Capacity, p.8
Capacity, page 8
I went to my office while saying hello to everyone and grabbing a cup of coffee on the way. When I was finally behind the closed glass door, I sank into my seat with a sigh. School would start in a little under an hour and I had to make sure everything was fully stocked and my computer was booted up.
“Good morning, Ms. Foster.” Knight appeared in the doorway wearing a navy blue button-down shirt and a pair of gray slacks. That man knew how to wear anything. His shirt was pulled taut over his wide chest stretching over muscles chiseled on Mount Olympus. His pants fit him snugly enough for me to admire his nice ass and muscled thighs but not so tight that I could see his bulge.
I found myself wishing I could see it.
“Good morning,” I smiled at him. I couldn’t help it. When I was around Knight I felt like air.
“I picked up breakfast for you. You have to come to my office to get it though,” he said with a handsome smirk.
“So you walked all the way to my office just to tell me to come to your office? You could have called.”
“I could have, but then I’d miss this.”
I looked around the small office and frowned. “Miss…what?”
“Seeing your face. You know I kick off every morning by seeing your face. I figured since we’re officially friends now, I can also annoy you.”
“You would be correct,” I laughed with a nod.
Did he look like that on purpose? Flawlessly coiffed hair and a dazzling smile. It was almost too much.
“Meet me in my office once you’re done setting up and we can have breakfast.” He paused before leaving and pointed at the coffee cup on my desk. “Oh, and leave that shit right there. Teacher’s lounge coffee is mud.”
“It’s not that bad, Mr. Cunningham.” The faux disgust on his face sent me into a fit of laughter. My shoulders jumped up and down as I dabbed at the corners of my eyes.
“It’s bullshit. I got you something better.”
“By better you mean?”
“It’s better than that shit.” We both shared a lighthearted laugh at his adamancy.
“I’m done setting up for the day. I can come now.” Like a lightning flash, I saw myself in the shower coming so hard I heard colors.
“That works.” Just like last night, he put his hand on the small of my back and led me into the hallway. Fire singed my skin then blanketed my shoulders, inching up my neck.
“How was your night?” I asked.
“I had dinner with my friend, Terrence.” He cautiously swept the area before opening the door to his office. His shoulders relaxed when he was inside his office. “He was having a moment of weakness so…”
“You talked him through it.”
“Yeah.”
“So on your one-month sober anniversary, you talked someone else off the ledge. Look at you, paying it forward.” I bumped him with my hips and he tossed his arm around my shoulders.
Damn.
I wondered how often he worked out because he felt like granite. I inched a little closer to his warmth and clean scent.
“I ever tell you that I love the positive spin you put on everything?” He touched my chin and everything inside of me tensed like he had control of an invisible string connected to my core.
“No, but I’m glad you did. Sometimes it’s easier to be positive for others. Not so easy to be positive for myself.” I tugged at the bottom of my sleeves, hoping he didn’t see my scars peeking from beneath.
“Well, that’s what you have me for. I’m your friend so I’ll help you see the positivity inside yourself.” He passed me a cup of coffee and pointed to it. “This is much better than the coffee from the lounge.”
I don’t think he realized how much his words touched me. Coco and I had been friends since college and through nursing school so I understood her loyalty but Knight had much less history with me. He didn’t grow up with me or know me from years ago. He just recently met me and he’d already decided that I was a good person and that he was in my corner.
I looked at the cup of Starbucks in my hand and smiled. “Why don’t you put Starbucks coffee in the lounge then?”
“I tried. Rosie likes Folger’s. Rosie gets what she wants.” He held his hands up in mock surrender then gestured to the loveseat and coffee table across his office. “I have bagels, fruit, bacon, sausage, and home fries.”
“Damn, you really did get breakfast. I was expecting bagels and coffee.”
“Nah, I wanted you to have something good on your stomach. Something tells me you rush out of the house without taking care of yourself. Am I right?”
