Goodbye caution, p.25
Goodbye Caution, page 25
I start bringing the quiches out to the dining room and am greeted by a frantic Ray. Oh, for the love of God.
“Are you all right?” He grabs my arms.
“Yes. Why?”
“Claudia called me and told me you and Gray were having a fight and he threw you over his shoulder and went upstairs.” He’s out of breath.
“I’m okay. Good news for you, I don’t have to leave at five on Thursday. I’m staying over and staying longer.” I smile and hug him.
“Why? Wait. Did you ... did you let him have you just now? Get off of me!” He pushes me away. He shakes his head and throws his hands up into the air before stomping toward the door. I stand there in my oven mitts, feeling like a truck just ran me over. Ray turns back to me.
“You’re not staying at my house. I’m not doing to Annie what you are doing to Morgan! I have a better idea. Why don’t you just stay here and get abused by Grayson, since that’s what you like so much, Mrs. James!”
I just stand there and take it, in my big red puffy oven mitts.
“Will you stop thinking about a damn theme song?” he yells.
“I’m not. There are no songs out there about having your heart broken while wearing oven mitts,” I say calmly. Ray stares at me. His body starts shaking. I bite my bottom lip, trying not to smile, and hold up my gloved hands. He breaks into a hearty laugh and takes long strides toward me. He sinks his hands into my hair.
“Ugh—I can’t stand you!” He shakes my head gently before attacking my lips. I kiss him back fiercely. I hear somebody clearing their throat. I break away. It’s Grayson.
“Morgan’s heading this way,” he says quietly, then leaves the room.
“I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses me again quickly. I head back into the kitchen to bring out the other quiches.
“What can I help you with, sweetheart?” Grayson asks. He seems very melancholy.
“Um, can you grab that tray?” I point to the pastries and bagels. He does so. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He follows me out to the dining room.
“Uh ... Grayson,” I stammer. “I’m sorry you saw what you saw. I’m sure that wasn’t very easy.” He gives me a silent nod.
“I’ve noticed you two mention theme songs a lot. I realize it’s an inside joke, but would you mind telling me?” He glances over at me.
“Oh, no, I don’t mind at all.” I smile. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a ‘theme song’—a song that pops into my head, something that covers how I’m feeling or a situation I’m involved in. If I get quiet in the middle of a conversation or, well, anything, it’s usually the CD in my brain changing.” I laugh at myself.
“That’s very cute, actually.” Grayson chuckles a little.
“Would you like to know some of my theme songs since I’ve met you?” I glance back up.
“Becca, I’d love to. I find this very interesting.” He pulls up a chair for me, then sits as well.
“Okay, let me think. Okay. The day we first met, when I came out of my office and ran straight into you?”
“Yes, of course, I remember. Oh my God, you were changing your theme song when I thought you were going to pass out?” His eyes widen. I nod.
“I avoided you for three hours and I had to teach a class on distressing, of all things.” I laugh.
“What was the song?”
I really have him intrigued.
“‘Ironic’—Alanis Morissette.” He laughs his hearty laugh. “Then, at some point last week, I changed the lyrics of ‘She Drives Me Crazy’ to ‘He Drives Me Crazy.’ I’m trying to think of the moment, but I can’t.” I pause. “Oh, and when you two came to me about your plan? It was a toss-up.”
“Yes, I remember you saying you were changing your theme song. What was it?” He sips his tea. I tell him the other three songs. “You really feel that way?” He grabs my hand.
“Yes, and you’ve encouraged those feelings, haven’t you?” I can’t help it. It’s the truth.
“Yes, yes I have. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He’s blinking a mile a minute.
“Um, yesterday’s was ‘Material Girl,’ as I was putting on my new earrings.” I change the subject. He relaxes a bit and smiles. “So far, I think that’s it. Which is actually a lot of theme-song changing for only—what? Barely two weeks?” I stretch out in the chair.
“Weeks. Becca, it’s crazy. I feel like we’ve been together for at least a few months.”
