Capacity, p.16
Capacity, page 16
“Yes, Knight! Oh, god!”
Lumi was sweeter, hotter, and richer than any liquor that had ever crossed my lips. Fucking her was the only addiction I wanted to chase ever again. When I was with her…inside of her, I was high. I was in the fucking clouds. She was a beacon guiding me out of the darkness that blinded me.
I needed her.
And I fucked her like I needed her. I fucked her like she was the only woman in the world because to me, she was. I fucked her like I had stock in headboards because we were about to crack that one in half.
I was so deep inside of her that her soul was mine. Her moans rained through my veins. And when she came…
Good, god.
If her moans were rain, her climax was thunder and lightning shaking my core. I couldn’t hold on to my orgasm if I wanted to. Not if a dozen men trained guns on me.
I shot into her, filling her up. I shut my eyes and a deep, primal groan tore from me. She was my church and her holy walls were alive and pulsing, milking every drop of worship from me.
“Knight,” she drowned in the sound of my name and I watched her face morph. Her neatly arched brows were pulled together, her full plump lips still held teeth marks from where she’d bitten into them in the throes of passion, and sweat beaded across her forehead, casting a glow. She was absolutely flawless.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lumi.” My words spilled into the crook of her neck and I hoped she absorbed them. I hope they sifted into her like stardust.
She caressed my back and dragged her delicate fingers through my hair making my scalp buzz. “You are beautiful,” she said back to me. Her voice wobbled and I pulled back to look at her. Tears shimmered in her emerald-honey eyes.
“Did I hurt you?” I wondered if I was too hungry for her. I laid beside her and hooked my arms around her body.
“No,” she sniffed resting her head on my chest. “I don’t know if it’s stress, relief, or a little bit of both.” Her dark hair fanned out over the pillow and her arms and shoulders. Tousled streaks of onyx.
“Hopefully, it’s relief,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Let’s have breakfast and talk about this situation with Zach.”
“I’ll cook,” she said sitting up. I loved Lumi’s cooking. I was going to gain ten pounds letting her do her thing in the kitchen. Lucky for me, she loved hitting the gym with me most mornings before we went to work.
“You know, this is the first time you’ve cooked at my place,” I said when we were in the kitchen. Lumi tossed on my t-shirt and nothing else when she got out of bed. It was too big on her petite frame so it slipped down her shoulder revealing smooth, glowing skin the color of bronzed cocoa. The hem of the shirt swept the top of her thighs and I wished it were shorter so I could get a glimpse of her perfect round ass underneath.
“It is. I think I know where everything is though. Plus, cooking will get my mind off things.”
“Still pissed at the adoption process?” I quizzed knowingly.
Lumi wanted to adopt Zach so he wouldn’t have to stay at the group home for six months waiting to turn eighteen but the director was giving her the runaround. She had to fill out several forms repeatedly and I personally thought it was bullshit. She wanted to keep Zach there to lord control over him and Lumi.
“Yeah. I’m trying to play nice but this woman is hell-bent on keeping Zach holed up in there. It’s beyond frustrating.” Her shoulders tensed and I moved to rub them, kneading out the tension.
“Go over her head. You’ve been going back and forth with her for a week over three forms and it’s ridiculous. I’ll get you the contact information for a friend I have at DCF.” Connecticut Department of Children and Families would give Lumi all the information she needed and help her with any forms. She didn’t need to talk to the group home director.
“Shit, why didn’t I think about that?” She sighed, shaking her head.
“That’s why I’m here.” I kissed her exposed shoulder and she giggled pushing back against me with her ass. My dick was ready in a blink. Hard. Hungry.
“Stop it, Knight. I’m never going to fix breakfast if you keep fucking me.”
“I’m fine with that. I can eat your pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” I bit her shoulder and laid kisses on her neck.
“I need a bowl,” she said trying to focus on cooking while my hands inched up the t-shirt. She stretched and stood on her tiptoes, reaching for the cabinet above the stove.
The laughter and happiness floating through the air came to an immediate halt. Lumi’s fingers wrapped around the neck of the Johnnie Walker whiskey stashed there. She pulled it down, warping her features into a giant question mark.
“Knight, what the hell is this?” She shook the bottle in my face and I let my head drop while I groaned.
“It’s not what you think,” I told her.
“What do I think it is, Knight?” Her voice was sharp and it sliced into me. I wasn’t used to hearing that kind of edge from her.
