Lost, p.16
Lost, page 16
There were more people in the room than Lysander had thought. Every seat was filled, and there were people standing at the back. Every pair of eyes on him as he made his way up onto the platform. He took a deep breath and looked away from them all, still without the faintest idea of where he was going to start. But as promised, Kieran was right there beside him.
“Just talk from the heart,” he advised.
Lysander nodded. The crowd was deadly silent, waiting for him to speak. He focused on some point above all of their heads and let his heart do the talking.
“Dakota used to say that our lives were like a story. Like the ones that she always used to read online, about the rockstar who had a kid he never knew about until some sort of tragedy struck and he got to meet them. Well, for me that turned out to be true. I lost my mother and as a result got my father, but Dakota never got her happy ending. Her story went in a direction that none of us could ever have anticipated.
“She died before any of her dreams could come true. She’ll never get to go to college. She’ll never get to sing in front of thousands of people. And she’ll never get to meet Zack, his band, and all of their friends, who are as wonderful and kind as she always imagined they would be. And that’s not fair. She should have been able to do all of that and more. She wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, and we all know that she could have. But because of one idiot...”
He stopped himself here. Several people shifted uncomfortably, but he didn’t care. There was a burning rage deep inside of him, and a part of him wanted to unleash that fury now. But he wouldn’t. Now wasn’t the time to talk about Alfonzo or the way the Columbus Police Department had failed his sister. Now was a time to talk about Dakota. Now was a time to say the things that still needed to be said to her.
He turned to the side, to her casket gleaming pristine and white and untouched by all the terrible things the world had to offer.
“I’m sorry,” he said to it. To his twin. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there that night. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” He choked back a sob and forced himself to keep going. “I’m sorry that we didn’t find you sooner and that you had to die alone. But I’m here now. I’m here, sis.”
He wanted to throw the casket open. He wanted to see her face. But the thought of how she had looked in the morgue stopped him. He couldn’t stand to see her that way again and he hated that his very last memory of her had to be something so cruel. He thought back to the time before — before any of this had happened, when their mother had still been alive and they hadn’t known what lay around the corner.
“Don’t be too late!” his mother had called to him from the kitchen. “Say hello to Kieran for me!”
“Be as late as you want,” Dakota had said instead, winking at him from the couch. “You know I’ll cover for you.”
“I know,” had been his response. “But don’t worry. It’ll be an early night.”
“Sure, sure. Be safe, Ly. I love you.”
“I love you too, sis.”
He was on his knees before he knew it, his forehead resting against the casket. It was cool on his skin. Cool like the breeze had been the night he’d come home to find his entire life in ruins.
“I love you too, sis,” he repeated, and then he let his tears fall.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
It had been a week since the funeral. A week in which Lysander had said little to anybody and had left his old room only a handful of times. He accepted company only from a select few of his friends and refused to come out for meals; he ate little, and Zack was genuinely starting to worry for the boy. He understood that Lysander needed time to grieve. He knew that such behaviour was probably to be expected. But that didn’t mean he had to like it.
The band had returned to Mapleton Beach four days after the funeral. But he and Georgia were still in Columbus, still staying in Lysander’s old house, and Zack was determined that they would not be leaving until his son was ready. Columbus was exactly what Lysander needed. He needed his friends around him and he needed the familiarity of the house that he had been raised in. These were the best things for him as he stepped onto the path of recovery. Zack knew from personal experience.
Georgia assured him he was doing the right thing. It was reassuring that she felt this way, because he’d long decided that she was better at this parenting thing than he would ever be. After all, it wasn’t her who had made the terrible mistake of letting Lysander see his sister’s body in the morgue. She hadn’t ever made a mistake in regards to Lysander. That had been Zack’s doing. And he was going to make up for it in any way that he could, even if it meant living in Columbus and putting the rest of his life on hold. His son was more important.
It was late when the door to Lysander’s room opened, but it wasn’t Lysander who stepped out. It was Kieran Meyers, the boy Zack had come to know as Lysander’s best friend. Having him step out of the room now wasn’t a surprise. Kieran had been by Lysander’s side every waking moment since the funeral, staying the night despite his mother’s initial protests and keeping unwanted visitors at a safe distance. He was good for Lysander in more ways than Zack had ever anticipated.
Kieran was the dark to Lysander’s light, but he was every bit as kind and loyal. They were both athletic, both strong-willed, and they both shared that determination to do whatever they felt was right. To do whatever they felt they needed to in order to make things right.
It had been three days since Zack and Kieran had started their nightly meetings. It was early hours of the morning, an hour or so past midnight, and both Georgia and Lysander had long since fallen asleep. Zack didn’t sleep much these days, and Kieran — who seemed to get as little sleep as Zack himself — made for good company.
They stepped out onto the front lawn of the house. It was here that Zack had taken to having a nightly cigarette while Kieran sat on the front steps and lost himself in memory. It was out here they felt they could talk safely, without disturbing the sleeping Georgia or being overheard by Lysander, who might find their sympathy frustrating.
