“Well, that is normal since he is at work all day and seems to do very long hours. It is more than that though Emma, what is it?”

  “I don’t know Georgina…he seems to be avoiding me! I hate it when I have to have housekeeping money since I have no work permit….”

  “Emma, you knew that when we were here we would not be able to work and that your role here would be to be the perfect wife and have a perfect home for entertaining, look good and be welcoming, it is a small price to pay for the love Carlo gives you and you can see it in his eyes…he adores you!”

  “I hope you are right, perhaps I am just tired!”

  Georgina laughed and urged Emma to finish her supper, today both men were out on a business supper which did not include wives.

  “Let’s hit the town honey! Then you can come round to my place and we can plan your birthday party! We could also plan our girls weekend away! I have to see the doctor first to make sure it is ok with my pregnancy but I am sure it will be ok. I feel great! No morning sickness! Although durians and black bean sauce make my stomach curdle!”

  Emma laughed, “Sweetie they make my stomach curdle too! Don’t you have to be careful not to eat fresh seafood when you are pregnant?”

  “I can’t give up one of the most wonderful things about Singapore!”

  “I would like to go for a swim afterwards it is such a lovely evening and for once it is not raining…I thought it rained a lot in the UK I was so very wrong!”

  *** *** *** ***

  Emma looked at the offending object in Carlo’s suitcase unable to digest what it meant, he was unfaithful. Should she be grateful that he had used a condom or should she be offended that he thought so little of her that he hadn’t even bothered to check his suitcase.

  Taking the offending object with a pair of tweezers she went into the bathroom and quietly showed Carlo her findings.

  “Please don’t offend me by telling me this is not yours as you know full well that I don’t use these. Just don’t lie to me Carlo. Tell me why?”

  Carlo looked up at her hurt, devastated expression. What could he tell her? He was drunk and it just happened? It was true he had got tipsy and it had happened. He had been unfaithful. It was just lately after the visit to the doctor...well sex had become mechanical to have a baby and the baby did not come. He could not tell her that he didn’t care anymore about having children, he wanted that abandoned lovemaking they enjoyed before. He wanted his wife. The evening with the woman had not been mind-blowing. The worse thing was that she was so calm. No shouting. No tears just raw undiluted hurt.

  He took a deep breath. He counted to ten closing his eyes and hoping he had not just lost the most important person in his life. What he said now would determine their future together. Do I lie? No she knows me well enough. Do I edit what I feel? No she had the right to listen to the truth.

  “Emma, it was a mistake. It has been one night only and it was a big mistake. I did it because lately I feel like a sex machine and we only make love when it is the right time of the month. I miss those carefree days when we were discovering each other. I don’t feel like a man with you anymore just a prospective father…and it is not happening. Every month you get more and more depressed. You are even finding it difficult to be happy for Georgina and Fabio. I am so very sorry. You should not have found out this way. I am so very sorry. I will abide with whatever decision you make.”

  “Carlo. I am going to go home for a while. I think we should have a pause from each other. I am going to decide whether the separation should be permanent or temporary. If this happens again in my absence then you can consider this a permanent arrangement and you will hear from a lawyer. I will be coming there for the baptism of Georgina’s child as I am to be a godmother. You will make sure you pay for my flights and I do not want any woman living with you here in this house. Betty will look after you she is more than capable. I am going to tell Georgina that I am going home for a while. I will decide whether the reason is relevant or not. We can Skype when I feel more able to face the situation. Thank you for using this and thank you for not lying to me. I am sorry if I am deficient in our lovemaking because for me it was lovemaking. I am going to make the arrangements to leave now. Good bye”

  Emma dropped the offending object into the bath with the tweezers. She turned and left the bathroom. First she went to Betty and told her that she would be looking after Sir and Madam was leaving. Then she phoned Georgina and told her she was going home for a spell and she would be back for the christening. She packed her belongings and booked her flight. Numb.

  Hurt.

  Empty.

  Betrayed.

  No tears.

  Numb

  Strangely no anger came. If this was love it was very strange indeed. She felt nothing. No anger came to her rescue just a heavy feeling of immense sadness. The one man she loved more than any other thing in the world had just cheated on her. Dear heavens, here she was not even twenty six and she had a failed marriage behind her in less than two years. Her best friend was about to pop any moment now and she was leaving her.

  Carlo followed her into the bedroom. He cleared his throat and tried to persuade her to think again.

  “Emma, my love we can sort this out”

  “Don’t you dare call me your love!”

  “Emma, we can get through this together. I am so sorry!”

  “Carlo, don’t touch me and don’t say anything. You have done enough. I wish only that I could have been here for Georgina. I am all she has except for her kind, gentle respectful husband. Please leave me alone to decide what I am going to leave and what I am going to take. Go!”

