It was as if Shadow wasn’t about to die in a few weeks. As if no one noticed the crack in Gray’s chest. Maybe they wanted to let him deal with it on his own, since he tended to reject expressions of sympathy, but wasn’t the celebratory mood an insult to his pain? Did no one consider this?

  “Look, look, there she is!” Elliot said with a big grin, pointing to the other side of the room.

  Laurent joined them so fast he almost knocked into Beast. “Tell us what’s happening.”

  Gray doubted anyone beyond their small circle could hear what was being said. This cacophony of sensations was the last thing he wanted to experience right now, but Shadow was his rock, a warm presence that would remain strong in moments when he couldn’t, though even he seemed lost in the crowd.

  Magpie had spotted them from his mock-throne and waved with a small smile, as if he weren’t the one who offered Gray the lousy replacement for the Pigeon Heart.

  The music went quieter, to make room for Knight and Elliot reporting on the invisible meeting between ghosts. The live audience was too drunk to care whether it was real or not, and their laughter made the bubble around Gray and Shadow all the less penetrable.

  He practically yelped when a warm hand squeezed around his shoulder, but it was only Beast, who leaned closer to keep his voice low.

  “Knight told me what happened. I’m sorry, brother,” he said, watching Gray with a somber expression.

  Gray swallowed his anger and pulled Shadow closer, possessively placing his hand on his hip. “We’ll think of something.”

  Shadow smiled, but the expression wasn’t as wide and cheerful as usual. Gray wanted to take him to bed and cuddle until they both felt better. “There’s still weeks of time.”

  “We’ll talk more tomorrow and discuss options.” Beast nodded and patted Gray’s back once more before joining Laurent, who invited him closer with an impatient gesture.

  Shadow shifted his weight. “Can we go?”

  Gray smiled at him. “I want peace. Let’s go,” he said, relieved that the request hadn’t come from him. He still made sure to greet everyone gathered with a look at least, but as they walked off together, his agitation was once again reduced to a numb sensation sitting on his chest like a parasite.

  Neither of them said anything as they trudged the empty corridors all the way to the skywalk leading to their small apartment. Last time they’d been there together, their intimacy had still been limited to cuddles.

  That time now seemed like light years away.

  Gray put in the code and opened the door, surprised by the chill coming from inside. Had he switched off the heating before they left? It didn’t matter when the door shut, because Shadow pulled him into his arms, rubbing his stubbly chin against Gray’s cheek.

  They stood in the dark, with the distant sound of the party still in full swing. The only ones with something to mourn.

  “Bath?” Gray whispered.

  “You do know I love a hot bath.” Shadow’s lips ghosted over Gray’s skin, and the gentle touch alone was enough to make his heart beat faster.

  Gray exhaled and unzipped Shadow’s jacket before pushing it off his arms. In the dark, other senses gained importance, and his lover’s scent—homely and masculine—was enough to make Gray’s head spin.

  “I don’t want any distractions. I want to be myself tonight, and I can only be that with you.”

  Shadow pulled Gray toward the bathroom which was just as cold as the rest of the apartment. He turned on the water and only then resumed kissing Gray in that tender yet hungry way that was the perfect balance of care and desire.

  Gray smiled, unbuckling his pants while the water cascaded into the tub. He kicked the door shut, closing them in absolute blackness that he knew Shadow’s eyes could so easily penetrate. “Will you guide me?”

  “Always. It reminds me of how it was on the Other Side. When I’m in the water.”

  Shadow undressed Gray bit by bit, and he must have done the same to himself, because he led the way to the tub as soon as Gray was naked.

  The cold air drove needles into Gray’s bare flesh, but the warmth radiating from the tub was already luring him closer. When he stepped in, the water felt almost too hot, but he trusted Shadow and slowly lowered himself, ending up submerged to his navel. “What was it like? Did you feel like you had your own body? Did you have friends? Lovers?”

