Slow hand, p.28
Slow Hand, page 28
"He misstepped on the stairs this morning, and his knee is bothering him," Rhys said. "So he's on absolute rest for now."
Ford smiled at Cornell. "Good thing you have a Daddy who knows a little about that."
"He sure does, Sir."
At times, it amazed Ford how easily Cornell's submission and respect came. Even though he was older than Rhys, than Ford himself, he never failed to address them properly. What a difference from his little brat, Jathan. Though if he had the choice, he wouldn't trade him in for a more obedient sub, no matter what he’d be offered.
"Do you want to talk in private, or are you okay with Cornell being present?" Rhys asked.
Ford waved his hand as he sat down on a sofa chair. "You know I have no secrets from your boy. In the past, he's proven he can keep his mouth shut."
The smile Rhys sent Cornell was full of love. "He's a good boy."
Cornell's face lit up like a beacon, and it warmed Ford's heart. Clearly, things were still going strong between these two. It showed that love knew no age and no standard patterns either. Rhys grabbed him a can of seltzer and put out some of Cornell's famous homebaked cookies, then found a spot on the couch, repositioning Cornell so his boy leaned against him. "I assume this isn’t just a social call."
"No, it's not. I wanted to get your opinion on something."
Rhys and Cornell both stayed silent as Ford gathered his thoughts. He’d thought it would be easy to talk about this, but now that he was here, the words in his head got all tangled up. Was he making a problem where there was none? Was he overreacting? Or had he become completely blind to what was going on?
"Things are going well with Jathan and Thierry," he started. "Both are healing, physically and emotionally."
"I'm so glad to hear that," Rhys said. "I've been worried about them."
Ford nodded. "Trust me, me too. It's been trial and error for sure, and Jathan especially has been a challenge to figure out, but he, too, is doing well." He scratched his head. "We're in a sexual relationship now," he blurted out. "The three of us, I mean. We've had sex. With each other. Just once yesterday, but I’m hoping it’ll happen more often."
To his credit, Rhys only smirked a little. "I'm familiar with the term sexual relationship, but thanks for clearing that up."
Ford waited for him to continue, and when he didn't, he quirked an eyebrow. "That's all you have to say? You don't have an opinion on this?"
Rhys shrugged, a smile playing on his lips. "What were you looking for, a review? In that case, you're going to have to give me a play-by-play. But I'm pretty sure that's not why we're talking about this."
"Asshole," Ford muttered. "No, I don't need your review, thank you very much. I'm just…confused. They've been with me for well over six weeks now, and all that time, I've had no other subs. I haven't played with anyone else, and moreover, it hasn't even occurred to me. I didn't miss it. And now I'm wondering…" He sighed. "I'm wondering why. How is it possible that something that has been such a crucial part of my life for so long has disappeared without me missing it? It doesn't seem normal."
Rhys sported a serious look now. "That's a long time to not be active in the scene," he said.
"With all due respect, Daddy, he still had two submissives. Maybe not in scenes, but it wasn't like he didn't have anyone to take care of," Cornell brought up.
Ford considered it. "True, but that has been a different experience from what I've been used to. You know me, Cornell. I've never had subs stay over. Even if we played in my dungeon, I’d take them home afterward, after I’d provided aftercare. I've never had anyone live with me. It's not the same."
"No, but they’re two sides of the same coin. You've always been a caring Dom, Sir, one who excelled in taking care of his subs. Unlike many others, your focus has always been on the needs of the sub."
Ford shook his head. "That doesn't explain how someone who used to get such a thrill from engaging in a wide variety of kink would now be happy with a pretty vanilla sex life."
Rhys and Cornell shared a look. "Define vanilla," Rhys said.
