The lies you love, p.13
The Lies You Love, page 13
I push her hand off me and cut her off, “Do not apologize for that.”
“That guy is probably rich. He could sue you for smashing his face in. It’s my fault!” Her voice echoes and the man and woman turn around to glance our way. I wave, she forces a smile. “I will apologize for that. I know, Beckett. I know I’m bad for you. No matter how much I want you, I know that.”
I do it, I look at her. I’m not sure how it’s entirely possible that I want to chain her to my body to keep her close and run far away at the same time, but that’s what I feel. Auden frightens the fuck out of me. “All I heard is you want me,” I reply, swallowing hard. “And I’m not worried about that guy back there, so you shouldn’t either.”
She looks away, shakes her head, and then meets my gaze again. “I can see the end at the beginning.”
I raise one brow. “What?”
Her cheeks pink, and whatever she says next, I know she’s either ashamed or embarrassed about. “When I woke up in the hospital after the attack, I was looking into Walker’s eyes. I saw it then. The end of us—him ripping out my heart.” She closes her eyes and keeps them closed as she lays an open palm on her chest. Her pain is palpable. Tears cut down her cheeks, then her lashes flutter open to look at me. “When I look at you, Beck. I also see the end.” She sniffles. “Except it’s not my heart that gets destroyed this time.”
I’m not sure what to say, so I stay silent and remain stoic. This lines up with the agony I feel when I’m around her. The push and pull of my emotions warring with the desire I feel for her. A knot forms in my stomach when I meet her eyes. “Why don’t you leave the heartbreaking out of this for a second.” I exhale long and hard. “Auden, I want you. Regardless of what you think will happen, and even if I’m running late. You’re not seeing an end, Auden. I guarantee that.”
“You’re not going to leave?” she asks, tears brimming in her eyes.
Shaking my head, I pull her into my chest. “Oh, no, I’m leaving, you’re just coming with me.”
When I pull back, she’s smiling at me. I grab her hand and pull her toward the party’s edge and make my way to the parking lot. They were valet parking cars, but I wasn’t giving my keys to anyone so I’m down the road a bit, parallel parked in front of someone’s house. Griffin’s plan is to ride home with Ramsey, so I text him to make sure he knows I’m gone. He doesn’t reply, but that’s not uncommon, so I slip my phone back into my pocket, opening the passenger side door for Auden. She slips in, and I eye the surroundings before getting into the driver’s side and starting the engine.
There’s a long stretch of silence as I drive toward the freeway that leads back to the city. “How do you know you want me after such a short time?” she asks, her voice quiet, shoulders hunched over. “It’s hard for me to believe is all.”
“I don’t know what next month holds, Auden, and I can’t tell you how I know I want you, other than I can tell you I’m one-hundred-percent into this for as long as we have together. I do know I don’t want you following other men places.” My hands tighten on the steering wheel in response. “I don’t mean to pivot, but how did your friend get invited to that party?” I clear my throat. “It seemed pretty exclusive, and correct me if I’m wrong that it wasn’t your normal crowd.”
“I think,” Auden says, tapping her nails on her knees, “And this is just my thoughts, that someone from before invited her tonight. She invited me and well now here we are. It seemed like she knew that asshole in the woods, didn’t it? I was so shaken and wanted away from him, but with some space, the whole scene was sketch with Rams.” Her nails tap faster. “What if she didn’t know him, and we left her with that monster?”
I lick my lips. “She’s fine.”
“How do you know she’s okay? You didn’t see the way he looked at me.”
I glance over, taking my eyes off the road. “Griffin is with her. She is okay. I’d place all my money on that wager.” Because she has a highly trained protector lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce. “What did you mean by before?” The way Auden said it makes me think she knows more than she’s supposed to. Would Ramsey tell Auden about her former life?
“I’m going to call her when we get back just to make sure.” She pauses. “Ramsey lost her family, that I know. She has a trust fund and never talks about her past. When I say before, I mean the time before she was friends with me. We both were starting over at the same time.”
