Broken, p.18
Broken, page 18
“Half-naked is a stretch, Dani,” he points out, and I suppose he has a point. Jess wears far more revealing clothes than Damien’s mistress to go out in, let alone sleep in.
“What do you want, Damien?” I ask. “I don’t need the details or an explanation. I don’t want an explanation.” Damien sighs. “I pushed you away, and you responded by doing what every other guy in the universe does and got yourself laid to make yourself feel better. And I already know it’s all my own doing, I don’t need you to tell me that, and I also know I have no right to be pissed off, but I am. I’m pissed off at myself. I’m pissed off at you. I’m even pissed off at the woman on your stairs.” I pause for breath. “But if you’ve come here to ease your guilt, there’s really no need.”
“I didn’t come here to ease my guilt because there’s nothing to feel guilty for,” he states.
Anger boils inside me like a tidal wave of fury, and it takes all I have not to slap him across the face. Arrogant and Damien are two words I never thought I’d use in the same sentence, yet I am, and Damien’s arrogance is insulting.
“I came here to tell you you’re a bloody idiot,” he says.
“Yes, I am,” I yell, my anger unleashing. “I’m an idiot for thinking you were different. I’m an idiot for sharing my godforsaken sob story. I’m an idiot for pouring my heart and soul out, and I’m an even bigger idiot to think I could ever make a relationship work in the first place, and –”
“That’s not why you’re an idiot,” he cuts me off.
I can’t do this anymore. I cover my face with my hands, the anger short-lived and replaced with anguish. I can’t hide my pain, but I don’t want Damien to see me cry over him. I let myself develop feelings for Damien, but I never should have listened to that shred of hope or anything other than my anxiety-riddled instincts. I knew it would end in heartbreak. Everything always ends in heartbreak.
“I need you to go,” I tell him. “Please. I can’t…”
“No,” he cuts me off, flatly. “Because I’m an idiot too. I should never have walked out that door, and I’m not making the same mistake twice.”
Damien moves in close, gently grabbing my face. My heart skips a beat as he hesitates, staring deep into my eyes as though he’s waiting for something, and when the realisation of his intentions hits me, I choke on a gasp.
My stomach fluttering, his scent engulfing my senses, he leans in and kisses me. The warmth of his soft, coffee tasting lips is almost addictive, and the rush is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. My hands find his biceps as my temperature soars to dangerous heights, and my knees feel weak. It’s like time is standing still, capturing the perfect moment, and it feels so…right.
I’m so caught up in Damien’s lips, it takes me far too long to remember the woman on the stairs, but when I do, I pull away. I’m about to say something, but Damien beats me to it.
“She’s my sister,” he says, a smirk forming across his lips.
“What?” I yell, taking a step back.
“She’s my little sister,” he says, slower this time. “My half-sister, actually.”
I take another step back, utterly embarrassed and humiliated. There’s a touch of fury in there too, and I’m back to wanting to slap him. “Why the hell didn’t you say that at the beginning?”
“Because it’s insulting you automatically think the worst of me,” he says bluntly, and again, he has a point. “And it pissed me off. After everything I’ve said and done, do you really think I’d jump into bed with someone else when things got rough?”
I shrug. Obviously, I did. I probably shouldn’t have thought the worst, but in my defence, Damien has never mentioned a sister, and I’m naturally paranoid and suspicious. That, and… “If it was the other way around, if there was a guy in his boxers standing in my doorway right now, how would you react?”
Damien tilts his head from side to side, mulling my question over, before taking my hands in his. “I see your point.”
“Thank you,” I say, a little narky in my tone, but I think it’s the embarrassment causing my irritation.
Damien leans in a second time, planting another heart-melting kiss on my lips, and I welcome it with open arms – not literally – my embarrassment fading somewhat.
“I would never hurt you like that, Dani,” he says softly. “And I don’t care what it takes, or how long it takes, I’m gonna be right here. You are all I want.”