“You think it’s my secret stash of liquor.”
“Is it not?” Her brows jerked up to her hairline.
“No. Yes. Not like that though. I’m not drinking, Lumi.” She was facing me now with her arms folded. The bottle of unopened whiskey sat on the counter beside her like she was guarding it from me.
“Then why is this here?” She asked, narrowing her emerald gaze at me.
“It’s just there. I keep it so that I can challenge myself to remain sober no matter what. Even if I have liquor in the house.”
“That’s interesting because to me it seems like you’re holding on to it in case you break down.”
“That’s not true.” A frown pinched my brows together and creased my forehead.
“So we can pour it out then. Together?” Her eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed. Something wouldn’t let me pour the whiskey out though. I rubbed the back of my neck and shook my head.
“I don’t need to throw it out because I’m not going to drink it.”
“Did that seriously make sense to you? Like, do you hear yourself speaking? Knight, you’re holding on to it for a just-in-case moment. You can’t keep this in here. You’re doing so well and…”
“It’s been here the entire time and I haven’t touched it. What is the point in pouring it out?”
“So you won’t be tempted. All it takes is one bad day and one justification for you to take that first drink. You’ve been sober for two months. You’ve proved that you can stay sober even with liquor in the house now…let’s get rid of it.” Her eyes pled with me but I remained cemented to my spot.
After a few awkwardly silent seconds went by, Lumi looked at the bottle then grabbed it, getting ready to break the seal and open it. If I hadn’t yanked it out of her hands she would’ve poured it all out.
I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to empty the whiskey out but I needed it to stay in the cabinet where it was. I didn’t know if she was right or not but I knew I wasn’t pouring it out. I couldn’t. Not yet.
“I’ll pour it out when I’m ready. I’m capable of doing that myself. I don’t need you to mother me, Lumi.” I reached over her head and put the bottle back in the cabinet where it belonged.
“You don’t need me to mother you?” She asked, taking a step away from me. I felt her icy guard shooting a mile high into the space between us. In reality, we were only a few feet apart but it felt like worlds. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“Feels like it,” I shrugged, folding my arms across my chest to mirror her posture.
“I care about you and I don’t want you to throw your journey away because you had a weak moment.”
“If I have a weak moment, I can go out and buy liquor. Pouring this out doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does,” her voice trembled with conviction. “Going out to buy liquor requires a hell of a lot more steps than walking into your kitchen and cracking open the in-case-of-emergencies stash in your cabinet. By the time you get ready to go out, you’ve had time to think and dissuade yourself. Walking into the kitchen doesn’t give you that chance. It doesn’t give you the chance to call Terrance or me. It’s instant gratification and it’s not something you need.”
“I think I know what I need without you telling me.”
“I’m explaining how unhealthy this is while you’re trying to stay sober.” Even though her eyes were pleading with me, I couldn’t bring myself to pour it out. Something so small was spiraling out of control and I couldn’t reign it in.
Silence spilled into all the fissures created by our argument. We stood there staring at each other. Sapphire on Emerald. A war of gems and persistence.
“You’re really not going to pour it out?” She finally asked, her jaw set in defiance.
“No. I’m not. I don’t need to. You need to back off.”
“I need to back off? Okay. Perfect. I can do that.” She clipped my shoulder when she walked past me and into the bedroom. She began getting dressed at a furious pace, pulling on her leggings and tossing my shirt to the side. The sight of her tits bouncing as she searched for her bra made me momentarily forget our argument.
Once she pulled on her shirt, the spell was broken.
“I’m backing off,” she spat.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, it’s what you meant. You’re not as over the hump as you think you are, Knight.” She gave me one more look before walking out. I didn’t know how to make her stay. I refused to force her but I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted to explain to her that I didn’t need to throw the whiskey out. I was fine. I could toss it when I wanted to.
None of that would’ve made her stay though. She was pissed at me and I hated that she thought I wasn’t strong enough to fight alcoholism on my own. I hated that she thought I was weak enough to turn to drinking when things got too tough.
I shoved my fingers through my hair as I slammed the door shut. Frustration bubbled over, tensing my muscles and gripping my head. I needed to let it out or I would do something stupid.
I opened the cabinet and pulled down the whiskey. I stared at it for a long time. Prickles dotted my neck and forehead. My mouth was cotton and sand.
I would have given anything for a drink.
Anything.