“Are you stalking me? Because that’s creepy.”
Knight let out a laugh that reminded me of sunflowers opening against the sky. It was warm and fun and it made me smile involuntarily. I wanted to plant a field of whatever his laughter was made out of.
“I’m not stalking you. You take care of other people all day. That usually means you forget about yourself in the process. So, I’ve got breakfast covered for you.”
“Aw man, no lunch?” I joked with a smirk. I looked inside a Styrofoam box that contained home fries and my stomach growled in response.
“You know I’ll grab lunch with you. If you’re cool with it, I can take care of dinner too.” Uncertainty threaded through his words.
Dinner with a gorgeous man I fingered myself to. The thought pushed heat to the surface of my cheeks.
My mouth responded quicker than my brain intended, which wasn’t like me. I took time to think about everything I said. So when the words, “Sure. Dinner sounds fantastic,” popped out of my mouth, I was just as shocked as Knight.
He blinked at me in disbelief like he was blindsided by his own offer of dinner. “Okay then. We’ll have dinner tonight.” He spread cream cheese on half a bagel then sat beside me. His leg brushed against mine and I tensed. “You wanna go out or you wanna eat in?” It was a simple question but I hadn’t been asked out in so long that I didn’t know what to say. My mind was all over the place.
“This isn’t an actual date or anything is it?” I quizzed. Knight shook his head profusely. His brows bunched together punctuating his frown.
“No, Lumi…fuck, I’m sorry if any of this,” he pointed to the food then between us. There was barely any space for him to gesture. Energy crackled and jumped between our bodies. “Comes across as me courting you. I just like being around you but in a completely platonic way.” He reached over and placed his hand on mine. Warmth pulsed through me. “It’s been a while since I clicked with anyone like this but if it’s one-sided…”
“Oh no, it’s not. I love being around you too. I haven’t been on a date or even approached to go on a date for years so I didn’t know if I was misreading our friendship.” I scooped home fries onto a paper plate. “The truth is, I’m not ready to be in a romantic relationship and I don’t know if I ever will be again.”
“I feel the same way.” He said, sliding his thumb back and forth over my knuckles.
“But you lost your wife, that’s understandable.”
“Are you swearing off men because you lost Kaiden?” hearing someone else say my son’s name left a warped feeling inside my chest. It seemed to cement his death once again.
“No…I don’t think so.” I stuffed food in my mouth so that I had time to think about what I was going to say next. “Kaiden’s dad was a wolf in sheep’s clothing and he fucked me over severely. I don’t think it’s losing Kaiden as much as it is never wanting to experience my own naiveté again.” Thoughts of Jacob tore at my brain spraying memories across my mindscape.
“I’m guessing he was a piece of shit,” Knight grimaced.
“Beyond a piece of shit. He never showed up for Kaiden’s funeral. I don’t know if he knows our son is…” The word wouldn’t leave my mouth but Knight nodded his understanding and rubbed my back lending me strength.
His wide palm eased down to the small of my back then back up above my shoulders to the nape of my neck. My lips parted and I stroked my throat mindlessly while his fingers traced the fine swirls of hair under my bun, sweeping my neck.
“I’m sorry, Lumi. After dealing with someone like that I understand not wanting to trust again. You can rest assured that I’m not trying to be anything besides your friend.”
“I believe you,” I told him. “I know your plate is full too.” My eyes nearly fell shut when he gave the back of my neck a short squeeze before returning to his food.
I glanced at the way his jaws flexed while he chewed and a chill ran through me thinking of other things that would make his jaws flex. I averted my eyes to my food and focused on eating and talking to Knight instead of imagining his mouth on me.
His hands on me.
His dick inside of me.
“Thanks for the breakfast, Principal Cunningham,” Rosie said, poking her head in the door. “Oh, good morning, Ms. Foster. You look lovely today. I like those yellow scrubs.”