“How was he today?”
Zack was one whose company Lysander had refused. He permitted Zack entry to the room only on occasion, and even then he didn’t say much. He would just lie there, staring at nothing. But he was different with Kieran. With Kieran he would actually talk, would actually look alive, leaving Zack to get his information second hand.
“Pretty much the same,” Kieran replied. It was the same answer that he had given every night. “You just need to give him time.”
Zack knew this, better than anybody. He’d lost a brother, and he knew how painful it was. He knew the pain never truly went away. But he had never lost the two people closest to him in such a short period of time, and that was what concerned him. Lysander had lost both his mother and his twin — what if he didn’t recover from this? What if this pushed him over the edge? It was a thought that crossed Zack’s mind far too often these days. A worry he could never completely shake.
“You should take him back to California.”
Zack dropped the cigarette in surprise, quickly stomping it out before it could do any damage to the grass. Kieran watched him with little amusement, the look on his face a serious one. So he wasn’t kidding. Zack looked back at him.
“Why do you say that?”
Kieran stared down at his hands for the longest time, and for a while Zack feared the boy was not going to answer. But he knew there had to be a reason. Kieran had missed Lysander as much as Lysander had missed him. Why would he want him to leave?
“He’s suffocating here.” Kieran spoke slowly, as if he were choosing his words carefully. “Everywhere he goes in this house, there are memories. I see it in his eyes whenever he leaves his room — they’re attacking him, and he doesn’t like it. He’s scared to leave the house because he doesn’t want people feeling sorry for him, but he can’t stay in there forever. Eventually he’ll have to go back to school. And I know you’ve been thinking about re-enrolling him here.”
Zack had. It had seemed like a good idea at the time — putting him back into school with the kids he had grown up with, with the teachers who knew him and would be able to recognise signs of distress. It wasn’t a terrible idea to get him away from the boys he had been fighting with in Mapleton Beach, either.
“That’s a bad idea,” Kieran went on, oblivious to Zack’s thoughts. “He always had Dakota with him at school. That is what’s familiar to him. Sending him there now will only cement it more in his mind that she’s gone, and he doesn’t need that right now. He doesn’t need everybody at school staring at him all the time, either. You forget, we’re a small town. Everybody will know what’s happened.
“But in California, he’s already used to going to school without her. The kids there don’t know who he is or what’s happened to him, so there won’t be anybody to stare or to bug him. He’ll be left alone, just like he wants. And he has friends there — Jack sounds like a really great guy, so just give him a head’s up on what’s happened and I know he’ll be able to watch out for Lysander. And then there’s his girlfriend. She’ll be good for him, too. And he can’t just up and leave her so soon after they got together.”
Zack hadn’t even known that Lysander had a girlfriend, let alone whether or not she would be good for his son. But everything else Kieran said rang true. Lysander would not want to be bothered. He never had. And if there was one thing that teenagers were good at, it was being oblivious to a person’s feelings and sticking their noses in where they were not wanted.
“And then there’s Alfonzo,” Kieran said at long last. “I don’t see him showing up back in town anytime soon, but I’m worried Ly might want to go after him. Or if he’s right, and Alfonzo was behind this, he might come back for Ly. And if Lysander stays here, he’s way too easy to find.” He gave Zack a firm look as he added, “He wants to kill Alfonzo himself. And if he gets the chance, I know he’ll try. So you can’t let him do that.”
He knew Lysander still suspected Dakota’s death had been caused by Jacob Alfonzo. The police and coroner firmly disagreed, having determined the girl’s death to be an accidental drug overdose (“We’re still determining exactly what was in her system.”) but not even this would deter his son from his suspicion. But to hear that he wanted to kill the man he deemed responsible…
Zack would not let that happen. Could not allow his son to throw his life away like that.
He sat on the steps beside Kieran, a sigh escaping him. His only concern now was Lysander. What if the boy didn’t want to go back to California? What if he wanted to stay in Columbus? He wanted what was best for Lysander, but he wasn’t in any position to make the boy do anything that he didn’t want to.
He voiced these concerns to Kieran.
“It’s not always about doing what Lysander wants,” the boy replied. “Sometimes it’s about doing what’s right for him. That’s what being a parent’s all about, isn’t it? But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll talk him into it. Make sure he knows it’s for the best.”
“That would be helpful. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
They sat in comfortable silence for quite some time after that, as they had the previous night and the night before that. Zack used the time to dwell on what would need to be done before he went back to California. He would need to contact Maria, of course. He’d need to speak with the Columbus Police Department. Dakota may have been found, but they still needed answers.
“You got a phone, kid?”
Kieran gave him a look that clearly said Who doesn’t? before he pulled the thing from his pocket and handed it over. Zack set to work adding himself as a contact. It was something that he had been meaning to do for days now, ever since he had decided the boy could be trusted.
