Capacity, p.6
Capacity, page 6
I poured my entire life into him for as long as he lived. He was my world. I didn’t see any men. My job as a mother meant I didn’t have people traipsing in and out of my house or my life. Evidently, it also meant I was completely out of touch with how men worked.
“It’s fine,” I told Mr. Cunningham. I signaled to the bartender and he came over to take my debit card. “Is it okay with you if we take a walk? Just something to get you out of this bar.” When I stood, I felt Mr. Cunningham’s eyes take a quick trip up and down my body before landing on my face.
“You know what? I’m going to take you up on that offer because I really shouldn’t be here.” He looked longingly at the bar and the people sitting around talking before opening the door for me to walk through.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt your evening.” He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked down at his feet. Golden strands of hair fell in his eyes but it looked as if he wanted the veil. His humility was unexpected.
Usually, when guys looked the way Mr. Cunningham did, they had the arrogance and asshole demeanor to go with it. Not him though. He never even asked for my name last night after buying me and Coco a bottle of expensive wine. He didn’t expect to see me again.
“No, you didn’t. My friend, Coco, the crazy woman I was at the bar with last night, she was supposed to meet me at the bar so she could hear if I got the job or not but she had to run errands with her son.”
“So you’re free to walk your alcoholic boss around until the urge disappears. You’re a saint.”
“How long have you been sober?” I asked him, ignoring the self-deprecating comment.
“Eight days. Not long at all. Certainly nothing to celebrate.” His broad shoulders rose and fell.
“Eight days is amazing. Why aren’t you proud?”
“I talked to a guy last night who’s nearly a year clean and I feel this huge mountain in front of me.” He shook his head and furled his brows together before looking at me. Our steps fell perfectly in rhythm with one another. “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I have word diarrhea right now. This is way too much shit to put on you after you just accepted the nursing job. I promised you I’d be professional and…”
“I’m a nurse, Mr. Cunningham. I help people. It’s what I do.”
Even if I don’t have the capacity to help myself.
A tight smile pulled his lips up and he nodded at me before pausing in the middle of the sidewalk. “You’re extremely talented and like I said you have a big heart. I’ll be fine. I can walk to my car. Thank you for walking with me.” He held out his hand for mine and we shook.
Even though the air outside was chilly, something sparked heat when our hands touched. It was the same thing that happened in his office earlier. The heat wrapped around my wrists and climbed up my arms making me self-conscious of my scars as if he could see them through my sleeves. Still, the heat was so delicious.
“You’re welcome, Mr. Cunningham. I will see you bright and early in the morning.”
“I look forward to it.” After a few quick awkward moments, Mr. Cunningham and I went our separate ways but my hands still felt the warmth that jumped to life when we touched.
As I walked to my car, I looked at my open hand wondering if there’d be actual sparks dancing along the lines of my palm. There was nothing and I knew there wouldn’t be but something still made me look.
…
“I knew you’d get the job, Lumi!” Coco squeaked over the phone. I called her the minute I got in the house.
“Thank you.” I curled up on the air mattress in the living room and turned on the TV. “There’s something else. Something about my boss.” I felt another smile trying to burn its way onto my lips. It was the same kind of heat I felt when I shook Mr. Cunningham’s hand.
“Oh?” Coco said curiously. “Fat old bald man?”
“The complete opposite. Principal Cunningham is the hot blond from the bar last night.” I shut my eyes and waited for her reaction.
She drew in a quick, sharp gasp then there was nothing on the other end. Complete silence for at least a minute, which is unheard of for Coco.
“You’re lying! Is he really the principal?” When she finally spoke her voice was loud and bouncy. I held the phone away from my ear and smiled a little. “Oh my god, that had to be so fucking weird, Lumi!”
“You should’ve seen my face,” I chuckled. “He’s nice though. The interview went on for two hours because we kept talking. It wasn’t lava hot conversation that flowed but it was conversation that coasted. It was easy and I didn’t feel panicked.” I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and realized that talking to Mr. Cunningham had been the first real conversation I’d had with anyone outside of my mother and Coco since Kaiden died.
“A two-hour interview? You sure those two hours were strictly for interviewing purposes?” Her tone was playful and it made me smile a little wider.
“Of course it was. It ran over because he’s easy to talk to.” I gave a nonchalant shrug and plucked at the soft minky blanket covering me.
“Uh huh, easy to talk to. He’s also gorgeous and has killer blue eyes.”
“He’s also my boss and totally not interested. Besides, even in a world where it was possible for me to date, I wouldn’t know up from down right now. I’m not in the right frame of mind to entertain a man.”
“Lumi, the last time you entertained a man it was Jacob and he’s a piece of shit so I think it’s time for you to step back out there.”
“Absolutely not. I’m not ready. I’m in no condition to date or have a relationship.” I shook my head vehemently against the phone as if I could mentally push away all the men in Connecticut.
“I’m not saying date your boss, Lumi but you should definitely get your feet wet.”
“No thanks.”
