Goodbye caution, p.15
Goodbye Caution, page 15
“Ray, please.” I beg. Oh no. No. No. No ... not butterflies! Oh God, really—because my life is not complicated enough?
“I love you, Becca.” Just as he pulls my face to his, Rocco neighs loudly and kicks his stall door. Impeccable timing.
“Rocco, what’s the matter?” I pull away quickly, before Ray’s lips reach mine, and look in on my horse. “Whoa. Whoa, boy!” I say, trying to calm him down. Charlie rushes in and joins me.
“Becca, what is it?”
“I don’t know. Something spooked him, I think.” I have one guess. “Charlie, when you get him settled down, Ray would like to go over your thoughts on the renovations.” I turn to face my old friend. “Thanks for stopping by, Ray. I have to get back inside now,” I say, and take off like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride. He follows me.
“Becca!” He grabs my arm outside the stable doors, pulling me to him. “You felt that too. I know you did.”
“Ray, I’m engaged. You have to stop!”
“Really? You know, Becs, if you were engaged to me, people would know it because you’d have a goddamn ring on your finger.” Butterflies ... again? Oh, yeah. Probably because Ray’s tongue is suddenly in my mouth, playing nicely with mine. I can’t pull away. I feel completely paralyzed.
“Oh, Becs ... baby, please don’t marry him. You belong with me,” he begs against my lips. I feel the panic rising inside of me. Grayson! How could I let this happen?
“You’re fired.” I start to cry as I pull away from him.
“What?” His nostrils flare.
“You’re fired.” My verbal delivery of his pink slip is weak, but to the point. “Melissa, let’s go.” I turn, and we head back toward the inn. I start to sob. “I’m going to be sick to my stomach.”
“Yeah, that makes two of us,” Melissa says.
We get inside and I rush up the stairs, only to run into Grayson. His eyes are red. He glares at me angrily.
“Becca!”
“Grayson, I fired him.” That’s all I say as I continue up the stairs. He follows me into the room. I sit on the bed, waiting for the wrath of Grayson James to be unleashed.
“Explain to me why you are crying, because I want to be fair and not come to my own conclusions,” he says through his teeth.
“Because I’m mad as hell. I’m mad at myself. I’m mad at him. I don’t know, Grayson, because I know I just blew it with you!” I lean down and sob into my hands. A thought pops into my head that steals my breath away. “Did you know he was coming this early?” He says nothing. “You set me up?” Nothing, again. I feel my heart shatter. “This was a test?”
“And you failed miserably.” He looks away.
“I’m sorry.” I get up and walk around him, trying to catch his gaze. “I’m sorry that I disappointed you. I will do anything for your forgiveness.”
“You fired him without any hesitation, so that’s a start. I need to go talk to my aunt. Please move out of my way.” He won’t look at me.
“Grayson, please, can’t we talk this through?”
“Becca, please. I’m so mad. You need to let me leave this room.” His fists are pumping.
“He kissed me! I didn’t initiate. Ask Melissa!”
“Oh, I plan on getting a full report from her!”
“Good! Then you will find out that I was turning his advances down the entire time!”
“You kissed him back, didn’t you?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“Yes, but it was one of those moments where you don’t realize you are doing something until you’re in the middle of it. The moment I realized, I pushed him away and fired him! Please, baby, I love you. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was trying to avoid it. I swear!” I’m full-blown sobbing now. I try to reach for his face, but he grabs my wrist and squeezes it so hard I feel like it might break. “Baby, you’re hurting me.” I lean into him and cry. He pulls me angrily to our bed. I’m happy and scared all at once as he practically rips my clothes off. “What do you want, baby?”
“Lie down on your stomach, Becca.” He’s stern.
“Okay. What are you going to do?” I ask nervously. He says nothing, and I obey. My obsequious nature greets me like an old friend. I swallow hard and scrunch my pillow with my arms. Before I can even think about what he has planned, I feel a painful sting on my right bum cheek. I yelp.. “Oh God, Grayson. Please ... don’t!”
“Shut up!” he snaps, and his hand comes down again. I bury my face in the pillow and cry. Submissive Sybil takes over and I respond to his harsh spanks with groans. I don’t know how many times his hand has hit my backside.
