Slow hand, p.19
Slow Hand, page 19
As much as he’d resented Thierry at first for finding his kink, it was hard to be upset with him when being a little made him so happy. Jathan still found it hard to wrap his mind around the fact that someone as smart as Thierry, someone who had shown such maturity in their conversation the day before, could drop into little mode.
Then again, he'd learned that Raf had a college degree and was a certified kindergarten assistant teacher. So maybe being a little had nothing to do with how smart you were. Though he still suspected childhood trauma had something to do with it.
As for himself, as much as he wanted to deny Cornell's analysis had been spot on, it was hard. The more he had thought about it, the more he’d realized that the things he needed most fit that profile. Ford had said it as well. Jathan craved routine and discipline, even if he fought hard against it at the same time. Classic teenager behavior, wasn't it?
The most fascinating thing was that as much as he could analyze it when he was calm, at other times, he was so immersed in that mode or whatever it was that he actually felt like a teenager. It wasn't something he was pretending or acting, and he hadn't expected that. That had to be how it felt for Raf and Thierry because no one could act that well.
What did being a middle mean in reality, though? Ford had admitted he had no experience with it but that he was willing to give Jathan what he thought Jathan needed. But what was that other than routine and discipline? With Thierry, it was so much easier. Diapers, a pacifier, a bottle, toys and coloring books, and whatnot. Even Jathan had no trouble imagining what Ford and Thierry could do together.
But he and Ford? He had no idea. Playing hoops? That was all he could come up with, and quite frankly, as much fun as that had been to do, it was kind of lame if that was the only thing they could do together.
Of course, Thierry also loved the whole household stuff, which Jathan despised. Mopping floors and ironing dress shirts was his idea of torture, but Thierry enjoyed it. So once again, he couldn't get mad at Thierry for wanting to do something he loved, but where did that leave him? He felt so lost, so confused.
Ford stepped into the kitchen, leading Thierry by his hand. “What are you thinking so hard about?” he asked. “You have all these worry frowns on your face.”
He put Thierry on a chair at the kitchen table, then walked over to Jathan. Without thinking about it, Jathan raised his head as if expecting a kiss. As soon as he did it, he froze. Where the hell was that coming from? But Ford only hesitated for a moment, then leaned in and gave Jathan a gentle kiss on his lips.
What was that? Why had he done that, and more important, why had Ford taken him up on that? It was crazy to even consider that Ford would like him. At least, like him in that sense. What the hell had he been thinking? He must've still been tired or maybe even more confused than he’d thought. Something of his inner turmoil must've shown on his face because Ford caressed his head and said, "Don't worry about it, brat."
Don't worry about it? What was that supposed to mean? Of course he’d worry about it. With a scowl on his face, he went back to eating his yogurt.
Ford made Thierry oatmeal again, and Jathan chuckled a little on the inside. He’d seen Thierry's face the day before. No way did the guy actually liked that stuff. But if he had an issue with it, he’d have to learn to speak up. Jathan was willing to come to the rescue for important issues, but not for something as mundane as telling Ford he didn't like oatmeal. Besides, the stuff was healthy, and Thierry needed all the healthy he could get. He looked much better than he had, but he was still way too pale and too thin.
Ford took Thierry on his lap, then fed him the oatmeal, and Thierry ate it all. Kudos to him for that. Then again, it would be impossible to refuse anything from a man who held you on his lap and fed you spoon by spoon. When he was done feeding Thierry, Ford pushed the empty bowl back on the table and leaned back into his chair, cuddling Thierry.
“Let’s talk about the program for today, boys. What do you have planned?” he asked Thierry.
“Cleaning the bathrooms upstairs. They’re dirty,” Thierry said, crinkling his nose. He was adorable.
“Sounds good. You can do household stuff until lunch, which we’ll eat together. After that, I’m gonna put you down for a nap, okay?”
Thierry nodded, looking happy as a clam.
“What about you, brat? Any plans for today?”
Jathan shrugged. “Watch some TV. Read.”
“No TV,” Ford said.
Jathan frowned. "What do you mean?” He only needed a slight frown from Ford to add, "Sir."