I tore myself away from the bottle and got dressed. I had to get the fuck out of the house.
I sat in the car and called T. I needed to bounce things off of someone. Someone who understood.
“What’s up, Knight?” He quizzed.
“Hey, T. You busy? I need to blow off some steam. I’m going to the gym. Wanna come?”
“I can move some things around. You sound like you’re close to the edge.”
“I’m not,” I snapped, gritting my teeth together.
“Right…because everyone who’s the picture of peace snaps at their friends.”
“I’m sorry. I just need to blow off some steam like I said.”
“They got a court at the gym you use?” He asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Yeah. They do.”
“Cool. I’ll be there in a few. Text me the address.” He ended the call and I hated that I might have pissed him off too. I was batting a thousand today.
I walked into the gym and headed straight for the indoor courts near the back. There were three rooms with full courts for gym members to use at their leisure. Luckily, one of the rooms was empty. I walked in and grabbed a ball, dribbling it while I waited for Terrence to show up. The hollow thump of the ball against the floor took my mind off the argument I had with Lumi.
Our first argument.
She was so upset but her gorgeous eyes were still full of concern. Deep down, I knew she only wanted was to help but I was on my own journey. I was helping myself. Yes, T and Lumi helped keep me strong but ultimately it was my journey.
“It’s clear why you’re a principal because you damn sure wouldn’t cut it in the NBA.” Terrance’s voice disrupted my three-pointer, but I was happy to see him. I let the ball bounce off to the far side of the gym while we slapped hands.
“What’s up, Knight?” He set his water bottle and duffle bag down and picked up another basketball from the cart against the wall.
“I just need to blow off some steam,” I said.
“Is that your mantra now?” He tossed the ball at the basket from the sideline and it went in with a swish.
“Show off,” I scoffed.
“Talent shows itself off.” He chuckled. “Now, let me ask another question. Why do you need to blow off steam? You feel like drinking?” He chased after the runaway basketball and caught it between his hands.
“No,” I grumbled, shooting the ball in my hands and landing the basket. “I had a fight with Lumi,” I confessed.
“Ah, woman problems. That’ll drive you to drink.” I knew he was only partially joking. He damn sure wasn’t lying though.
“Tell me about it,” I scoffed.
“What happened? Lumi is so laid back and quiet it’s hard for me to imagine her fussing and arguing.”
I paused before shooting another ball at the hoop and tried to figure out how to explain the argument between Lumi and me. “She’s micromanaging me. I don’t like it.” That was the vague version. There were mountains more to the story but that’s all I could relay right then.
“Uh-huh.” T dribbled his ball for a little while letting the silence border us. It felt like he was waiting for me to divulge more.
“Uh-huh, what?” Agitation threaded through my words.
“What else happened, Knight? Women micromanage all the fucking time. I’m sure it’s not the first time she did it. What about this time set you off?”
There was no way around what happened. I had to go through it. So, I opened up and told Terrence everything. I told him about the bottle of whiskey in the cabinet and about Lumi finding it and asking me to pour it out then telling me to pour it out. I rattled off the details as I shot basket after basket until a sheen of sweat covered my skin.
“Why the fuck do you have a bottle of whiskey in the house, man? Come on. That’s day-one shit. You know better. You can’t have it in the house with you. It can’t be anywhere near you especially not in the beginning stages of recovery. You’re only on month two.”
“I’ll be three months in a couple of weeks,” I pointed out.
“Even three months in is still fresh. I hate to say it, Knight but I’m on Lumi’s side. You need to pour that shit out then go beg your girl for forgiveness. She was looking out for you. Isn’t she a nurse?”
“Yeah, she’s a nurse,” I muttered, clenching my jaw tight.
“Then she knows what the fuck she’s talking about. I’m sure she’s seen horror stories and alcohol poisoning. I’m sure she’s seen alcoholics come into the hospital and not leave. I don’t think this is a case where she was nagging you. I think she cares. I think she wants you to succeed.”
Hearing T’s words unearthed all the shit I suppressed deep down. I knew Lumi cared. I knew she wasn’t trying to come down on me but it still felt like an attack.
“I don’t understand why she wouldn’t leave well enough alone. That bottle has been up there for two months and I haven’t touched it.”
“Knight, stop the fucking bullshit.” Terrance stopped shooting the ball and aimed a sharp brown-eyed glare my way. It hit me in the chest and made me feel the sting of regret and embarrassment. “You know why you have that bottle in your cabinet. You don’t want to admit it but you know. I know too.
