Goodbye caution, p.31
Goodbye Caution, page 31
I wince. “Is that really a good idea?”
“I don’t know, you tell me!” he snaps.
“Um, how are you going to introduce me? Who are you going to say I am to you?” It will be very strange to announce that I’m his fiancée when I don’t have a ring. Even Duchess Kate got a ring, so I know they do that in England!
“Becca, don’t ask me questions that you know will aggravate the piss out of me!” he says through his teeth. I’m just going to be very patient with him. It’s not me; it’s work. I kiss his arm again.
He calls Carol and tells her to have a personal shopper pick out clothes for Morgan and me. When he gives her our sizes, I feel my eyes grow wide.
“Grayson ... honey, I’m not a size eight.” I pat his arm and my heart sinks. Does he want me to be a size eight?
He tells her to hold on. “Sweetheart, I’ve told her to buy in two sizes. You’ve been losing a lot of weight, and I don’t want you to look frumpy. By the way—eat up, please, because I’ll cry if you lose those curves.” He smirks. I’m relieved to get a glimpse of my Grayson, and I kiss him. He gets back on the phone and tells her to have a hair and makeup stylist for me, too. Country Sybecca reluctantly pulls out her pigtails.
Our food arrives and Gray gets off the phone.
“Mummy, how does Daddy know what you want to eat when you didn’t even say anything?” Morgan asks, looking puzzled as I dive into keeping my curves.
“He just knows. Hidden talent, I guess.” Among many! I feel Gray’s hand slowly slide up my inner thigh as if he heard my last thought. “Doesn’t Daddy look handsome in this outfit?” I ask Morgan, keeping my eyes on him. He licks his lips before biting at his lower one. Oh God, I can’t wait to focus on him!
“Daddy is always handsome, no matter what he wears!” Or doesn’t, I add in my head and wink at him. “All of the girls in my class have had a crush on him ever since he came in for Parents’ Day!”
Grayson beams. I remember him on that day. He was so excited and nervous. He wanted to make Morgan proud.
He brought everyone in the class an autographed picture of himself and gave out iTunes gift cards so they could download music ... preferably his, but it was their choosing. The kids were so excited to hear about the singers and bands that Grayson has worked with. Thank God he was the last parent, because he would have been a tough act to follow. The only tough question he got was from Ashley—that little bitch!
“How are you Morgan’s daddy all of a sudden? We’ve never met you or heard about you before.” I know Grayson wanted to strangle her. Morgan was very upset by this question.
“Well, Ashley, it took me a long time to find Morgan and her mum. I was very busy doing what I talked about.”
“So are you her real father?”
“Yes.”
“Why doesn’t she have your last name?”
“She will. Now, enough with the personal questions. Who wants to hear about Justin Bieber?”
He adamantly hates Ashley. I do, too. Morgan was so proud, though, especially when he said he was her real father. She could pass as his. They have the same eyes and dark hair. Even her teacher said she could see the resemblance. Grayson loved that.
“I can see why. I’ve had a crush on him ever since he walked into the store.” I grab his hand and kiss his cheek. He nods to my plate and I comply, finishing everything.
“Dessert?” The waitress asks. I shake my head along with everybody else. Grayson opens his wallet for his credit card and I see he has only one picture in there. It’s of him and Morgan on Parents’ Day. I feel that jealous pang again, but push it away. We need to take more pictures together.
“What?” He must have noticed my face.
“I love that picture.” I touch it.
“Me, too. I’m a very proud father.” He pulls my hand up to his lips and kisses the inside of my palm, then my wrist, and then he lays his head in my hand.
“Everything’s will be all right, baby.” I pull his face to me and kiss him once ... twice ... “Guys ... stop! Geez!” Morgan complains.
“Morgy, your mother and I are very much in love. When two people are in love, they kiss a lot to tell each other with no concern of who is watching. You’re going to have to either get used to it or learn how to ignore us, because I certainly don’t want to hear this rubbish coming from you every time I kiss your mother.” Grayson is blunt and to the point—as usual. Morgan’s gotten used to him being stern with her when she’s out of line, and no longer questions if he still loves her.