“You’re still on your no TV for a week, your punishment from two days ago.”
“You’re gonna hold me to that, Sir? I thought you were…” He didn’t finish his sentence because Ford looked at him with an amused expression.
“You thought I was kidding, brat?”
“No, but I figured that after what happened, you’d give me a pass. Sir.”
“Nope, no can do. You may have had your reasons for lashing out, but you were completely disrespectful toward me and hurtful toward Thierry. Your punishment stands.”
Jathan couldn’t believe it. Was the man serious? He couldn’t watch TV for five more days? “But, Sir, I—”
Ford lifted one eyebrow, and rarely had such a simple gesture held more meaning. “If you continue to protest, brat, I’d be happy to show you how serious I am by tacking on a few more punishments.”
Jathan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Ford didn’t appear to be joking, and the last thing he needed was for him to take his books away as well. “Yes, Sir,” he grumbled. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You mentioned that you might want to get your GED. Are you serious about that? Because I think that would be an excellent start.”
Jathan swallowed. Shit was about to get real. “Yes, Sir. I had to drop out a few months before graduation, so I was close to getting my diploma.”
“Okay, then your first task is to do some research as to what you’d need to do to get your GED. By the end of the morning, I want you to present me with a clear plan for this.”
Jathan’s heart skipped a beat. Was Ford serious? He seemed so, his eyes shining with kindness and encouragement. “I don’t have a computer, Sir.”
“I know. One of the club members may have a solution for you, but for now, you can use my iPad. Do you know how to use one?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good. After lunch, when Thierry is napping, you and I are gonna have some time together. You can tell me about your plan to get your GED, and we’ll discuss other projects you can do.”
Jathan frowned. He’d been on board with everything until the word projects. "What kind of projects?"
"Thierry has made clear he loves to help me with household tasks, so that one is easy. But we have to find something for you as well. And since you don't know what you like and I don't have a clue either yet, we're going to experiment with some different things to see if we can find an area that interests you."
Jathan's frown intensified. He still had no idea what Ford meant. "Like what, Sir?"
“If you were to enroll in college, do you have any idea what direction you’d like to go in? Liberal arts? Something scientific? Something more practical?”
“I don’t know, Sir. I was already working side jobs in high school to help my parents pay off their debt, so I never really had a chance to think about it.”
“Okay, so we’ll make that our big project. Finding out what areas you’re interested in. I’m sure I can find some club members willing to let you shadow them for a day and observe what their day job is like. And we’ll do some experiments of our own. I’ll ask you to do some research or do chores in the house to see if you like it.”
Jathan couldn’t help it. He had to roll his eyes at that. “You just want free labor to clean out your garage. Sir.”
Ford’s booming laugh warmed him throughout his body.
Two days later, the UPS guy stopped by with whatever Daddy had ordered on Amazon. Thierry inspected the massive pile of boxes stacked in the hallway. They varied in size, but there had to be at least twelve of them. Holy crap, how much stuff had Daddy bought?
"I may have gone slightly overboard," Daddy said, sounding embarrassed.
"Slightly?" Jathan said, quirking an eyebrow.
"I wasn't sure what Thierry would need…or what he would like. And I wanted him to try different things, so I had to get a variety, right? Plus, do you know how many adorable things they have for littles? I mean, I could choose from six type types of diapers alone, and how was I to know if he liked the ones with the little ducks better than the ones with Minions?"
Daddy stood with his hands in his pockets, shuffling his feet. Thierry had never seen him so flustered, almost embarrassed, and it was cute. "I wasn't complaining," he said.
"Oh, good," Daddy said. "And you don't have to keep everything. Or try everything. If there's something you don't like, I can return it. I think. Or I’ll give it to Raf or donate it to the club. Maybe I should've asked for your opinion first or, you know, done the shopping with you. But you and Jathan had gone to bed already, and I didn't want you to have to wait a day longer to get your things."
With a smile, Thierry closed the distance between him and Daddy, stepping into his embrace. Daddy's arms came around him, pulling him tight. "Thank you, Daddy. I'm sure it will all be perfect."