“Well, you went to The Pour People alone tonight, how’d that go? Any hot guys?” Clearly, she was going to ignore the fact that I wasn’t searching for a man.
Mr. Cunningham’s face popped into my mind when Coco asked about my time at the bar. Another slow-burn smile crept across my lips dropping sparks along the way, recreating the heat that passed through me when I shook his hand. What on earth was happening to me? Just thinking about a man made me smile and tingle. A man I didn’t even know.
“Just Mr. Cunningham,” I said, raising my shoulders up around my ears to brace for impact.
“What?” Coco blurted. “He was there again tonight?” Her voice raised an octave.
“Yeah, he was. We didn’t talk for long. I walked with him outside to get him out of the bar.”
“Right because he’s recovering,” she noted quietly.
“Exactly. I knew it wasn’t good for him to be in there. I hope he didn’t go back,” I sighed out loud as I stared at the flickering images on the TV. “Listen, I need to get some rest for my first day tomorrow,” I finally said after a few more conversations rose and fell between us.
“Okay, Lumi. Let me know how it goes tomorrow. I’ll come over and cook dinner for you while we unpack. Deal?”
“Deal.”
When we ended our conversation I laid in bed scrolling through Pinterest looking for decorating ideas for my new house until my eyes closed involuntarily.
…
Part Two: The Gray
CHAPTER 6
The closer we got to winter, the quicker the sun set. I sat in my office and watched the golden disc sink into the earth for a few moments before I called Ms. Foster in.
Having her at Lakeview High for the past month made going to work every day bearable. I’ve always loved my job but Ms. Foster brought the warmth I didn’t know I was missing. We’d started having lunch together after her second week because I noticed how withdrawn she was. She barely came out of her office unless one of the students needed her for something.
I started bringing her snacks at first then I asked her to have lunch with me in the teacher’s lounge. I wanted the rest of the staff to meet her. I wanted to see her blossom a little.
After hearing about her son I understood why her beautiful eyes held a shadowy ring of sadness. It also let me know that she wouldn’t come out of her shell on her own.
Sitting in the quiet school building after hours made me realize how close her office was to mine. As if without all the students clamoring around, I could sense the exact distance between Ms. Foster and me.
I picked up the phone and called her extension. She answered on the second ring. Her voice came through rich and sweet.
“Lakeview High School nurse’s office. This is Nurse Foster speaking.” I could listen to her talk for hours.
“Nurse Foster, can you come into my office please?” A smile hung on my lips because whenever I talked to her, I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. I wasn’t looking for love, I wasn’t even looking for a quick fuck but I loved being around her regardless. She put me in touch with a side of myself I didn’t recognize anymore. This new side of me was happier and it wasn’t dripping with capriciousness.
“I’m wrapping up my reports for the day, I’ll be in there shortly, Principal Cunningham.”
“Thank you.” I pressed a button on the phone and ended the call. Ms. Foster and I knew each other’s first names because it was impossible to work together for a month and not know. We never called each other by first name though. It was kind of an unspoken rule between us. I knew for a fact once I started calling her by her first name, I’d start the descent into territory I wasn’t ready for. Something as simple as uttering her name would trick me into thinking it was okay to let my professional guard down. I liked the way things were.
A soft knock on my door made my muscles tense and my breathing quicken. She had that effect on me whenever she was around, which was why I needed to hold on to the professional shield. I’d be a ribbon around that woman’s finger if we were in different settings at a different time.
“Hey, Mr. Cunningham. What’s up?” The pink scrubs she wore made her golden hazelnut skin glow. Hell, anything she wore made her skin glow, who was I kidding? Her dark hair was pulled back in a low bun at the nape of her neck as usual and the only thing on her face was a smile. I’d never seen Ms. Foster wear a stitch of makeup. She didn’t need it but if she ever put lipstick or mascara on I’d probably be blown away.
“Close the door, please,” I said, standing to my feet.
“Okay, now I’m really curious.” She didn’t smile often but whenever she did, something electric zipped through my veins.
I walked around my desk and sat on the edge. Cautious pride started to swell in my chest as I pulled out the cool metal chip. I held it between my fingers then put it in her hand.
My heart thumped against my chest when she gasped. Her bright smile was even better than the coin she held. “You’ve been sober for a month!” She squeaked. She turned the chip over and over in her fingers to make sure it was real. She was just excited as I was.
“Oh my goodness, Mr. Cunningham, I’m so happy for you.” The golden moment was dampened by her calling me Mr. Cunningham but if I heard her voice, so sweet and rich, caressing my name I wouldn’t know what to do.
“Thank you, thank you. You’re the only person I can tell.” I shrugged my shoulders and stole a few glances at her.
“I’m so glad you told me. This is huge.” She squeezed the chip in her palm then timidly walked closer to me. She held her arms out for a hug and I stood fully to accept.
Her arms slid around my neck and mine around her waist. Her full breasts pressed against my chest as my grip tightened around her. I slid my hands up and down her back, feeling her curves. Every dip and line was tight and firm like God took his time crafting her.