  Carlo realized that now was not the time to try and persuade her to listen to him. Perhaps a few weeks apart would refresh the stalemate they had found themselves in. Cristo, he had been so stupid. He was going to lose the most precious thing in his life and all because of a few drinks too many. Santo cielo, but she looked beautiful! That long wavy strawberry blond hair, streaked with gold and copper highlights. Those eyes which changed colour with her mood were now grey blue brilliant grey blue...her pink lips pursing together so as not to tremble, what have I done? How had it happened? What had he thrown away?

  CHAPTER NINE

  Carlo smiled as he read Emma’s email. She sounded as if she was getting her life together. Georgina and Fabio had returned to London for the Christening of their son, whom they called Luca as it was easy for both families to pronounce. They told him about her. She was working in her old job but more senior now. She was telling him about a puppy she had seen and wanted to get. It was a lovely Labrador and looking at those hazelnut eyes he could see why she would want such devotion. She wanted him to help provide day care for the puppy. Without it she would not take it on. She had said that dogs needed training and love because they were faithful. This reference made him wonder if he could ever heal the hurt his one mistake had caused. He was sure one day they would be together again. Fabio and Georgina had learnt about the reason why she had left Singapore so suddenly and both were upset with him. He had not just lost his wife, he had lost his friends and his father’s respect. Antonio had been most eloquent in his displeasure.

  He read on and then stopped absolutely shocked. Oh my God! She was wondering about a divorce. Whilst the possibility had always been there, the thought of losing her forever made him feel quite sick. He guiltily read on, praying the reason was not another man, he would kill him before letting another man touch his wife. Fabio had told him in no uncertain terms that this was ridiculous since he had foregone any rights in that department the moment he went to bed and had sex with another woman.

  Could he make it up to her? Could a few hours of madness be forgiven? Could they try again for a baby? Was a baby so very important when they had each other...good choice of words Carlo...had and it would permanently be had if he did not go to London and win her back.

  Panic struck. He was going to lose Emma. He had to think. He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of white wine pouring himself a glass. He went sipped the wine smiling and planning. He had won her heart once he could do it again. He wanted to Skype her but it was too soon and besides the wine was slipping down very well.

  He went to list the things he loved about her.

  I love her eyes, changing colour with her moods

  I love her hair in the sunlight, copper, gold, amber oh so many colours.

  I love her wicked smile after we have made love.

  I love the way her body comes to life under my hands.

  I love her cooking!

  I love her accent in Italian!

  I love her perfume.

  I love her wit.

  I love her enthusiasm

  I just love her.

  He read through her email again.

  Ciao Carlo

  I am sending you a photo of the latest hopeful male in my life, he is 40 days old and if you help me with the day care, his name will be Pedro and he will be the male in my life. I gather from Georgina and Fabio that their time in Singapore is nearly up, heavens 5 years. Luca is now 3 ½! Sofia is over 2 and she is a little rascal much like her mother!!

  My job is going really well and I am going to be sent abroad again, thus the need for a dog sitter if I take on Pedro.

  Carlo. I feel that after nearly four years of separation it is useless to carry on and think that we can get back together again, we were lucky and shared a very special time together, we had more happiness than a lot of people had in a life time, however now I want a divorce. I feel ready to move on and I think I have found a very dear friend who may become more than a friend and then who knows. I think he could make me very happy and I am ready to try again.

  Georgina tells me you are still single, Don’t worry I am no longer jealous. I am sure Antonella is more than willing to warm your cold bed.

  I am glad because I have been promoted, I have a good job, great flat and doing what I want to do, maybe we just were too young and too naive to be together long term. You gave me the happiest 2 ½ years of my life but they were a dream and now life must move on. I look at the documentary we made so many years ago and think how lucky I was and will remember with nostalgia those happy carefree days.

  Namaste Emma

  God, I have known her for 6 ½ years and been her husband for 5 ½ and I still love her...the thought was both shocking and sad. Three hours of mediocre sex had thrown away what would have been over 5 ½ years of marriage. I must do something and it must be now. Why suddenly Divorce was it more than just a possible Pedro taking his place? They had been apart for nearly four years now. He scanned the email again and homed in on the phrase more than a friend. He felt bile rise to his throat. No this could not be happening!

  He remembered her smile and the way she felt in his arms before the act of love making had become mechanical to provide a son! His fervid wish was that they would have a family together and that they would be able to start again. He had no illusions about starting again would mean on her terms in her country. He began to feel a tingle of hope that perhaps he could get transferred to London and try once again to conquer his Emma. This time romance would not be enough. This time his happiness was on the proverbial platter and he did not intend to spend the rest of his life living with the remorse of what might have been. He went to the fridge and poured himself another glass of cool white wine, he sipped it and searched for something to eat but his appetite had just disappeared with “More than a friend”

  He picked up the phone and jabbed Fabio’s number. Please help him reply.

  “Ciao Fabio speaking, who is it?”

