Bonded beyond lies, p.3
Bonded Beyond Lies, page 3
Todd ripped that from me in a single moment and I don’t even know why. Not really. I know I’m considered to be at the bottom of the pack, but it’s a lie. I am the Beta’s daughter. I should be near the top of the hierarchy.
I was.
But then everything changed, and the reason why is something I have never been able to find out. I never did anything to deserve the treatment I’ve had to endure. I’ve never done anything to hurt anyone or put the pack at risk.
I was just a child.
Fuck, maybe I still am a child.
The tears soaking the pillow underneath my head prove I’m still just a scared pup. My wolf whimpers in my head, but I can feel her strength even through her pain.
“We are strong, my human,” she murmurs the words, a growl of determination lining them and lending me more of her power, of her assuredness. “Maybe this is not the pack for us, and we need to find another way.”
The thought of leaving Waning Moon shouldn’t make me sad considering the number of horrible memories I have here. Still, it’s my birth pack and wolves are wired to be loyal to their pack. Even when there are those within the pack who don’t deserve that loyalty. I know it’s an instinct, but my wolf is even more bound by instinct than I am and if she’s suggesting leaving it’s something I really need to consider.
“Where would we go?”
“I don’t know, but we can’t stay here and fester in the pain,” she coaxes me.
“I don’t want to run like a scared little pup. I want to be stronger than that. I want to stand up and fight,” I insist.
“They don’t fight for you, Serenity. They are not worthy of you fighting for them,” she points out gently and it breaks my heart.
“I know,” I whisper brokenly.
I hate that there is part of me still clinging to the hope that Todd will change his mind. The rejection can’t be taken back, not really—the words will always hang between us and the bond we had, the one the Moon Goddess placed between us, will always be broken. However, we could forge a new bond.
If we mated and he marked me, we would be bonded. I don’t know if it would be the same as it would have been if he had accepted me. I never thought to ask that kind of question in school when we learned about mates. They glossed over rejection because it doesn’t happen. Except to me, apparently.
Someone pounding on the door at the bottom of the rickety stairs up to the attic has me flinching in my blanket cocoon before I stumble to my feet, shedding the layers quickly and scurrying down the stairs. When I swing the door open, I see regret and pain flash in my mother’s eyes, and it makes me wonder why it’s there. Then I notice that my father is standing next to her, and my eyes drop to the floor.
I’ve already experienced enough pain. I don’t need anymore.
Last night I thought I was going to die from the pain, and it only proved there is still a small tendril of the bond connecting me to Todd. He was with a she-wolf last night. As if I needed a reminder that I don’t matter to him. That I’m his mate and he threw me away.
The pain of the rejection took me to my knees, but the pain last night felt like being burned alive from the inside out. No one ever talks about the pain when someone betrays a mate bond because it doesn’t happen. Except to me, apparently.
Even though we aren’t marked, the bond has been recognized between us, even though it was rejected. That means our souls are connected. I was hopeful I wouldn’t feel it if Todd chose to take a she-wolf to his bed because of the rejection. That hope was stupid.
It still feels like my organs are bruised. The pain, the fire, the pressure—it lasted for a long time. Probably not as long as it felt like it did, but even when he was done, and I could tell the moment his dick was no longer buried inside someone who isn’t his mate, the pain continued to reverberate through me. It stole my breath; it stole the vestiges of any love that the bond planted inside my heart. It washed away those happy memories from childhood, the ones I was trying to cling to.
Before everything changed and Todd became my biggest bully and tormentor, I was one of the few people who could get through to him and calm him down when he was angry. I always justified his actions as part of his Alpha nature, not wanting to see him as the cruel male he is. I see it differently now, but that’s a product of what he’s put me through.
Now I see him as the cruel and sinister wolf he is. He delights in my pain. Hell, I’m sure he knew how much pain I was in last night and was enjoying it. It probably made him giddy.
My father clears his throat and I cower in front of him, loathing how I got lost in my head instead of focusing on the other threat right in front of me. Never forget the threat you’re facing.
“I can feel the guilt and the shame coming from them,” my wolf whispers to me.
I shake off my wolf’s words because I don’t understand them. I know they’re ashamed of me, they’ve made that clear over the last eight years. I don’t care where their guilt comes from. Not anymore.
“Beta,” I whisper, my voice barely making it past my dry throat.
My mother shoves a bottle of water into my hands, and I start to drink from it, a fleeting thought about hoping it’s not poisoned passing through my mind. If it is, then…it is. I can’t fight the rushing torment of my life anymore.
“The Alpha wants to see you in his office,” my father bites out.
I nod woodenly and move through the house when they make way for me. I barely register them following behind me, lost in wondering what the Alpha could want from me and the deep desire to not see Todd in the packhouse.
Luck is not on my side, which is not surprising, because when I knock on the Alpha’s door, I can already smell Todd on the other side along with Luna Lori. I keep my eyes downcast when I step into the lavishly decorated office after being given permission to enter. I try and keep the shock at my parents following me inside to myself.