I swallow hard. That’s safe. She doesn’t know who exactly Ramsey’s mother was. “But you don’t know who she knew at the party tonight?” I shouldn’t be asking questions, but if I have to deal with the negative that comes along with dating Ramsey’s best friend, I might as well make use of the positive. I now have a direct link to Ramsey’s brain.
Auden shrugs, folding her hands in her lap. Her short skirt. I want to spread her open and fuck her senseless. Maybe then I can forget how complicated this month or more is going to be. As long as I have her, I’ll deal with what comes. “My guess would be whoever owned the place, honestly. I talked to the brother who lived in the pool house, and he had a French accent. Sounded just like Rams.”
My lust-driven haze turns to ash as she casually mentions that worrying detail. I have to tell Grey. He needs to know that not only is she not safe, but she could be getting mixed up with people from her mother’s world. My time at the party was spent in the woods, not mingling with the crowd of people. It’s why I asked Auden. I had a feeling. “I see,” I manage to get out. “My house or yours?” I ask when the bright lights of the city loom closer as we cross the bridge.
“Yours,” she replies. “It’s closer.” I look over, and although her face is aimed out the windshield, a smile plays on her lips.
“We’re both on the same page then,” I counter, swallowing down the nervous energy from everything this night has thrown my way.
She nods, taking my right hand and setting it on her lap. “I need to pretend half the night didn’t happen, and you need to forgive me for being a wreck.”
“You’re not a wreck, but I do want whatever it is you’re offering.” I’m finding it hard to hold a conversation when all I can think about what tonight could mean for our future. And by our, I mean me, Grey, and Ramsey. Moving out to the sticks will be the only option. I hope Auden doesn’t pick up on the fact I’m disassociating while we make our way from the parking garage to my condo. When we’re locked inside, I pour two drinks and excuse myself to the office for a little while. She doesn’t complain as she wants to clean up and call her friend Betty back. I guess she called while we were on our way here, but she didn’t answer.
Furiously, I open my work laptop and start scrolling everything I haven’t read yet. It doesn’t take long to catch up. I cringe when I see my name in the report and wonder how long it will take to hear from my boss. Even if it’s permitted doesn’t mean he’s not going to warn me about the dangers of being close to my Principal outside of shifts. I email Grey and tell him verbatim what Auden said in the car about the brother with the accent. I didn’t do research about the guy who owned the mansion, but Grey must have. That’s why he was freaking out, I realize. I fire off the email and then start one to my boss to get ahead of the power curve. I explain the situation in the simplest form. I make it sound like it’s only sex. That there’s no risk of anything hindering daily life with my Principal. My chest feels a little less heavy after I send it. I fold my arms behind my head and look up at the ceiling.
I’ve never had this much to lose and all at once, too. Haven’t I always preferred life when the stakes were high? Only when I know I can win is the answer, and I’m pretty much in the dark these days, flying by the seat of my pants. The silence is broken by Auden raising her voice in my bedroom. I don’t mean to overhear, but I hear the word hypocrite, and she’s pissed. I crack the door. “I don’t even know who you are!” Pause, pause, pause. “Why are you telling me? I don’t understand.”
More silence. “Because you think I’d get it? Why is that, Betty?”
If I stand here any longer, it’s going to look weird if she catches me so I cross over to my bedroom and make sure Auden knows I’m here. She spins when I clear my throat. “Well, I’m not a whore anymore, so I don’t understand, and you really have bungled things up. I have to go now,” Auden says, cheeks and neck red. I want to fluster her in another way next.
“Whatever,” she says. “I’ll talk to you later. You really should tell the others. Or your husband,”
Auden scoffs, shaking her head as she hangs up the phone. She tosses it on the bed and continues pacing my room. “She’s having an affair,” Auden says, keeping her eyes down. “She told me because she thought I’d understand. Betty couldn’t keep it to herself any longer.”