If it’s still in your house and you’re keeping it there voluntarily, it still has control over you. You still listen to what the bottle says and not what your damn common sense says.”
My heart slammed against my chest after I shot another ball with way too much force for it to go into the basket. “Don’t push away a good girl because you can’t see that you’re still the addict you’re trying to forget.”
“I’m not an addict anymore. I’m clean.” My mouth flattened into a tight line.
“If you think you’re not an addict anymore then you’re mistaken. Come to the meeting tomorrow and voice it in the circle. I’m not talking to a brick wall today. You need to apologize to Lumi though.”
His words echoed in my head even after I got home. I stared at the Johnnie Walker on the counter for a long time. Thinking. Hearing T’s words. Hearing Lumi’s.
“Fuck!”
Why didn’t they tell me it would be this polarizing when I first walked into that back room inside The Mystic Crystal? They told me it would be hard but not that it would split me down the middle and turn me into two different people with two different schools of thought.
I rubbed my forehead and grabbed a bottle of water even though my taste buds cried out for the sweet heat of whiskey. Water ran down my throat like air. It didn’t carry the bold taste I was craving. When I was done, I crushed the plastic bottle in my hand and dropped it in the recycling bin.
I checked my phone several times to see if Lumi called or texted but she hadn’t. Why would she? I knew she was still pissed off. Hell, I was still pissed off. I couldn’t dwell in it though. I had my first meeting with a couple who wanted me to shoot them. The client’s wife had been in hospice care for two weeks when he stumbled across my page on Facebook. He sent me a message asking to meet before they decided if they really wanted the session.
I was scheduled to arrive at their house in an hour. I’d have to put my complicated thoughts about Lumi and liquor aside until I got back and had time to think.
…
Part Three: The Light
CHAPTER 14
I hated fighting with Knight. I wanted to call him and ask how his meeting went with his first clients yesterday but then I remembered how he kept shifting the point of our conversation and how angry he got. It sent frustration rattling through my bones again.
How could he be so stubborn when I was only trying to help him?
Realization hit my brain like a lightning strike. I shut my eyes and rested my head against the back of my couch with a weighty sigh.
Dammit.
Lumi was sweeter, hotter, and richer than any liquor that had ever crossed my lips. Fucking her was the only addiction I wanted to chase ever again. When I was with her…inside of her, I was high. I was in the fucking clouds. She was a beacon guiding me out of the darkness that blinded me.
I needed her.
And I fucked her like I needed her. I fucked her like she was the only woman in the world because to me, she was. I fucked her like I had stock in headboards because we were about to crack that one in half.
I was so deep inside of her that her soul was mine. Her moans rained through my veins. And when she came…
Good, god.
If her moans were rain, her climax was thunder and lightning shaking my core. I couldn’t hold on to my orgasm if I wanted to. Not if a dozen men trained guns on me.
I shot into her, filling her up. I shut my eyes and a deep, primal groan tore from me. She was my church and her holy walls were alive and pulsing, milking every drop of worship from me.
“Knight,” she drowned in the sound of my name and I watched her face morph. Her neatly arched brows were pulled together, her full plump lips still held teeth marks from where she’d bitten into them in the throes of passion, and sweat beaded across her forehead, casting a glow. She was absolutely flawless.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lumi.” My words spilled into the crook of her neck and I hoped she absorbed them. I hope they sifted into her like stardust.
She caressed my back and dragged her delicate fingers through my hair making my scalp buzz. “You are beautiful,” she said back to me. Her voice wobbled and I pulled back to look at her. Tears shimmered in her emerald-honey eyes.
“Did I hurt you?” I wondered if I was too hungry for her. I laid beside her and hooked my arms around her body.
“No,” she sniffed resting her head on my chest. “I don’t know if it’s stress, relief, or a little bit of both.” Her dark hair fanned out over the pillow and her arms and shoulders. Tousled streaks of onyx.
“Hopefully, it’s relief,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Let’s have breakfast and talk about this situation with Zach.”
“I’ll cook,” she said sitting up. I loved Lumi’s cooking. I was going to gain ten pounds letting her do her thing in the kitchen. Lucky for me, she loved hitting the gym with me most mornings before we went to work.