“Yes, well, I think we’ve squished a few months of emotion into these weeks. Maybe that’s why everything is so stressful. This hasn’t been a traditional relationship by any means.”
“And the whole situation with Ray has not helped.”
“No, it hasn’t. But we were having some issues before that. I think we’ve moved at light speed, and it’s biting us in the ass.” I play with the napkin on the table, trying to make something out of it. I took a class on creating napkin animals and shapes six months ago, and never got around to utilizing what I learned.
“Sweetheart, I don’t think either one of us said ‘oh, let me get involved in a relationship where I have no sense, no filter for my feelings, and no willpower.’ Did you? Because I didn’t.” He sounds defensive, and he shrugs and moves his hands throughout the whole speech. His eyelids are blinking fast, but not rapidly like when he’s nervous. He’s just passionate about what he’s saying. “Becca, are you listening?” He waves his hand in front of my face.
“Yes, sorry. I was watching a very hypnotic, beautiful British man speak. He is a lovely man.” I lean forward on my arms and look up at him with a smile.
“Oh yeah? Do I detect a crush, Ms. Campbell?” He arches his brow.
“Crushes are for schoolgirls, Mr. James.” I sigh nonchalantly.
“Very well then,—what do you think it is?” He leans on his arms as well.
“I think he’s drugging me, truth be told,” I say, with a secretive edge to my voice.
“No! What gives you that idea?” He sounds shocked, matching my disposition.
“Well, every time he comes around me, I get completely intoxicated by his smell. I can’t think straight and I find myself following all of his commands. Once I’m away from him, my thoughts are clear again. What do you make of that?”
“Ms. Campbell, you’re on to something. He is definitely drugging you!” He taps his index finger on the table for emphasis.
“What do you think it is? What drug is it?” I sit up, alarmed.
“Love!” He points into the air matter-of-factly. “It’s crazy, maddening, intoxicating love! Yes, I’ve heard of this type of love before. Tell me, Ms. Campbell. Does your heart beat fast?”
“Yes!”
“Do you feel what people call ‘butterflies in your stomach’?”
“Up to my throat in them.”
“Do your knees get weak?”
“I’ve passed out!”
“Is your breathing erratic?”
“Only around him.”
“Do you find yourself unable to stop your thoughts about him the moment you’re apart?”
“Yes! It’s quite annoying.”
“I’m afraid this is a very dangerous situation you’ve got yourself in. Believe me—I know!” He widens his eyes and taps the table again.
“Well, how do you know, Mr. James?” I reach for his arm.
“I suffer from the same ill fate.”
“No! Is she British as well?”
“Worse—she’s American! I’ve been behaving strangely ever since I met her.”
“No! Mr. James, what are we to do?” I look down and shake my head.
“I don’t know, Ms. Campbell.” He grabs my hands, caressing the backs of them with his thumbs. “We’ll just have to stick together. Help each other. Eventually a plan of action will present itself.” He brings my hands up to his lips. His eyes close. He seems sad. I lean forward and kiss his mark softly. He turns his head and captures my lips. I kiss him once ... twice ... mmm. Damn rules.
“Grayson, we can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to Ray.” I turn my head. I know I’ve killed a very sweet and vulnerable moment, but fair is fair.
“I have to say ...” He looks up to the ceiling and takes in a deep breath. I can see he’s fighting to remain calm, and succeeding. “That I don’t particularly care about Ray’s feelings and what is fair to him. I am a different man, Becca. I am persistent—selfish, to say the least—but very persistent. And I find nothing more irritating than a man who sits back and does nothing until somebody threatens to take away something that was never his in the first place. Ugh. Bloody hell. Forget it. I’m not going to sit here and waste time explaining. You’re a smart woman, Becca. I’m sure you can see it. I just ... I can’t lose you, sweetheart. I won’t give up!” There’s so much passion in his voice; so much purpose.