Her gaze picks up to meet mine, willing me to tell her what she wants to hear. “What was I supposed to say? I got mad at her. I don’t want that kind of secret. The kind of secret that destroys someone else’s life.”
“So she’s not planning on leaving her boyfriend?”
“Husband,” Auden corrects. “No. She said she’s still figuring everything out. She told me because the guilt was eating her alive.”
I halt her pacing by placing my hands on her shoulders. “Your friends trust you. They want your advice. That’s nothing to be upset about even if I do understand why, it’s frustrating.”
“Some Australian. He works at a bar,” Auden says, shaking her head, unaware our worlds are colliding in so many ways that it’s starting to scare the shit out of me.
“Australian?” I ask, my hands fall from her shoulders, and she notices, eyeing them by my sides. Swallowing hard, I press my lips together. “Which bar? I think I know him.”
“Oh, god,” Auden says. “If you know him, that’s no good.”
It’s really no good, but how do I tell her that. “Remember that bar I told you was bad news?”
Auden’s face falls. “Oh, fuck!” She swallows hard. “Betty is such a straight-laced person. I don’t know how she decided to one, have an affair, and two, with a guy who is a fucking criminal.” Her eyes go wide. “Oh, my god.”
“What?” Can this possibly get worse?
“I think I know who the guy is. This isn’t what you think, but I gave an Australian man a ride a couple of days ago. He showed up to my store and needed a ride to the grocery store before it closed. How many Aussies can there be around here?”
Welp, turns out it can get worse. I run my hands through my hair and blow out a breath before walking to the window. Placing both hands on the frame, I decide we’re all fucking doomed. The Rifts combined with whatever nefarious creatures Ramsey’s been dancing with make for a damn nightmare.
“He had a girlfriend,” Auden says, trying to defend why she gave him a ride. Like I’m jealous or something. No, just terrified for your life. “He said his girlfriend was going to kill him if he didn’t bring home the groceries she needed… I wonder if he meant Betty. I drove him to the store so he could make it before it closed.”
I slide my phone from my pocket and send out one last text to Grey before I take care of the only problem I can at the moment. “Take off your fucking clothes, Auden,” I say. “If I think about this too long, I’ll go crazy.”
“We’re supposed to fuck when I’m worried about my friend being in trouble?”
I nod. “Exactly. There’s nothing we can do right now. Your friend is safe right now at her home?” Auden nods. I go on. “I want to be inside you before I lose my mind.” Tugging off my shirt over my head, I toss it and step out of my jeans. My cock springs free, and that’s all it takes to get Auden on board. Her desire is palpable. The desire in her gaze is molten lava as she looks at me like she’s never seen me naked before.
I cross over to help her get out of her clothes quicker.
“Make no mistake, by the way. This is me claiming you as mine.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Auden
Despite everything I’ve done to deter him, and I do mean everything, even if some was unwittingly, Beck stays. More than stays, he wants me with such a fervor that there’s no way I don’t feel wanted on the deepest emotional level possible. Ramsey might call it just fucking, but what Beck does to my body defies all logic—the man worships at the altar of my orgasms. He kisses me wildly, passionately, as he fucks me. I’m sweaty, dripping in him, surrounded by his heat and desire, watching his eyes screw shut moments before he comes. For the second time tonight. The first time I rode him backward, he came quicker than he wanted to, so after making me come by means of his mouth, bent over the bathroom counter, we went for another round on a comforter spread on the floor. Beck pulls out of me and spills across my stomach, his face a mask of disbelieving pleasure. His lashes open, and his eyes meet mine.
I see it again, and a tiny surprised inhale escapes. The end of us. It’s a visceral, triggering movie that plays inside my mind. “You okay,” Beck pants, placing a kiss on my neck. “Did I hurt you?”
I shake my head, placing a kiss against his temple. “Never. I’m fine. I’ll be sore for a week, but I’m fine.”