“Thanks, Rosie,” I smiled and tugged on the long sleeves of the white undershirt hiding my scars. Each day that passed took me farther from the hopeless feeling eating away at me when I decided to slice my wrists but in its place grew shame and embarrassment. I even hated for Coco and my mother to see my scars and they were with me in the hospital.
When Rosie left Knight’s office, he gave my thigh a quick squeeze. “You do look beautiful in yellow.”
“Thank you.” Butterflies beat their wings against my stomach no matter how much food I shoved down there. “So, about dinner tonight…staying in sounds good. I don’t usually like to go out.”
Knight regarded me quietly then tipped my chin up. “We’re going to have to do something about that. Staying in the house isn’t doing you any favors.”
“Ugh, you sound like Coco.”
“Sounds like Coco is a very smart lady.”
I rolled my eyes at him and we laughed then finished eating our breakfast and talking over coffee. Conversations flowed so easily with him. It was amazing. Before I knew it, an hour had flown by and we were still laughing on the loveseat in his office.
I knew I had to get to work and so did he but it felt good to relax and have fun. It felt good to let my hair down for a moment and not always feel the heartache buried in my soul. For once it quieted enough to allow me to have a good time.
Before lunchtime, a student found his way into my office and produced a hall pass before sitting across from my desk. Zachary Morrow showed up like clockwork every day during homeroom for the past two weeks. He always complained of a headache or allergies and I’d let him hang out until he left for the day. He was a senior nd didn’t spend much time in school anyway.
I knew he wasn’t a troublemaker but something was making him avoid class like the plague. When I pulled up his file to call his parents, I saw the number listed was for the Michael Richmond Group Home for Adolescents. I didn’t bother calling them because I already knew they didn’t care enough to figure out why Zachary kept missing class to sit in the nurse’s office.
“Hi, Ms. Foster.”
“Hey, Zach. What’s going on today?” I leaned forward on my elbows and looked him over. Nothing seemed to be wrong with him. Anyone looking at him would have assumed the same thing. I knew something was bothering him though.
“My head hurts really bad and it feels like my heart is beating too fast.” He rubbed his chest for emphasis. He was so shy he barely met my gaze. His eyes bounced all over the office.
“If you want, I can give you an aspirin and a bottle of water.”
“I guess,” he shrugged.
“Zach, has anyone ever talked to you about having anxiety?” I quizzed, moving around the room to the medicine cabinet. Inside were jumbo-sized bottles of Tylenol, aspirin, and ibuprofen. I also stored feminine hygiene products and antiseptic cream in the tall metal cabinet.
I handed Zach a small cup with a pill inside along with a bottle of water then I sat on the edge of my desk and watched him take it.
“Nah, nobody has ever talked to me about anxiety. Why? You think that’s what’s wrong with me?” His eyes were such a rich and dark brown, they almost looked pitch black but when the sun hit them I saw molten pools of honey.
“Nothing is wrong with you but I do think there’s a reason you don’t want to be in class.”
“I’m not trying to skip class. That’s what Mrs. Rogers thinks too.”
“Well, it kinda looks like it even though I can tell something else is going on.” I pushed out a breath and placed my hand on his shoulder. I felt him tense under my touch. “If you ever want to talk to me about anything here’s my cell number. Text me. Anytime. I know how it is to feel alone or like you don’t have anyone to talk to.” I wrote my number down on the back of my business card and slipped it in the pocket of his hoodie.
“You know how that feels?” He almost laughed the words out.
“I do,” I nodded, clasping my hands in my lap.
“I bet you have your own place and your own bedroom, your own bed, and bathroom…right?”
“Yes.”
“Then I don’t think you know how I feel.”
“Zach, pain is universal. You don’t have a monopoly on it. I might not know your brand of pain and struggle exactly but trust and believe I’ve dealt with so much of it in my life that I recognize it no matter what shape it takes on.” I straightened the hem of my shirt and said, “Now, like I said if you need to talk about anything, text me. I care.” I touched his hand and stood to my feet. “You can hang out in here while I go to lunch and I’ll write you a pass back to class. Okay?”
