Capacity, p.9
Capacity, page 9
…
When I got home after work, I tossed my bags on the couch and checked my missed texts and calls. I saw a few texts from Coco asking if we could hang out tonight at her house for game night with Luke and Andrew, then I saw a text from Mom about the picture I sent her earlier.
Mom: That’s an Aster flower. It blooms in late summer and fall. They don’t need a lot of care. Just loose soil, occasional watering, and sunshine. They represent love and patience. Clear those weeds away and let them flourish.
I walked over to the front door and peered out at the dead bush hiding the tiny little flower.
I didn’t have time for gardening. If I had my way, I’d put cement all over the front yard. I stood there looking at the little purple petals trying to push through the heavy dead foliage on top of it and sighed.
Maybe I’d move the dead bush so it could grow to its full potential. Nothing could grow with deadweight choking it. It wasn’t a promise to start a garden or anything.
I pulled out my phone and texted Mom back.
Me: Thanks for the info. I don’t have your green thumb but I’ll move the dead bush so it can get more sunlight.
Mom: Good. It could use some fresh soil too. The good kind with vitamins. I’ll come over this weekend and help you with it.
Me: Mom, I’m not about to be in the dirt all Saturday.
Mom: Like I said, Lumi, I’ll be there on Saturday. Now, I gotta get this pot of chili off the stove. I’ll call you later.
I laughed while I stared at the phone. She was a trip. I wondered if she knew she practically bullied me into gardening with her over the weekend after I said no.
When I walked into the kitchen, I leaned against the fridge and groaned. I was getting ready to call Coco back and tell her I couldn’t make it to dinner and game night with her and the boys. I braced myself for all the questions she’d hurl at my head and tried to map out how to maneuver around every single one of them.
“Hey girl, did you get my texts?” Coco answered on the first ring. Her bubbly voice made me smile. Maybe Knight was right, ever since I met him I’d been smiling more.
“I did but I can’t come over tonight. I have plans.” I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth waiting for her reaction.
3…2…1…
“Plans?” Her voice climbed in octave and volume. A laugh hid in plain sight behind her tone. “What are these plans? Do they involve a man? I thought you weren’t in the right headspace for a man right now.”
“Did I say my plans had anything to do with a man, Coco?”
“No, but the defensive tone in your voice tells me your plans have everything to do with a man, honey. Who is it?”
“First of all, it’s not what you think. I’m having dinner with Mr. Cunningham.” The silence boomed on the other end.
“Your boss?”
“Yes. My boss. I went out with him last night and…”
“You went out with him!” I pulled the phone away from my ear and laughed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Lumi Foster, I’m disowning you. I can’t believe you’re just now telling me you went on a fucking date.”
“It wasn’t a date, that’s why I didn’t mention it. We’re friends. That’s it. He’s been sober for one month. He got his chip and he wanted to celebrate. He asked if I’d get frozen yogurt with him. I went. The end.”
But it wasn’t the end. I neglected to tell her about my moment in the shower and the way my skin heated every time he touched me. Shit, I didn’t even tell her that he did touch me. If I told her about the subtle way his hand always found my lower back or the way he kissed the back of my hand, she’d read more into it than she needed to. Knight and I were friends. That was it.
“Um, no Lumi that’s not the end. What did you two talk about? What did you wear? What did he wear?”
“It was right after work, Coco. I had on scrubs. He had on a button-down shirt and slacks. It was not a date.”
“Okay, I guess. How many other staff members were there?”
“It was just us. I’m the only person who knows he’s in AA though so we can’t count that.”
“Whatever, Lumi. That man is feeling you and you’re feeling him too. If you say anything other than Coco you’re right…you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying and I’m not feeling him.”
“I’m married but I have eyes. He’s fine as hell. Those blue eyes and that smile, girl…”
I snuffed out the budding irritation in my chest after listening to the way Coco drooled over Knight. “He’s fine. I know that. I’m not looking for a relationship though.”