Tucking my face into his neck, I avoid eye contact because the image of losing Beck swallows me whole. Why, though? Because I fell so hard and fast or is it because I know there is something more than meets the eye that draws us together? What we have isn’t normal, and we do have some live wire attraction to each other. “I’ll never get enough of you,” I say, pressing my lips against his warm cheek and leaving them there.
Beck grabs the sex towel and wipes my stomach while he catches his breath. Leaning up on my elbows, I watch him, hoping to catch glimpse of something that stands out to me that lends a rational explanation for how much I feel for him. I was nearly assaulted in the woods by a man tonight, and I was able to rebound like this without second-guessing. “Is this what it’s like to fully trust someone?” I ask, biting my bottom lip. “Is that a silly question?” Staring at his fucking magnificent face, I focus on his half-grin as he takes in my question. He licks his lips, and my mouth dries. “Or is this just what good sex makes you feel?”
He flashes a feral smirk that sends a shiver directly to my pussy. “You’ve never been fucked properly.” He reaches over and holds my face in his hand. An emotion passes over his face but disappears as quickly as it came. His hand falls away. “It’s not a silly question.” He looks away, sitting on his haunches, back on his knees. Beck opens his mouth to speak, then closes it. “I’m not someone you should trust. Not all the way.”
My chest tightens. “Why?”
“I’ll never be able to be fully honest with you. My job requires a pact of silence.”
I exhale. “Can you be honest about all the things that matter?” I think of all the white lies Walker told over the course of six years and how they eventually added up to the biggest façade the world ever saw. The biggest one I’ll ever see, that’s for sure. “Relationship stuff, I mean.”
“Relationship, huh?” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Auden.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. It’s just that being with you like this makes me feel things. I get dizzy from it. It makes me say things I shouldn’t. Guess I’m just curious.”
He stands, the towel still in hand, and he looks like a goddamn sex monster, muscles bulging, sculpted ass on display, his abs flexing and unfurling with each breath he takes. It’s nearly too much to take. I want him when I have no reason to want him. He just gave me four orgasms—I should be sated and ready to slip into a dreamless sleep at this point. “Don’t apologize,” he says, nearly growling as he runs a free hand over his jawline scruff. “Never apologize for being honest. I’m curious too,” he adds, turning to look down at me still sprawled on the floor. “I feel the same way, and we probably do need to have that ah, relationship talk.”
My stomach flips, and my heart knocks around in my chest, reminding me of how alive I feel in this moment, a moment I nearly never got to live through, an experience I didn’t think I deserved after that fateful night when I fled from Walker and his lies and died, and came back twice. “It’s only been a few days, we don’t have to,” I offer, looking away because the emotion dripping off this beast of a man is all-encompassing.
“I’m going to say it out loud, so there’s never room for you to wonder. You’re mine, Auden. Mine and mine alone. This isn’t something that’s negotiable. I want you. All of you. I do not share. I do not cower. I will not ask permission to pummel any man who tries to take liberties with you. That’s a lot to handle, I know, but those are my thoughts.”
I smirk. “So, was that the relationship talk, then? You staking claim and threatening to beat up any man who looks at me funny?”
“Not funny, like he wants you like I do,” he says. “Yeah, as long as you’re in agreement, and feel the same way about me, then what else needs to be said?”
I’d love to bring up when the month is over and ask what that looks like, but I don’t for fear of a truth I can’t handle. What I can deal with is this.
“I feel the same way about you save for some of that alpha rage jealous stuff you have working.” I tap a finger on my chin. “I’m not complaining, it’s hot, and it’s not really that much to handle. I’m glad you said it out loud. Now I don’t have to wonder if you’re… standing me up.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I still can’t believe you actually thought that. That guy really did a number on you.”
“More than a number,” I whisper, trying not to let sadness taint this glorious moment. “I’m moving on.”
Beck gestures toward the kitchen. “Good. Now that it’s settled, are you hungry?”
“That easy? Just like that?” I follow him down the hallway, intent on his perfect ass.
“Did you want to sign a blood pact?” He turns to ask over his shoulder.
