The secrets they keep, p.20
The Secrets They Keep, page 20
We both wanted to see Jack, but for different reasons.
She slipped her boots off and rounded the corner, finding her parents sitting at either end of the kitchen table.
“Hi, Mads,” her dad said.
She pulled out the chair between them—the seat with the view she’d fought her brother over—and stared out the window.
I can’t look at them. I know what’s going to happen, and I can’t look. She’ll say I was never part of the family—not really. He’ll tell me they want to be there for me anyway.
But they won’t be. They haven’t been.
“Thank you for coming,” her mom said.
Madigan shrugged. “So you’re leaving for good?”
Her dad reached out for her hand, but she clasped her hands together in her lap.
“Yes,” her mom said.
This is it.
She squeezed her hands together.
This is what it’s always been, only now I can stop fooling myself. Stop calling them mom and dad.
“We’re selling and buying a place in Florida. To stay.” Her mom shifted in her seat, but Madigan refused to look away from the window.
At the bare-branched trees blowing in the morning breeze.
At the home of the people she’d thought of as a second family, from a view she’d never have again.
They sat in silence until her mom’s voice broke it. “You were a reminder of all the good that we’d never have again… with him… gone.” Her mom gasped after the word gone, as if holding in a cry. Madigan turned to her with tears in her eyes, the same as her mom. “That feeling of completion is gone forever, and not you, or a psychologist, or God himself can make it right.”
Her voice broke at the end, and she removed her hands from the table but kept eye contact with Madigan.
I know how it feels. I know how she feels.
Her mom carefully took out a balled-up tissue from her jeans pocket and clasped it in her hand. “I’ll never be okay again.” She pressed her tissues against her mouth to stifle a primal cry from within.
“Felicity,” her dad whispered, leaning over the table toward her, “we talked about this. My heart is broken too, but this is about building a new life. This is about appreciating what we do have and doing our best to honor his memory. He wouldn’t want you like this.”
“I know,” she cried, dabbing her red eyes and nose with her tissue. “I know. I—I had to tell her.”
She turned to Madigan, her fist clenched around the worn tissue. “It’s the hardest thing to say—to admit—but I betrayed you. I betrayed your trust, Madigan, my girl.”
Tears slipped down Madigan’s cheeks, and she reached out for her mom’s hand.
This isn’t denial or pretending to be perfect anymore. This is the truth.
Her truth.
Her mom held her hand tightly.
“Do you understand now?” her mom asked, trembling. “I didn’t have anything left in me to give to you, but you deserve the world. You deserve love. We left you, and if I could take it back now—if I had the strength—I would. You were here on your own.” Her mom shook her head and scanned the table in front of her. “I don’t know how you did it, but you got through it on your own.”
I wasn’t alone. I had Grace. I don’t appreciate her like I should. I should show her more… how much I care.
“You were dealing with it too,” her mom said, her voice becoming clear once more, “and you handled it. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
I had to. I had no other choice. I go on despite and in spite of my circumstances.
A weight lifted off her chest after the epiphany struck her.
I. Go. On.
“Same goes for me,” her dad said. “I’m sorry for what we did and didn’t do. We can’t change the past, but since you said you felt blamed, we couldn’t sleep. You have to know, we’ve never blamed you.”
“Not once,” her mom whispered.
Madigan nodded.
“Drew would want us to be a family,” he said, turning to Madigan. “You know that, right?”
Madigan nodded.
That’s part of why I’m still holding on.
“But we haven’t been since you left,” she said. “Not really. Drew would have wanted us to stick together, but you left me.” Her soft voice lingered in the awkward silence between them as her parents exchanged looks.
What can they say to that?
“We love you and care about you very much,” her mom choked on her words before clearing her throat. “We want to be a family again, but I need to make things right with you. We need to collectively decide what’s best for all of us moving forward.”
“I think I understand now,” Madigan said. “But it was hard to know what to say when I thought you didn’t want to hear from me at all… and now I know I was right—but for a different reason.”
“I’m sorry, Mads,” her dad said, squeezing her hand.
“It’s not that we never wanted to hear from you,” she said. “In those first few years, it was…like I said, everything was a reminder of the emptiness. We shut you out, and the damage is done, but I want you to know I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to talk more over the past few years, but you just ignore my attempts.”
Madigan shrugged.
“I know,” her mom said. “I’m better at pretending. You just genuinely can’t fake it with me. I didn’t make it easy. I know we don’t have your trust. I know this family is broken, but your dad’s right. We need closure on the past and a way forward. Drew would want that for us.”
Madigan nodded. “I want that too.”
Her mom dabbed at her eyes again and stood, throwing the tissue in the garbage and leaning against the counter.
“So the question is,” she said over her shoulder, “do you want us to stay? If you want us to, we will.”
She means it.
Madigan opened her mouth to say yes but stopped herself.
It’s all I’ve wanted since Drew’s death. A stable place. Security. But those things don’t exist. Not really.
Now that it’s offered to me as a remote possibility, I don’t even know if I want it.