He pulls my hips up, forcing me to my knees. He opens my legs and thrusts himself inside of me with such rage, pounding into me so hard I can barely catch my breath. He pulls me up to him so my back is flush against his chest and tugs fiercely at my nipples. There’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, and Grayson has me crossing both over and over.
“Oh ... oh God, baby.” I pray as I finally give in to the intensity. I feel his pace slow down. He’s gritting his teeth. I tighten around him. Grayson gasps then releases himself inside of me. “I love you, Gray.” I rest my head back on his shoulder.
“Get off.” He pats the side of my right thigh. I pull away from him and lie down on my side. He does the same so we’re face to face.
“I love you. Please.” I try to touch his face. He stops me. I just lay there with my eyes closed and cry. I can’t help but wonder when his acrimonious behavior toward me will end—or if it will at all.
“I liked spanking you. I love how you reacted, how wet you were when I entered you. Did you like getting spanked?” I open my eyes to see his face. His glacial stare is no longer. He’s warm now, as if nothing happened.
“I like how you spanked me the other night. This time it really hurt, Grayson.” My voice trembles.
“But then you liked it.” He encourages me.
“Yes. Once I got over the shock of what you were doing. I felt myself accept it and give in.”
“That is so hot. You’re so hot, sweetheart.” He runs his hand down my side.
“Are you going to leave me?”
“No. I’m just going to make you pay for what you did until I feel that you’ve more than made up for it. So you can expect a lot of this!” He slaps my bum harshly again, and I give him the reaction he wants. “Christ, sweetheart! So fucking hot ...” His mouth is on mine. I welcome him eagerly. He slaps me again, and I release a sob from my throat. He rolls me on my back and pushes my knees apart. Before I know it, he’s inside of me again. But he’s not harsh; he’s making love to me. Soon I find myself praying, loudly, for the whole world to hear. This pleases Grayson. I’m on my way to redemption.
“Gray, I have to get Morgan ready for school.” I try to climb out of his arms. He pulls me back.
“You’re not going anywhere, darling. You’re on bed arrest.”
“Gray, I’ll come back to bed as soon as she’s off to school. Besides, we have the lawyer and your finance guy coming. We really can’t stay in bed all day.” Mad or not, he’s being unrealistic.
“So you’re refusing my wishes, is that right?”
“It’s not that I’m refusing them, it’s just not a good day to stay in bed.” Why am I allowing this behavior toward me again? I’ve more than made up for kissing Ray, so says my sore, welted ass!
“You do realize the thin ice you’re on, correct?” He hovers over me.
“You do realize that I’ve already had one man treat me this way and that I will not go down that road again, right?”
“Oh! So you are comparing me to George again? Well, you know, I’m starting to see his side of things. You probably deserved half the beatings he gave you!” I gasp as I feel my heart plummet. How could he say that? That’s it—I’m done!
“We’re through, Grayson. I need you to leave,” I say through my tears. He kisses them away.
“You don’t mean it, darling. You love me and I love you. We’ll work through this.” He trails his kisses down my face and neck.
“I’m done, Grayson. Get off of me! I need you to leave. I don’t want to be with you!” He ignores me and holds my hands above my head. “Stop! No! Stop it, Grayson! I don’t want you to!” He doesn’t listen. He enters me with one swift thrust. I just lay there, defeated, while he has his way with me again.
“Sweetheart, move with me. I love you. Please, I’m sorry,” he pleads. I’m numb. I can’t even look at him. He stops and climbs off of me. I run to the bathroom to get dressed and finish my crying before I see to my daughter.
Opening the door, I find Grayson with his head in his hands. He looks up and his eyes are rimmed with red. “I went too far, sweetheart. Please forgive me. We both stepped out of line today. Please don’t say it’s over. Let’s just back up and slow down. Let me take you on a date tomorrow night. I’ll give you the rest of the day, night, and tomorrow until our date. I won’t get in your way. I’ll give you space. Please, for our sake and Morgan’s. I don’t want to lose you. I’m so sorry for what I said, and did. That was unacceptable.” He grabs my hands and kisses the top of each of them.
