Bonded beyond lies, p.4
Bonded Beyond Lies, page 4
I was weak. Too weak. Being rejected took something from me. Now, with the emergence of my wolf, I’m gaining more than I lost.
When the shift is done, the pain disappears. I peek my eyes open and take in the world around me. Everything is sharper. I can smell everything in the forest surrounding my little clearing. I can hear small animals scurrying in the underbrush. My eyesight is better as I take in a leaf drifting down from a tree on the farthest side of the clearing.
I look down at my paws to take in my white fur. I’m not surprised because my mom’s wolf has white fur. It almost makes me a little sad that I have her coloring. I guess it makes sense. Dad’s wolf is brown, and Samuel is the same as him. Maybe it’s a gender thing or maybe genetics are just strange.
“It doesn’t matter, my human. We are beautiful,” my wolf reassures me, pride filling her voice.
I nod my large wolf head and look into the dark spaces of the forest with longing. I tentatively ask, “Can we run?”
My wolf lets out a yip and we start to walk. It’s a strange sensation at first—walking on four legs instead of two. I try not to think about it too much and allow my wolf’s instincts to take over. Before we get halfway to the tree line, I’m no longer wobbling.
The moment I break through the line of trees, I’m jogging and then running. The wind ruffling my fur feels better than I thought it would. It feels amazing.
I get lost in the joy of running through the forest and connecting with my wolf. I can feel her own joy as well.
We are truly free in this moment. No one can take it away from us.
“Maybe we need to leave the pack,” I whisper the truth I’ve been too afraid to voice for far too long.
My wolf growls softly in approval. I know I can’t stay here but leaving fills me with fear as well. There are a lot of unknowns beyond the pack’s borders. It might be the greatest adventure of my life, or it could get me killed.
Rogues are out there, and they are dangerous, feral creatures without the tether of the pack bond. I’ve always felt bad about the way packs treat rogues considering assumptions are made about them without investigating why a wolf is a rogue.
Was it their choice? Were they kicked out? Were they abused and went rogue to escape the pain?
The last possibility is what has always made me feel the worst. No one who seeks a better life should be treated worse than a criminal, which is exactly how packs treat rogues. I have no doubt there are bad rogues, just like there are bad pack wolves.
Who gets to decide which is which anyway?
I make my way back to the clearing and huff as I lay down next to my clothes while resting in my wolf’s body. Running through the forest was better than I imagined. Feeling the strength of my wolf gives me hope for a better future.
“We need to get a little stronger, my human,” my wolf growls softly. “Then we’ll leave and find a way to make a better life. We’ll figure it out together.”
“Together,” I murmur before I shift back into my human skin, the pain a dull ache this time.
I get dressed and start to head away from my clearing, my sanctuary. I don’t know what awaits me when I get back to the pain part of the pack lands, but I know I’ll deal with it. I’m not alone anymore. I have my wolf and she is my strength.
We’ll deal with what comes next. Together.
CHAPTER 5
SERENITY
Staring up at the packhouse, all I can feel is dread. It’s been one week since I turned 18 and found my mate. I’ve avoided everyone and everything that causes me pain as much as I can, but now I’ve been thrust right back into the thick of things. When I was awoken this morning by my father yelling at me, I knew my time was up.
I hate it.
I hate this place.
I hate my pack members who have found joy in belittling me and hurting me over the years.
This is supposed to be my home, my pack. It’s been far too long since I’ve been more than an afterthought to these people. I wish I knew what changed and why everyone turned their back on me. I have a feeling I’ll never know.
“It’s okay. It’s their loss,” my wolf tries to comfort me as she lends me some of her strength.
I know she’s right which has me straightening my shoulders and heading inside the packhouse. I’m surprised it’s as quiet as it is inside. It’s normal for people to mill around while grabbing food or hanging out with each other in some of the common rooms. I used to, but that was before.
