Slow hand, p.13
Slow Hand, page 13
Trust his instincts. It was all he could do. Brendan had given him a lot of pointers on what to do with Thierry, so he felt confident about that. As for Jathan, they'd have to work it out together. Trial and error seemed to be the only option available because it wasn't like he had a manual for this. He chuckled at himself. Wouldn't that be something, a training manual for Daddies? Someone should get on that. Not him, obviously.
"I set up a contract with Jathan so we can experiment with different kinds of play. And by the way, I meant to have you check that and cosign as a guarantee to him. But do I honor that, or do we need to arrange for something else?"
Cornell frowned. "What kind of play?"
Ford didn't miss the sharp edge to his voice. It warmed his heart that Cornell had already taken a liking to the boy, that he was feeling protective of a fellow submissive. "Nothing involving any kind of pain, rest assured. But he's skittish, scared to be touched, and that's something I want to help him with."
The look of concern on Cornell's face disappeared. "Glad to hear that. And yes, I think you should continue this. It's a good start that will help him determine what he likes. From the short conversation I've had with him, it was clear that he's confused about a lot of things. No wonder, after what he's been through, but experimenting in a safe place with someone he trusts could help him discover his limits, his preferences. Not all boys are equal. Even though Rhys and I have a Daddy-boy relationship, we still do scenes together as well. It's something we both love, so for us, that combination works. For others, it would not be good at all. So you'll have to figure out what the dynamic between you and Jathan will be. My guess is it’ll look very different than how you interact with Thierry."
God, Ford was ever so grateful for having friends like Cornell, Rhys, and Brendan. And little Raf, who had simply stolen Ford's heart with his sweet innocence. Cornell, with his long experience as a submissive, was a great help too. Ford loved that he was unafraid to speak up and give his opinion. It showed that he'd gained back his confidence and was secure in his relationship with Rhys, and Ford was thrilled.
"I guess I have a starting point now, and I’ll go from there." He nodded, playing those words again in his head. Yes, unlike before, he had at least a handle on what Jathan needed. They'd have to decide on the details together, but at least for now, he knew what to pay attention to.
"Raf needs his diaper changed, so maybe you could spend some Daddy time with Thierry?" Brendan suggested.
Right. He could do this. Thierry lay on the floor on his belly, pushing the train along the tracks. He and Raf had both build a train now and were racing each other to see which one was the fastest.
Brendan got up and crouched down on the floor right next to Raf. "Hey, baby boy, are you ready to come with Daddy?"
Raf looked up as if he woke up from a trance. "Hey, Daddy. Did you see the train I made?"
"I did. Did you have fun playing with Thierry?"
Raf nodded, a broad smile on his face. "I love it. He's so nice, Daddy. Can we have another playdate soon?"
Brendan winked at Ford. "I'm sure that can be arranged. But let's change your diaper first, hmm?"
"Yes, Daddy."
Brendan helped Raf up, and together they walked into the hallway. Ford loved how they had their own routine, even when visiting Rhys and Cornell. Brendan had told him routines were important, since littles needed them to feel safe. He’d have to come up with a good routine for the three of them, then. He lowered himself on the floor next to Thierry, who had pushed himself up in a sitting position and was watching him now.
"Was it fun, playing with the train?" Ford asked.
Thierry nodded.
"Do you think you would like that, another playdate with Raf?"
Thierry nodded even faster this time, a smile breaking through on his face.
Ford reached out, as always careful not to startle him, and when Thierry didn't react frightened, he rubbed his head affectionately. "Good. I love seeing you play like this. I'm so glad you had fun. I was thinking. Would you maybe want to spend a little time cuddling with me and trying out a binkie?"
18
A binkie. Did he want that? Thierry didn’t have to think long about it. “Yes, Sir.”
It sounded wrong now, to call Master Ford Sir. Binkies didn’t go together with a word like that. But he could hardly call him Daddy, now could he?
