Beautiful nightmares, p.51
Beautiful Nightmares, page 51
“The spell?” Lyari repeated. There was a frown in her voice.
Shit. I hadn’t actually decided whether to tell anyone else about what I’d done to Gil. But Lyari was bound to find out sooner or later, especially since Laurie knew. He’d probably mention it at the worst possible moment, just to make a situation more entertaining for himself. Raising my gaze to Lyari’s, I nodded hesitantly. I was still clutching the empty glass. “It’s very similar to the vows of fealty you pay the Unseelie rulers. A way to bind another creature to you. Except this spell is a little more… intense.”
“Have you done it? Bound someone to you?” she asked. When I nodded again, she almost seemed impressed. “Who?”
“Gil. I did it just after he was turned. To save my own life. Incredibly selfish, I know.”
Lyari’s brow wrinkled. “Selfish?”
“For taking his choice from him,” I clarified, finally leaning over to put the glass back on the nightstand. “For forcing my will upon his.”
The faerie’s expression cleared, and she shook her head. “It’s not selfish to survive, Your Majesty.”
It was ironic that Lyari didn’t like Laurie; they were of similar minds when it came to life and death. I tried to think of his exact words. When you are in a room with a murderer, there are only two kinds of people. One is the killer. The other is the murdered. Which one would you rather be, at any given time?
Before I could respond to Lyari, Emma shouted a goodbye from across the loft. The front door slammed. Thinking she’d gone, I opened my mouth, but then Emma appeared in the doorway. She wore an overstuffed coat, a thick scarf, and a fluffy winter hat, all of which made it difficult to see her face. “Goodness, I almost forgot!” the old woman blurted. “This must’ve been slipped beneath the door while everyone was sleeping. Strangest thing, it was all the way by the island. I tucked it away before Matthew or Hello could do any damage.”
She waddled closer to toss an envelope onto my lap. The moment I laid eyes on it, I went still, and it felt like the air thickened with dread. The wax seal was out of place in this modern setting. It was the sort of thing only a faerie would use.
Moving slowly, I lifted the flap and pulled two tickets out, along with a folded piece of paper. I glanced at the tickets first, frowning when I saw there was no information on them. They were unlike anything I’d ever seen before. Instead of paper, they were made of a bronze-colored foil, with an intricate design rising from it. I unfolded the letter next.
National Theatre Munich. December 15th at 7:30 p.m. GMT.
There was no signature or further information. Following a random, flitting instinct, I lifted the paper to my nose and sniffed.
Belanor’s cologne clung to it.
My spine stiffened. Emma said something, the words full of worry, but I couldn’t think straight enough to reassure her. Her voice barely penetrated the tornado of thoughts surrounding me. Had Belanor awoken, then? Did he know I was here? There had been a prickle of magic when I picked up the envelope. A witch’s spell, probably. Belanor probably didn’t know where I was, not for certain, but that wouldn’t stop a spell from delivering his invitation. That was why Emma had found it on the floor.
Or maybe someone had hand-delivered it. No, I thought. Finn would’ve sensed an intruder.
“Fortuna?”
I lifted my head. Emma and Lyari watched me, and though their expressions couldn’t be more opposite, I sensed their mutual concern. I wasn’t sure which of them had said my name—I’d have to remind everyone to stop using it, especially now—but Lyari was standing. Her hand was on her hip, as if she’d reached for her sword. “Sorry,” I managed, holding the envelope up. “I think I just got confirmation that Belanor is awake.”
Lyari strode forward and plucked it out of my fingers. She scanned the information in an instant.
“The invitation means that he won’t attack until then,” she said, giving it back. “And the magic means it’s unlikely that he knows where you are. You haven’t taken that ring off, have you?”
I had for a few minutes at Bea’s, but that hardly counted, right? I shook my head uncertainly. Behind Lyari, Emma glanced at the clock. She nibbled her bottom lip. “I was supposed to start my volunteer shift twenty minutes ago. I’ve got the holy weapons you gave me, and we can send a text to the boys so everyone knows. Will you be all right here, Fortuna? Oh, I know, you could come with me!”