I shake off my thoughts about before because they never do me any good. I head to the cleaning closet and grab what I need, knowing I’ll be put on cleaning duty without anyone having to tell me. I should check-in, but I simply don’t care enough to do it today. What would be the point anyway?
I head up to the offices to start there because there is no way in hell that I’m ever cleaning another room on the Alpha floor. Nope. No, thank you. I’m not going to punish myself in that way.
Since I know Dad is at home, I’m a little surprised to find Samuel sitting behind the desk in the Beta’s office. I curse myself for not paying better attention. If I had been focusing, I would have smelled my brother on the other side of the door. I’m tempted to flee, but my wolf holds me in place and straightens my spine for me.
My brother seemed reluctant to turn on me all those years ago. At first. But once the change happened, it was as if he took it on with gusto. He seemed to take pride and satisfaction in my pain in a way that only Todd rivaled.
I never understood why, and it cut deeper because he’s my big brother. He was supposed to be my protector. My family no matter what.
Yet here we are.
Samuel looks up from whatever he’s working on and sneers at me. His voice drips with venom, “What are you doing here, mutt?”
“I’ve been tasked with cleaning today,” I keep my voice soft and gentle even though everything in me wants to scream at him.
It wouldn’t do me any good if I did. It would only enrage him, and I’m not going to risk it.
He scoffs but doesn’t say anything else. I’m frozen for what feels like forever but is only seconds before I start to clean on the other side of the room. I force myself to focus on my task. The sooner I get this over with the sooner I can leave and go onto the next office. Hopefully, if the Moon Goddess is on my side, the Luna won’t be in her office this morning.
I find myself zoning out, making quiet plans with my wolf about leaving and how to go about it when I’m pulled back to reality by my brother’s cold voice, “I heard Todd was saddled with you as a mate, but he did the smart thing and rejected you.”
I turn toward him slowly, keeping my face neutral instead of showing the deep hurt his words have caused. I never want to show weakness and especially not to him. He’ll exploit it, he’s done it before.
“Todd was my goddess-given mate, and he did reject me,” my voice sounds dull and bland, but Samuel’s eyes still light up like he won something.
I guess when you’re a bully every barb is a victory.
I study my brother and wonder where the sweet boy he used to be went. He was awful before and then when he mated with Kathy it got so much worse. An itchy feeling under my skin makes me want to run.
“You’d make a horrible Luna. We really dodged a bullet with Todd rejecting you,” he snarls, and my heart skips a beat.
“Is that really what you think of me? My own brother?” With every word, my voice gets louder, I can’t stop it as rage starts to fill every crack in my soul. “You were supposed to protect me,” I accuse, my words lashing against his skin if the way he flinches is any indication. “When I’ve needed you the most, where have you been? My own brother hates me and treats me like garbage, and I have no idea why.”
Hurt and shame flash across my brother’s face. It sends a feeling of relief through me. I doubt we’ll ever be close again, but it’s good to know he’s not without remorse.
“Because you are trash,” Kathy spits the words as she walks into the room. She scowls at me and my heart sinks because whatever progress I made at getting through to Samuel is gone now. It wouldn’t have changed anything anyway, I’m sure. “You’re lower than that, really.”
“Kathy,” my voice is tired. I’m tired. I’m just so done with everything.
“That’s Beta Female Kathy to you,” she shrieks before stepping closer to me.
Before I can stop it from happening, she slaps me so hard that my head whips around and I taste a little blood in my mouth. It’s not the first time she’s hit me, but surprise rushes through me all the same. I think it’s my wolf’s surprise.
We’ve been avoiding anything and everything that has brought physical pain to us for a week, and she hasn’t had the chance to witness, firsthand, how awful everyone can be. I take a deep breath, trying to hold my wolf back from shifting and tearing out Kathy’s throat. It takes a considerable amount of focus because my wolf is snarling and growling in my head while clawing at my insides, begging me to give control over to her.
“You’re nothing,” Kathy spits.