“Who said you had to be in one? You can just get the dick and move on.” We laughed for a few seconds then she said, “I’m just playing because I would never advise you to fuck your boss but come on, Lumi I know you have cobwebs in your pussy. Let somebody clear them out.”
“Oh my god, you are so vulgar!” I laughed loudly.
“It’s true though. I don’t see you denying it. Oh, and by the way, I can’t remember the last time I heard you laugh like this. I don’t know what kind of relationship you and Mr. Cunningham have but it’s doing you some good.”
“We actually decided last night to call each other by our first names.” My cheeks tingled from heat.
“Oh wow, is that first base in your book? Second base is the froze yogurt?”
“Fuck you, Cora,” I laughed, tossing my head back and letting the sound billow in the air. She was right. I had been laughing a lot more. Guilt immediately crumpled my sunshine. It took a knife to my throat, reminding me that Kaiden wasn’t here to listen to my laugh anymore. He wasn’t here to see the new house or pick out a room. He would never get to meet Knight and know that awesome men did exist.
“Ooh, and you called me vulgar. Look, I gotta go pick up some ingredients from the store but send me pictures of what you wear on your not-date with your not-man Mr. Cunningham.”
“His name is Knight,” I told her. A small smile budded on my lips regardless of being trapped beneath the dead weight of my guilt.
“Knight Cunningham? Lumi, he’s practically a freaking prince.” She paused to gasp then said, “Your knight in shining armor!”
“Goodbye, Cora.”
“Don’t hang up on—”
End call.
I loved her but if I smiled any harder my cheeks would pop. I knew she wouldn’t hold it against me. It was the kind of banter we were used to. It shaped our unbreakable sisterhood. If I couldn’t joke with her and if she couldn’t poke fun at me, I probably would remain depressed and lonely. Knowing that no matter what, my girl would give me tough love, tell me the truth, and make me laugh made life a little more bearable.
…
CHAPTER 8
I pulled into Lumi’s driveway at seven on the nose. I told her that’s when I’d be there and I never broke a promise. More importantly, I never wanted to break one to her.
I was a nervous kid again sitting in my car prepping to ring the doorbell.
Calm down, Knight. This isn’t a date.
Lumi was the most beautiful woman I’d seen since Hazel though. She was a goddess. Every time I was near her my hands disobeyed logic and reached out to feel her hazelnut silk against my skin. I wanted to devour her when we were having breakfast in my office this morning. I came dangerously close to ruining a friendship for something I knew I wasn’t ready for. After hearing Lumi talk about her son’s father I knew she wasn’t ready for anything other than friendship either. I’d never lead her on knowing I wasn’t the man she needed.
I grabbed the bags of groceries from the back seat and walked up the steps to the porch. I balanced the three bags in one arm then rang the doorbell. Nerves took over after that.
I couldn’t remember going to a woman’s house since losing Hazel. If I did go, I was probably drunk and blacked out shortly afterward. Most of the time I fucked women at hotels or at home before calling them an Uber.
I shuddered thinking about eighteen-year-old Sky Lebowitz in my house one month ago. I’d hit rock bottom and didn’t even see it coming.
I wanted to continue beating myself up for all the stupid ass decisions I’d made since my wife died but my brain stuttered then went silent when Lumi opened the door. My eyes took a million photos at once so my nonfunctioning brain could remember the way she looked right then.
Stunning.
Breath-taking.
Gorgeous.
All those words fell to dusty scraps when trying to describe the way she looked. She wasn’t any of those things. She was beyond them. She was…
Religious.
Something I wanted to dedicate forever to understanding so I could be closer to the source from which all life sprang forth.
Goddess.
I had to focus. I had no idea how many seconds or minutes had ticked by since she opened the door. I was at a loss for words.
Her dark hair was finally free from its usual bun. It flowed down her back and shoulders like waves of inky black silk. My fingers ached to dive in and drown between her tresses. Her deep brown skin glowed flawlessly under the soft wash of light in the foyer. Her lips were shiny and full and parted just slightly giving me a glimpse of her pretty pink tongue.