“Sorry, Daddy.” She looks down.
The waitress comes back with the slip. Grayson is back on the phone with Carol, so at his nod, I take it. I tip twenty percent and sign “Becca James.” I love that. I can’t wait to make it legal.
At the AT&T store, I hand the remnants of my broken phone to the clerk. He shoots me an odd look, but quickly turns his eyes back down to his screen.
“Okay, Mrs. James,” he says. Mrs. James? I didn’t tell him my name. “You can use your husband’s upgrade.” What? Wait, I didn’t get my bill this month, come to think of it. Oh, Grayson.
“Give her the newest model, please, and the accessories for it,” he tells the clerk. “A laptop, too,” he adds.
“Daddy, can I have a new phone?”
“No!” Grayson and I both pipe up.
“Ugh! Can I at least have an iPad?” I refuse again, but Grayson nods to the clerk and Morgan starts jumping around. She hugs her daddy, and he smiles. After twenty minutes or so, everything’s ready to take home. I would’ve spent a buck on a new 3G model, but instead, the bill is slightly over two grand. I start to hand Grayson my credit card, but he almost knocks it out of my hand when he slaps my wrist and offers up his Black AmEx. I gasp and look up at him in shock. That actually hurt. He shoots me a glance that should come equipped with daggers, but his eyes soften as I rub my wrist. He grabs it and kisses it tenderly.
“Okay, Carol, great!” He hangs up. “Disney is set for Friday, love, and the Smiths are staying on Disney property. Everything’s booked and all set.” He kisses me. “Don’t ever embarrass me like that again,” he whispers in my ear.
“I’m sorry.” I kiss him.
“Mrs. James, you’re all set,” the clerk says. Grayson signs, hands me my phone, and grabs the bags. My new phone pings. I look at it. Ten unread texts. I see Grayson’s jawline twitching like mad. I sit down on the sofa in the store, and he holds out his hand for the phone as he sits beside me. This is something I find incredibly sexy about him, and yet, I’m nervous he will find reason to get angry with me. He hits the message cloud. I put his arm around me and wrap my arms around his waist to lay my head on his chest. He relaxes a bit.
I put my hand over the cell screen.
“I have no control over what these messages say or who they are from. Please don’t take it out on me. Think before you react,” I say softly in his ear. He’s already in a foul mood about work. He doesn’t need to get heated over any of this nonsense.
“I promise, sweetheart,” he says flatly, and moves my hand. The first two messages are about my new phone. The rest are from Ray. Oh, God—here we go!
November 3, 2012 1:30 a.m.
Ray: Are you okay?
Ray: Did he hurt you?
Ray: Do you need me?
Ray: I love u. I’ll come 4 u. No questions asked.
Ray: WOW! Really? I guess u love 2 b abused!
Ray: Does he taste as good as me?
Ray: I’m sorry! I didn’t know! Please forgive me. Becca, I love you. I’m so haunted by your touch, your sounds. I dream about our lovemaking every night.
Ray: That’s it? After all of these years, you’re throwing me away? I’ve meant nothing 2 u? Well, I’ll be waiting 4 when u come around to your senses. He’ll hurt you!
Grayson deletes them all and blocks Ray’s number so he can no longer call or text me.
“Let’s go home,” he says, and pats my leg. I get up and feel his arm back around my shoulder. He holds Morgan’s hand and we head out to the car. But he is quiet all the way home.
“Aunt Hazel, Morgan is coming with us. She has the flu.” Grayson winks. “Claudia, Becca won’t be here for the next week. Please take her off the schedule. You can reach her by phone, email, and text if needed. Tanya, would you mind helping Morgan pack while Becca and I finish?” She nods.
He’s barking out orders to get last-minute details situated, but I know what he’s really up to. I head upstairs to his room. I undress myself and get on the bed. The door opens swiftly.