“You know, this is the first time you’ve cooked at my place,” I said when we were in the kitchen. Lumi tossed on my t-shirt and nothing else when she got out of bed. It was too big on her petite frame so it slipped down her shoulder revealing smooth, glowing skin the color of bronzed cocoa. The hem of the shirt swept the top of her thighs and I wished it were shorter so I could get a glimpse of her perfect round ass underneath.
“It is. I think I know where everything is though. Plus, cooking will get my mind off things.”
“Still pissed at the adoption process?” I quizzed knowingly.
Lumi wanted to adopt Zach so he wouldn’t have to stay at the group home for six months waiting to turn eighteen but the director was giving her the runaround. She had to fill out several forms repeatedly and I personally thought it was bullshit. She wanted to keep Zach there to lord control over him and Lumi.
“Yeah. I’m trying to play nice but this woman is hell-bent on keeping Zach holed up in there. It’s beyond frustrating.” Her shoulders tensed and I moved to rub them, kneading out the tension.
“Go over her head. You’ve been going back and forth with her for a week over three forms and it’s ridiculous. I’ll get you the contact information for a friend I have at DCF.” Connecticut Department of Children and Families would give Lumi all the information she needed and help her with any forms. She didn’t need to talk to the group home director.
“Shit, why didn’t I think about that?” She sighed, shaking her head.
“That’s why I’m here.” I kissed her exposed shoulder and she giggled pushing back against me with her ass. My dick was ready in a blink. Hard. Hungry.
“Stop it, Knight. I’m never going to fix breakfast if you keep fucking me.”
“I’m fine with that. I can eat your pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” I bit her shoulder and laid kisses on her neck.
“I need a bowl,” she said trying to focus on cooking while my hands inched up the t-shirt. She stretched and stood on her tiptoes, reaching for the cabinet above the stove.
The laughter and happiness floating through the air came to an immediate halt. Lumi’s fingers wrapped around the neck of the Johnnie Walker whiskey stashed there. She pulled it down, warping her features into a giant question mark.
“Knight, what the hell is this?” She shook the bottle in my face and I let my head drop while I groaned.
“It’s not what you think,” I told her.
“What do I think it is, Knight?” Her voice was sharp and it sliced into me. I wasn’t used to hearing that kind of edge from her.
“You think it’s my secret stash of liquor.”
“Is it not?” Her brows jerked up to her hairline.
“No. Yes. Not like that though. I’m not drinking, Lumi.” She was facing me now with her arms folded. The bottle of unopened whiskey sat on the counter beside her like she was guarding it from me.
“Then why is this here?” She asked, narrowing her emerald gaze at me.
“It’s just there. I keep it so that I can challenge myself to remain sober no matter what. Even if I have liquor in the house.”
“That’s interesting because to me it seems like you’re holding on to it in case you break down.”
“That’s not true.” A frown pinched my brows together and creased my forehead.
“So we can pour it out then. Together?” Her eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed. Something wouldn’t let me pour the whiskey out though. I rubbed the back of my neck and shook my head.
“I don’t need to throw it out because I’m not going to drink it.”
“Did that seriously make sense to you? Like, do you hear yourself speaking? Knight, you’re holding on to it for a just-in-case moment. You can’t keep this in here. You’re doing so well and…”
“It’s been here the entire time and I haven’t touched it. What is the point in pouring it out?”
“So you won’t be tempted. All it takes is one bad day and one justification for you to take that first drink. You’ve been sober for two months. You’ve proved that you can stay sober even with liquor in the house now…let’s get rid of it.” Her eyes pled with me but I remained cemented to my spot.
After a few awkwardly silent seconds went by, Lumi looked at the bottle then grabbed it, getting ready to break the seal and open it. If I hadn’t yanked it out of her hands she would’ve poured it all out.
I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to empty the whiskey out but I needed it to stay in the cabinet where it was. I didn’t know if she was right or not but I knew I wasn’t pouring it out. I couldn’t. Not yet.
“I’ll pour it out when I’m ready. I’m capable of doing that myself. I don’t need you to mother me, Lumi.” I reached over her head and put the bottle back in the cabinet where it belonged.
“You don’t need me to mother you?” She asked, taking a step away from me. I felt her icy guard shooting a mile high into the space between us. In reality, we were only a few feet apart but it felt like worlds. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“Feels like it,” I shrugged, folding my arms across my chest to mirror her posture.
“I care about you and I don’t want you to throw your journey away because you had a weak moment.”