God…that tongue.
My eyes traveled down her ample tits, flat stomach, and tight waistline landing on her rounded hips and thick thighs. I wasn’t used to seeing Lumi out of her scrubs. I still held the image in my mind of her in the dress she wore to the wine bar but this…
Lumi had on a long-sleeve white cotton shirt and a pair of gray cable knit leggings. The lace from her black bra was easily distinguishable beneath the cotton of her shirt and those leggings hugged her thighs and ass in ways that made me jealous. She looked like something I needed to bite. Something I needed to taste on my tongue.
“Hey, Knight. Come on in.” Her sweet voice rolled over my senses as I drank her in.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text you and let you know I was on the way. I don’t have your number.” I stepped all the way in when she moved to the side. I caught a whiff of her perfume and shampoo when she reached past me to lock the door. My tongue flattened itself to the roof of my mouth.
“I didn’t even think about that.” Her laugh was warm. She walked ahead of me and my eyes slid down the dip at the small of her back before landing on her plump ass. It swayed side to side with her hips like it had its own mind and mission.
I didn’t even realize I’d followed her into the kitchen. I had to snap the fuck out of it. I couldn’t keep staring at her like I was in a trance. I put the groceries down and she peered inside one of the bags.
I snagged her wrist in my hand gently, hoping I didn’t scare her away like I did earlier at breakfast. I couldn’t help myself when I was around her. I was greedy and in need of her proximity. I craved her in a way I’d never craved anyone. I craved her in ways that exceeded sex and lust. I loved consuming her laughter, her witty comebacks, and her beautiful smile.
Lumi didn’t pull away like she did at work and the knot in my stomach eased. “Hands off,” I told her, letting go even though I yearned to press my lips to her wrist and smell her perfume.
“Why?” She quizzed defiantly. I watched the fire in her emerald eyes and a thrill zipped through me.
“Because I said so.” I circled her little waist with my hands and marveled at the contrast in size. I moved her to the side and said, “Your job is to hand me things because I don’t know my way around your kitchen.”
She snagged her plump bottom lip between her teeth and I knew this dinner was going to be hard as hell to get through without kissing her. Instead of pulling down on her chin until her lip popped free, I reached over and tugged on her earlobe.
“Can you tell me what you’re cooking then?” She said, bouncing up on the balls of her feet. Jesus, even Lumi’s toes were pretty.
“I can do that,” I gave her a nod as I began taking food from the grocery bags. “I’m making creamy garlic chicken with a side salad. I saw the recipe on Pinterest. I brought chocolate cake for dessert and a gallon of the finest iced tea money can buy.”
“Iced tea is perfect.” Her eyes shone with pride and it gripped my heart in a steel vice. Lumi was proud of me. I’d do anything to make sure she was always proud of me. I didn’t know having her validation would feel so good. I was becoming increasingly proud of myself but having her reinforcement swelled my heart.
I moved awkwardly around the kitchen prepping the food while she snickered into her hand and pointed me in the right direction of…everything. I was amazed at how our conversation flowed. We spoke to each other with the ease of two people who’d been friends for decades and not just one short month.
Lumi was so easy to open up to. Her thoughtful silence begged me to spill my guts. Her raw confessions opened my ears and my heart to what a warm, kind, and brilliant woman she was.
Time vanished while I cooked. The energy between us was a bubbling creek. It flowed and moved with no hope of slowing down. It was warm and lighthearted but there was an unspoken density tangled through it all. Maybe it was the fact that I wanted this woman in front of me. I wanted Lumi in ways I didn’t fully understand.
After we feasted on my novice meal of garlic chicken, we sat on the couch while she searched for something to put on. Her large smart TV sat on top of a sleek entertainment center but it should have been mounted above it. I scrubbed at my chin and slid to the edge of the couch. Lumi’s eyes were on me immediately. She’d been tracking me all evening. She was a curious kitten and I was something outside of her grasp.