  “No. We were one. I miss that sometimes, but never when I’m with you. Connecting with another being despite a struggle is so much more fulfilling.” Shadow poured warm water over Gray’s exposed shoulders and back. The heat did wonders to the stiff flesh, and Gray moaned in relief, feeling himself relax as Shadow went on, “there was no time passing, no memories. Only one constant state. In the human world, there are so many ups and downs that I hated it at first, but they pose a challenge and give everything more flavor. Your world is so much more exciting than being content for eternity.”

  Gray slowly laid down in the water. He whimpered when the hot liquid gently massaged his shoulders, flowing into the hair at the back of his neck. “Yes. Some moments make life unbearable, but I don’t think we could understand happiness without experiencing loss.”

  Shadow nuzzled Gray’s cheek. “The path to Paradise begins in Hell. Laurent told me it’s what his tattoo says.”

  The moment he said that, memories of Mike came back, but they no longer appeared in a storm that wrecked his peace of mind. This time, it was a gentle breeze composed only of good things. Of the belonging, and love, and all the fun they’d had. Mike was gone forever, but Gray still had memories to cherish.

  Shadow exhaled over the side of Gray’s face. “And then some moments are such a surge of happiness the human body doesn’t seem able to contain them. When you invited me to come with you after a week in the cell, my heart was overflowing with gratitude. And when you let me kiss you for the first time, my veins filled with such sweetness I couldn’t even explain it. I felt accepted in ways impossible on the Other Side. Because you don’t have to be with me. You chose to.”

  Shadow held Gray close while they both adjusted to the heat of the water. He covered the back of Gray’s neck with kisses so soothing that staying awake was becoming a challenge. Gray entwined his legs with Shadow’s and rested his head on his chest, quietly listening to the level beating of his man’s heart. It sounded powerful and healthy, like a muscle that could work this way for the next hundred years without fail. How was he to make that happen?

  “That’s how you make me feel. Everything is beautiful when you’re around. As if I was looking at the world with a new set of eyes.”

  “Aww… sweet thing,” Shadow pulled on Gray’s ear with his teeth, and somehow the darkness around them made Gray even more aware of Shadow’s presence.

  No one had ever called Gray by such a term of endearment. He’d been called sexy, hot, handsome, once even ‘pretty lips’—but that guy got punched in the face. With Shadow, Gray could melt into the water, into his lover, and into his lovely words full of devotion.

  Shadow must have switched off the water, because the noise was gone, and without the cascade of liquid filling the tub, the surface was perfectly calm and caressed Gray’s skin where it touched him. “Only here. Only with you. I wish we could just stay together. Forever. That maybe I could offer you my body to use, so that we could share it. Always be together,” he whispered into the dark, hanging on to the warmth of Shadow’s body.

  Shadow’s hand glided up and down Gray’s chest, under and over the water, as if already traveling between the material world and the one consisting only of shadows. “When I first saw you, I knew that your body was perfect, and that I wanted to own it. Have one like that for myself, live in it, but also touch you, connect from outside in all ways possible.”

  The heat of his touch made Gray’s toes curl as he floated in the warm water, able to only hear and feel. “What other ways are there?” he asked, his voice echoing slightly off the tiled walls.

  “I would like to cover you completely. Especially like this, in the water. If you let me, I would cover you the way I had when we were on the job. But this would be different, relaxed, skin to skin.”

  Something inside Gray twisted in anticipation, and he inhaled the vapor, sliding his fingers down Shadow’s bare thighs. “I want it. You tight around me.”

  “Don’t be scared. I will let you breathe,” Shadow’s voice got that edge of excitement Gray lived for.

  Shadow removed his hands, and from the sound of it—put them on the edges of the tub. Gray already missed the hug, but then the warm embrace was back, slightly hotter and much smoother than human skin could ever be. Shadow ran his fingers over Gray’s chest like before, but even without seeing them, Gray knew they were black as coal.

  A part of him was on the verge of panic when the smooth heat slid up his neck and teased the rim of his lips, remaining tight against him instead of just creating a barrier around his form like it had every time before. But another part of him itched for more and had him lick the smoky and sweet substance that made up Shadow’s material soul. The sex they’d had so far had been like nothing else he’d experienced, but this? This was something else altogether.

