Implicit, p.18
Implicit, page 18
“Oh, Seth and I are just... catching up.”
Her wide (and unmistakably worried) molten-grey irises stick to my own blues. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow Seth. Can it wait?”
“I’m a very patient man, Eliza. As you well know.”
She blinks rapidly and her gaze drops from mine as he walks around me and kisses her cheek, watching my reaction with a sickening smirk on his face.
“How do you know him?” I ask her through clenched teeth, the second he leaves.
“I told you. He’s a friend,” she replies quietly.
“And are you friendly with many earls?” I seethe. The shutters slam closed. I see it the second she withdraws from me. The heat in her eyes freezes over like a cold day in hell.
“A few. Do you have a minute to go through the investment offers or are you also otherwise engaged with earls?”
“Don’t. Don’t even fucking think it. You’re not doing this to me again.”
“I’m not doing anything, Seth. I’m simply not entering into your argument.”
“I want a fucking argument if that’s what it takes for you to tell me what the hell is going on!” I fume. “Just tell me, Eliza. Tell me!” I rush up to her and take hold of her head. “What do I have to do to get some emotion from you? Do you not have any fucking feelings!”
Her chest expands with a big inhale but she remains mute.
“Why didn’t you say you love me too?” I ask, and the hard edge in her expression is sharp enough to cut me. My voice is quiet and almost trembling when I speak again. “Do you? Love me?”
“Seth...” She tears away from my grip. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah. It is. Do you love me or not? Or do you love him? Earl Fuckwit.”
“Can we not do this now?” She glances towards the closed door.
“Right here. Right now, Eliza. Do. You. Love me?”
She drops her gaze and shakes her head. “I can’t.”
FUCK!
“You can’t?” I repeat incredulously. “You can’t what? Love me? Am I not good enough for you?”
“Love anyone. I can’t... I can’t do that.”
“What are you? Some kind of psychopath?” I laugh mirthlessly as I step away from her to create some distance. It stings. It hurts like hell.
“Maybe I am.”
“So what are you telling me? All this.” I gesture between us. “It meant nothing to you?”
“No! That’s not... Seth. Please. I... I don’t want to lose you.”
“Well, I don’t think I was ever yours. Was I?”
“That’s not what I meant... I don’t want to lose our friendship.”
“Friendship? I don’t do to my friends what I do to you. I would have fucking died for you. I gave you my heart and you... you don’t want it.”
“That’s not...” She closes her eyes and presses her lips together. “I do, Seth. I do want it... but I can’t have it. I can’t take it. Because I can’t... I won’t do that.”
A tiny spark of hope ignites amidst the frost. “Do what?” I step in closer, speak softer. “Do what?” I ask again.
She shakes her head. “I’ve already ruined it.”
“No! No, baby. Eliza. Please.” I take her waist tentatively. “I’m standing here... asking you to love me. It’s not ruined, unless you want it to be.”
“Give me some time. Please,” she whispers, her lids squeezed shut.
“I can do that.” I tighten my fingers and pull her body against mine. Her head is still bowed, so I slip a finger under her chin and encourage it up. And her wary gaze hits mine. “I can wait. But I need to know. Is he your ex?”
“Who?” She frowns. “Ru? No. God, no.”
“Why do you call him Ru then?”
“I... always have.” She jerks her chin free and averts her eyes.
“What does he know that I don’t?”
“What are you talking about?” The quiver in her voice betrays her.
“Well, now, I feel like I don’t know you at all.” I laugh a little.
Her whole body freezes over. “You don’t. But it’s best that way.”
No fucking chance. “I want to. I want to know everything about you. Honey...”
“Can we get on with this, please?” she pleads.
“I’ll come to your office when I’m done.”
She nods and looks back at me, twice, as she leaves.
What the hell is going on?
My attention catches on my computer and an idea takes shape. I hit a key to wake up the screen and navigate to Google. I sit and type in Eliza Alexander and sift through the millions of results. I type London, trying to narrow the field, which takes it down by about five million. Only twenty million results to analyse then.
The morning slips by with no hits on the Eliza Alexander I’m looking for. I’ve tried searching by her address, the company, images, geographical location, everything I can think of. And there’s nothing. Nothing that fits. Nothing that’s her.
She is only mentioned, very briefly, on the company website as simply Eliza. On one page out of twenty. Then another idea strikes and I push back from my desk, heading for HR.
“Hi,” I greet the HR lady a short walk later and smile as though I mean it.
“Hi.” She smiles back just as enthusiastically.
“I need your help with something. Please tell me you have a list of everybody’s birthday.”
“Oh!” She blushes slightly but points to a list on the notice board. “That’s everyone.”
“Amazing. Thanks. Can I take a copy, please?”
“Um... sure. Okay. I’ll do it.”
I watch, as she removes the two pins and places the sheet of paper in the top of the photocopier, and take the newly produced list when she offers it to me.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” I scan the document and spot her name. And the question mark beside it. I skim over the rest of the list. Everyone else has a date. All but Eliza. “When is Eliza’s?” I ask, showing her the piece of paper and pointing to the missing information.