The pup in me wants to believe they care. Hell, even my wolf is taking solace in them being here. I’m not naïve enough to believe their presence has anything to do with caring for me. Not anymore. I learned that lesson a long time ago.
“Serenity, thank you for coming,” Alpha Thomas’ voice is neutral, but I can hear the hint of frustration there. “Please have a seat,” there’s just enough of an Alpha command there to have me moving quickly and sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
Luna Lori is perched on her mate’s lap and Todd is glaring at me from the other chair next to me. I ignore him. My parents take a seat on the couch in the room, leaving me in the middle of whatever is going on.
“It’s our understanding that you are our son’s mate,” Alpha Thomas says it as more of a statement than a question.
I don’t look him in the eyes and try to keep my voice level, “Yes.”
I can feel the gaze of everyone in the room on me. I wasn’t much to look at before two days ago when I was rejected, at least that’s what I’ve been told for so long, but I have no doubt that I look worse now. When I glance up at Luna Lori, there’s a gleam of satisfied victory in her eyes. It makes me want to cower away from her, but I hold firm, my wolf giving me some of her strength.
“An Alpha and Luna should never take joy in the pain of someone in their pack,” my wolf spits in disgust.
“They have never raised a hand to me or said anything derogatory to me, but they haven’t stopped anyone who does,” I admit softly, hoping it doesn’t send her into a rage.
“We are very disappointed to find out that our son has rejected you, Serenity,” Luna Lori’s voice is soft and sweet.
Too sweet.
My eyes snap up to meet hers and there’s a sincerity there which doesn’t make any sense. She is truly upset about Todd rejecting me. What the fuck is going on here?
“We have always taught Todd the importance of having your true mate at your side,” she explains, her voice filled with chastisement directed at her son.
“There is no way I could mate her,” Todd sneers the last word like a curse.
My mind is reeling at the disappointment rolling off the Alpha and Luna. Todd’s annoyance is nothing new, but the way they’re looking at their son with censure is something I haven’t seen in years. Not since before everything changed.
“You shouldn’t be so cavalier about throwing away your fated mate,” the Alpha’s words are weighted, but there’s a hint of a lie I can’t quite place and don’t understand.
I shift uncomfortably in my chair, unsure of what I should do with myself and unsure of what I should do with my hands. I can’t bring myself to look at my parents and see the disappointment, again, directed at me. I’ve felt enough of that to last me a lifetime.
“I won’t be taking back my rejection,” Todd growls the words, assured in the decision he has already made.
It has anger boiling inside of me.
“Like we’d take him back,” my wolf scoffs and I agree with the sentiment.
“A rejection can’t be taken back, the words are binding,” as much as I want to shout, I keep my voice low and steady.
“But marking you would cause a bond to form again,” Alpha Thomas points out, the words hard.
I feel the color drain from my face at the thought of Todd marking me. I think I would rather die than be subjected to a lifetime with Todd as my mate. Maybe, one day, I’ll thank him for what he did because I can’t think of anyone less worthy of being my mate. My wolf chuffs in agreement in my mind.
I keep my mouth shut, but I don’t need to say anything because Todd is up and out of his chair, fury coming off him in waves. “I will never allow this mutt to be Luna of Waning Moon,” he spits the words, making them cutting and vicious.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard the sentiment behind them. My heart sinks because I’m sure it won’t be the last either.
Before anyone can say another word or the conversation can continue, Todd storms out of the Alpha’s office. The rage coming off him follows, but splashes against my skin, reminding me that I mean nothing to him. My mate. I don’t look up, but when I’m dismissed, I scurry away, not worried whether my parents are following me or not.
Todd’s rejection feels like a weight around my shoulders, but what makes me bleed is the fact that my parents didn’t say a damn word in my defense. How did my life become like this? Why do they want me to be weak when I could be the strongest she-wolf in the pack? It’s my destiny to be the Luna, not that I would want to be at Todd’s side. Yet they’ve done nothing but beat me down for years.
I didn’t know my heart could shatter into smaller pieces, but it can.
CHAPTER 4
SERENITY
It’s been a few days since the meeting with the Alpha and I’ve done everything I can to avoid everyone in the pack. When I’m unable to avoid them, I’m a little surprised at the looks of pity which have been thrown at me. I’m not at all surprised by the hate-filled looks; those are normal for me.
How fucking sad is that? A pack is supposed to be a family, a place where everyone is protected and has a place. I haven’t felt at home in Waning Moon in far too long. I’ve been isolated and it’s chipped away at me. We are pack animals and derive strength from the bonds connecting us.
Being an outsider to the pack is dangerous. Wolves can go feral without the love and safety of the pack surrounding them.
Not that I think anyone is worried about me going feral. I would almost think that was the goal everyone had when the abuse started—to weaken me, to make it so that I had no other choice but to run. However, that makes no sense if the Moon Goddess deemed me worthy of being the next Luna of the pack.
My head hurts with how much I’ve been thinking about everything. Not just the rejection, but the last eight years. I’ve been showing my wolf what I’ve endured, hoping she could help me find a reason that everything changed.
All I’ve done is make my wolf depressed, but I can also feel her strength.