“My personal cell,” he informed the boy as he handed the phone back, “for if you ever need anything. And when summer rolls around, we’ll organise it so that you can come and stay with us for the holidays. I’ll take care of the airfares and everything.”
“That’s very kind of you, Mr. Bennett.”
“It’s the least I can do,” Zack replied, “after everything that you’ve done for me and my son. And please, call m — ”
“Call you Zack,” Kieran cut in, a small smile crossing his lips. “I know. And thank you.”
Kieran’s parents had raised him right. He called his mother every night to let her know that he was fine and he wouldn’t be home for another day, and he helped to reassure Georgia that she had done nothing wrong when Lysander refused to speak to her. He’d been a huge help to them, even going as far as to cook them all dinner the night after the funeral, and Zack knew he would forever be in the boy’s debt. He was better at the parenting thing than Zack could ever hope to be, and he wasn’t yet sixteen!
He wondered if Kieran had even taken a moment to mourn for himself. After all, he’d been Dakota’s friend, too.
“How are you holding up?”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” he said politely. “I’m fine.”
“Lysander says that a lot, too.”
Kieran considered him for a moment. Over the past three nights they had built up the sort of relationship that made Zack comfortable enough to call the boy his friend, and he found himself hoping that Kieran shared his view enough that he might take a chance and confide in him.
“Well, sure,” he said at long last. “I miss her like crazy. Everybody does. And I’m sad that she’s gone. But I’m not one for crying, and there are more important things to worry about now. Like Ly.”
Zack didn’t push the matter any further.
They returned inside shortly after that, Kieran bidding Zack goodnight and going back into Lysander’s room. Zack himself went back to the living room, where Georgia was sleeping soundly on one of the couches. The television was on, though muted, and he settled himself in to watch the late night infomercials.
He would need to talk to Lysander. Not just about their going back to California, but about what would happen to the house after they did. He had carried on paying the rent while the search for Dakota was going on, ensuring that the house’s contents stayed right where they were, but now these contents were no longer needed. Lysander’s things were all in California. He would have to ask what the boy wanted to do with everything that belonged to his sister and his mother.
On a whim, he stood and made his way towards the closest bedroom. It had been Lysander’s mother’s, and nothing in there had been touched since the day she had died. He slipped inside, cautious not to disturb anything, and took a look around.
Samantha Maverick, he thought. He knew her name and he knew her face, but still he didn’t know her. He knew by now that if he still hadn’t remembered her, he was probably never going to. She would never be anything more than a phantom to him, just the woman that Lysander had called his mother. But there was no harm in trying one last time to get a feel for who she might have been.
Family photos littered her dresser — mostly of Lysander and Dakota at various ages, though a couple showing Samantha, too. There was an old black and white wedding photo of people whom Zack guessed to be her own parents, or her grandparents. Three books sat on her bedside table — two of them medical textbooks, the last a romance novel. The clothes hanging in her closet were conservatively styled; she owned only four pairs of shoes.
He wanted to know what she had been like. Whether or not they would have gotten along. He didn’t hold any fantasies about what might have happened if she had still been alive. He knew they would not have met and simply fallen back in love. He loved his wife and had no intention of ever leaving her, but it would have been nice to make peace with this woman, to tell her that it had not been necessary to keep the existence of his children from him. He would have been there.
And overall, to thank her for bringing them into his life in the first place.
He had only known Lysander for a short time, but he could no longer imagine life without the boy. It was almost like there had been something missing before, though Zack had not known the feeling until that gap had been filled. So this was what Brendan and Natalia had felt; this was what Pat and Vicky were looking for.
And this was what Georgia craved.
He had never understood her feelings before. Had never been able to understand why she was so desperate to have children of her own. But he was starting to get it now. He was starting to see. And it made him feel terrible for all the time that he had made her wait. For all the times that he had told her no, he wasn’t ready yet.
She would have to wait just a little longer. Until Lysander was better. Until the boy was mentally and emotionally well again. But then Zack would not deny her any longer. Who was he to stop her from starting a family if that was what she wanted? Who was he to put a stop to her dreams when she had always supported his?
He left the room, making sure to shut the door properly behind him. He would always remember Samantha Maverick’s name, and her face, but she was in his past now. Georgia was his future.
And what a future it would be.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Lysander hated having to leave Columbus again, but Kieran was right — it was for the best. There were too many memories and nowhere for him to hide. California provided the perfect escape. He could go anywhere he wanted, talk to anybody, and not have to worry about being bombarded with questions or memories. Neither Zack nor any of his band had yet told the fans that Dakota had been found, or that she was dead. So even on the off chance that he ran into a fan, he was safe.
But it was Sunday now, the day before he was due to go back to school, and he knew that he needed to tell Jack and Eliza Beth. They were going to want to know why he had vanished, without explanation, for more than a week. They would see his moods had taken a turn for the worst. And he did not want for there to be secrets between any of them.
