Beautiful nightmares, p.40
Beautiful Nightmares, page 40
“A test?” I echoed, my temper flaring again.
“Yes, but not for you. It was for him. I wanted to see if he would tell you the truth before he bedded you. Because if he truly didn’t know what he was capable of, as he claims, it would mean that all of this was for nothing. Cutting his face, giving Sylvyre the spell that he used on Naevys, losing…” Laurie stopped.
I was rigid with rage. Behind us, the fire died again, its weak light giving way to shadows and flickers. “I assume he failed your little test, then? Since he didn’t tell me?”
“Yes. Yes, he failed.”
“Well, I hope it was worth it.” My voice was soft. Haunted. As quickly as the fire had gone out, so had my fury. A frustrated, helpless sort of sorrow had taken its place. Maybe if Laurie had told me the truth about Collith sooner, I wouldn’t have killed all those people in the black market. I wouldn’t have helped Viessa take the throne. I wouldn’t have gone to Cyrus and asked him to burn my pain away.
No. Dad had taught me better than this. Those were my choices, my mistakes, and I alone owned them.
Faeries still fucking sucked, though. As a general rule.
Laurie hadn’t moved or spoken. He knew, damn him. He knew I was going to help. I was responsible for Collith’s current circumstances, and however much he deserved it, I couldn’t leave him here. The guilt would eat me alive.
“What’s our play, then?” I asked, trying not to sigh. Defeat felt like a weight on my shoulders. I was too tired to be angry at Laurie. What was one more betrayal? I shouldn’t have expected any less from a faerie king.
To keep thoughts like this at bay, I focused on the task ahead. It was probably mid-morning, which meant the passages would be full of fae. Courtiers, Guardians, servants, and all the rest of the teeming, underground Court. As a stranger here, I’d thought this place was so still and eerie. It was still those things, but now that I had been connected to every single one of its inhabitants, I knew the patterns and the sounds. But there were still monsters, and there were still a lot of ways to get killed.
Rescuing Collith was one of them.
I waited to hear Laurie’s brilliant plan, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he looked down at me with a faint frown creasing the edges of his mouth. Silence, coming from him, was almost as unnerving as meeting the Rat King. I realized Laurie must’ve seen something in my face, or maybe heard it in my voice, that revealed the ache inside my chest.
“You’re right,” he said, making me blink. “I made a choice that was selfish. Cruel, even. I think I’d do things differently if I could. But Collith has been an unanswered question for decades, and I seized the chance to finally get one.”
I stared at him. “You think you’d do things differently? You think? God, you’re such an asshole.”
“He certainly is. So am I. Do you want an apology or do you want to get something out of it?”
This was usually the part where I rolled my eyes and agreed. But this time I said nothing, did nothing—the ache had gotten too sharp. A muscle ticked in Laurie’s jaw, and it was one of the few moments he’d allowed me to see beneath the mask.
“Fortuna. I know I would do things differently, all right?” he said, uncharacteristically solemn.
It wasn’t okay. But it was inevitable that I helped him, and I needed to regain control of myself, anyway. I owed Laurie a debt after what he’d done at the tomb, and I could forget about personal vendettas when there was a chance to cross out a line in my ledger.
While I’d been thinking, Laurie had drawn close again. His bare chest brushed against my nipples through the nightgown, and he bent his head next to mine. “I’m sorry,” he said in my ear.
The feel of his breath made my core tighten—I remembered how that breath had felt between my open legs. As if I could run from the feeling, I ducked beneath Laurie’s arm and stalked across the room. There was nowhere to go other than the bed. Too dangerous. I stopped in front of the fire and put my hands over the heat. The desire building inside me didn’t fade.
Without looking away from the pile of charred wood and ash I asked, “Why are you so certain that Collith was lying to you? He was younger then. He wasn’t even king. Maybe he really didn’t know.”
Laurie remained by the door, and once again, the pitch black hid most of his features. I couldn’t see his expression as he said, “He’s a faerie, my queen. Lying is what we do best.”