My cheek brushed against her hair and it felt like silk. Her skin was velvet and it smelled like soap but not the antiseptic soap she used in her office. It smelled like fresh lavender. It took every ounce of restraint not to press my nose to the top of her head and inhale her like the flower she was.
I held onto Ms. Foster longer than I should have. Long enough to commit her delicate scent to memory. Long enough to fall in line with her shallow breaths.
Shallow…
Her breaths came out short and shallow and heat rose from her skin. Was I affecting her the same way she was affecting me?
Our hug seemed to laugh in the face of time because we stood there embracing forever. At least it felt that way. She wasn’t willing to let go and neither was I. I would stay there holding her all night if I could.
“So uh…will you grab some frozen yogurt with me to celebrate?” I asked, pulling back only slightly. I knew the moment she looked up at me that I was in trouble. Those gold and emerald eyes tied me in a knot.
“Tonight?” She squeaked, taking a few steps backward, breaking the hug. The magic was disrupted and I missed the warmth from her tight, solid curves. The broken spell made me realize I asked an employee out after hours.
Fuck.
“Ah, you know what? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I was caught up in the moment.”
“I’ll go.”
My mouth hung open. My jaw was heavy with shock. Did she say she’d go?
“You will?” I blinked in disbelief.
“Yeah. It’s a special day. We have to celebrate. It’s not like you have a lot of people in your corner. I know how that feels.” Her words were swift blades of truth but I knew they weren’t meant to cut deep. They were meant to cut away the façade and reveal reality.
I didn’t have anyone in my corner. I knew I could call on Terrance but I didn’t have anyone like Ms. Foster in my corner and she was the best type of person to have. She was strong and determined. She didn’t have to tell me anything about herself for me to see who she really was.
It came out in the way she walked, the way she talked to everyone around her, the way she held her head high even though she’d been through unimaginable pain. Her spine was made of steel and her heart was made of gold. I’d never wanted a person in my corner more.
“Okay, well let’s go, Ms. Foster.” I shut down my computer and placed my hand on the small of her back, leading her into the hall.
On the way to the front entrance, we passed the nighttime custodian sweeping the floor. Ms. Foster stopped in her stride and looked at him until he noticed her. I stood back and watched the interaction.
“Hey, Cedric.” Her words were sweet but she didn’t smile. Cedric smiled at her though. How could he not? She radiated warmth even without a smile.
“Hey, Ms. Foster.”
“I’ll have those cookies for you tomorrow.”
“You knew I was going to ask, didn’t you?” He chuckled, shaking his head.
“I knew you would, that’s why I stood here like that.” Ms. Foster reached over and patted him on the back then told him goodnight. I saluted the custodian and said goodbye before heading out behind Ms. Foster. I hung back for a few moments watching the melodic sway of those full hips and the stride of those shapely legs.
Good lord, Ms. Foster…
My dick threatened to stiffen at the sight of her body but I willed it to behave. How desperate was I getting hard over watching a woman walk to her car? I slid my fingers through my hair and made my way across the parking lot.
“You wanna ride with me? Save you some gas,” I offered. Ms. Foster looked at me over her shoulder and a small smile brightened her face. It still wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t be satisfied until I saw her full smile. Until then it was like looking at the Mona Lisa by the light of fireflies.
“I guess that would be smart.” I saw the hesitation in her eyes but she still got in the car with me. My palms were slick against the steering wheel as I pulled off.
“I appreciate you coming with me for a quick celebration.”
“No problem. I think we should celebrate the little victories. It gives us power to push towards the bigger ones.”
“You’re right about that. With that being said, I think we should celebrate your small victory too.”
“Mine?” She chuckled with her hand pressed to her chest. “I’m not the superstar who’s stayed sober for a month.”
“You’ve been at Lakeview for a month. It’s cause for celebration.”
“Nope.” She shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. “This is your victory. I refuse to take it.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right.” I noticed the way her chin jutted out subtly and it made me laugh a little. She was stubborn. Noted.
When we walked into the shop, Ms. Foster didn’t waste any time filling her cup with strawberry cheesecake frozen yogurt and graham cracker chunks. She added strawberries and strawberry syrup for an extra touch. I got chocolate yogurt with caramel syrup and mini marshmallows.
When we sat down at a table tucked away in the corner of the brightly lit shop, Ms. Foster laughed at me. “Chocolate, caramel, and marshmallows?” She lifted her arched eyebrow and I cracked a smile.
“It’s like getting a caramel hot chocolate but frozen,” I reasoned.
“Okay, I get that. I’m gonna have to try it out one day.”
“You can have some of mine.” I offered it to her fully expecting her to push it right back at me but she didn’t. She looked at the cup of chocolate frozen yogurt and contemplated it.
“I’ll try a spoonful.” I watched greedily as she cleaned her plastic spoon with plush lips and tried not to seem too obvious. I couldn’t get enough of staring at those lips though. They were so fucking full. They begged to be sucked on one at a time. They begged to be bitten and teased.