I haven’t calmed down and I’m not paying attention when the punches start. Kathy is the Alpha’s daughter and she’s been allowed to train when I haven’t. She was always strong. It was something I admired in my friend, but now I loathe it because it’s directed at me.
When she lands a punch to my gut, I double over and get a knee to my face which has me crashing to the floor. I gasp for air as I feel blood coating my face. I stare up at Kathy and the wicked smirk twisting her face. It’s hard to believe I ever found her beautiful.
“Give me control and I’ll rip her throat out,” my wolf growls.
“Not fucking helping,” I snarl back and try to push her a little farther back into my mind. “If we attack her, who knows what they’ll do to me then. I might be able to take Kathy down, but what about Samuel? He has a lot more training than I do and he’s going to be the Beta soon.”
My wolf calms a little, but it’s not by much. As Kathy continues to punch and kick me, I curl up into a ball and try to protect the weakest parts of myself. It’s a move I’ve had to do with her before and, just like every other time, it seems she’s not willing to stop beating me any time soon. Just as I take a breath, she kicks my ribs and I swear I hear something crack. My wolf growls in anger and the sound bubbles out of me as I try and keep her under control.
Kathy’s beating falters for a moment, but when I don’t shift or make any other sound, she kicks me again. I grunt out in pain and almost give up the fight with my wolf. Maybe the punishment would be worth it. It would make the pain stop and isn’t that exactly what I’ve wanted for years?
“What the hell is going on here?”
The Alpha’s voice fills the office, and everyone freezes. Well, except for me because I’m trembling with how much effort it’s taking to keep my wolf under control as I’m fighting to breathe. I swear I can hear my bones making a sound they should not be making as I uncurl my body. The ache which has been ever present in my life, the one I’ve been able to avoid for almost a week, is back.
It’s not just the pain of the beating Kathy just gave me, it’s so much deeper than that. It’s something close to heartbreak. I’m reminded, yet again, that this is not my pack. These wolves are not my family.
I need to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.
“Kathy,” the Alpha’s voice is calm and level, but I can hear the threat underneath it, “what are you doing beating on Serenity?”
Kathy’s mouth falls open and I gasp in a breath as I look up to see the Alpha staring at his daughter, the warning clear in his eyes. She starts to sputter, I’m sure to back pedal or something. Anything.
Alpha Thomas has never stepped in to stop the abuse before. He glances down at me, but his eyes are glacial. If he actually cared about me, I would see pity there. Right? Something other than calculating coldness?
When I look at Samuel, he’s standing there with uncertainty on his face along with a heaping side of regret and remorse. For me? I might have believed it was real years ago, but I’m not sure anymore.
Kathy sounds unsure, “She needs to know her place?” When the Alpha doesn’t say anything, her brain seems to start firing faster and words start tumbling out of her mouth, “She needs to know she’s trash. She’ll never be good enough to be the Luna of this pack. She’s nothing. She deserves pain and to be tormented.”
Tears well up in my eyes. Not because of her words, I’ve heard them all before. It’s just hard to believe it was ever different between us. The memories of when we were best friends are like fog in the early morning being burned off by the heat of the sun. It’s there, but is it really? Is it tangible or something that will be erased without a trace?
We used to stay up past our bedtime when we had sleepovers and watch movies about princesses and princes. We used to talk about finding our mates and how we hoped they were both in Waning Moon because then we’d be able to have houses next to each other. We called each other sisters.
Now, looking at Kathy, I don’t know the woman she’s turned into.
It breaks my heart, but I can’t let them see my weakness. I can’t let them know how much those memories cut me because of how far away they are. Then they’ll know what to use to break me.
I won’t let that happen.
Alpha Thomas opens his mouth, but a loud growl comes from somewhere outside the packhouse. It’s so loud that I feel the floor below me shake and a shiver races up and down my spine. My wolf is fully alert in my mind, her ears perked up and listening for another sound from whoever growled like that.