When he said that, I reconsidered holding a grudge against him. It was the least of what he deserved. Moments like this reminded me how different we were. Maybe too different, even for friendship. Those differences were what had led Laurie to kill Ian O’Connell, which I still hadn’t forgotten about. I’d just… set the knowledge aside, because that was easier than distancing myself from him.
I could hate Laurie for what he’d done, or what he’d chosen not to do. But hate felt like a winged shadow inside me, growing bigger every time I gave myself to the darkness. I hugged myself and frowned down at the pulsing embers.
Without the fog of anger clinging to me, I could see certain things more clearly now. Laurie had known this conversation was coming—that was why he’d dodged so many of my questions. Why he’d looked at me, my naked body, in a way that seemed wistful or resigned. He knew he’d have to tell the truth of his own shitty decisions and deceptions, and once I found out, I probably wouldn’t let him touch me again.
So many lies and half-truths. Had we finally reached the end of them? Or was this how it would be for as long as I allowed these males to be in my life?
“How many years were you king, Laurie?” I asked without preamble, turning my head. “And before that, you were a prince, right? That must really fuck with someone.”
Laurie stepped out of the gloom and stopped near the fire, but he left a wide space between us. The dying light moved in his bright eyes. “How so?” he said finally.
I thought of how I felt every time someone gaped at me, or sought my company, knowing it was because of the perfect face they saw. “It makes love impossible. There’s always a part of you, no matter how good they make you feel, that wonders if it’s real. Or if they’re just another person using you, wanting you for all the wrong reasons.”
Laurie’s voice was dry as he said, “I’m hardly lacking in confidence, you adorable creature. But I appreciate the effort to psychoanalyze me.”
He was right. I was trying to understand, but it wasn’t just about him. I wanted to understand Collith, too. To make excuses for why they’d both become like this.
I was looking for reasons to forgive them.
Shying away from the thought, I reached for a blanket draped over a nearby armchair. I wrapped it around myself and cleared my throat. “The bargain you mentioned. What did you have in mind?”
“If you help me get Collith out, I will grant you a boon,” Laurie answered.
He really didn’t know that I’d already decided to help him. He was right about one thing—I might as well get something out of this. A boon from Laurie could come in handy later, and I had a family to protect. “Fine,” I snapped. “You can tell me the plan after I’ve had breakfast. Maybe another bath, too.”
Leave, my tone said. But Laurie fingered the edge of my blanket and didn’t move. I was about to look at him when I remembered that he was naked, so his words fell upon the side of my neck as he said, “I can help you bathe.”
I said nothing. After a moment, I felt a tug at the blanket, and it slipped from my grasp. It fell into a pool of wool at my feet. Still, I didn’t speak. Laurie reached for the bottom of my nightgown. I thought of every reason why I should tell him to go, and it was a long list. He pulled the nightgown over my head. Pressed his wicked mouth against my bare shoulder.
One more time, I told myself, my eyes sliding shut. Just one more.
That turned out to be a lie, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Hours later, Laurie finally left the warm bed we’d been sharing.
I propped my head on my hand and watched him dress. He pulled everything on with swift, careless movements. A few feet away, the bathtub rested in front of a crackling fire. We’d spent so much time in the water that my fingertips had begun to wrinkle. At some point, we ended up back in bed, where we had remained ever since. Now it was early afternoon and I still hadn’t put any clothes on. Secretly, I was concerned I’d lost the ability to walk.
“Loath as I am to leave you, I should check in with Lensa and the others,” Laurie said, turning to kiss me. “I’ll be back in time for the jailbreak, as you call it.”
My lips tingled from the brief pressure of his, but the mention of tonight’s plan—the details of which Laurie still hadn’t shared with me—made my mood darken. Before I could tell him that I’d changed my mind and Collith could stay in his cell for the rest of eternity, Laurie sifted out of sight.
The moment I realized he was gone, I wiped the scowl from my face and got out of the massive bed. I’d been meaning to summon Lyari all day, and warn her about what was coming. Since I had nothing else to wear, I put the nightgown back on. I still felt exposed, though, and my eyes scanned the floor. Damn it, Laurie, where did you put my underwear?