“Becca!” he yells, but then he sees me waiting for him. He slams the door shut and locks it. God, he’s so angry. He pulls his sweater over his head and tosses it on the chair. He stares at me. Daggers. He undoes his belt and pants then heads toward me, stark naked and looking like a lion ready to pounce on its prey. I part my legs for him, and before I can think of nudging him with my knee, he’s inside me. It’s rough and harsh. I do my best to keep up, but I mostly just hold on for the ride, turn my head, and bury my face in his palm. I feel him slow down and he grits his teeth. I squeeze around him until he crashes onto my chest.
My body shakes with sobs, but he doesn’t look at me. He just trails kisses down my chest to my belly. His tongue finds my navel. His hand explores my wetlands (previously known as my “Slip ‘n Slide”). His fingers command my sobs to turn into moans. After several minutes, I’m saying my prayers with such conviction, I feel I should have the audience of a deeply moved congregation fanning themselves with one hand and praising Jesus with the other.
He gets up and pulls me with him to the shower. Once the water is running, he backs me up to the wall and kisses me with such passion my knees go weak.
I think this trip will be good. He can focus on work during the day, his family at night, and none of the other bullshit that’s been going on here.
“I want Stacey out of here as well.” He speaks ... finally.
“I’ll tell her,” I say.
“I’m sorry. I’m all over the place today.” He rubs my shoulders.
“I know. I think this trip will be good for us.” I kiss his chest.
“Becca, if I said we’d have to move you guys out to California, what would you say?” He’s staring straight ahead, blinking a million miles a minute.
“I’d say you are my home. Wherever you need to be is where we need to be.” I cup his face to bring him to look at me. “I could start this up out there. I would do that, Grayson.”
“Thank you. It may come to that, sweetheart.” He closes his eyes.
“Okay, just let me know.” I play with the stubble on his chin. He gives me a quick kiss and we finish our shower.
Once we’re dressed and ready, he grabs my suitcase.
“Do you have everything you need?”
“Yes, but I’ll have to do a little shopping out there. My summer clothes are too big.” I tie my hair back.
“Okay. Let’s go then.” He sighs and we head downstairs.
In the lobby, Stacey runs up and grabs my arm.
“Becca! Annie’s been hurt! Ray has her at the ER now.”
Panic rises in me. Grayson’s hand is crushing mine.
“What happened?”
“She fell out of a tree and her arm and leg are broken. Her belly hurts, too, so they’re checking for internal bleeding. She’s scared and is calling for you.”
“Well, Stacey, you should go and tell her that I love her and I’m sorry I can’t be there. We’re leaving now.” I look at Grayson.
“Becs, you’re the only mother she’s ever known!” she yells.
“I’m sure her grandmother is with her. That’s the mother she should have there. I’m going with Grayson,” I say again, and we head out to the car.
“Mom, Annie’s afraid of heights. She wouldn’t climb a tree for anything!” Morgan says.
“Yes, sweetie, I know. But Aunt Stacey does not realize I do. I’d say we’re two for two, huh, baby?” I look at Grayson.
“Yes. And I think it’s safe to say that we—you guys—are moving to California. I am not putting up with this shit any longer!”
“Daddy?” Morgan has tears in her eyes.
“Get in the car, sweetheart!” he snaps. She listens.
“Hey.” I grab his arm. “I understand that you are pissed about many things right now, but please don’t make comments like that in front of her and then snap when she gets upset.”
“If you didn’t go and act like a fucking whore, none of this would’ve happened!” he yells through his teeth. I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces.
GRAYSON
Oh no. No. No! What did I do? What did I say?
“Becca ... Becca ... please, sweetheart, I’m sorry!” I grab her face. “I’m having a bad day with all of this on top of everything else. Please get into the car. Please. I see that you want to run, and I’m begging you not to!” I kiss her face. “Please come with me.” She closes her eyes and pulls my hands off of her face. Oh no. Oh God. Wait ... she’s getting in? She’s getting in. I follow her. “Morgy, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m a little off today.” I kiss her head.
The driver backs out of the parking space and heads down the long driveway. Becca sits quietly, staring out the window as we head to the airport. I grab her hand and bring it up to my mouth. I kiss her knuckles over and over again, silently continuing to beg for forgiveness.