“I can’t go tomorrow. Claudia is working tonight for Morgan’s swim meet,” I say flatly.
“All right, we’ll go to her meet tonight. Then we’ll bring her back and go on our date. I promise I won’t try anything, sweetheart, until I get the okay from you. You have my word.” He squeezes my hands.
“Your words hurt,” I murmur.
“Yes. I’m an arsehole at times. I’m going to try harder. So, tonight?” He shoots me a hopeful smile.
“Okay.” I sigh and pull my hands away. I leave him to his thoughts. Country Sybil appears in my mind with a picture of Ray. Yes, I know—Ray would’ve never treated me the way Grayson did this morning. Ray ... oh God, he’s going to be there tonight with Annie. This should be interesting. Maybe they will duke it out at the swim meet like the two guys from Bridget Jones’s Diary (the most hysterical part of the movie). Ray is Mr. Darcy, and Grayson is Daniel Cleaver! Hmm, there’s some food for thought.
What is it with men, though? I find it absolutely amazing that a woman can be single for years, and then as soon as one man is in the picture, several come out of the woodwork pining for her affection. Do we send out extra pheromones? I need to look this up.
“Mommy, pay attention!” Morgan yells. Jesus, I didn’t even realize I was already in her room.
“Sorry, baby.” I smile and get her outfit.
“I hope I win tonight against Ashley. Please tell me Daddy is coming!” She grabs my arm with a sense of urgency.
“Yes, Morgan. Grayson is coming.” She jumps around in a circle at my words. “Morgan, I understand why you are insistent on calling Grayson ‘Daddy,’ but I really need you to stop.” I try to be as stern as I can be.
“Why, Mommy?” She sticks out her bottom lip.
“It’s not fair to anyone. You shouldn’t call him that until we are married. What happens if we don’t work out? Honey, you are possibly setting yourself up for a disappointment that I can’t help you avoid.” I’m trying to explain this to her so that she really gets it.
“You can help by making sure you don’t screw things up!” she snaps.
“Morgan Alexa, how dare you talk to me like that?” What the hell?
“I’m sorry, Mama.” Her chin quivers.
“I need to go for a walk,” I say as I rub my temples with my fingers. I head out of her room and slam the door. Why is everybody treating me like shit today?
“What’s the matter, love?” Grayson reaches for me.
“Go fuck yourself, Gray!” I say vehemently and walk away. “Hazel, I’m going out.” I grab my keys.
“But Claudia is not coming in until this afternoon.”
“Tell Grayson to help. I’m sorry, Hazel. I can’t stay here.” I walk out and get into my truck, wincing at the soreness of my ass cheeks when I sit. Melissa runs after the truck, waving for me to stop. I ignore her and head down the long driveway.
Where am I going? Normally, when I have a problem, I go to Ray. I tell Ray everything. He’s my best friend. So ... Ray’s place it is. I don’t care what anyone thinks about it, either.
I take all of the back roads to Orchard Drive and turn down his long, winding driveway. His truck is here and I know Annie’s already off to school.
As I pull up to the house, Ray steps out onto his front porch. “Becca?” he calls, and heads down the steps to meet me. I grab his hand and lead him into his house.
“Annie at school?” I ask.
“Yeah, the bus just picked her up.” He’s staring at me, partially in shock and partially like I’m crazy. Maybe I am. I have to ask him.
“Ray, if I was your girl and ... well, let’s say ... if you were Grayson and he was you, and you saw me kiss him, what would you have done?”
“He saw? I’m sorry, Becca.” He looks down.
“What would you have done?” I ask again, tears forming in my eyes.
“I don’t know, Becs. I would’ve been angry. I would probably be beside myself.”
“Would you have listened to me about what happened?” I take my coat off.
“Well, yes, but I would’ve still been pissed.”
I take a deep breath and turn around. “Would you have done this?” I ask as I pull my yoga pants down.
“Becs ... oh God. Oh God, look at what he did!” He kneels down and touches my skin. I wince at his touch. “Come with me.” He pulls my pants up gently and grabs my hand, leading me upstairs. I don’t argue. I don’t care anymore. I know I’m safe with Ray. “Lie on your belly, Becs.” He points to the bed. I slip my shoes off and do what he asked.