Someone knocked on the door. Thinking of all the people who wanted me dead, I searched for the sword as I called, “Who is it?”
“Oh, good. You’re awake,” the reply came.
I frowned at the sound of that voice. Forgetting the sword, I hurried toward the door. It swung open at the same moment I reached for the knob, and I stepped back to avoid getting struck. A moment later, the Unseelie Queen swept past me, leaving a trail of frost behind. She wore a gown made of thick wool, the sleeves so long they nearly dragged along the floor. A belt accentuated her narrow waist. In one hand, the stems held delicately between her fingers, she carried two wine glasses. In the other, she gripped a bottle of red wine.
I closed the door on her Guardians and spun back around. Viessa stopped in the center of the room and faced me with raised brows. “Goodness, you’ve been busy in here. Prince Laurelis must be as impressive as the rumors claim.”
An automatic denial rose up, but the words wouldn’t come out. Not when I could still feel the imprint of Laurie’s mouth on me. Viessa’s lips curved into a slow smile, and it felt as if she could see the fire, see the way his touch still lingered.
“Why are you here, Your Majesty?” I asked instead. My face was hot.
“Honestly, I had to get away from Nuvian. He hasn’t left my side since your arrival. He even tried to cuddle with me last night.” The faerie shuddered and turned away.
I was so grateful she’d allowed me to change the subject that it took an extra second for her answer to register. “Wait. Cuddle?” I echoed.
Viessa ignored the presence of the bathtub. As she set the wine glasses down on a small table between the two armchairs, she saw my confusion. Her eyebrows went up again. “You didn’t know he’s my lover?”
“But… isn’t he your…”
She yanked the cork from the wine bottle, then poured with one hand while she waved the other in a gesture of dismissal. “Haven’t you read the bible, Fortuna? Siblings and cousins fucked all the time. Or, better yet, read Game of Thrones. That’ll be less painful than the Old Testament. We need some snacks, I think.”
Acting as though she hadn’t just revealed something utterly revolting, Viessa went to the rope in the corner and pulled on its frayed end. She returned to the chairs, and once she’d adjusted her heavy skirts, Viessa sank into one of them. She took a sip of wine. Then, as if the strength had gone out of her, she rested the glass in her lap and closed her eyes. “God, I’m tired,” she muttered.
Wondering if this was a trick, somehow, I lowered myself into the other chair. It creaked beneath my weight. “Being queen not everything you thought it would be?”
She let out a sigh that made her seem far too human. “There’s been more… resistance than I anticipated,” Viessa replied. “Since I didn’t undergo the trials, and there’s still a living Sylvyre, some of the bloodlines aren’t afraid to be vocal about it. No one seems to give a flying fuck that the Folduins were supposed to have the throne years ago.”
“Faeries don’t like being told what to do, and they don’t like change. You did both. Take it from someone who was in your shoes. How many assassination attempts have there been?” I added, finally reaching for the second glass of wine.
Viessa smirked. “Four. I’ve started an ice sculpture garden.”
It took a moment to understand what she meant, and when I did, I almost blanched. That was a garden I never wanted to see. Falling silent, I followed the queen’s gaze to the flames in front of us. The blue depths made me think of Collith and his lightning bolts.
My voice was quiet. “What do you plan to do with him?”
“Do you care?” Viessa countered, turning her head. She didn’t bother to ask who I was talking about. I looked back at her and waited. Taking pity on me, she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “He will remain here, in the dungeons. On that, my allies and I can actually agree. Now, I simply must know what you did to the Tongue to make him piss himself every time he sees you!”
The question made me go still. I took a drink of wine to buy myself time, and its herbal notes slid over my tongue. Viessa was either pretending ignorance or she really didn’t know about my last conversation with the Tongue, or Gorwin, as I’d learned he was once called. Run, little mouse. Run before I change my mind, I had said to him.
