stand. “I’m an asshole for leaving you like this, but I need to see who the hell is at my door. I’m not expecting anyone.” Ronan and Tess would be long gone by now, but any of my friends would have called first. “Get in bed, I’m not finished with you yet.”
Her body language tells me she wants to argue.
“That’s a fucking order, little lady.”
Her smile picks up, and she brushes past me, slips off her sneakers, and hops into my bed.
She takes the sheets into her hands and inhales. “These are clean.”
“Yeah, I washed them,” I say, grinning. “They were sex-soaked from a good time.”
I adjust my hard-on on the way to the door and peer through the peephole. Fuck. I forgot. “Griffin,” I mutter, yanking open the door.
He raises one brow when he sees me without a shirt. “You almost ready to go?”
Griffin waltzes in and heads straight for the bar cart. “We were gonna do dinner before the strip club, but if you’re not ready, we can order in,” he says, mindlessly pouring himself a glass of bourbon. He’s speaking so loudly I know that Auden heard what my plans were tonight. I made a deal with him. If he took Ramsey off my hands at the restaurant earlier, I’d go to the strip club with him.
I palm the sides of my head. “You’re going to kill me, but can we raincheck?”
“A deal is a deal, my friend. Plus, what else are you doing tonight? Pressing plans?”
Yes, I want to be pressing into Auden over and over.
“Actually, yeah. I have a date tonight.”
Ronan’s eyes turn to the bedroom door and back to my abs. “Wait, she’s here right now, and you didn’t tell me?”
I swallow hard because I know there’s no way around this, not with Griffin at least. He doesn’t know boundaries. Auden comes out of my bedroom, the khaki trench coat barely covering her ass, as she clutches the tie keeping it on. “Hey, so, uh, I think I’ll head out now and let you get back to your… life,” she says, keeping her gaze turned to the floor.
“Oh, hell no,” I say. “Griffin, this is my date, Auden.” I clear my throat and blink a few times. “She’s the reason you’re flying solo tonight.”
“Oh, no, I couldn’t be the reason you change plans. I’ll talk to you later.”
Griffin is chuckling, looking between us, back and forth. “Nice to meet you, Auden. It’s official now. We know each other, and you’re fucking my best buddy, so that means we’re best buddies. We’re all heading to the strip club tonight.”
I groan, laying a hand on my forehead. “We’re not. Auden and I are staying here.”
I light her up with a gaze that tells her exactly what we’re doing tonight after I get him the fuck out of here. I’m salivating and a little pissed Griffin is looking at her in the coat when I want it all to myself. I know what’s under it waiting for me, and every muscle in my body tenses.
“We could go for a little while,” Auden says, shocking both of us. She lifts and lowers one shoulder. “It could be fun.”
Griffin pumps his fist. “You got any friends?”
Auden’s smile disappears. “I do, but they aren’t single.”
“They don’t have to be single,” Griffin says.
I punch his shoulder. “Don’t be such a dirtbag.”
“You and Ramsey,” Auden says, aiming a finger at my friend.
His white teeth flash. “Me and Ramsey.” He nods. “She’s a bit of a firecracker, isn’t she?”
Auden nods once. “I need to run to my car really quickly. I’ll be right back.”
I eye her suspiciously. “I’m going with you. It’s dark outside.”
Griffin tries to decipher what’s going on between us but can’t. Which makes me feel better because I’m not even sure what’s happening. Auden doesn’t speak until we get to her car, and she pops the trunk. “I have clothes in here. Emergency clothes, but I think I have a dress that would work for going out.” She grabs a piece of lacey material. “Yep. And shoes.” There’s a shoebox shoved in the corner, and she grabs and pulls a pair of black heels out. “Exactly what I need.”
I grab her shoulder and turn her to face me. In the moonlight, she looks like a different person. The glow reflecting off her pale skin causing her hair to look almost white. “We weren’t done in there. In case you forgot, I need to fuck you.”
“I know,” she says. “This will make you want to fuck me even more. The strip club first, then your bedroom.”
My neck works as I try to swallow down the truth. “What if I can’t wait until after?”
“What if I want to?” she counters.
I grunt, leaning in to nuzzle her neck. “Says the woman who already got hers.”
Auden pulls away. “You rock my world, yes, but I also feel like an idiot for pouring my heart out to you and need some time to gain my self-composure.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. I appreciate it when you’re honest with me, remember?”
“I’m… just embarrassed, I guess. This isn’t your job.”
I narrow my eyes. “What’s my job then?”
Her gaze skirts away. “To fuck me, I guess.”
“Tell me what you want, Auden.” Grabbing her chin, I force her to look at me. “The guessing stuff is getting old.”
“Is it not obvious what I want?”
She licks her lips, and I can’t focus on her mouth for too long. “I wouldn’t be asking otherwise. Tell me your plan.”
A car storms by, going way over the speed limit, and I move us closer to the building and order her to tell me. I ask what Walker has specifically that she wants. Auden throws her arms out to the sides. “You know,” she deadpans.