  His lover’s form consumed him, making him weightless in the water, and it felt like being held and having every inch of skin caressed all at once.

  Gray was transcending his own body and allowing Shadow to make them one.

  He could smell Shadow all over, a gentle, soothing scent that rubbed into his skin from all directions at once as the smooth warm substance shifted, remaining in a subtle yet constant movement. His breathing went shallow, and his insides throbbed in anticipation as Shadow’s blackness covered his cock, his eyelids, filled his lips and made his tongue tingle with unknown sensations.

  When they inhaled next, they did so as one body. “Are you inside too?” Gray whispered.

  “I am everywhere,” came in that raspy tone Shadow produced when out of his human skin. “I can feel every single bit of you.”

  It was true for Gray as well. There was even pleasure in the way the shadow form poured into his ears, teasing them with every breath Gray took, yet pushing away even more of the world around them by muffling sound.

  If anyone had tried to tie him up when he was so vulnerable, naked, Gray would have gone mad with anxiety, but with Shadow he relaxed. He let go in the comfort of knowing that Shadow would never let anything bad happen to him.

  He was beyond time, beyond place, floating in the heat of his lover’s embrace—perfectly safe and so happy his heart might have stopped a few times from emotional overload. His mind became muddled, all problems and worries of the world forgotten. He wouldn’t have to deal with them for as long as Shadow held him like this.

  He didn’t know how long it all lasted, but at some point Shadow’s embrace receded until it was only a cellophane-thin coating. When even that broke, the assault of cold water on Gray’s skin was a shock to his system so violent he twitched against Shadow and quickly turned around to hug him.

  “Oh, shit! What... why is it so cold?” he asked, trying to keep his teeth from clattering. Shadow’s body was also cooler than usual, but as soon as their limbs slotted together, Gray felt the usual sense of peace.

  Shadow was shivering too, but he laughed and rubbed Gray’s cool arms. “You were so comfortable, I didn’t have the heart to pull you out.”

  “Oh? How long did it last?” Gray asked, pulling Shadow up, into the cold air.

  “A few hours?” Shadow guided Gray out of the tub, but turned on the light.

  Gray sighed at the sight of his lover’s pale, shivering body. “Let’s get you into bed. How did this work? You can’t be out for more than a couple of minutes without risk.”

  “We were on top of my body, so I kept dipping in and out.” Shadow did stumble slightly when he rushed into the bedroom, but Gray held him up, still dizzy from the pleasure of floating as one with Shadow.

  “It was… incredible. It’s like you’ve reset my mind,” Gray said, uncovering the bed and letting Shadow in. Fortunately, the heating was back on, so the temperature was way more bearable than a few hours back.

  Gray couldn’t comprehend how the time had gone by. It had been like the blink of an eye, yet he could still remember it feeling like days on end. Another glorious thing his lover could do.

  With his hair wet, smiling, and cuddled up in a comforter, Shadow a most inviting sight, but Gray had had an idea, and more pleasure had to wait.

  He hadn’t thought much while encased in Shadow, but somehow the experience cleared his head and let him see new possibilities. So instead of rolling into the sheets beside his lover, Gray kissed him on the lips before approaching the closet. “Wait for me, okay? I might have a surprise for you.”

  The widening grin on Shadow’s face was worth everything. Even having to part. “Just come back quick.”

  Gray pulled on a fresh pair of pants. He didn’t bother with underwear, so he struggled a bit with pulling the garment over damp flesh, but once he was decent enough to leave, he couldn’t deny himself hugging Shadow once more. “I promise. Don’t go anywhere.”

  When he walked out of their home, even his footsteps were lighter. There was still more than enough time to find a replacement for the Pigeon Heart. As tedious as it would be, the two of them could gather smaller rubies, perhaps look at auctions and make their way into antique shops to find the right kind of stones. Maybe the small gems wouldn’t last for a lifetime, but Gray could just reframe things in his mind and think of Shadow’s need for rubies as a lifelong disease that needed periodic remedies.