“Come sit with me, sweetheart,” Master Ford said and signaled Thierry to climb onto the couch. Then, after a little nod, Master Ford pulled him on his lap. Thierry loved being on those strong legs, against that warm, broad chest. He breathed in with contentment. Master Ford smelled so good. Some kind of cologne and it was delicious.
“Have you thought about your reward? The one I promised because you’d been so good?”
Thierry nodded.
“What did you pick?”
Thierry swallowed. “Could I have another playdate with Raf? I love playing with him.”
Emotions flashed over Master Ford’s face. “I’m sure we can make that happen, sweetheart. I’m so glad you found a friend.”
They sat for a while, and then Master Ford said, “Daddy Brendan gave me a spare binkie from Raf, one he hasn’t used. Do you want to try it?”
Thierry nodded. Master Ford held out the pacifier, and Thierry automatically opened his mouth and took it in. It felt foreign, a little plastic-y, but it wasn’t bad.
“Let’s cuddle for a bit,” Master Ford said.
Cornell was watching them, his eyes soft and kind. Thierry didn’t feel judged by him at all. He melted against Master Ford, sighing even with the binkie in his mouth when Master Ford started rubbing his neck, then his head. He loved it when he touched him like that. So sweet. So gentle. It made him feel safe.
Master Ford’s hand traveled to his lower back, then waited, and when Thierry didn’t tense up, he slipped it under his shirt. God, that warm hand on his back felt amazing. He was making big circles, his fingers leaving his skin on fire, and Thierry sunk deeper and deeper into relaxation. He wanted to stay there forever. He was…turned on. How about that?
“Does that feel good…baby boy?” Master Ford asked. He’d hesitated briefly before adding that new endearment.
Baby Boy. That was what Daddy Brendan called Raf. Did that mean that Master Ford wanted to be his Daddy? His heart jumped up, but he managed to nod in response.
“I’m gonna be honest with you, sweetheart. I’ve never been a Daddy. This is all new to me. But I’m willing to be one if that’s what you need. And I think you do. What do you say? Wanna see if we can make this work?”
Thierry’s eyes welled up. Was Master Ford serious? He wanted to do this? Thierry took the binkie out of his mouth, just like Raf had done before. “Does that mean you’ll be my Daddy?” he whispered.
Master Ford’s eyes widened, and Thierry realized he’d used his voice. Huh. He hadn’t even thought about it this time, much like he’d done with Raf. “Yes. If that’s what you want, I’ll be your Daddy. For now.”
Those last two words tempered Thierry’s joy a bit, but still, it rushed through him. He’d thought for sure Master Ford would hand him off to someone else now that he’d discovered he loved being a little. “Can…can I call you Daddy?”
Master Ford blinked, and he frowned, but not in an angry way. More like he was confused, puzzled. “Is that what you want?”
Thierry nodded. “It…it helps. Not calling you Sir or Master, it helps.”
He couldn’t explain it better than that. Telling Master Ford why the word Master stirred such conflicted emotions in him was hard, but maybe it was enough because his look changed. His eyes filled up with that kindness, that mix of sadness and tenderness that Thierry loved to see. “Yes. Yes, sweetheart. You can call me Daddy.”
He wiped off the tears that spilled over from Thierry’s eyes. “Thank you…Daddy,” Thierry whispered, and then he broke down.
Overwhelming sadness filled him, a gaping black hole of pain and suffering and loneliness. It hit him all at once, how he’d felt all that time with Master Guido. How scared he’d been, how terrified. All. The. Time. He’d never felt safe, never felt taken care of, never felt loved. Not once.
And here was a man who’d been a complete stranger to him and Jathan but who had taken them in, taking care of them the best he could, paying for their clothes, their food, even their medical bills. And he’d asked nothing in return. Nothing. And that amazing man had now offered to be his Daddy, to fulfill a need he hadn’t even been aware of until recently. It was too much.
Master Ford… No, Daddy. Daddy pulled him even closer, cradling him and rocking him while sobs tore through him.
"It's okay, baby boy. Let it all out. I know you've been holding it all in. Have a good cry, sweetheart. I'm right here."