I’m surprised as hell when Alpha Thomas looks down at me and I see fear in his eyes. It doesn’t make me feel brave though, it makes me scared. Who the hell could make our Alpha fearful?
This does not bode well for anyone, I’m sure of it.
“I like this jackass of an Alpha being afraid,” my wolf huffs.
I stand up on shaky legs as Alpha Thomas, Kathy, and Samuel race out of the Beta office, barely giving me a second look. No one has made an announcement through the pack mind-link about an attack or anything. Would I even get included in the link? I really don’t know.
Small black dots start to dance in my vision as I make it to the stairs of the packhouse and grip the banister to help me walk down. I’ve been left behind to fend for myself, but there’s nothing new about that. My wolf chuffs in my head and I roll my eyes. This pack really is the fucking worst.
“Where is she? Where is my mate?” The angry shouting is coming from a very pissed off male downstairs and something about his voice, maybe the urgency in it, tugs at me. I move a little faster, wanting to see who the voice belongs to. He growls menacingly, “Why the fuck do I smell my mate’s blood on you?”
I hobble down the last few steps and make my way into the entranceway of the packhouse. The sight which greets me has me freezing. There’s a man standing there and he’s seething with rage, his hand wrapped around Kathy’s throat and lifting her into the air as if she weighs nothing.
To him, she probably does. He’s the largest man I’ve ever seen. He must be at least 6’6” and considering I’m on the shorter side for a werewolf at 5’5, I know he’ll tower over me. Todd is standing there along with Alpha Thomas, both of them a little over six feet tall and I almost snicker at how they look like little boys compared to this man. It’s not just his height either—it’s everything about him.
He’s massive. His shoulders are broad and muscular. His hair is dark brown and longer on top than on the sides, so it falls across his forehead, making him look put together and messy at the same time. There’s an air of dominance around him that I wish I could wrap around my shoulders like a blanket and snuggle into for the rest of my life.
The air in the room fills with tension, and I swear I can smell the ozone in the air. It’s the same smell right before it rains. I’ve never welcomed a storm more than I do right now.
When his eyes meet mine, it’s as if a bolt of lightning strikes me. His eyes are so green and…familiar. Something snaps inside of me, and I suck in a lungful of air, trying to make sense of everything going on. The black spots in my vision grow and tremble, making it harder for me to see. Harder for me to understand.
I can feel myself falling just as I hear a crash right before warm arms the size of fucking tree trunks catch me. I take another deep breath; cedar and a hint of berries are all I can smell. I let go knowing I’m safe for the first time in far too long. Darkness takes me under, and I can only hope my green-eyed savior will be there when I wake up.
“Mate,” being growled against the crown of my head and rumbling through my body is the last thing I hear.
CHAPTER 6
TRISTAN
I look down at the gorgeous woman in my arms and my heart fucking breaks while it soars at the same time. She’s been beaten and, considering I smelled my mate’s blood on the bitch on the other side of the room, I have no doubt she has something to do with it. If my mate hadn’t walked into the room, I’m pretty sure I would have strangled the woman.
They look like they’re about the same age. Shouldn’t they be friends?
It doesn’t make any sense to me and it’s clear that whatever happened to my Serenity wasn’t something at training. Sparring can get out of control, especially when we’re talking about wolves, but this is something else entirely. It’s clear from the way she’s injured that my mate didn’t fight back.
I wish the fresh blood wasn’t the only signs of abuse on my mate. She’s underweight and looks fragile, like she’s about to break. There are bruises on her arms like look like they’re almost healed completely which, even with our wolves, can take a while. Then there’s the scent of desperation and desolation coming from her. It almost completely masks her natural caramel and vanilla scent, the same scent I’ve been dreaming about for eight years.
When I looked across the room and into her gorgeous blue-grey eyes, I could see the pain there. It was like she reached into my chest, grabbed my heart, and squeezed. I wanted to fall to my knees, but I couldn’t because she needed me to catch her as she passed out.