Ray goes into the bathroom and comes back carrying a tube of aloe lotion. He eases my yoga pants down, then squirts the lotion into his hand and rubs his palms together before slowly rubbing it on my bum.
“God ... I could fucking kill him for this. How could he do this to you? I would never do anything like this to you, Becca. A man is supposed to protect his woman, not hurt her.” He gently pulls my pants back up. I can’t help but sob into his pillow. “C’mere, baby.” He rubs my back and uses my sacred word. It sounds so right coming from him. I wince as I sit up. Ray pulls me onto his lap and I bury my face into his neck. I feel safe. I feel his hand on my arm, running up and down. He smells incredible.
I don’t know why I do it. Maybe it’s because I’m past caring. I kiss his neck once ... twice. I hear his breath catch. He pulls my chin up and I stare into the dark blue-gray storm that is his eyes. Beautiful. I love them. He leans in and softly pecks at my lips, waiting patiently for me to open my mouth and welcome him in. Butterflies. When I finally do, he takes my breath away.
“Becs ... baby, please tell me you’re really here and I’m not dreaming.” He pulls away and looks at me. Oh God, he really loves me. I can see it in his eyes. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I love Grayson. I love Ray. Christ, what the hell is wrong with me? “Shh ... please don’t cry.” He kisses my tears.
“I’m so confused, Ray. Maybe you should stay away from me for a while. Until I can figure things out, I don’t want to hurt you.” I try to get up.
“No! No!” He holds me tight. “What is there to figure out? He hit you! There are welts all over your ass! Don’t be stupid, Becca. Please. You’re smarter than that.”
“I shouldn’t have come here, Ray. It’s not fair to you.”
“It’s fair if you stay. Just spend the day with me. I won’t expect anything from you. I won’t try anything. Just give me the day. I’ll clear my schedule.” He flashes his boyish grin at me.
“Okay.” I smile. “But let’s go somewhere. And I need to be back in time to get Morgan.”
Ray pulls out his phone. “Gwen, clear my schedule for the day,” he instructs his secretary. He smiles and kisses my forehead as he listens to her response. I think I’ve lost my mind. “Oh, great. Thanks!” He hangs up and rises with me in his arms. “Can I give you a kiss?” I nod. Our lips meet, and then he puts me down. “C’mon, Becs.” Hand in hand, we head down the stairs with a little spring in our step—only to find my detail waiting for me outside his front door. “Oh, hey. Becca won’t need your services today. And as far as Grayson goes, please tell him I said to go sit and spin!”
“Raymond!” I slap his arm.
“I’m sorry, Mr. McNeil. My instructions are to stay with Ms. Campbell,” Melissa says.
“Well, good. Maybe you should video this, then, so Mr. James can watch and see how a guy really treats a lady.” He opens the truck door and helps me climb in.
“Ray, she’s just doing her job. She’s a good kid.”
He opens his window. “Sorry that you’re caught in the middle of this, Melissa. I mean no disrespect to you.” He smiles, rolls up his window, and we’re off.
I feel a terrible pang of guilt in my heart. Right now, Grayson is helping Hazel feed my guests breakfast—and I’m out with another man. I feel like a whore. Am I being a whore? I’m not sleeping with another man. Nope, I’m not being a whore! I’m just spending time with my best friend who happens to be male. Who happens to be in love with me. And whom I will let kiss me several times today. Okay, I’m an apprentice whore.
“Becs, where are you at, babe?” Ray smiles over at me. Wow. He is indeed very handsome.
“Oh, just fighting the forces of evil in my head.”
“Stop it. We’re going to have fun today!” He slaps my knee gently.
“Where are we going?” This is exciting ... a date!
“You’ll see.”
I guess I doze off, because Ray has to wake me. When I open my eyes, I see we’re at the train station in North Conway, about a half an hour away.
“Let’s go. We’ve got a train to catch.”
He grabs my hands, guiding me across the seat to his side of the truck. I grasp his shoulders as I climb out and slide down slowly. His boyish grin greets me, and he plants several excited kisses on my lips. He looks like a teenager in love. My heart melts.