“You sure that’s what you want?” I ask, my insecurities infuriatingly ever-so-present. “I’ve still got hurdles to jump, and I don’t know –”
“Was the dramatic, passionate kiss not enough?” he cuts me off, laughing a little. “Or the fact I dropped everything to chase you home?”
I want to laugh, but my insecurities, like I say, know no bounds, and just because I’ve taken the first step towards a relationship, it doesn’t mean my anxiety is going to just disappear.
“I’ve never been so sure,” he comforts, and without another word, he kisses me, and I’m lost in his lips.
Damien pulls away to bend down as if he’s going to lift me before straightening back up again as though he’s remembered something. “Legs?” he asks, and I nod in understanding. I don’t have an issue with him touching my legs.
Damien hoists me up, forcing me to wrap my arms around his neck to stop from falling backwards. Without touching my torso, not even with his own, he carries me over to the kitchen and sits me down on the breakfast bar. He places a hand on my thigh and reaches up with the other to touch my cheek. I’m graced with another, albeit softer, kiss.
“I honestly thought I’d never be able to do this,” he admits.
“I never thought I’d want to do this.”
“I’m just gonna keep doing it,” he says, and I allow him to embrace my lips once more.
I’m distracted by quiet giggling coming from the hallway, ruining the moment. Jess’s curiosity has clearly gotten the better of her, although by the sounds of it, she’s not alone, and I think I know who her accomplice is. I put a finger to my lips, signalling Damien to keep quiet as I jump down from the breakfast bar and tiptoe up to my front door. I quickly open it, and Jess and Raif fall through, knocking into one another until they hit the floor.
“Ow,” Jess squeals, but all I can do is laugh.
“Serves you right for earwigging,” I mock as Jess and Raif clumsily clamber back up to their feet. “Ain’t you two got anything better to do?”
“Are you kidding?” Jess scoffs. “You two are better than a bloody soap opera.”
“Hi honey,” Raif says to Damien. “Didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”
“Neither did I,” Damien admits. “But Dani had other ideas.”
“Don’t blame me,” I argue, snapping my head around to look at him. “You didn’t have to chase me home.”
“Aww,” Jess coos, followed by an over-the-top, sulky pout. “I wish someone would chase me home.”
“They don’t need to,” I state, returning my gaze to my nosey neighbour. “You invite them with open legs.”
“Cheeky bitch,” she says, slapping me on the arm.
“True though,” Raif agrees, and he too gets a slap on the arm for his troubles.
“Anyway,” I say, grabbing the door handle and using my free hand to gesture the exit of the terrible twosome.
“Right, yeah,” Jess says. “We’ll leave you two lovebirds to it.”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Raif teases.
“That doesn’t leave much,” Damien jokes.
“I know,” Raif gushes suggestively.
I practically shove them out of my flat with the door, closing it firmly behind them and sighing. I turn back to Damien to see him smiling that beautiful smile with a hint of cheekiness thrown in.
“What?” I ask.
“Do you plan on telling them why I had to chase you home?” And that’s what the cheekiness in his grin is about. I guess I have one more embarrassing story to add to my growing novel.
“Jess already knows,” I state, and Damien can’t hide his surprise. “We hit a milestone in our friendship.”
“Your mutual hatred for me?”
“Something like that.” I smirk. “But if it helps, Jess was convinced I got it wrong, and I’m probably gonna hear about how right she was for the rest of my life.”
“I think they call that karma,” Damien jokes, and I laugh, moving past him into the kitchen, setting the kettle to boil.
“Karma’s a bitch,” I retort as Damien appears beside me, taking my hand in his and pressing it to his lips. “Although, if Jess knows, Raif will know, and you’ll tell Paul, if you haven’t already, so I think karma is handing out an unfair punishment.”
Damien laughs. “What makes you think I’d have already told Paul?”
“Paul and I have done a bit of bonding whilst you were away,” I tease. “And from what I’ve heard, you tell him everything.”
“Not everything,” Damien argues.