I waved my hand at her and finally left the bed. I hoped neither of them could sense the fear poisoning my insides. “Lyari is right,” I said. “The fae may be evil bastards, but they have their own set of rules and laws. And Ems, remember, we should all avoid saying my name.”
“Right.” She nodded. “Okay, I’ll be back later. Hourly updates, I won’t forget.”
She blew me a kiss and darted out the door. A moment later, Lyari’s form began to lighten. I raised my voice in protest. “Where are you going? We should really talk about—”
“The werewolf is nearby,” she interjected, fading even more. We both heard the outer door slam as Emma left. “I’m staying with a friend in Dublin, and I have some things to do there. I’ll come back if any problems arise. You know how to reach me.”
“Wait, you have other friends?” I demanded, but Lyari finished sifting halfway through. I swore and added, “Don’t forget your hourly check-ins!”
There was no way of knowing if she’d heard; by all appearances, I was talking to empty air. For a moment, I just stood there, frowning. It was no great mystery why Lyari was acting so distant and distracted. To a faerie, there was no worse fate than becoming a goblin. They were lesser creatures. Less intelligent, less beauty, less wealth. But Lyari had months, if not years before that happened. Once things calmed down around here, I would search for a way to stop her deterioration. Maybe there were more spells in Kindreth’s journals.
The silence started ringing, and the sound drew me out of my thoughts. I was still standing there, staring at nothing, and it was then I realized I was wearing yesterday’s clothes. My mouth tasted terrible, too.
I was about to go into the bathroom when someone knocked on the door.
Had Emma locked herself out? Just in case it wasn’t her, though, I rummaged in the nightstand drawer and pulled out Dad’s pocketknife. I hadn’t soaked it in holy water recently, but the blade could still be useful. I tucked it in my sock and crossed the loft, making a sound of reassurance at Hello when she sprinted past.
When I opened the door, I made sure to put my body behind it. I hadn’t lowered my guard, and I would never forget my enemies. Light fell across the figure’s face, revealing who it was in an instant.
Quick as a snake, I pulled my knife from its hiding place, flicked it open, and pressed the edge to Collith’s throat. He stumbled back and I matched him step for step. We went down the first flight of stairs and slammed into the wall. Collith met my gaze calmly, and even though I was wearing the goblin ring, he didn’t seem the least bit fazed.
“What did I say?” I hissed in his face. “I warned you that if we saw each other again, all bets are off.”
The threat had barely left my mouth when Laurie materialized beside us. The stairwell wasn’t big enough for three, and his chest pressed against both of our shoulders. His cologne teased all my senses.
“You’re a target, Fortuna,” Laurie said, focusing on me. His hair was slightly damp, and a strand of it hung over his temple. “Not only does every Fallen creature alive now know about the existence of a Nightmare, but the Seelie King wants you, as well. You’re not part of either Court and you’re an unclaimed female. As far as our world is concerned, you’re fair game.”
“She is claimed,” Collith snarled at him.
“Did you say ‘Seelie King’?” I put in.
Laurie hesitated. Golden sunlight streamed down the stairs, highlighting one half of his face. “Yes, Belanor was formally crowned last night… but that’s beside the point. No one has forgotten Fortuna’s performance during Viessa’s coup,” he added. “It’s also widely known that you’re not the sort to take someone against their will. So your claim probably won’t be accepted. Unless…”
None of us had moved. My left hand was still flattened on Collith’s collarbone, while my right held the knife against his throat. I waited for Laurie to continue, but the seconds ticked past and he just looked at us. “Unless what?” I demanded, exasperated.
Laurie made a sound of matching impatience. “Unless it seems that you’ve reconciled, of course. Also, I have to ask, do you not own a toothbrush?”
The remark rolled off me. I frowned, thinking I must’ve misunderstood the meaning behind that word, reconciled. But the expression on Laurie’s face told me otherwise. My head shook once, an automatic denial. “You mean…”
“I mean, make them believe you’ve taken him back. He may not be king anymore, but he’s still one of the most powerful faeries alive. As it so happens, I just received word of an event that would be perfect for a dramatic statement like this.”