Every word wrapped around him like a soft blanket, soothing him as much as the gentle hug Daddy was giving him. With his eyes closed, tears still streaming down his face, Thierry curled up on Daddy's lap and gave in to the deep urge to surrender. Somewhere, far in the back of his mind, that little voice warned him how dangerous this was. It couldn't last. Master Ford hadn’t promised him forever. But maybe that was too much to ask. He was safe for now. That would have to do.
Daddy kept whispering tender words to him, and Thierry kept soaking them up. The tears slowly subsided, and the storm inside him calmed. Something else came in its place. Where that black sadness had been now bloomed something sweet and tender. Hope. How he hoped that this could last. Did he love Master Ford? Of course not. That was impossible after such a short time. But the potential was there. And now all he could do was hope that Daddy would come to feel the same way.
Jathan’s eyes were glued to the sight of Ford holding Thierry close, his sobs growing less and less until he quieted completely. Jathan saw him fall asleep, that moment when his muscles lost the last tension and he sunk against Ford's strong body. What a sight it was. And how hard it was to watch this. His head stormed with all kinds of contradictory thoughts.
He should be glad for Thierry. If he were a better man, he would be. But god, it was hard. No, it was impossible. How could he be glad for him when once again Thierry had everything and Jathan was left behind in the dust? Apparently, Ford had no qualms about taking on a little. But Jathan, with his weird-ass needs, that would be a whole different question.
That was why he'd asked Cornell to deliver the bad news. He'd been too scared of Ford's reaction. Because honestly, if the man had rejected him on the spot, Jathan wasn't sure what he would've done. Walk out, probably. Walk out and never come back. A man could only be turned down so many times before it became too much, and he was damn close to that point.
"Are you scared?" Rhys spoke up behind him, his voice so soft that those in the living room wouldn't have heard it.
Jathan didn't take his eyes off Ford and Thierry as he answered, "Why would I be afraid?"
Rhys’s chuckle was a mere whisper. "Oh boy, do you really think you're fooling us? I can see right through you, you know."
Jathan tore his eyes away, turning sideways to Rhys. "So, what do you see when you look at me? A hopeless case? A total brat? I suppose it's hard not to with Thierry as a comparison. Or Raf and Cornell. They’re all perfect submissives, and I’m—"
"They’re not perfect," Rhys interrupted him. "Raf can be a total brat, way beyond naughty. Ask him. Brendan has spanked him enough times that he’ll remember."
Huh, Jathan hadn't expected that. "What about Cornell, then? Surely your boy is perfect."
Rhys smiled at him. "Of course he's not. Even Cornell can be difficult. I love him, but that doesn't mean I'm blind to his weaknesses and faults. He still has trouble opening up to me, for example, especially where it concerns Jonas. My dad."
Jathan's face softened. He jammed his hands into his pockets. "Cornell told me about him. I'm sorry."
"Thank you. My dad was amazing, and I'm beyond grateful I had him as long as I did. I think losing him was harder on Cornell than it was on me, but that's another discussion. My point is that he's not perfect, far from it, and neither am I. Hell, even Master Ford has his faults, as do we all."
"Maybe, but they’re still much better than I am. Easier. Sweeter."
Rhys shrugged. "That's a matter of taste. Plenty of Doms love a challenge with a sub who's more headstrong, and Master Ford is one of them. I don't think you scare him, boy."
Jathan turned back around. Rhys’s gaze on him was a little too intense. Was he right? Could he have any hope that Ford wanted him? It was painful to imagine as he studied him and Thierry. "Even if you're right, why would he want me when he already has Thierry? What Dom would take on two boys?"
Rhys’s hand landed on his good shoulder, and surprisingly, Jathan didn't flinch. "A Dom who likes a challenge, who loves having his hands full, that's who. I know it's scary, boy. Trust me, I know. But I promise you he won't let you fall if you take the jump."
Rhys would know, Jathan argued with himself. How he wanted to believe this. Rhys knew Ford well. Ford had told him he'd been his mentee and that they’d played together often. Why would Rhys lie about this? He had no reason to. It would've been different if he had been single, if he had wanted a sub himself, but he clearly didn't. What reason could he have to ruin things for Jathan? None that Jathan could think of, and yet it was hard to believe him.