Ford laughed. "I thought you didn't need definitions," he said, trying to make light of it, but then he grew serious again. "The sex between us was…it was amazing. Unlike anything I've ever shared with anyone. They’re fragile and vulnerable, but they’re also super sweet and loving and passionate. But it was just sex. Spectacular sex, but nothing more than that. Thierry seems open to a little pain, but I’m scared that if I try to bring up experimenting with it, he’ll shut me down because Jathan wouldn’t be able to handle it. My dungeon has seen no action since they moved in. And I'm questioning myself why I'm not missing it. Is there something wrong with me, or am I fooling myself?"
Silence hung in the room, but it didn't bother Ford. He saw by the expressions on his friends’ faces that they were taking him seriously.
"Sir, can I ask you something?" Cornell asked.
"I told you, boy, I don't have secrets from the two of you."
"When we last talked to you, you said Thierry had further explored age play and that he was into it. Is that still the case?"
Ford couldn't help but smile as he thought of his precious boy. "He loves it. I wake them up every morning, and while Jathan either does a workout or takes a shower, I feed Thierry his breakfast. We always have some playtime during the day when he gets to play with his toys, and in the afternoon, he takes a nap. He’s easily tired. I don't know if that's something that will go away when he gets even stronger, but it's a wonderful part of our day for sure. And did I tell you he tried diapers and loved them? He doesn't always wear them, but he's come to a point where he'll either ask me for it or give me clues that he wants one. He loves his bottle too. We do that every day before his nap."
"It sounds like you love taking care of him," Cornell said with a smile.
"I do. It's funny because I never thought I would, but it's an amazing experience to see him surrender. It's a different type of care, but one I've come to appreciate."
"And Jathan?" Rhys asked.
Ford chuckled. "Jathan is… Jathan. Stubborn as fuck, prickly as a porcupine, fighting and kicking against every command, but beautiful when he surrenders. He won't admit it, but he loves the structure I've created for him. I'm trying things out with him because it's not as clear-cut as with Thierry, but he loves spending time with me. We've been playing hoops and video games, he’s exploring what he wants to do in life, and we’re working on clearing out the garage. He seems to like that, though he grumbles every time I tell him we're spending a few hours there."
"Middles are not as easy as littles," Cornell said. "But it sounds like you have a good handle on what he needs. I haven't heard you talk about punishments, though, Sir."
"Punishment is a sensitive topic for both of them, but especially for Jathan. I can't use anything physical with him, not even a spanking. As much as he's come to trust me, the fear of getting hurt all over again runs too deep, and I understand. So I've had to be creative and come up with some other forms of punishment, like writing down the rules a hundred times, no TV for a week, or taking away his phone. He rebels fiercely, but his behavior improves, so I think it's working."
Rhys laughed. "Sounds like a typical teenager to me. I know my dad used similar punishments. He never raised a hand against me in his life, not even when I was little."
"God, no. As much as Jonas loved impact play himself, he was a fierce opponent of corporal punishment for kids," Cornell said, and the two of them shared a sad look.
Ford could imagine all too well how they felt. Even though it had been six years since his father had passed away, the grief still hit him at times. Sometimes it was mild, a warm memory that made him emotional, or a smell, a taste that made him think of his dad. And sometimes, it would hit him like a freight train, and he'd bawl like a baby with how fiercely he missed his dad.
"It sounds like you’re the Daddy both boys need," Rhys said, his voice a little shaky.
"Am I?" Ford asked, and his heart did that painful clenching thing again.
"I'm not sure I'm following," Rhys said. "What are you having doubts about?"
Ford threw up his hands in frustration. "How can I trust myself that I’ll always love what I'm doing with my boys right now when being a Daddy has never been something I wanted? I’m scared to get even more attached to them than I already am. I wanted to ask them yesterday to spend the night in my bed, for example, but I was scared. What if I’m giving them false hope? What if I'm just fooling myself, convincing myself that I enjoy this out of compassion for them? What if down the line, I discover that I don't appreciate it after all?"
"Compassion?" Cornell said, his voice uncharacteristically sharp. "Is that what you’re calling it, Sir? Compassion?" He pushed himself up with Rhys’s help, clutching his knee as he sat up straight.
"What else should I call it? That's why I took them in, out of compassion."