Deciding to play along, I made a bitter sound. I didn’t want to reveal that I knew the Tongue was her man—it could be useful to me later. This was the Unseelie Court, where the game never ended, no matter how friendly the opposition seemed or whether I considered myself retired. “Perk of being a Nightmare,” was all I said.
Making a vague sound, Viessa got to her feet. I heard her wine glass clink as she put it down.
“You do have beautiful hair,” the queen murmured, almost to herself. Her touch was unexpectedly gentle as she spread the strands out over my shoulders. Next, she divided them into sections and started to weave a braid. Okay, this is getting weird, I thought, gripping my glass tighter. But I was curious about Viessa’s endgame, so I didn’t shift out of her reach.
“Why did you help me take the crown from Collith?” she asked suddenly.
I hesitated, my mind racing. What was her angle? How did the answer benefit her? No matter how I looked at it, though, I couldn’t see a strategy. After a moment, I found myself actually thinking about the question. My jaw clenched. “Because… I wanted to cause him pain,” I admitted.
Already finished with my braid, Viessa picked her wine back up and returned to the chair she’d been sitting in. She looked thoughtful.
Before I could ask a question of my own, the door opened again. Several of Viessa’s employees came in. Four of them lifted the bathtub and carried it out. The other two, both human, set a charcuterie board on the table between us—my mouth watered at the sight of all the cheeses, meats, and fruits. The mortals bowed and walked backward, leaving as silently as they’d come.
Once we were alone again, Viessa turned to me.
“I’m going to give you some advice now,” she said decisively. “Normally I don’t like to bother with such things, but we’re bound, you and I. Watching you make the same mistake I did would give me no pleasure.”
“What mistake?”
The queen took another drink, then met my gaze. “Believing what you feel to be hate instead of love.”
“I don’t care about Collith Sylvyre,” I said instantly. Even now, I couldn’t bring myself to say that word out loud. Love. It was too big. Too heavy. I put my wine down, as if it represented all the feelings I didn’t want to face.
Viessa’s voice softened. “I did. Regret is a wasteful emotion, but it visits me whenever I think of him. For your sake, I hope what you say is true.”
It felt like she could see through the hard mask I’d put on, through my skin, and into my mind. It must’ve been a faerie thing, their ability to make me feel young and transparent. Unable to keep looking into Viessa’s knowing eyes, I fixed my attention on the charcuterie board. I reached for a grape and asked, “When did you find out about his… ability? Before or after?”
“Before. But I didn’t have this at the time.” She held up her hand, and icicles extended from the tips of her fingers. “There was no power for him to take.”
I chewed on a piece of cheese. As I stared at the glint of firelight on those bits of ice, like fireworks reflecting off glass, I remembered what Collith had once told me about a faerie’s power. Usually the ability manifests during puberty, but in rare cases, it can arise through trauma. It was the cell, I thought. The dungeon cell that Viessa had spent so many years in. In spite of all her schemes and political machinations, she’d almost broken from the dark. The isolation. The cold. I’d only been down there for a few hours, if that, and I had felt myself fracturing. It spoke to Viessa’s strength that she had emerged with a crown on her head.
Suddenly I was desperate for her to go on, frantic to know more about Collith’s lie. The lie that had hit our relationship like a grenade and reduced it to ash. When Viessa seemed content to just drink wine, I fidgeted, plucking at the strings lining one of the throw pillows.
“How does that work, exactly?” I blurted, my gaze darting back to hers. “Does he ‘take’ his partner’s power whenever there’s penetration?”
Viessa swirled her wine. Her tone was airy, and maybe a little bored as she answered, “He doesn’t drain power from his partner every time he fucks, no. I suppose my wording could’ve been slightly misleading in that regard. It only happens the first time.”
My eyes went back to the flames. To the shimmers of blue. I wondered if I’d ever be able to look at fire again without thinking of Collith. “How did you let him go?” I heard myself ask.
“Love never fades, darling. It only changes.” Viessa lifted the bottle of wine and poured more into her glass. She gulped some down before adding, “What of Prince Laurelis? Does he have a chance?”