“I really needed to hear that,” Madigan said. “That you don’t blame me, and I believe you, but I can’t ask you to stay when I know you’d both wish you were in Florida. It’s your new home. Your new beginning.”
And I don’t have a home with you anymore. Not a family really either. Just people who abandoned me when the worst happened.
Her parents looked at each other.
“Like you said, we can’t change the past. I know you want me to be happy, and I want the same for you.” Madigan leaned her arm against the back of her chair so she could look at both of them. “I think you deserve a new chance at a life worth living.”
And I deserve to move on with mine, even if it’s without the people I thought I needed.
But my home isn’t here—not anymore—and this isn’t a family that can be rebuilt.
“You can come and visit us anytime,” her dad said. “We’ll come visit here too. We still want to see you.”
“I appreciate everything you’ve both done for me. You know that, right?”
Her mom nodded.
Maybe something else can be built from the wreckage between us. Most likely not a family ever again, but I’ll stay open to the future of us.
“I should go.” She stood from the table, and her dad stood after her. “But I’d like to see you before you go back to Florida, okay?”
Her dad nodded, hugging her, and her mom wrapped her arms around them both.
I’m not even angry with them anymore. Their nightmare came true, and I was an inconvenient reminder to them of what could never be. It hurt at first—even though I should have been used to the feeling. I just wasn’t worth it to them.
As Madigan stepped away, her dad wiped his cheeks with the backs of his hands, and her mom walked to the front door. “Monday, okay?” he said.
“You’re leaving that soon?”
“The Holdens said they’d take care of things here for us if need be.”
Madigan walked to the front door with him. Her mom sighed as she grabbed her helmet and handed it to her.
“Be safe,” she said. “We love you.”
Is it love? I don’t know. I know I don’t need it, but the peace between us is healing. It’s started already, because the anger is gone—replaced by an odd emptiness. Not bad or good.
Just different.
“See you Monday,” she said, stepping out the door and walking toward her bike without looking back. She hopped on, grabbing her cell phone from her bag as it vibrated.
Luke.
I’ll pick you up tonight.
Emotions swirled inside of her, and for the first time, the thought of catching her attacker didn’t consume her. She slipped her cell phone back in her bag and started the bike as her parents watched from the front door.
Mom and Dad. More like Bill and Felicity, now.
I need to talk to Grace before I can decide what to do. How to move forward with Luke. I’m in a weird place where nothing feels right. There’s nothing to hold on to anymore besides my sister.
Chapter Twenty Six
Driving back from the cemetery, Grace followed Mac’s car in the procession to the reception at the funeral home. She parked a few spaces down from Mac, and by the time she stepped out of her car, he stepped in front of it.
“This sucks,” he said.
The tension between us.
She nodded.
“Going in there and asking Marie questions,” Mac said with a sigh.
“Ah, well, yes, we have a job to do, and it’s important that we not only hold the murderer accountable, but that we stop any more violence from happening.”
“I know.” They began walking to the side door.
Mr. Boyd stood at the door, and as they approached, he strode toward them.
“Mr. Boyd,” Mac said. “Again, we are very sorry for your loss.”
Mr. Boyd shook both their hands. “Thanks for being here.”
“We actually aren’t just here to pay our respects,” Grace said, knowing Mac might not have the heart to. “We need to speak to Marie, and unfortunately, it can’t wait.”
“She actually had me come up here and wait in case you two came back—”
“Mr. Boyd, our apologies—” Mac started.
“She wanted me to come and get her if you did,” Mr. Boyd said. “She wanted to see you. Just wait here.”
Mac nodded, and as he disappeared behind the door, they exchanged glances.
“Hey, Grace,” a voice said from behind them.
She turned around as Jack, Kurt, Doreen, and Todd approached. Todd continued on into the reception area as the rest hung back.
“Hi all.” She nodded to them. “How are you?”
Doreen shrugged.
“I think we’re getting some semblance of peace, knowing Cory is laid to rest now,” Kurt said, resting his hand on Doreen’s arm.
She nodded.
“So the Knoxes have the house up for sale,” Jack said, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Right. Madigan was meeting with them today. Ugh, and greeted by that sign no doubt.
“Yeah,” Doreen said, “I mean they’re never there, but it’s so weird to see the sign. That it’ll be final.”
“Madigan was over there today,” Grace said.
“Oh yeah?” Jack said. “I actually spoke to her the other day.”
“I know. Thanks, by the way.”
Jack nodded, and Doreen and Kurt exchanged confused looks.
“We best get in there,” Kurt said, and taking Doreen’s hand, they passed by them.
“My parents said the Knoxes are leaving on Monday,” Jack said. “I was thinking of going over to say goodbye.”
“So they are moving to Florida for good.”
He nodded. “How’s Madigan doing with it?”
“I think she might have just found out.”
“Mmm,” Jack said, biting his lip. “Think she’ll be there Monday?”
“Depending on how today goes.” Grace shrugged as the door opened and Marie and Mr. Boyd stepped out. “Excuse me.”
Jack nodded and left them as they turned to Marie.
Grace pulled out her cell phone. “Have you ever seen this man?” She held up Blazes’ picture.