He felt the tension leave Daddy's body. Had he been worried about getting it right? How sweet was that? Since Daddy was always so confident and self-assured—or at least, he came across as such—it was easy to forget that he’d never done this before. Thierry might be new to being a little, but Daddy was new to being a Daddy. They would have to figure it out together.
"Can we open the boxes together, Daddy?" he asked.
"Absolutely, baby boy," Daddy said, and a rush went through Thierry at hearing that word. He loved it. He loved it when Daddy called him that, loved how it made him feel, like he was special and precious and protected and safe. How one term of endearment could communicate all that, he wasn't sure, but it was the truth.
Daddy let go of him. "Jathan, would you help me bring the boxes into the living room?"
"Sure," Jathan said, shrugging. At the slight narrowing of Daddy's eyes, he added," Sir."
Thierry had to suppress a laugh. Jathan's rebellion could be blatant or subtle, like him forgetting to call Daddy Sir, but Daddy was always paying attention and calling him out on it. Jathan needed that, Daddy had said, and Thierry agreed with him.
Daddy lifted a few boxes, and Jathan took the others, leaving nothing for Thierry. "I wanted to help," he protested, but Jathan rolled his eyes at him.
"Littles don't carry stuff," he said, and Thierry's heart skipped a beat at that easy acceptance. Jathan could be so sweet when he wanted to be.
He followed them into the living room, where they put all the boxes on the floor. Daddy grabbed a pair of scissors from the kitchen, then gestured for Thierry to sit down on the floor. Daddy cut open the first box and handed it to Thierry. "Here you go, baby boy. Let's see what's in this one."
Thierry eagerly dug in and pulled out a bottle, three pacifiers, and something he couldn't quite identify. It was a square piece of fabric, with a plastic ring at the top and little ribbons along two sides. One edge felt like crinkle paper, and when Thierry touched one corner, it made a squeaky sound.
"It's a sensory cloth," Daddy said, some of that previous embarrassment seeping into his expression again. "Raf has one, and he absolutely loves holding it when he's stressed out. He sleeps with it too, and I thought you might want to try it. I know you don't have ADHD like he does, but it might have a calming influence on you. I don't know."
God, could the man be any more adorable? "Thank you, Daddy."
They opened the next box, a big one, and it held a whole bunch of toys. Lots of die-cast cars, a race track he could build, and much more. Thierry felt himself sinking into little mode, and it was a curious experience. With Raf, it seemed to be so fluid, moving from grown-up to little and back, but Thierry was teetering on the brink now, thinking like an adult while his mind desperately wanted to let go and become a little. He'd never expected it to feel like this, to be so aware of that change.
Maybe it was because Raf had always been safe and secure with his Daddy Brendan, whereas his mind knew all too well that dangers could lurk everywhere. It was like it warned him, “are you absolutely sure it's safe to let go?” Thierry looked at Daddy, who was studying him, then at Jathan, who had curled up on the couch, pretending to read a book while he was keeping an eye on them. Thierry had no doubt it was because he wanted to make sure Daddy didn’t do anything Thierry didn’t want. Yes, it was safe to let go. And so he did.
"When can I play with these, Daddy? Do we have time now?"
Daddy's eyes widened for just a second. Then he gave Thierry a broad smile. "Absolutely. Do you want to build the racetrack?"
Thierry nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, Daddy. I want to see how fast the cars can go."
"Do you want to play now or unpack the rest?"
Thierry’s eyes traveled from the racetrack to the still closed boxes. It was such a hard choice. Ultimately, curiosity won. "I want to see what you bought for me, Daddy."
Daddy had gotten him so many things. Adorable pajamas with fire trucks on them he couldn't wait to wear. The softest, cutest little stuffed duck that felt like a caress against his skin. He’d have that in his bed, he decided. Thierry held the diapers Daddy had mentioned, tracing the funny Minions with his finger. He wanted to try those for sure, but not today. Maybe tomorrow? There was so much to try, so much to do and to learn and to play with. He couldn't wait.