I stared at Laurie again, my eyes wide with disbelief. The opera. He was talking about the opera. Belanor must’ve gotten an invitation to them, too.
My lip curled. I stepped back and finally lowered the pocketknife. To put some space between all of us, I retreated up the stairs. I regained control of my rage to regard Laurie and Collith with the cold calculation they themselves had taught me. “You planned this, the both of you,” I marveled. “Well, isn’t this a Christmas miracle. Sworn enemies, coming together in peace, just to make a fool of the silly Nightmare again. I’m right, aren’t I? Get out. Now.”
Neither of them moved. Laurie heaved a sigh. “Fortuna…”
He shifted closer and started to reach up, presumably to grasp my arms. I pinned him in place with a single look. “If you’re thinking about touching me, you should really only do it with body parts you’re comfortable losing.”
“You know, why don’t I just come back later?” Laurie glanced at Collith, who kept his eyes on me, stone-faced. “Do try not to kill each other while I’m gone. We still need to have that orgy. Oh, and darling? Hate the new face. Depending on an enchanted ring is a horrible plan, which is why you should seriously consider attending the opera.”
He blinked out of sight before I could respond. Coward, I thought, whirling to go back inside. I climbed the rest of the stairs, not bothering to kick the door shut like part of me wanted to. Doors wouldn’t stop a faerie like Collith Sylvyre, anyway. Frustrated by the thought, by the entire situation, I walked toward the liquor cart.
A new thought occurred to me at the same moment I reached it. Where was Finn? I was surprised he hadn’t come running when Collith’s spine hit the wall. Worried about my werewolf now, I started making another drink, then reconsidered. Even if Belanor wouldn’t attack until the opera, knowing he was awake was reason enough to stay sober. I spun around again, a headache starting at my temples. I glanced toward the kitchen and saw a small light at the base of the coffee maker was on, indicating heat.
God bless you, Emma Miller.
Taking long, subtly frantic strides, I fetched a mug from the cupboard. I pulled the coffee pot out and poured. Steam and trickling sounds rose into the air. Without looking up I asked, “Why are you here, Collith?”
He’d stayed in the doorway this entire time. Watching me silently.
“I came to make sure you’re all right.” His voice was soft, and the words were spoken like a statement. Fact. No adornments or attempts at persuasion.
I was so desperate to keep the headache at bay that I didn’t bother with milk or sugar. Leaning against the edge of the counter, I took my first sip, and it was as bitter as it smelled.
“I’m alive, if that’s what you mean,” I managed, swallowing. I tried not to wince. “You’re looking pretty alive yourself, by the way. Zara must’ve stopped by the safe house, huh? You don’t trust anyone else, and she tends to help people she shouldn’t. Believe me, I would know.”
Collith’s eyes were shadowed, his jaw tight. He didn’t acknowledge my comment. “I fucked up,” he said bluntly. “I know that. But could you try seeing things from my point of view?”
“Pretty sure I can’t fit my head that far up my ass.” In another burst of temper, I moved to close the door on him. My coffee sloshed onto the floor.
Collith shoved it back open and demanded, “Are we even now?”
I scoffed, returning to the island to slam my coffee mug down. I couldn’t drink it, anyway. “What do you mean?”
“I took something from you, and now you’ve taken something from me. Or, rather, given it to someone else.”
I froze at Collith’s words, grateful that he couldn’t see my face. Then I considered his words and it clicked—his throne. He was talking about his throne. I almost exhaled in relief. For a wild moment, I’d thought Collith was referring to Laurie in some confusing way. Revealing that he knew what happened between us. Why does it matter if he knows? that tiny voice taunted.
Collith was still waiting for an answer to his question.
“No,” I said finally, speaking over my shoulder. “We’re not even. Not even close.”
“What will it take?”