  It could work. And if the ruby from the ghost—merely a splinter—could fuel Shadow’s body to last for another week, then maybe the ruby Beast wore on his ring finger could ensure Shadow a lifespan of a year or two? It would be all right.

  They could just take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

  So many hours into the night, the clubhouse was silent as a grave, but Gray could not wait any longer. Beast would surely understand.

  The corridors grew longer and the staircases higher as he marched through most of the length of the overgrown building, but he reached the door to the prez’s apartment and rang the buzzer.

  The door opened after endless seconds of waiting, and Beast frowned at the sight of him. In the background, Laurent was sitting on the sofa with a pensive expression. He was still dressed in his day clothes and stared at his own hands.

  “Now’s not a good time,” Beast said, but Gray wouldn’t back off when he’d promised Shadow a surprise—the time they so desperately needed.

  “You’re up. Look, this will only take a minute, okay?”

  “Let him in,” Laurent said, and after a long sigh, Beast reluctantly stood back and allowed Gray to pass through the door.

  “Did something happen?” Beast asked.

  Gray took a deep breath, briefly startled by a large egg placed on a pillow in the middle of the coffee table. It looked like one of those fancy chocolate creations made for rich people at Easter. Huge and covered with a red dust. “I—ah… you know Magpie wasn’t entirely honest with me about that ruby from the abandoned house. It’s tiny,” he said, directing his gaze at Beast.

  Beast licked his lips, and while he seemed distracted, he steadied himself and met Gray’s gaze. “I know. Sorry to hear that. But he already left so you’d have to talk to him on the phone.”

  Gray stretched his back, all of a sudden unsure how to approach such a delicate topic. He glanced Laurent’s way before settling his gaze on Beast once more. “I need your help. Magpie already said he won’t offer me anything from his stash, and Shadow only has so many days left.”

  Silence fell over the room like a curtain, and Gray didn’t know what to make of it, but when he examined Beast’s hand, the engagement ring wasn’t there. Were they going through a rough patch and Gray had only agitated the situation by mentioning rubies?

  Laurent wouldn’t look Gray’s way. “What can we do for you?” he asked as if it wasn’t obvious.

  Gray steadied himself and chose to be blunt. “I need a ruby. Only for now. I will try to get you a new one when all this business blows over.”

  Beast gave a low exhale and rested his thick arms across his chest. Surely, it was a difficult decision to make, but what was a ring—even one that symbolized their relationship—in comparison to someone’s life?

  Laurent swallowed. “It’s gone. It will serve a new purpose.” He gestured toward the egg, and only now did Gray notice that the red dust covering its surface was oddly shiny. “I’m sorry.”

  Gray frowned, confused by the answer. Beast had no smile for him. Suddenly out of breath, Gray stared right back at him. “What? We talked about this…”

  Beast scowled. “It was your suggestion. I never committed to giving up my engagement ring. I would have, but now the situation has changed.”

  The thudding in Gray’s ears grew in strength, banging rhythmically as he watched the two somber faces. “What? What for? What could have been more important? Are you making a gourmet omelet?” he asked, steadily growing louder.

  Laurent snatched the egg off the pillow and took a step back with it. “It’s complicated!”

  Gray’s hand—one, because he’d walked too far away from Shadow to keep the other arm—squeezed so hard his tendons and muscles ached. “There’s nothing complicated about this. If I don’t have a fucking ruby by the next new moon, my partner’s going to die!”

  Beast avoided Gray’s gaze, but the way he stood between him and Laurent told Gray all he needed to know about what would happen if Gray chose to fight over the fucking ruby-dusted egg. What a fucking waste.

  “Nothing’s gonna come from shouting at each other. I told you we will help. You already have the ghost’s ruby. It’s small, but now that the Pigeon Heart is secured, we can look for more as soon as tomorrow.”

  “We had a ruby right here, on your finger! And no one’s going to help me out tomorrow, because everyone’s wasted! What could have been so important? We grew up together, like blood brothers, and you can’t give away a freaking piece of jewelry so that I don’t have to spend the last few weeks of my lover’s life searching for hope that might not be there?” Gray shouted, and his voice came out so low it hurt his throat.

 

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