Did Cornell just roll his eyes at him? Ford wasn't sure, but when he caught a warning look from Rhys to Cornell, he had his confirmation. Still, that was something Rhys would have to sort out with his boy. He had his hands full enough with his own to worry about Cornell's moment of rebellion. "You have something to say about that, boy?" he asked him.
Cornell glanced at Rhys, then met Ford’s eyes. "Yes, Sir, I do. If you think all you're feeling for them is compassion, then yes, Sir, you’re deluding yourself. That's not mere compassion. You love them."
"Of course I love them," Ford snapped. "That doesn't mean I don't have compassion at the same time. Don't those two go hand in hand?"
Cornell leaned forward, looking at him intently. "You're not hearing me, Sir. You're in love with them. This is what love feels like, what love does to you. It changes you. It makes you want to do things you've never done before. It makes you want to be the best version of yourself. And in your case, it made you from a caring Dom into a Daddy, and a damn good one at that."
Ford felt like he’d been struck by lightning. In love? Cornell thought he was in love with them? That was… The words ridiculous and insane and crazy wouldn’t come out because they all felt wrong.
Oh, God. Cornell was right. The blood drained from Ford’s face. He was in love with them. That was what that warm, overwhelming feeling inside him was. The strong urge to take care of them. The anger at the idea of someone else being their Dom. The tenderness he experienced toward them. It was love.
“Holy shit…” he whispered. He looked at Cornell and Rhys, who were smiling at him with humor dancing in their eyes. “Does that mean I won’t ever miss it? Because I love them? They will be enough for me?”
Cornell shook his head. “It doesn’t work that way. Love is not a guarantee for anything, but it’s a great start. You’ll have to talk to them, see if they feel the same. And if they do, find out if you can make it work.”
If they felt the same? Ford’s breath caught in his lungs. What if they didn’t? What if they wanted nothing more than a safe place to stay, to get back on their feet? What if he’d lose his baby boy and his brat? It would break him.
“I never expected being in love to be this scary,” he said.
“It’s terrifying,” Rhys said, his voice warm.
“I apologize if I ever made light of it,” Ford said.
Rhys chuckled. “All good, though I do admit I appreciate the irony in your particular situation.”
Ford raised an eyebrow in an unspoken question.
“I think it’s ironic that the man who only wanted sex and no love has fallen in love with two boys before he ever had sex with them.”
37
They’d spent all morning researching jobs, with Thierry doing household work in between. Master Ford had been at work in his office, and when he had popped up to join them for lunch, he’d announced he had an appointment somewhere else and had left right after. That allowed Thierry and Jathan to spend more time figuring things out.
Their first calculations weren't inspiring a lot of confidence. Plenty of jobs were available for people without a college degree, but none of them paid more than the minimum wage. Even if he worked full time, Jathan wouldn't make a lot of money. For Thierry, the prospects were better, but with both their expected incomes combined, things would still be tight. They had nothing, so they'd have to start from scratch.
"The ideal situation would be to work while we're still living with Master Ford," Jathan said as he closed the laptop. "If we can work full time for a few months while not paying rent and other expenses, we could save up enough to move out and get a place together."
"It wouldn't be enough to send you back to school, though. And if you're working full time, how will you get your college degree?"
Jathan shrugged. "I guess I don't. It’ll have to wait until later, when we’ve built up a bit of a rainy day fund."
Thierry nodded. "But will Master Ford allow us? Isn't that like using him when we're just staying here and not doing anything in return? We’d be gone the whole day."
Jathan bit his lip. That part didn't sit right with him either, but how could they work around that? "He did say he wanted nothing in return," he brought up.
"Sure, but that was weeks ago. That was when we weren't in any condition to contribute. Would he feel the same if we both started working full time? And what about him being our Daddy? Would that have to stop? Me being a little? The sex?"
The more Thierry listed, the more emotional he sounded. If Jathan were honest, the prospect of losing all that terrified him.