“Grayson, I understand where you are coming from. I get it. But Ray is a different type of man than you. He wasn’t sitting back because he thought I was already his. He was waiting for me to be ready. His approach was more subtle. Holding my hand at the carnival with the girls. Back rubs and dinners when I had a stressful day. Scheduling who was going to take the girls to what. He knew what I went through with George. He didn’t want to do anything to push me away. He wanted me to feel safe, loved, and needed. He’s my best friend, and while that seems like a big advantage for him, it has also become a big disadvantage.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t know if it’s just that I was finally ready, or if you woke my body up, or what. Last year in the rain, I was going to have sex with Ray. That’s all it was going to be. I knew it—and that’s why I was able to stop. I didn’t want to lose my best friend, and I would’ve. But now, I do feel something. I didn’t go to him last week to make things more complicated. I went to him because I needed to talk to my best friend. But, he’s already transformed to another level ... something more. I don’t know if I’m making any sense. Does any of this make sense to you? I feel like I’m babbling.” I put my head in my hands. This is so frustrating—the whole situation is.
“I think it does,” he says quietly. “Becca, I think we need to revise the plan.” He chucks my chin so I’m looking at him.
“How—what do you mean?”
“The way it is set up now, I don’t think it helps any of us.” He rubs his face. “I hate saying this, but I think we need to make it strictly dating only. You know, we can kiss and touch—a little,” he says with emphasis. “But sex is making it complicated for all of us.”
“Uh, yeah, including Lady Marmalade over here!” I point to myself.
“Stop it, sweetheart, it’s not your fault. Especially with me. I am a selfish man.” He smirks.
“Yes ... that has been established.” I giggle a little. “Well, if you two can handle it, I’m so on board. I completely agree. It’s not helping.”
“Well, we’ll sit down with Ray later and go over it.”
“You know, I don’t think he’ll believe you’re going to comply with the new rules.” I try at the napkin one last time.
“That’s because he knows you’re mine. Sweetheart, what the hell are you trying to do?” He points to my project just as I finish my last fold.
“I did it! Look, it’s a swan! Yay! I took a class awhile back and haven’t tried it since! Look!” I show him excitedly.
“You have to be the strangest, most lovely woman I have ever met.” He leans forward and kisses me again. Guests begin entering the dining room, ready for breakfast.
“C’mon, let’s bring the rest of the stuff out.” I slap his knee. He helps me with the entire meal service.
I spend the morning training new staff, paying bills, placing orders, and sorting through more resumes, and time flies by. I hear a knock at my office door.
“Hey, Becca, it’s lunchtime!” It’s Stacey. “We need to get out of here before I start dry humping your hot Brit.” This sends me into hysterics.
Stacey is just the medicine I need. We’ve been best friends since middle school and have been through just about everything. She’s the only friend I’ve ever had that I can be completely myself around. She gets me and I get her. Of course, she’s crazy as hell—in a good way.
She took us in after George “died” and helped me organize a business plan. It was then that I finally told her about everything George did to me. As a matter of fact, she’s the only one who knows everything. She was so pissed I didn’t come to her while the abuse was going on. But like I said, she’s crazy—crazier than Ghetto Sybecca! Lord only knows what she would’ve done. I just wish Steve, her husband, didn’t have to relocate them to Tennessee. Morgan and I miss her so much.
“He might like that!” I get up and stretch.
“Ray told me he hits you.” She says it like a statement, but it’s really meant as a question.
“Well, no. He spanks me. Ray is referring to the morning when Grayson caught us kissing and did it a lot harder than usual.” Amazing, I’m not even blushing.
“Well, he can spank me any day of the week!” She fans herself. And this is why I’m not blushing, because I really can tell her anything. “So, does he have a red room?” She giggles.
“Oh my God—stop it! No, that’s as far as it goes. It is pretty hot, though.” I bite my lip, thinking about last night. “Let’s go to lunch. You can tell me everything Ray has told you so far, and I’ll correct it and add in the rest.” I grab my purse and coat before we head out.
Melissa and Ryan are our detail for the day. Which reminds me—I need to try to hook those two up. I’ve seen them secretly checking each other out.
