“I really don’t know yet, but I do know that we will find a way. I am not going to give up. I know we are supposed to be together. I felt it the first day I met you. I will give you space but I will not let you go. You know it is better to experience the wrong love than never to love at all “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead” as Oscar Wilde said. I will not hide myself in some sunless garden, when I HAVE known the colour of your hair in the sunlight. I have seen love light up and change the colour of your eyes. I have seen love in your soul. We will find a way.”

  .

  “ Or as Mother Theresa said “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Perhaps we do not love enough yet. I promise I will think of a way we can be together. Maybe, if we could show your mother how happy you are then she could be happy for us. We can hardly get married in Las Vegas and present them with fait accompli! Carlo, I need time and I need space. We have been together every day for the past two months. I want to have time to realise whether I can or we can survive the hostile reception I got today. I know you are faithful because we are always together, but I am not sure you will survive the misgivings your family have. I will write to you every day and you will be right here in my heart” she placed her hand on her heart.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The first magic of love is our ignorance that it can ever end.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Georgina brought a cup of strong espresso coffee up to Emma. She sat on the bed and bent forward to hug her roommate. Emma had not said anything since she had got back from Italy. The drawn expression on her face said it all. Georgina had kept quiet for six days now, but she could not shut up forever, especially as Emma was not eating and the vibrant beauty was fading. Love sick. Heavens if this was real love then she was glad she did not have any experience, Emma looked ill. The vibrant energy was gone. She functioned. She went to work, she did her share of the housework, and she existed...a sad state of affairs. Under her pillow was a growing mountain of love letters, so it was not that he had chucked her and she clearly hadn’t chucked him either since she replied by hand to everyone, sending love quotes or spilling her dreams onto paper. On the chest of drawers in their bedroom sat photos of their families and snap shots of them together. What the hell was going on?

  Emma looked up at her closest friend with dull eyes. “I am sorry Georgina, I haven’t been very good company lately. Italy was not a great success. His ex girl friend did not take well to my arrival and his mother was frankly a cow! He was about to propose to me. I just am not strong enough to live my life far from my friends and family surrounded by hostile people. I don’t know if I love him enough. He...he even suggested living abroad, but one day we would go back and he cannot cut off his family. We might even be happy for a while...but it would not last forever. He would grow to resent me. I just feel empty without him. I do not feel I am alive. I don’t even have the energy to cry anymore. What shall I do?”

  “Do you remember we were going to go away together on that Ayurveda yoga retreat? You were going to study it and perhaps open a studio? When times are unbearable sometimes a change of scenery and the discipline of yoga and meditation could be useful. You might get things into perspective. If when we come back you still feel the same then perhaps you should get him to come and see you at weekends? I am sure you’ll find a solution. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. I think we could have a great time in India. I need to do an article on it so they will pay for the time we are there. I think we could have a special time together. If you stay here sweetie you are going to fade away. Your work have told you they can spare you for 3months which was instead of taking that fat bonus. If I was in your shoes I would get in writing that they will have you back and get the hell out of here. It will be good for Carlo too. He would want you to do something for you for a change you are always doing it for others.”

  “I think that sounds great. Here everything reminds me of him. I have always wanted to go to India with you. I cannot see Carlo in India and much less doing yoga!!” she smiled her first smile since her return.

  “Give me a day to book everything and we will leave sometime next week if you are sure.”

  “Down dog here I come!”

  “Sun salutations!! Just imagine whilst everyone is dying of cold in London we will be lapping up the sun and getting fit as well!!”

  Emma hugged her friend. Georgina always found a solution to everything. They had been friends ever since they went to kindergarten together. The thought that one day they would not be sharing a room and lead separate lives felt frightening. They had survived the perils of boarding school in the far bounds of Scotland together and remained friends throughout.