Marie frowned and shook her head right away. “No, why, who is he?”
“Heard the name Blaze before from anyone?” Mac asked. “Specifically Cory?”
She made a funny face. “Blaze? No.”
“Cory received a loan from this man,” Grace said.
“Loan? No, the bank wouldn’t give us one. Cory would have told me if he’d been able to get us out of a tight spot.”
“He may have made it seem like the influx was profit from his store, but it never came close to turning a profit,” Mac said. “I understand you’ve come to know how deeply in debt he was.”
“And I am now too,” she said, turning to Mr. Boyd.
“We were able to finally sift through the financials,” he said. “So you think this man, Blaze, may have loaned Cory money and what? When he couldn’t pay it back…”
“We can’t make assumptions right now,” Mac said. “So we are trying to understand the foundation of the loan and their relationship.”
“So he’s a suspect?” Mr. Boyd asked.
“Person of interest, Sir,” Grace said. “Marie, we also need to ask you about Todd.”
Marie steeled her jaw and pursed her lips, staring daggers at Grace. “I told you, nothing was going on between us.”
Mac nodded. “Todd said the same thing. That’s not what it’s about—”
“Wait,” she said, taking her purse off her shoulder and digging through it. “I wanted to see you both because I found something.” She pulled out a keychain and held it in her palm.
“I found this,” she said, picking up a key. “Last night. I was going through his things, trying to make sense out of what’s happened to him, and I found this.” She handed Mac the keychain by the blue key.
“Shorelines Casino,” he read from the head of it. “Forty-three.”
She nodded. “I think he had a locker there. I’ve never been. I’ve also never driven his new car, so I never really looked at his key chain before. If he was hiding something from me, it’s there.”
“And you didn’t go to look for it yourself?” Grace asked.
“I’ve been a little busy,” she sneered, staring at Grace again. Grace stared right back at her. I don’t buy it. “It crossed my mind last night,” she said, breaking eye contact with Grace and staring at the key in Mac’s hand. “Maybe… maybe after all this, I’m afraid to know. Is it more debt?”
Tears welled up in her eyes, and Mr. Boyd rested a hand on her shoulder. “We’re going to help you, honey,” he whispered.
She cleared her throat. “Or maybe he was having an affair.”
Mac stepped forward. “Marie, through our investigation, we discovered Todd told you about a certain indiscretion he witnessed on Kurt’s bachelor trip.”
She pressed her lips together, nodding, tears slipping down her rosy cheeks.
“Well, I can tell you that we checked the tapes for evidence of this, and we did not find any,” Mac said. “To the contrary, on the date in question, he did not engage in any such activity.”
“What?”
“There was nothing happening on the elevator,” Mac said. “I checked all twenty-four hours of tape.”
“But he said they went up to Cory’s room together…”
“How could he have known that unless he followed them?” Mac asked. “There was never once a moment of video to support any theory that Cory cheated on you that weekend. That isn’t to say it didn’t happen, but I can say with confidence that Todd lied to you.”
She shook her head, her hand covering her mouth.
“Marie?” Grace said.
“It’s just that after he told me… I never confronted Cory about it. I was just walking around with it in my head. Picturing what happened… the way he said it did. Picturing even the things he didn’t say. I held it against him, and he didn’t even know it…”
Mrs. Boyd opened the door and was about to call out to them, but she stopped.
Maybe she senses the tension.
“I did that because of Todd,” she said, her eyes open wide.
“What’s going on?” Mrs. Boyd asked.
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” Mr. Boyd said.
Doreen came through the door next, with Todd following.
“We’re all waiting for you down there, Marie,” Mrs. Boyd said. “People would like to pay their—”
“Not now,” Mr. Boyd said, shaking his head. “Not now, hun.”
Marie turned around to face Mrs. Boyd and stared straight at Todd.
“Marie?” Doreen said, walking toward her with her arms out.
Marie marched past her, stopped in front of Todd and smacked him across the cheek. Grace cringed.
“You liar,” she screamed at him.
“Marie,” Todd said, shaking his head.
Cory’s parents flanked Marie, each with a hand on her shoulders, and led her back into the hall. Through the windows in the door, Grace watched them huddle in the alcove, Mrs. Boyd handing Marie a tissue and wiping her tears as Mr. Boyd spoke to both of them.
“Todd?” Doreen said.
Todd turned to Mac, scowling at him.
He knows what he told her.
Todd stormed past them, leaving Doreen’s mouth agape.
“I’m putting someone on him,” Mac said. “I want him watched. For her safety.”
Grace nodded. “Call Malone on our way to the casino. I’ll drive.”
“I’ll call him, but I’m taking my own car,” he said, taking his phone out from his pocket as he walked away. “See you there.”
Grace watched him walk away.
Does he regret telling Marie about Todd? No. He’s probably satisfied now.
She walked briskly to her car and reached it as Mac pulled out of his spot without looking at her.
This is why I didn’t want to mix my personal and professional lives. Things may never be normal between us, but as long as I’m working as a detective for Deerhorn County, we’ll be working together. He better get used to it, because I won’t have my investigations hindered for personal reasons.