"I'll take care of the boxes," Jathan said gruffly when they had unpacked everything. "You guys go play with the racetrack."
Did he mean it? Or was he being passive-aggressive again? Thierry pulled his mind back from being a little and studied Jathan, wanting to make sure he was okay. But then Jathan met his eyes, and even with the standard bored expression on his face, Thierry saw his offer was genuine. He wanted Thierry to play and be happy.
He pushed himself to his feet, then ran over to Jathan and hugged him. "Thank you, Jathan. I love you."
Jathan's smile was faint but heartfelt. "I love you too, T. Now go play, okay?"
Thierry nodded, and when he went back to his presents, Daddy was patiently waiting for him, watching them with a look of pride on his face. This was going to be so much fun.
Daddy helped put the racetrack together, but Thierry did most of the work, quickly figuring out how the separate pieces slotted together to form one track. When it was finished, Daddy handed him a car. "Time to test it," he said.
Thierry placed the little black Porsche at the start, then pushed it down. It flew over the track, easily managing the first loop-de-loop, then a couple of corkscrews. About halfway through was a booster. At least, that was what Daddy had called it. It was like a mini engine that helped the car speed up for the second part of the track. It raced through it, taking with ease every corner and turn and twist they’d built in. It tore across the finish line, jumping off the track and onto the living room floor.
Thierry squealed with delight. "Daddy, did you see that? Did you see how fast it went?"
"I did. Do you think all the cars will go that fast? Or do you have one car that you think will be the fastest?"
Daddy had bought so many cars for him. The Porsche was fast, but he also had a beautiful red Ferrari, a dark blue BMW, and even a white McLaren. Those would be the fastest, right? The Ford pickup truck was super cool, but not really a race car, and the same was true for the Volkswagen van, the old Ford T Bird, and the Camaro. "I think the McLaren will be the fastest," he decided. "But can we test it, Daddy?"
"Sure. How about I set the stopwatch on my watch and time their laps? Then we’ll know which one is the fastest."
Thierry clapped in excitement. "Yes! That's perfect, Daddy."
He ran the track with each of his cars, adding the ones he knew would be slower just for fun. In the end, it turned out the Ferrari outraced the McLaren by half a second. "That was so much fun, Daddy."
Thierry crawled between Daddy's legs, and Daddy's arms came around him. Daddy kissed the top of his head. "I'm glad you had fun, baby boy. I love watching your face when you play like this. You're beautiful, you know that?"
Thierry leaned back against Daddy's chest. "Thank you, Daddy."
"I think it's time for a nap, don't you think?" Daddy asked. As if on cue, Thierry yawned, and Daddy chuckled. "I guess there's my answer."
Thierry nodded. "I'm tired, Daddy."
"Okay, baby boy. Let's get you into bed. Would you like some warm milk before you take your nap?"
Daddy had placed the new bottle on the table, still within sight. Daddy meant warm milk from a bottle, didn't he? Did Thierry want that? Funnily enough, he didn't even have to think long about it or argue with himself. It sounded like heaven.
"Yes, please, Daddy." And just so Daddy knew he was completely on board, he added, "Can I get it out of my new bottle?"
Behind him, Daddy made a sound, a grunt of surprise and pleasure. His arms tightened around Thierry for a moment. "Yes, baby boy, we can use your bottle."
Thierry played for a few more minutes on his own while Daddy went into the kitchen. When Daddy came back into the living room, he settled on one of the big, comfy reading chairs, then tapped his legs in invitation. "Come sit with me, baby boy, so I can give you your bottle."
Thierry scrambled to his feet and hurried over, not doubting for a second he wanted this. He crawled onto Daddy's lap, and Daddy positioned him against his chest, Thierry's head resting on his arm. He grabbed the bottle with his left hand, and Thierry opened his mouth.
He'd expected it to feel a little strange at first, unfamiliar, but it only took two sips before he embraced it. With his cheek against Daddy's chest and Daddy’s strong arm around him, he closed his eyes and drank, the warm milk making him drowsy as much as the sweet sensation of being on Daddy's lap. His eyes fluttered shut as his body relaxed.