“Your TV should be mounted,” I said, gesturing.
“I know. I’m not going to get around to it any time soon though so it’s going to sit right there.”
I soaked in her beautiful face before I continued. “I can mount it for you, Lumi. It’ll take fifteen minutes. I can hide the cords too.”
She drew her head back and studied me intently. Emeralds dipped in honey and ringed by shadowy darkness forced the air from me. Then she smiled and I knew I’d been missing beauty in my life for a very long time.
“You’d do that for me, Knight?”
“Of course. It’s making my man-brain hurt seeing it sitting there like that. I’ll come over after work tomorrow and mount it for you.” I slid back in my seat and rested my ankle on my knee.
“Were you asking me or assuming you could come over tomorrow and do it?” I caught the hint of teasing in her voice.
“I’m coming over tomorrow to do it because you can’t get enough of me making you smile.” I winked at her and if I wasn’t mistaken, I saw her breath stutter. The fleeting sight made my heart thump harder against my chest.
“Whatever, Knight,” she laughed. “You wanna watch The Nanny?”
“That’ll work. Nanny Fine was fine as hell.” I shrugged my shoulders and sipped the glass of iced tea in my hand. I would’ve killed for bourbon. At least both drinks were brown. That counted for something, right?
Lumi grabbed a pillow from beneath her arm and whacked me with it. “You want to watch it to see Fran Drescher prance around in cute outfits.”
“I’m a simple man,” I offered with a full grin that spread from cheek to cheek. When Lumi shoved me to the side, I put my glass down on the coffee table and shoved her back. “I’m allowed to watch TV for attractive women.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t. I was just pointing out how shallow you are. That’s all.”
“I’m not shallow,” I frowned at her. She tipped her head to the side and a river of wavy black hair fell over her shoulder. It was so fucking thick and glossy. “I love your hair,” I blurted. She paused in her laughter to regard me.
“You do?” She touched her hair then tossed it behind her shoulder. “It’s so long I always keep it tied up at work.”
“You should wear it down more.” I reached up and tucked a few errant locks behind her ear but I couldn’t stop there. Desire mounted in my chest as I pushed my fingers through her hair just to feel it slip against my skin.
“It’s not professional.” Her words were soft while my fingers fell through her waves. “It should be off my collar.”
“I like it down.”
“Am I wearing my hair the way you like it or the way it was specified in the dress code?” She quipped. I knew she was trying to hold on to our friendship…our boss-employee relationship, and so was I but I was failing quickly.
“You can wear it the way you want to. I was just mentioning how beautiful you look with it down.”
“Beautiful, huh Mr. Cunningham?” I snatched my hand out of her hair upon hearing my last name. It snapped me right back to where I should’ve never left. I was her friend. I was also her boss. The fact that I was sitting on her couch after dinner blurred the lines we’d purposefully put down.
“I’m sorry, Lumi.” I stood to my feet because clearly, I needed to put some distance between us. I was quickly losing sight of boundaries and I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable.
“Knight, you don’t have to leave,” she said, standing along with me. Waist-length hair swept across her lower back dusting the top of her round ass.
“I do. I think I’ve called you beautiful one too many times.” Even then, while I was trying to pull away from her intoxicating presence, I couldn’t stop myself from touching her. I reached out and slid my hand down her arm until our fingers brushed against each other.
“I was joking around I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”
“I know. I don’t feel bad. I only feel bad when I tell a lie and telling you how beautiful you are is the furthest thing from a lie.” A small smile lifted my lips.
“Stay. Please.” When she looked at me like that, how was I supposed to say no? Lumi linked our fingers, her satin skin brushing against mine subtly. Whispering possibilities. I was all-ears even though I shouldn’t have been. I wasn’t good enough to entertain possibilities with a woman like her. I was smudged and dented. I was a recovering addict. I didn’t have the capacity to let her in the way she deserved.