“I... don’t know.” The woman frowns at the list as she extracts the original from the machine. “She doesn’t participate in the birthday celebrations.”
“Why not?”
Her brow furrows. “I’m not sure. I always assumed it was for religious reasons.”
Religious? Eliza? No, I don’t think so. “Would it not be on her file?”
“Yes...?”
I give the woman my most endearing expression, and she shakes her head a bit as she drops back into her chair and taps her keyboard a few times. I scan the information quickly, as she locates what she’s looking for, and note that the emergency contact space is also empty.
“Here you are, the twenty-third of September.” Two days before mine. The year makes her six years younger than me.
“Thanks. That’s exactly what I needed.” I rush back to my computer and type again with the new information. And I’m still drawing a frustrating blank.
***
I make my way to Eliza’s office later that evening with a million questions bubbling in my brain whilst wondering how I ask any of them.
Why won’t she say it back?
“Seth,” she breathes as I push open her office door.
And in a single second, the atmosphere changes. Every particle in the air is charged; every atom in my being is drawn to hers like a magnet. Our bodies clash as we run forward at the same time and our mouths connect in a hot, carnal kiss, each of our hands exploring and claiming the other.
“God, I hate and I love fighting with you.”
She swallows my confession. Her hands tug my shirt from my trousers and then slide down the front. Over my rock-hard cock.
“Eliza, my love?”
We look round, both half-dressed and breathing hard after twenty minutes of full-throttle sex, when Earl Ashby bursts in.
“What on earth...?” he gasps. “Have you no shame!”
I release my grasp on Eliza’s hips and shield her with my body while she tugs at her dress. When I’m satisfied she’s decent, I stand with my back to him and pull up my trousers. I glance at her once more before turning to face him. She’s pale. Too pale.
“If you think I’m going to apologise for making love to my girlfriend—”
“Your girlfriend?” he sneers.
“Yes. My girlfriend.”
“Eliza. It’s time to stop pretending. You’ve had your fun. Or is he payback for Celine?” His hand flips through his hair in agitation. “I never would have brought her along if you’d just answer the bloody event planner!”
“Wha—?”
Eliza
Seth turns his face to mine, questions brimming in his eyes.
“Can you give us a minute, please?” I beg him.
His jaw sets firm. Stubborn. “No. I don’t think I can. What the hell is going on here?”
“Please. Seth. Please. Just one minute.” The way he looks at me slices straight through my brand-new heart. “I’m asking for one minute. Please,” I try again.
“No. Eliza. If you make me leave, I won’t be back.”
I glance at his face and I can see he means it. He’s being serious. There will be no second chance. But Ru knows. Everything. And...
“You haven’t told him. Have you?” Ru demands. No. I haven’t told him. Anything. “When were you going to break it to him, Eliza? On our wedding night?”
“What the fuck!” Seth yells and my world falls apart. My carefully constructed façade is cracking and shifting like a seismic earthquake is approaching. “Eliza?” he chokes.
I can hear the pain in his voice. But it’s preferable to the repugnance of him knowing anything else. I have nothing left. If I don’t have him, it’s all gone.
“We’re getting married. I’m afraid you were little more than pre-wedding jitters for my beautiful bride. Maybe she felt sorry for you.” Ru reaches out to take my arm, and I jump back automatically. His touch is like a repellent.
“Leave us,” Seth commands.
Ru chuckles. “No.”
“Eliza?”
I can hear Seth. I can see him. But he’ll be gone again any second now. Out of reach where I can’t feel him.
“Please talk to me. What is going on? Are you marrying this man?”
I’m totally frozen. Unable to even blink.
“Because I don’t think you want to marry him. But you need to tell me that. I need to hear it from you. Honey. Please.”
“Eliza. My love. Come. Let’s go home.” Ru holds out a dominating hand and Seth steps closer.
When his fingers close softly around my upper arms, each one is like a solar flare. “Eliza. Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave. Tell me you want to marry him and I’ll wish you well. But don’t just stand there, because my heart is breaking right now.”
“Seth,” I choke, and he closes his grip and flings me forward. Into his chest.
“Take your hands off her!” Ru growls. He lunges but Seth turns, moving both of us. “Think about this, Eliza. Is this how you want to do it?” Ru grates.
“I’m so sorry,” I sob, tears stinging my eyes.
“Honey... I...”
“Lady Beaufort! Come with me right now and put an end to this madness!”
I feel Seth’s sharp breath. I hear him exhale the name Ru just called me. His grip loosens. I can see the connections forming in his head.
“I will put a stop to your stupid little games right now. Give me your hand or I’ll tell him who and what you are. Then we’ll see who needs who more.”
I feel Ru move closer. I sense Seth slipping away. “No. You won’t.”
“Don’t test me.”
“You won’t. Because I will.” I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. Seth’s hands drop away from my arms and he looks back at me with so much hurt in his eyes. I know it’s my fault. I know I’m the cause, and I know I’m about to drop a devastating bomb, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let Ru deliver the death blow. “My full name is Countess Elizabeth Georgiana Beaufort. Alexander was my baby brother.” I can’t bring myself to say the words but Ru... “I...”