“True,” I agree, knowing fine well he’s referring to my sob story. “Not that it would matter now. There’s only Raif left to tell.”
“You told Jess?”
“Milestone.”
“You have come a long way.”
“Paul wasn’t exactly an intended recipient,” I state, and Damien nods in understanding. “How is he?”
“Devastated,” Damien answers. “Beating himself into the ground, but I’d be doing the same if I was him. I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now. Kayleigh too.”
“They’ll get through it,” I say confidently. “They have each other.”
“And you,” Damien says, brushing his thumb over my knuckles. “If anyone can help them through this, it’s you.”
“Don’t do that,” I state, letting go of Damien’s hand to pull out a cup from a cupboard.
“Don’t do what?”
“Big me up and praise me,” I answer flatly. “I got lucky, and every time I think about what could have happened, it makes me sick to my stomach. In fact, I want to find the boy responsible for making Kayleigh’s life a living hell and show him what hell feels like.”
Damien grabs both of my hands, and I force the rising anger back beneath the surface. I will never understand why people feel the need to be so cruel. Kayleigh’s a kid, and she doesn’t deserve to be pushed to the edge, no one does. The worst part is, Adrian is paying for what he did to me, but the chances are the boy who hurt Kayleigh won’t. I can only hope karma will eventually bite the bastard in the arse.
“Kayleigh’s okay,” he soothes. “And whether you want to hear it or not, it’s because of you.”
“I just waffled,” I argue, refusing to take any credit. “Kayleigh made the decision not to jump, not me.”
Damien sighs, shaking his head at me. “Sometimes, you are the most infuriating woman on the planet.”
Preaching to the choir. I didn’t need Damien to tell me that. I do live inside my head, and infuriating is putting it politely.
“Can we change the subject now?” I ask. “Like to when you’re going back to Kent.”
Damien smiles, reaching up into my cupboard, reminding me I forgot my manners, and plonking a cup on the counter next to mine. “I’m not going back,” he states, flashing me that beautiful smile.
I can’t hide my surprise, but I’m hoping I’m hiding how happy that makes me feel. I don’t want to come across as completely selfish. “What about your dad?”
“I was already planning on coming home tomorrow anyway,” he tells me as I go about making our coffees. “My uncle’s going to take over babysitting duties.”
“You can’t abandon your dad,” I scoff. “He’s just had a heart attack.”
“My dad doesn’t want me there any more than I want to be there,” Damien argues. “He’s more likely to listen to my uncle anyway, and it’s not like I could stay down there forever. I’m self-employed, remember? Which means I’m making zero income each day I’m not working.”
“Still,” I say. “If I hadn’t taken off, you wouldn’t be here a day early, leaving your dad in the lurch.”
“Blessing in disguise,” Damien jokes, but I don’t find it funny, and I’m pretty sure the guilt is written all over my face. “I’ve not left my dad on his own. My uncle arrived last night. I was only staying a day longer to give him a chance to settle in. Trust me, my dad doesn’t give a shit I’m not there. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty for.”
Not going to stop me. I hand Damien his brew, and carrying mine, I make my way over to the couch nearest the breakfast bar. Damien’s phone beeps, and he pulls it from his pocket before sitting down next to me.
“It’s Amy,” he tells me.
“Who’s…” Light bulb moment. “That’ll be the sister you never mentioned.”
Damien laughs. “She wants to know if I plan on being at home tonight.”
“Your sister’s here?” I ask, a little higher pitched than intended.
“Yeah,” Damien says, amused. “She’s scouting university campuses, and the University of Manchester is one of her choices. She was planning on staying with me for a few weeks anyway. She just didn’t expect to have to pack so quickly.”
Great. So, not only does Amy undoubtedly think I’m a complete nutcase, I’m also the reason why she’s probably forgotten half the things she needed to bring. Not exactly the first impression I would have liked to make.
“And why exactly wouldn’t you plan on being home tonight?” I ask, popping my brew on the coffee table.