“You know, you really should get a car for non-farm shit!” Stacey complains as she climbs into my truck.
“Sorry, I don’t get out enough to worry about having a ‘social’ car.” I do the air quotes.
“Well, what’s Moneybags driving?” She looks around the parking lot.
“That Range Rover over there. Why?” No sooner than I say it, she’s out of the truck and heading back to the B&B. A minute or two goes by before my cell rings. It’s Grayson. I answer.
“Do you know what you so-called best friend just said to me?” He’s trying to sound shocked.
Stacey’s yelling in the background. “He’s lying! I would never!”
“Oh God—what did she say? Wait, do I really want to know?” I put my head on the steering wheel.
“Well, she gave me an ultimatum, sweetheart. Wait, I’m sorry, this came from you.”
“What?”
“Let’s see. If I let you have the car for your lunch date, I could ... what is it? Oh, right. Drop, I believe ... a load in your mouth.” Oh my God—she is an asshole! “And if I don’t, you will drive to Ray’s to let him drop a load in your mouth. Now—what do you have to say for yourself, sweetheart?” I sense his smile on the phone.
“Well, I have a better idea. If you let me cart Stacey’s ass around in your car, I will let her dry hump you like she said she would earlier. Please do tell her I said that.” I totally want to go inside to see her face. I climb out of the truck. Pretty sure I won’t be driving it to lunch. Grayson, laughing his ass off, repeats to her what I said. I head inside.
“She’s absolutely fucking mad, this one!” He says to me on the phone.
“I know,” I say, standing right behind him. He turns around.
“I don’t know if I feel comfortable letting the pair of you out of my sight.” He smiles and hangs up his phone.
I hold out my hand. “Please, or she’ll drive me crazy.” I half smile.
He holds the keys out of my reach and pulls me close with his other arm. “What do I get in return?”
“I already told you what you’ll get. Oh, all right. You can spank my ass, too.”
Stacey pats his shoulder and grabs the keys from him. She heads out to his car and leaves me in his embrace.
“Becca ...” He looks a little embarrassed, which seems odd for him.
“Ray said something, so I had to correct it. Sorry.” I palm his face. He searches my eyes and leans down for a kiss. It’s soft and reluctant. I run my hands behind his neck and pull him to me, encouraging a deeper kiss. He complies willingly.
“I love you, Becca.” Another quick kiss, and he pats my bum. “Go on then, love.”
I stare up at him. “What is it, Gray?”
He shakes his head and nods to the door. “Go.”
I hug him and head out.
Stacey smiles when I get into the car.
“Now, this is much better,” she says.
“Stace, can you please watch what you say around him? Everybody’s getting this impression that he’s this jerk. Yes, he can be arrogant and selfish, but he’s sensitive as well.” I put the Rover in reverse and proceed to head out.
“Geez ... sorry.” She sighs. “He was laughing with me.”
“I know, but I think he was thrown off by the whole spanking thing. It’s personal, but it’s become less so thanks to Ray.” And suddenly, I find myself pissed off at Ray.
“Well, you have a whole hell of a lot to fill me in on, sister!” She smacks my arm. I begin to tell her everything about when Grayson and I first met: the electricity between us, my new subconscious multiple personality disorder that has come about, my constant theme-song changes. Even about Morgan, Ray, and the personal stuff I don’t want to say in public. We’ve sat outside the restaurant for forty minutes now.
“Becca, I think I may need a panty change.” She laughs, but I think she may be serious.
We finally head into The Break Room, a new local place that’s been getting a lot of buzz. A little on the pricey side, but Stacey and I don’t get to see each other that often. We order some wine and continue our conversation.
“So what are you going to do?” She sips her wine.
“I don’t know. It’s very confusing. When I’m with one, I feel very loyal to him—but I drift off in thought about the other. With Grayson, I think, ‘Well, Ray wouldn’t be like this!’ and when I’m with Ray, I just feel absolutely guilty and upset that I’m doing this to Grayson.”