Seth’s blue eyes stay cemented to my own. “You lied to me?”
“Everything else was true. But I understand. I know that you—”
Seth spins around and glares at Ru. “And you were blackmailing her?” he growls as he stalks towards him, all kinds of savagery playing out in his expression. Ru backs away so far he hits the wall. “You were threatening her? To make her marry you? Because... what? You want her money?”
“Oh, no. It’s about so much more than money.” Ru stands straighter but still leans against the wall. “Breeding. Mixing our DNA and heritage. It’d be like creating our own dynasty. You have no idea who she is, even for knowing her name. The family tree behind her is...”
“The land? The title? Her great grandfather’s name?” Seth laughs. “No. I don’t. But I do know I won’t let you force her to marry you. Or anyone else.”
I watch in dumb fascination as Seth grabs a fistful of Ru’s jacket, lifts him off his feet, and almost throws him out the door. When he speaks again, I can’t hear what he says, but Ru scowls back at him for a second, then at me, before he turns on his heel and marches out of sight.
“Seth...”
“I’m leaving now. Before I do something I regret.”
I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing and watch Seth take two steps. But then he spins around and rushes right up to me.
“You gave me the seed funding. You own half my company?”
I nod silently, watching rage rise in his eyes.
“You have lied to me about everything? Including your fucking name? Because... what? I’m not good enough for a countess?”
“No, Seth. Because I’m not good enough for you. I’m a m—”
“Do you think I’m an idiot, Eliza? Or should I say Lady Elizabeth!”
“Of course not.”
He glares at me with a look I know I will see again and again in my nightmares. “I will pay back the seed funding. You will not own me, Lady Elizabeth.”
“Seth!” I gasp. “That’s not...”
He stalks away and I fold over the desk, my elbows locked and wide, as everything crumbles around me.
Seth
I stop by my office to grab my bag and head straight for the gym. I need to release this pressure before I kill someone.
She lied. About everything. And the only reason that makes any sense is the fact that she thought I wasn’t good enough. She was embarrassed by me. And she owns my arse. She bailed out my pitch here, then gave me the funding to start up, and secured me the rest.
I hate that more than anything. I will never be free. There will always be someone else who has some kind of hold over me and my future. My happiness. My success or failure. I was deluding myself into believing that I’m a self-made man. A local boy done good story. She made me. And I fucking hate her for it.
When I get to the gym, I grab the gloves and head straight for the ring as one fight finishes.
“Seth.” Jon greets me as I step through the ropes on the opposite side of his last opponent.
“You good to go again?” I ask him as I stretch out my neck from side to side.
“Sure.”
“Christ! Seth...” Jon ducks and weaves but I’m in no mood for dancing. My fists connect with flesh again and again, but the anger only builds to a red haze.
It’s not until he’s looking up at me, flat on his back, with terror in his eyes and blood gushing from his nose that the fog starts to lift.
“Shit!” I tear one hand free and reach down to pull him to his feet.
“What the fuck, man?” he pants.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have... fuck!” I yell and punch the corner padding.
“Y’know. That fight is still on tonight. If you want?” Jon says after a pause. I look over at him. Huffing, bleeding, and still offering me a release.
“Yes.” No hesitation. “Nine?”
He nods and I duck back through the ropes, feeling precisely zero percent better about myself.
When I rip open my office that afternoon, I stop short when my dad almost jumps out of his skin.
“Good day?” he asks, with half a smile.
“The best.”
“There’s a pint with your name on it somewhere, son.”
“Yeah? As long as it comes with a whiskey chaser.”
“That good?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“Nope. Better.”
***
I follow my dad into a dark and gloomy-looking pub maybe twenty minutes later. I have no idea which, but go in search of a table as he orders. I sit on the first available chair and wait, my mind blank but screaming, until Dad says, “Looks like girl trouble to me.”
“Cheers.” I pick up the pint and drink, noting he ignored my whiskey chaser plea. Maybe he thought I was joking. I’ll go order it myself in a minute.
“Tell me about her.” He’s watching my every move, his own pint untouched in his hand.
“I really would not know where to begin.”
“Let’s try the beginning. I often find that works well.” He smiles. I scowl. “How did you meet her?”
“Work.”
“And... is that the problem? That you work together?”
“No. The problem is I work for her.”
Dad’s eyebrows lift in surprise and then move in the opposite direction as he frowns. “Isn’t it your company?”
“Huh! Yeah. Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“She...” I sigh and decide I’ll have to tell my dad everything.
He’ll get it out of me eventually anyway. It’s his bloody job, after all. So I tell him. How she lights up every room she’s in. How she’s razor sharp and supernaturally beautiful. And how she drives me fucking crazy!
“She saved it. At the initial pitch. She saved my arse. I knew it then and I know it now, but today I found out that she also put up the seed funding that got me started. She’s been paying my bloody wages for the last three months.” The last words were hard to say.