“If I have a weak moment, I can go out and buy liquor. Pouring this out doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does,” her voice trembled with conviction. “Going out to buy liquor requires a hell of a lot more steps than walking into your kitchen and cracking open the in-case-of-emergencies stash in your cabinet. By the time you get ready to go out, you’ve had time to think and dissuade yourself. Walking into the kitchen doesn’t give you that chance. It doesn’t give you the chance to call Terrance or me. It’s instant gratification and it’s not something you need.”
“I think I know what I need without you telling me.”
“I’m explaining how unhealthy this is while you’re trying to stay sober.” Even though her eyes were pleading with me, I couldn’t bring myself to pour it out. Something so small was spiraling out of control and I couldn’t reign it in.
Silence spilled into all the fissures created by our argument. We stood there staring at each other. Sapphire on Emerald. A war of gems and persistence.
“You’re really not going to pour it out?” She finally asked, her jaw set in defiance.
“No. I’m not. I don’t need to. You need to back off.”
“I need to back off? Okay. Perfect. I can do that.” She clipped my shoulder when she walked past me and into the bedroom. She began getting dressed at a furious pace, pulling on her leggings and tossing my shirt to the side. The sight of her tits bouncing as she searched for her bra made me momentarily forget our argument.
Once she pulled on her shirt, the spell was broken.
“I’m backing off,” she spat.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, it’s what you meant. You’re not as over the hump as you think you are, Knight.” She gave me one more look before walking out. I didn’t know how to make her stay. I refused to force her but I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted to explain to her that I didn’t need to throw the whiskey out. I was fine. I could toss it when I wanted to.
None of that would’ve made her stay though. She was pissed at me and I hated that she thought I wasn’t strong enough to fight alcoholism on my own. I hated that she thought I was weak enough to turn to drinking when things got too tough.
I shoved my fingers through my hair as I slammed the door shut. Frustration bubbled over, tensing my muscles and gripping my head. I needed to let it out or I would do something stupid.
I opened the cabinet and pulled down the whiskey. I stared at it for a long time. Prickles dotted my neck and forehead. My mouth was cotton and sand.
I would have given anything for a drink.
Anything.
I tore myself away from the bottle and got dressed. I had to get the fuck out of the house.
I sat in the car and called T. I needed to bounce things off of someone. Someone who understood.
“What’s up, Knight?” He quizzed.
“Hey, T. You busy? I need to blow off some steam. I’m going to the gym. Wanna come?”
“I can move some things around. You sound like you’re close to the edge.”
“I’m not,” I snapped, gritting my teeth together.
“Right…because everyone who’s the picture of peace snaps at their friends.”
“I’m sorry. I just need to blow off some steam like I said.”
“They got a court at the gym you use?” He asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Yeah. They do.”
“Cool. I’ll be there in a few. Text me the address.” He ended the call and I hated that I might have pissed him off too. I was batting a thousand today.
I walked into the gym and headed straight for the indoor courts near the back. There were three rooms with full courts for gym members to use at their leisure. Luckily, one of the rooms was empty. I walked in and grabbed a ball, dribbling it while I waited for Terrence to show up. The hollow thump of the ball against the floor took my mind off the argument I had with Lumi.
Our first argument.
She was so upset but her gorgeous eyes were still full of concern. Deep down, I knew she only wanted was to help but I was on my own journey. I was helping myself. Yes, T and Lumi helped keep me strong but ultimately it was my journey.
“It’s clear why you’re a principal because you damn sure wouldn’t cut it in the NBA.” Terrance’s voice disrupted my three-pointer, but I was happy to see him. I let the ball bounce off to the far side of the gym while we slapped hands.
“What’s up, Knight?” He set his water bottle and duffle bag down and picked up another basketball from the cart against the wall.
“I just need to blow off some steam,” I said.
“Is that your mantra now?” He tossed the ball at the basket from the sideline and it went in with a swish.
“Show off,” I scoffed.
“Talent shows itself off.” He chuckled. “Now, let me ask another question. Why do you need to blow off steam? You feel like drinking?” He chased after the runaway basketball and caught it between his hands.
“No,” I grumbled, shooting the ball in my hands and landing the basket. “I had a fight with Lumi,” I confessed.
“Ah, woman problems. That’ll drive you to drink.” I knew he was only partially joking. He damn sure wasn’t lying though.
“Tell me about it,” I scoffed.