“Because someone has finally come to their senses,” he says light-heartedly. “And I want to spend every minute I can with her.”
“Is that right?” I say, unable to hide my smile. “And what if this ‘her’ likes her space?”
“Then she’ll get it,” Damien says, shrugging. “There’s two couches and two bedrooms.”
“You really do have an answer for everything.”
“In all seriousness,” he says softly, abandoning his brew to the floor and turning his body to face me, “I’m never gonna push. You set the pace. I got all the time in the world.”
I sigh. “There might be times when you need to give me a little bit of a push. Or a pep talk, at least.”
Damien laughs. “That I can do.”
“Just don’t give up on me,” I pathetically plead.
Damien rests a hand on my cheek and leans in for a long, sensual kiss.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says softly as he pulls away, those sky-blue eyes holding my gaze. “I’m all in, Dani, no matter what.”
I stare at him, searching for any flicker of doubt but coming up empty. “Even if –”
“No matter what,” he repeats, interrupting my nagging insecurities, and reluctantly, I nod. “Besides, we can focus on what we can do.”
“And what’s that?”
Damien answers by kissing me again, only when he moves to pull away, I pull him back in, my hand resting at the base of his neck whilst his fingers caress my cheek, our free hands entwining. I revel in his taste, feeling my pulse quickening and the heat in the room rising. For the first time in a long time, I feel like there’s a chance at something more than a life of pain and suffering lurking on the horizon, and all I have to do now is take one step at a time to reach it. Fingers crossed I can get there.
Chapter Sixteen
My clothes are on the floor. My hands bound to the bed frame. The blood from my wounds pooling underneath me. He’s towering over me, his pupils dilated. He slowly unbuckles his belt.
“Please,” I beg. “Please don’t.”
He laughs, and another piece of my soul shatters. He abandons his jeans to the concrete and slowly climbs onto the bed. He hovers over me, his fingers sliding along the breadth of my skin. I turn my face away from him, but he grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his penetrating gaze.
“You belong to me,” he growls. “Forever.”
My eyes shoot open, and the tears waste no time in descending. A hand brushes my arm, and I scream in shock.
“Easy,” Damien says softly. “It’s just me.”
Damien continues to stroke my arm, and it’s a welcome comfort. A little surreal, but definitely welcome.
After a brief spat about Damien taking the spare room, my counterpoint being even if Damien’s hands did find their way to my torso during the night, I’d be asleep and unaware, Damien caved and joined me in my bed. My stomach was in knots, I can’t lie, but it’s my way of proving, not to Damien, but to myself, I can take baby steps in the right direction, and after falling asleep with my fingers interlocked with Damien’s only to be repeatedly disturbed by nightmares, I know I made the right call. It’s nice having Damien here to verbally, if not fully physically, comfort me.
“Four nightmares in one night,” he says. “Is that usual?” I shake my head, and Damien’s face softens. “It’s because of Kayleigh, isn’t it?”
I nod. “It’s triggered a few extra memories.”
Damien nods in understanding. “What can I do?”
“Talk to me,” I say, entwining my fingers with his. “Keep my head out of the crazy.”
“Okay,” he says. “You have a topic in mind?”
“Why don’t you tell me about the sister you never mentioned?”
Being the good guy and loyal friend he is, about an hour after showing up at mine, Damien nipped off to check in on Paul and Kayleigh, and when he returned, we spent the rest of the evening kissing and making music. I was too caught up in the romance to ask questions, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know.
“Where do you want me to start?” Damien asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know.” I chuckle. “Age, where she lives…”
“Amy’s nineteen,” Damien says. “She’s been back in England and living with my dad for about a year, but before that, she was in Australia with her mum and nan.”
“Australia?”
Damien nods. “My dad and Tina divorced when I was fifteen. It was messy as hell, and Tina decided to take Amy out to Sydney.”
“Did you go and visit?”
“I wish,” he declares. “But Tina cut all contact. Last year was the first time I’d spoken to or seen Amy in ten years.”