“I want to hear you say it,” I counter.
She swallows hard. “I want a long-term relationship, maybe marriage, maybe not, I’m not sure I believe in that institution anymore. I want a man who will stay. I want a kid. Just one because two seems like a lot of work, and I want what my parents have. It’s perfect.” She stays silent, and I know she’s not finished, so I wait. “Sometimes, I think I would be less fucked up if I grew up with an unstable childhood. If I didn’t have my parent’s perfect marriage and life to focus on, maybe I wouldn’t know what I’m missing out on.”
I smirk. “You’re blaming your parents now?”
“What’s the alternative? Taking the blame myself?” Her returning smile tells me she’s joking. “I don’t mean that. They’re great, I’m not good at it. I got it so wrong that I don’t know how to do it right.” Her eyes turn sad. “What about you? What do you want? Long term.”
My heart races, and I turn my gaze to the sky. “Define long term.”
“Ten years. What would be your ten-year plan if you had to decide on one right now.”
I sigh. “The same as yours if I find the right woman.”
Griffin comes barreling out of the front door of my apartment building in the distance and spots us immediately. “What are you guys doing? I hoped to catch you fucking in the car or something. Let’s get a move on. The strippers wait for no one!”
Auden looks disappointed we didn’t finish our conversation and that I didn’t give more details. I’m disappointed we didn’t finish in the bedroom but delighted I didn’t have to speak anymore on that subject. Blowing out a long breath, I usher Auden toward Griffin and the door.
“Give us ten to get ready, then order a ride,” I tell my friend on the way by.
He says something in reply, but the closing door silences the end of it. She’s quiet as we take the stairs up, and she moves around my apartment with ease once we’re inside. Auden pours two drinks and gives me one before telling me she’s going to get ready in the bathroom. Does she already have me labeled as someone who isn’t going to stick around? I shouldn’t care, and I never have in the past. I know what I can offer a woman and I’m honest about it. Why is it now I want to lie? Not lie totally, but tell her I can give her what she’s asking for? It’s because I’m hard dicked for her and haven’t been laid so properly in years. It’s the logical explanation. After a month of sex what she wants won’t matter, nor will I be twisted up over her anymore.
I dress quickly and do my hair in the full-length mirror in the hall because she’s in my bathroom. My laptop is in the guest room across the hall, and I open it up and log into the secret account that holds all of my Charge Man portals. The reports on Ramsey are detailed, and I know I won’t be able to get through one before Auden is ready, but I’m curious. My stomach drops to my knees when I see Grey’s write-up about Ramsey’s mid-day fuck with my best friend. I can speed read. It’s a talent I’ve always found useful, mostly as a kid because it annoyed the shit out of my sister, but later I realized the gift. There’s nothing in there about me, and I don’t see Auden’s name in here aside from a conversation about a certain plant Ramsey wants.
I exhale noisily just as she pokes her head into the room. I didn’t hear her finish in the bathroom. I might speed read but it definitely takes away from my reaction time. “Ready?” I ask while simultaneously closing the lid and setting my laptop down on the desk.
“Office?” she says, glancing around curiously.
“Yep,” I reply, leading her out of the room and into the living room. “Had to double-check something.” Now I’m double-checking her mile-long legs in the skimpy dress and heels. She tied her hair back and put on a little makeup. Not a lot. “Check you out,” I add when she sees me ogling.
“Something work-related on your month off?” she asks.
I nod. “Business doesn’t stop just because I’m off,” I explain. Then another once over her body has me ordering, “You and me. Just you and me this month. Are we in agreement?”
Her smile is wide and tempting. “Asking for exclusivity after a one-night stand? What kind of male are you?”
I kiss her on top of her head and then bend in to plant a wet one on her lips. “One who knows exactly what he wants.”
****
Griffin picked the one club owned by the Rifts, the same assholes who own Silver Moon and several other off-brand and off moral places of business. I argued with him for about sixty seconds, but the driver already had our drop-off point marked, and the way everything is digital, he might have blown a gasket if we’d asked him to change the location. Even with my hand gripping Auden’s thigh all the way to the club, I couldn’t shake the fleeting feeling in the pit of my stomach.
We’re sitting at a small table near the center stage, and the lights are low. Auden looks around curiously, and Griffin can’t shut up about Ramsey, who was already busy tonight. She must have really left an impression if he’s talking about another woman inside such an establishment. I can’t help but be on guard. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m guarding, even when I’m not, because I know the people who run this place are no fucking good. As a Charge Man, I wouldn’t let Ramsey in here. There would be some decoy or scenario I’d make up to keep her away. That’s just facts. Auden has her legs crossed, and she’s bouncing one heeled foot to the music as she sips a bottle of beer. Strippers should have approached us immediately but didn’t. The bouncer looked at my I.D. longer than usual at the door, and a few security guards shot daggers when I met their gazes. This is dangerous, and the only thing I have as a vulnerability is sitting next to me.