“What happened? Lumi is so laid back and quiet it’s hard for me to imagine her fussing and arguing.”
I paused before shooting another ball at the hoop and tried to figure out how to explain the argument between Lumi and me. “She’s micromanaging me. I don’t like it.” That was the vague version. There were mountains more to the story but that’s all I could relay right then.
“Uh-huh.” T dribbled his ball for a little while letting the silence border us. It felt like he was waiting for me to divulge more.
“Uh-huh, what?” Agitation threaded through my words.
“What else happened, Knight? Women micromanage all the fucking time. I’m sure it’s not the first time she did it. What about this time set you off?”
There was no way around what happened. I had to go through it. So, I opened up and told Terrence everything. I told him about the bottle of whiskey in the cabinet and about Lumi finding it and asking me to pour it out then telling me to pour it out. I rattled off the details as I shot basket after basket until a sheen of sweat covered my skin.
“Why the fuck do you have a bottle of whiskey in the house, man? Come on. That’s day-one shit. You know better. You can’t have it in the house with you. It can’t be anywhere near you especially not in the beginning stages of recovery. You’re only on month two.”
“I’ll be three months in a couple of weeks,” I pointed out.
“Even three months in is still fresh. I hate to say it, Knight but I’m on Lumi’s side. You need to pour that shit out then go beg your girl for forgiveness. She was looking out for you. Isn’t she a nurse?”
“Yeah, she’s a nurse,” I muttered, clenching my jaw tight.
“Then she knows what the fuck she’s talking about. I’m sure she’s seen horror stories and alcohol poisoning. I’m sure she’s seen alcoholics come into the hospital and not leave. I don’t think this is a case where she was nagging you. I think she cares. I think she wants you to succeed.”
Hearing T’s words unearthed all the shit I suppressed deep down. I knew Lumi cared. I knew she wasn’t trying to come down on me but it still felt like an attack.
“I don’t understand why she wouldn’t leave well enough alone. That bottle has been up there for two months and I haven’t touched it.”
“Knight, stop the fucking bullshit.” Terrance stopped shooting the ball and aimed a sharp brown-eyed glare my way. It hit me in the chest and made me feel the sting of regret and embarrassment. “You know why you have that bottle in your cabinet. You don’t want to admit it but you know. I know too.
If it’s still in your house and you’re keeping it there voluntarily, it still has control over you. You still listen to what the bottle says and not what your damn common sense says.”
My heart slammed against my chest after I shot another ball with way too much force for it to go into the basket. “Don’t push away a good girl because you can’t see that you’re still the addict you’re trying to forget.”
“I’m not an addict anymore. I’m clean.” My mouth flattened into a tight line.
“If you think you’re not an addict anymore then you’re mistaken. Come to the meeting tomorrow and voice it in the circle. I’m not talking to a brick wall today. You need to apologize to Lumi though.”
His words echoed in my head even after I got home. I stared at the Johnnie Walker on the counter for a long time. Thinking. Hearing T’s words. Hearing Lumi’s.
“Fuck!”
Why didn’t they tell me it would be this polarizing when I first walked into that back room inside The Mystic Crystal? They told me it would be hard but not that it would split me down the middle and turn me into two different people with two different schools of thought.
I rubbed my forehead and grabbed a bottle of water even though my taste buds cried out for the sweet heat of whiskey. Water ran down my throat like air. It didn’t carry the bold taste I was craving. When I was done, I crushed the plastic bottle in my hand and dropped it in the recycling bin.
I checked my phone several times to see if Lumi called or texted but she hadn’t. Why would she? I knew she was still pissed off. Hell, I was still pissed off. I couldn’t dwell in it though. I had my first meeting with a couple who wanted me to shoot them. The client’s wife had been in hospice care for two weeks when he stumbled across my page on Facebook. He sent me a message asking to meet before they decided if they really wanted the session.
I was scheduled to arrive at their house in an hour. I’d have to put my complicated thoughts about Lumi and liquor aside until I got back and had time to think.
…
Part Three: The Light
CHAPTER 14
I hated fighting with Knight. I wanted to call him and ask how his meeting went with his first clients yesterday but then I remembered how he kept shifting the point of our conversation and how angry he got. It sent frustration rattling through my bones again.
How could he be so stubborn when I was only trying to help him?
Realization hit my brain like a lightning strike. I shut my eyes and rested my head against the back of my couch with a weighty sigh.
Dammit.