“Nothing. Do you understand? We’re finished.” I spat out the word as if it was broken glass. I went to the cupboard and snatched a glass from the bottom shelf, needing to occupy my hands. Needing to do something so Collith wouldn’t see how much he still affected me.
Even now, he didn’t move from the doorway. Feeling his eyes on the back of my head, I walked over to the refrigerator and shoved my glass beneath the water dispenser. Collith’s voice followed me. “We’re never finished, because I belong to you, Fortuna Sworn. Regardless of whether or not you belong to me. That very first day in the market, I knew.”
I rolled my eyes, facing him again. “I’ve heard this all before. You knew what we could do together and how powerful we could be, yada, yada. Tell me, what are you doing these days? I imagine you have a lot of free time, being unemployed and all.”
This time, Collith didn’t have a retort ready. He stood there, hands shoved in his pockets, his chin nearly touching his chest. His lips were pursed and his brow furrowed, the picture of deep thought. Something stopped me from trying to drive him away again. I stayed where I was, waiting for Collith to end the silence.
“When I learned that you’d executed an entire field of people,” he said slowly, raising his head, “I had to see it for myself. The image still haunts me. I remember standing there, looking out at the carnage and wondering who I blamed more—you or myself. I spent the entire day tending to the bodies. I bribed people into silence, I called in every favor still owed to me, I dug some of the graves with my own hands. And we took pictures of every single face, so their families could be notified.
“Some of them were my friends, you know. There was Lorenzo, a warlock who rented a stall at the black market to sell his herbs. And Mia attended that day, a vampire who posed as a buyer to bid on slaves and free them after the auction. Then I found Thomas. Tommy, he liked to be called. He was no saint, but he never harmed anyone for the things he kept in his jars—he was just a scavenger with a strong stomach.”
My own stomach was rolling now. Crashing like ocean waves in a storm. I fought the urge to vomit. Why are you telling me this? I wanted to ask Collith. I already knew the answer, though. They deserved to be remembered, the people I’d killed. I deserved to know and bear the truth of what I’d done.
But Collith was a fool if he thought the reminder of my own mistakes would make me absolve his.
When it became clear that he was finished, I set the glass of water down on the island, right beside my abandoned coffee. I closed the distance between us once more, stopping only when I stood so close, I could see the flecks of amber in Collith’s hazel eyes. Eyes that I hadn’t been able to forget, no matter how much pain they brought me. Collith gazed back, the sadness still clinging to his features.
“Get out,” I said softly.
He didn’t look surprised or disappointed, but he didn’t leave, either. Collith just kept looking at me with more shadows in his gaze as he murmured, “You still smell like him, you know.”
I went still again. He knows.
A secret part of me quaked. Rather than giving in to the strange fear, I lifted my chin. You have nothing to be sorry for. “That’s none of your business,” I told Collith. My voice was firm.
“I apologize. You’re absolutely right—that was out of line. I may be a bit more jealous than I thought. I’ll go.” The faerie began to turn, but then he paused. He looked back at me, frowning. “May I ask you one more thing, before I take my leave?”
“No.” I ground my teeth together. “What?”
Collith hesitated. His confusion seemed genuine as he went on, a line between his brows, “Why did you tell Laurie? About what happened at the crossroads? Why were you able to tell him and not me?”
“How do you know about that?” I asked, then shook my head in the space of a heartbeat. “Laurie told you, of course. I shouldn’t be surprised—he can never keep his goddamn mouth shut. Fine, if you won’t leave, then I will. Close the door behind you when you’re done.”
I took the van keys off the hook. My coat was next. Trying to outrun Collith’s question, I brushed past him and went down the stairwell. He raised his voice and called after me. “Whatever I have to do to earn your forgiveness, I’ll do it. I promised that I wouldn’t give up on you, remember?”
I stopped at the landing and looked back at him. I pulled on my coat and said, “You promised me a lot of things.”
Then I was gone.
The instant I stepped outside, someone took the keys out of my hand. Finn’s gentle tenor floated into the still morning. “I’ll drive you.”