Zach half-nodded at me and I left, closing the door behind myself.
When I reached Knight’s office, I saw him talking to a few teachers so I went to Rosie’s office instead. She seemed happy to see me. “I’m so happy you started working here,” she told me, pressing her palms together.
“Thank you, Rosie. I like being here. Working with you and Mr. Cunningham is awesome.”
Being anywhere near Mr. Cunningham is awesome…
Rosie’s gray eyebrows lifted as if she could hear my inner thoughts. I forced a polite smile and she laughed in response.
“You and Principal Cunningham seem to get along famously. I’ve never seen him take to a newbie like that.”
“Yeah, I guess we do click, huh?”
“If that’s the word you want to use for it, sweetheart.” She opened her mouth to say something else but Knight knocked on the door and walked in. His stare was aimed right at me. My throat tightened.
“Hey, Ms. Foster, it’s lunchtime. You free?”
“Always,” I said before hopping up. Rosie practically vanished from the office. Knight held his arm out and we linked at the elbow before walking down the hall together.
“You know, over the past month, that smile of yours has gotten brighter and brighter, Ms. Foster. I think you might have a friend in your life who helped you find your smile.” We entered his office and he sat on the edge of his desk. His long strong legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle. A magnet pulled me close to him but my guard wouldn’t let me get too close.
“I think I might have a friend in my life with a really big ego,” I joked. I reached out and poked his chest. It was stiff and chiseled and it nearly crushed my pointer finger.
Knight caught my wrist in his grasp and panic set in. I snatched away from him and shoved my hands in the front pockets on my shirt. I watched his expression melt into an apologetic frown.
“I’m sorry, Lumi. I was just playing around.”
“I know. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s fine,” I told him, smoothing imaginary stray hairs back into my bun. “Now, back to your ego,” I smirked, bumping him with my hips. He tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and pulled me closer with his fingertips hooked inside my pockets.
“What about my ego?” His deep voice rumbled in his chest and even though I wasn’t pressed against him, I felt the reverberation and it made me tingle…everywhere. I pressed my thighs together and swallowed the dense knot in my throat.
Knight’s cologne smelled smooth, rich, and clean. If it weren’t so inappropriate, I’d bury my nose against his throat and draw in his scent.
Stop it, Lumi. He’s your boss. Your friend…
“It’s big. I said what I said.”
“Oh yeah? Am I wrong though?” The cocky look on his face should have annoyed me but it did the opposite. It intrigued me and made me want to push back.
“You’re so wrong,” I teased, holding back a smile.
“So I don’t make you smile, Lumi?” He tugged me closer to him with his fingers still hooked in my pockets. I felt the heat from his hands even though he wasn’t touching me. I wouldn’t be mad if he did.
“Nope. Not even a little,” I lied, batting my lashes.
“Oh, please don’t make that face, you’re killing me.” He flashed that perfect smile and I drowned in his bright sapphire eyes and thick brown lashes.
Golden boy.
“So, in reality, I’m the one who makes you smile,” I teased.
“I can’t help it. Who wouldn’t smile at that face?” He took his hands from my pockets and skimmed his thumb along my jawline, holding it on my chin.
My knees were useless globs of water. My chest, a block of stone. My spine, jelly.
“So then it’s settled,” my voice was hushed and throaty. “I’m the one who makes you smile.”
“I can’t argue with the truth.”
“Good. Now order us something to eat,” I quipped, taking a step back. If I didn’t put some distance between us, he’d know how damn desperate I was.
“Subs?” He didn’t miss a beat. It made me feel like the heat surging between us was all in my mind. It was just as well because I had no business entertaining feelings like that when I was barely back to normal. I still cried myself to sleep at night and hid in the house during the weekends. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I wasn’t even ready for friends with benefits. Not yet anyway. Whenever I was ready, I wondered if Knight would be willing…