“Mummsies, me thinks Daddsies would likes to gives you a kiss!” Morgan and her accents!
Becca starts giggling. She looks to me, and I waste no time.
“I’m so sorry. I love you,” I say against her lips.
“Please, you have got to stop doing this to me. I know how you feel sometimes, but I need you to keep it to yourself. I don’t know how much more I can take. I know you know how sorry I am about what happened,” she whispers to me. Yes, I do know, and I’m so mad that I let it—him—get to me again. He knew I would read her texts, just like I did last night.
“I do. You’re right. I really am sorry.” I kiss her again and sit back. She lets me hold her hand for the remaining fifteen minutes it takes to get to the airport.
We climb out of the car and board my plane. Morgan grabs her favorite seat, and I take Becca’s hand to give her a little tour.
“Can you just show me where the bathroom is?”
“It’s right over here.” I walk her down toward the back and open the door to bring her in. Her eyes widen.
“This is big for an airplane.”
“Yeah, I hate plane bathrooms. This was the only thing I put in the design. The plane is small. My new plane will be ready in about a month. It’s much bigger and will have a bedroom.” She’s so distant now. “Becca ... I—”
“Grayson, can I have some privacy?” She cuts me off.
“Um ... yes. Yes, of course.” I nod and leave her to her business while I go and meet with Smitty, my captain.
“We should be in L.A. at 8 p.m. Pacific time. Weather will be good all the way.” Blah biddy blah, blah, blah. I thank him and take my seat. Becca comes out and sits across from me. She buckles up and closes her eyes.
“Do you get nervous about flying?” Maybe that’s it.
“No.” She doesn’t even look at me. Morgan glances over from her Bop magazine.
“Mommy flew planes, smaller ones, when she was a little girl.”
“Really?” This woman never ceases to amaze me!
“Yes. When she was a little girl, my grandfather would take her out to the island to visit her aunt.”
“Which island?” I ask.
“Uh, Long Island.” I truly feel that she wanted to end that answer with a duh. “Anyway, they would go to the tiny airport there where you could pay to ride in a Cessna plane. Mommy called them ‘chestnut planes’ because that’s what she thought they were saying.” She giggles. “Well, the one woman pilot would take Mommy up in her plane and let her fly it once they were in the air. That’s one of your favorite memories from when you were little, isn’t it, Mommy?”
“Yes.” Becca smiles, her eyes still shut.
“The lady told Grandpa that he should encourage Mommy to fly as she got older because she was a natural at only seven years old, right, Mommy?”
“Yes.” Still smiling.
“She said that Mommy had just the right touch and was so confident. No nerves, like she’d been flying for twenty years. She wanted to be a pilot for a long time. But then her aunt moved back to Jersey and Mommy never flew a plane again. It’s too bad, Mommy. I bet you would’ve been a great pilot.” Morgan goes back to her magazine.
“Thanks, Morgan.” Becca sighs, looks through her purse, and gets out a mint.
“That’s fascinating, sweetheart. Why didn’t your parents get you flying lessons?” I try to engage her.
“The rent was more important.” She’s flat.
“Um, does flying a plane still interest you?” I’m not giving up.
“I don’t know. It seems all very advanced now. There’s a big difference from the simplicity of thirty years ago.” She takes a book out and starts reading. I breathe deeply to calm the anger that is brewing. Oh, we are having ourselves a bad day, the pair of us!
“What are you reading?” You are not going to shut me down!
“The latest by Jennifer Chiaverini.” Flat and still reading.
“What’s it about?” I’ll do this the whole way, sweetheart!
“Well, I just started reading this one, but all of her books are based around quilters. I love them, especially the ones that take place years ago, during slavery. Some of the Underground Railroad stations used quilts that were actually maps to the next station. The runaway slaves would study them until they knew them by heart. This was a way to keep the station masters safe as well. It’s all very interesting!” Her face lights up, just like it does when something is of huge interest to her.