Thierry was asleep now, and for the first time, Ford looked up, searching around the room and then spotting Jathan in the kitchen doorway. Jathan held his gaze, trying to gauge his emotions, but it was impossible. The man was apt at keeping his face blank. Then he gestured with his chin, a wordless request for Jathan to come closer. Should he take the jump? Did he dare to?
He shoved down the doubts that shouted in his head and took a step forward, then another one and another one until he stood before Ford, who was watching him with pride and tenderness.
"I’m putting Thierry down for a nap. As you can see, he's exhausted. Why don't you and I spend some time together while he's sleeping?"
"Don't you need to keep an eye on him? Won't he be upset if he wakes up and no one is there?" Jathan asked.
"Brendan is putting Raf down for a nap as well, so he can monitor both of them."
Jathan bit his lip. There was no harm in spending some time with him, right? "Okay."
"Why don't you wait for me here? I'll be right back."
Ford rose from the couch, cradling Thierry in his arms, his muscles rippling as he effortlessly held him. Jathan swallowed, then licked his lips. Ford was so strong.
"You can put him in the second guest room," Cornell said. "I anticipated someone needing it, so I cleaned it, and the bed is freshly made."
“Thank you, Cornell. You do your Daddy proud, boy,” Ford said, and Cornell’s face lit up.
Jathan sat motionless while Ford walked off with Thierry. What did he have in mind? Spending some time together, that was such a broad term. But it hadn't sounded negative, like he was planning to chew him out or be angry with him. So maybe what Cornell had told him hadn't upset him too much? Or was he only being nice to soften the blow of rejection when he told Jathan he'd have to look for a different Dom for him? Jathan's head was spinning, and his stomach joined along in the turmoil. Still, he stayed, waiting.
Ford came back, exchanged a few soft words with Rhys that Jathan couldn't hear, then stepped closer to him. "Put on your jacket, boy. We're going outside."
Outside? What the hell for? It was dry, but it was chilly. It was late January, for fuck’s sake. Why the hell would Ford want to go outside with him? He opened his mouth to protest, but a slight narrowing of Ford's eyes had him reconsider. Maybe not the smartest timing to be difficult. He closed his mouth again. "Okay."
"Good boy," Ford said. Dammit, that set his heart on fire all over again. What was it with those two words that got to him every single time Ford called him that? The power these simple words had over him was dangerous. He'd have to be careful because it felt like he would do anything to hear them.
They walked into the hallway, where they’d hung up their coats, then bundled up and stepped outside. "We'll go around the back," Ford said.
He took Jathan through the garage, where he picked up a basketball. What the hell did he want with that? But when they got outside, Jathan spotted the basketball hoop that had been attached securely to the wall above the garage door. They were going to play basketball? His head hurt, trying to make sense of this. Ford was so confusing. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what he was doing.
"Let's play a little," Ford said, handing Jathan the ball. "Have you ever played before?"
"All through middle and high school. I wasn't, like, a star at it, but I was good enough to be on the school team. Our school was small, but still."
Ford smiled at him. "I was varsity all through high school, so bring it on. But be careful with your left shoulder, okay?"
Jathan nodded. He was a dominant rightie anyway, though he’d have to take care when taking a shot. Jathan’s first few dribbles were worthless, and he almost lost the ball. He hadn't touched one in so long. Ford went easy on him, Jathan could tell. But after a minute or two, he found his rhythm, and he went for his first attempt at a shot.
Ford blocked him, but he felt good that he had at least tried. It was hard to make the right move when his left shoulder wouldn’t fully cooperate, but he knew better than to push through the pain.
“Let’s level the playing field,” Ford said. “I’ll limit use of my left shoulder as well. Otherwise it wouldn’t be fair.”
Jathan nodded, strangely touched Ford would take that into consideration. He came at Ford again, only to be blocked again, and this time, Ford made a halfhearted attempt to steal the ball from him. Yeah, that wasn't gonna happen.