I sigh as I walk through the woods toward our special place, a place where no one else goes even though it’s one of the most beautiful glades in our territory. I’ve always found peace here, especially when the moon is shining down on us, but right now the sun is warming our skin as fall cools the air around us.
Last night was rough. Todd decided to take another she-wolf to bed. He decided to mind-link me while he was doing it, as if the phantom pain from our ruined bond wasn’t bad enough.
“You’ll never be the one writhing underneath me,” Todd taunted me through the mind-link, his voice breathless with pleasure.
The only good thing was that the burning from him betraying our bond wasn’t as strong as it was the first time. The whole thing still fucked with my head though. It got to both me and my wolf. At first, my wolf whimpered in my head with the knowledge that she would never have her mate.
I wasn’t sad about not having Todd as a mate. Not having Todd as a mate is a goddess-send. He would be a horrible mate, just like he’ll be a horrible Alpha.
Still, last night he kept the mind-link with me open the entire time he was fucking the other girl. It was cruel and it hardened my heart to him in a way that can’t be undone. He derived pleasure from making me feel unloved and unwanted. It was sick and twisted.
I hate him.
The hatred that burns inside of me for our mate is not something I can stop. Even my wolf is on board with it, no longer feeling sadness over losing him. She stopped her whining as Todd told us how good she felt, how tight she was, how she was superior to us.
My wolf is no longer pining for the mate she lost. I’m almost afraid that she’ll try and rip his throat out if we see him any time soon. That would probably be a disaster since he’s much stronger than us.
“You forget, my human, he will be weaker without his goddess-given mate at his side,” my wolf snickers in my head, pulling me back to the present where I’m sitting in the middle of the clearing while soaking up the sun.
“I’m sorry that you have to endure being without your mate because of me.” I furiously wipe the tears from my face, refusing to shed another tear for that bastard Todd, or anyone else in this fucking pack. “He never gave you a chance and it’s all my fault.”
“No,” she insists, “it’s Todd’s fault. He is a weak male, and he was never deserving of our bond. He will find that he weakens more and more overtime, but we will get stronger. We will survive this because we are survivors. The memories you have shown me about your life in this pack,” she spits the word as if it’s vile, which, in this case, it is, “prove to me how strong you are. You have endured so much, my human, and I am proud to be your wolf.”
I allow humbled gratefulness to well up inside of me knowing my wolf can feel it. She’ll understand what it means and where it comes from. She has been the only friend I’ve had in so damn long. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell her just how much that means to me.
“Aww,” my wolf teases me, “I love you too, my human.”
I take a deep breath and take in the smell of the forest surrounding us. This is our home and yet we’ve felt so disconnected from it for so long. What does that mean? It makes my wolf just as uneasy as it makes me. It’s like trying to put on clothes that don’t fit—it’s just wrong and uncomfortable.
“It’s time,” my wolf prompts me softly.
“Time for what?”
I swear I can feel my wolf roll her eyes at my question. Sassy wolf. Not like I would have it any other way.
“Time to shift.”
I gasp as my mind starts to whirl at the possibility of shifting for the first time. I’ve heard about how painful it is, but I can’t imagine it’ll be worse than the pain we’ve already endured. The thought of running free, of having the wind in our fur as we run, has excitement welling up inside of me.
“We weren’t ready before,” my wolf informs me. “We’re ready now. We’re strong enough and the pain of the rejection has receded to the point that we can shift now. Are you ready?”
“Yes,” I exclaim out loud without realizing it at first while my wolf chuffs in my head.
I stand up quickly and take a deep breath to try and relax. I don’t need to anticipate the pain. I just want to look forward to the freedom. I also take a big sniff of the air, making sure that no one else is around to witness this.
Normally, when wolves have their first shift, their family is there to help and support them. I never imagined that would be the way it would go for me. The dream of having my family surrounding me and celebrating me died a long time ago.
I strip quickly, dropping my clothes in the middle of the clearing because no one is likely to come across them.
As I shake out my arms, I feel something come over me, an awareness, a readiness. My wolf surges forward in my mind and I allow my own psyche to relax. I don’t fight my wolf; I trust her implicitly.
Just like it should be.
I am lucky to have the wolf I do. She is the only support I want and need for this.
“I’m lucky to have you too,” she coos. “Relax. It will hurt, but you know that.”
I let my muscles go lax and before my next heartbeat it feels like my bones are being broken and twisted, the sound of shattering filling the empty clearing. I drop to my knees, the pain of the shift taking me down. My body twists in agony, the pain firing through every cell of my body.
I breathe through it, knowing the pain, this time, will be worth it. It feels like it lasts forever, but I know it doesn’t.
My eyes are squeezed shut, but I can feel everything. The way my fur erupts from my skin. The way my jaw elongates. The way my claws burst from my fingers.
It goes on and on, my wolf gently supporting me as I endure. I swallow down my wails of agony; it’ll be worth it in the end.
I’ll be on paws. I’ll be free.
My breathing is hard and labored, but I keep drawing oxygen into my lungs. Every breath is difficult, but I don’t stop. I let go, submitting to the will of the goddess in giving me the ability to shift.