  “Carlo, long time no hear! Emma just wrote an email to me and tells me she wants a divorce. I was wondering if I could come round and see you or meet up for a drink? I need some advice”

  Fabio sighed, “Carlo even after all this time I cannot condone what you did and leaving the evidence in your suitcase was beyond awful. Hell, you were married for just over a year. I really think it is time she did move on with her life considering how you behaved. Yes I will meet up for a drink for old times’ sake and the fact that you are my best man, but don’t talk about Emma because what she feels or does is her affair and I will not be involved again. Georgina would never forgive me!”

  Carlo grimaced, “Understood and ok let’s meet up at Raffles, we could have a Singapore Sling for old times’ sake!”

  “Or go the whole hog and have Chilli Crab! Ok let’s have a boy’s night out!”

  “I warn you I have already had three glasses of wine, that email freaked me out!”

  “Carlo, it will be a pleasure to be together for an evening. I can tell you to your face what an idiot you have been and with that woman was incredible! You had Emma, heavens above and I can tell you as a father wait because your sex life is conditioned, you smell of cheese for the first months and your wife becomes a cow!! That said they are the most precious things in my life!”

  Carlo sighed, the thought of having a little Emma to hold made him feel quite queasy! Now he had to go to London to convince his wife that he was the best thing since sliced bread and be gooey about babies! Yuk! He thought back to the women who had helped him during their separation and none of them wanted cheesy clothes maybe he was not cut out to be a husband! He loved his Emma.

  Why had he been so stupid? Oh! Please help me to feel her hair fall through my fingers, help him feel her heart beat against his heart, help me one day to show her how much he loved her! How stupid and now she wanted a Divorce. The word left a bitter taste in his mouth. He never thought that a word could have a taste, Divorce, tasted like bile in his mouth.

  **** **** **** ****

  Fabio watched Carlo arrive across the bar, he looked ill, not just worse for the wear due to his indulgence.

  Carlo hung onto the sight of his old friend, he aimed his feet towards the once comforting presence.

  Fabio wanted to throttle his childhood friend, he looked awful. How bloody stupid could you get? Now was not the time, he must swallow his thoughts and help them both. Emma and Carlo were meant to be! Heavens it was thanks to them that he was a husband and a father!!

  Carlo looked as if tears were going to come, Fabio hoped not. For heaven’s sake, he had jeopardised their marriage for just a few minutes of mediocre squalid sex! The thought of forfeiting Georgina for the taste of another woman between his thighs was just unthinkable.

  “Let’s order and I hope you came by taxi!” Fabio perused his friend, he was seriously looking awful.

  “I may be stronzo...how do you say that in English a shit? However of course I came by taxi, I can’t drive tonight!”

  “Well, at least about this we in agreement!”

  “Fabio, I love her. I made a mistake. I have paid for it for over one thousand four hundred and sixty days! Thirty five thousand and forty hours! Isn’t that enough?”

  Put like that it was! What could Fabio say?

  “So what are you going to do Carlo? Swan in and take off where you left off? She has moved on in life and is ready to try again!”

  “Fabio! I KNOW!” He shouted.

  Unperturbed, Fabio tried again, “You can’t just walk in after all these years and expect her to be waiting for you with open arms! Hell! You cheated on her and did not even have the decency to do it without her finding out! She found the condom!”

  Carlo closed his eyes and counted to a hundred. Every waking hour he had berated himself for the idiot he had been. He prayed for another chance to have her in his arms again. To see her smile to taste her to love her.

  “I am human Fabio! I am not perfect. We were having problems making children and the act of lovemaking became a mechanical, military strategy the right time on the right day for the right time, it was not natural, if we were meant to have children fine but if we were not then I loved Emma more than I could love anyone else.”

  “You have a bizarre way of showing it, hopping into bed with a woman you barely know!”

  “Dammit I KNOW!” people around them began to look in their direction and he tried to shut up and get a grip of his raw emotions. He tried again, “I know, I was hurt that..”

  Fabio, his best friend, the brother he had never had, interrupted, “You moron, you spineless moron...if you loved her every part of you would love her and help her and communicate with her. You ignoramus moron, she was yours, you were selfish in Amatrice, but you were beyond stupid when you put yourself before her happiness, she wanted a baby, you just wanted her...for women that is not enough...they want the whole picture!”

  Carlo glared at his friend. The words sunk in and he realised they were true. He was a spineless moron! Oh! Oh my god! I wanted to be the only one in her life.

  He thought about the happy family Fabio had and how proud he was of his family; he thought about Fabio’s heart, he had space for it all children, wife, his family in Italy, his friends, his work, his heart had no limits...he was a fulfilled man. He looked at his own dysfunctional family finding out at the age of 27 that his mother was not his mother and the values he had been brought up with were not for him had been difficult to digest, but his best friend had just told him that he was a spineless moron and he had to agree!!

  Carlo laughed, hugging Fabio. Fabio looked a little surprised! Had his best friend really taken leave of his senses? People in the restaurant were looking on with interest! European men!!

  “You are right I should have done something about this before now! I will make sure she realises that we were meant to be...we did not meet by chance...we will have children and we will be so proud of them just like you and Georgina! If I win her back will you come to our reunion party?”

 

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