"You said he loved us," Jathan said softly. "But what does that mean here? Wouldn't he want what's best for us?"
Thierry looked miserable. "I don't know anymore. Yes, he's very fond of us. His feelings go beyond mere compassion. But the rules kept changing, and throwing sex into the mix has shaken things up all over again. I have no idea where we stand anymore, what he wants from us, or how he envisions the future."
Yeah, no shit. Jathan pulled Thierry on his lap, then held him close to his chest. "I don't have any answers either, and I'm as confused as you. I guess we'll just have to talk to him."
"Talk to whom?" Master Ford said, and Jathan jerked in surprise.
They had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn't heard him come back. Thierry tensed, and Jathan's first impulse was to snap at Master Ford that it was none of his business. But he couldn't do that. It was his business. If they wanted to work out a solution with him, they had to approach it as adults, as much as he hated to admit it.
"We have some things we want to discuss with you, Sir," he said, meeting Master Ford’s eyes head on.
"I have some things I need to discuss with you too, so why don't we get to it?"
Master Ford grabbed a can of seltzer from the fridge, then sat down across from them at the kitchen table. "Do you guys want to go first? Or shall I?"
Jathan might as well get the hardest part over with. "Thierry and I have been job searching online," he started, and Master Ford's eyes went big.
"A job?"
“We appreciate you taking care of us all these weeks, Sir. That you were willing to open your home to two complete strangers shows your character, and we'll never be able to repay you for this. But it's time for us to learn how to stand on our own legs. We can't lean on you forever.”
Master Ford appeared shocked. Had the man really expected them to stay with him forever? Doing basically nothing?
"We wanted to ask you if it would be okay for us to stay a little longer while we work so we can save up enough money to get our own place together. Probably for a few months more," Jathan said.
He cocked his head as he studied Master Ford. The man didn't seem just shocked. He appeared hurt. Sad. Devastated, though Jathan couldn't figure out why.
"Is that what you want? Your independence?" Master Ford asked, his voice strained.
Thierry and Jathan looked at each other. How could they answer that question? "It's not a matter of what we want but of what we need to do to secure our future," Jathan said, and fuck, he sounded boring. Like an honest-to-god adult, and the thought crushed him inside. He'd never appreciated how much comfort and safety Master Ford's Daddy care for him had brought until he had to face losing it.
"If that's what you want, then I’ll support you. You can stay as long as you want to."
Master Ford's words said one thing, but his face said something else. Thierry must've picked up on it because he asked, "Are you okay, Daddy?"
Master Ford cringed at that last word. What was happening here? He was reacting stronger than Jathan had expected. Had they somehow gotten it wrong? Did he want them to leave sooner? Or was he upset about them wanting to work, for whatever reason?
Master Ford pushed his chair back and got up. "If that's all, I have more work I need to do."
He was already halfway to the door when Jathan said, "Didn't you say you had something to discuss with us as well?"
Master Ford turned around. The pain on his face stabbed Jathan like a dagger. "I did, but it's no longer relevant. If you'll excuse me."
He hurried out of the kitchen, leaving Thierry and Jathan staring after him in bewilderment. "What the hell just happened?" Jathan said. "That didn’t go as expected."
Before Thierry could answer, hurried footsteps indicated Master Ford was coming back, and two seconds later, he stormed into the kitchen. "No. No, I won't accept this. Not this. I can't."
What the hell had gotten into him? "I don't understand, Sir."
Master Ford looked at him, his eyes burning with something Jathan couldn't decipher. "Is that really what you want? To leave me?"
Jathan should have known Master Ford would ask that. It had been stupid of them not to realize they would need to explain why they wanted to go.
"Are you saying you want us to stay?" Thierry asked, and Jathan all but gasped at that direct question.
Master Ford swallowed. "Yes," he said, his voice softer now. He hesitated for a moment, then pulled the chair back out and sat down. "In fact, I can't bear the thought of you two leaving, and after yesterday, I’d hoped that you’d feel the same."