  “We promised to do the twenty eight day holiday and then go for our tour together. If at the end of two and a half months you are still in love then I say you will find a way!” Georgina, laughed. “You will find a way”

  **** **** ****

  Carlo looked at Emma’s email flabbergasted. She was going off for two or three months with her roommate to India to do first an Ayurveda yoga retreat and then to go off to Rajasthan paid for by a travel magazine....there was no way she could send him letters from where they were going. He looked at the email again. No the contents had not changed...she was going to be impossible to reach for over two months, if she felt different about the obstacle of his family and friends at the end of this trip helping Georgina then they could start to date again and take it from there. He had no choice at all. If he closed his eyes her smiling face was dancing before him, if he opened his eyes he saw the email before him. He dragged his fingers through his thick dark hair. It is going to be alright. Don’t panic. He had two months to persuade his family that he intended to marry for love not money. He had been applying for overseas posts ever since that fated lunch. The best he had managed so far was Milan but he knew she detested it. Perhaps there would be some divine intervention from above and he would be posted to Asia so perhaps he could come and see her. Asia seemed so far away.

  Carlo phoned up Fabio and asked him if he would come for a walk around Campo dè Fiori, a piazza in Rome, which is a market full of flowers after its name by day time and a hive of activity by night. It was famous for its public executions. He needed the distraction of a lively night life and who better to go with than his dear friend, who had introduced him to Emma that fateful night in London. He didn’t feel he could face his family and people who were considered his childhood friends. The disastrous lunch was still too fresh in his mind. Thankfully Fabio agreed to come and they spent a lovely evening together mulling over their time together in London.

  “Have you heard from Chiara and Emma? What has happened to Emma you seemed so close in London! She is one hell of a great girl. We used to water-ski together and go sailing. Tell me how it went up in Amatrice; you took her there didn’t you. I actually thought you might have asked her to marry you...”

  “Whoa! Fabio!! Chiara is at University in London, she is studying hard. Emma has gone to India with her friend Georgina, she needed some breathing space. Antonella was not all that kind to her. In fact we are having a pause time to be sure what we feel is for real, since it all happened so fast. She decided that after the appalling behaviour of my family...Santo cielo!! My mother and Antonella frightened her away....

  “Tell me about it.... were they impossible? You were so right for each other, Santo Cielo what happened? Do your parents realise who she is and where she comes from?”

  “My family think that their son should marry for security. They do not understand love they do not understand that I am bored of those empty headed females, I like talking about all sorts of things.....”

  “I know it was one of the things I loved most about her. I could talk about anything with her.”

  “Did you love her as in love?”

  “For a while yes...she never showed any sign of reciprocating my feelings so we just are very good friends. Now that is enough for me.” Fabio admitted sadly.

  “What am I going to do? I close my eyes and she is there. I miss her so much. I really think this is the one!” Carlo sighed. He felt lost. Every time the songs they had listened to together came on the radio he had to change channels. Blaring out was the sound of Ornella Vanoni’s voice singing Dettagli, he could not believe it! The world was ganging up against him to stop him forgetting the most amazing summer he had had.

  “And useless trying to forget

  For a long time in the life

  You will need to look for

  Details so small that you

  You’re not yet ready to understand...”

  Carlo switched channels again this just was not his evening for music! Even Fabio asked for pity! Please let there be a channel which was not choosing this moment for love songs or golden oldies!

  “Oh, my love, my darling

  I've hungered for your touch

  a long, lonely time

  And time goes by so slowly

  and time can do so much

  Are you still mine?

  I need your love

  I need your love

  God speed your love to me!....”

  “No this is just not on! Unchained Melody on the radio this is ridiculous!” he snapped off the radio and concentrated on the Rome traffic. Tonight he was going to enjoy the cool early October evening with Fabio; they would have a bite to eat in the centre. They would wonder the streets and enjoy the lively atmosphere of Campo den Fiori. The smell of coffee, the street entertainers vying to attract your attention, oh how he had wanted to do this walk with Emma. Perhaps one day he would be walking from Piazza Navona to Campo de’ Fiori with her hand in his...

  “I would like a decent bottle of wine or some prosecco and catch up with you Carlo, you seem to have disappeared this summer, there is so much to tell me...and if it is not today then you will must take me to the Rome Lazio game this weekend!”

  “If we are going to drink then I am leaving the car in the bank’s underground garage, and I will pay for us to go back by taxi! There is no way I want to risk it. Do you want to stay the night? I have a sofa bed you can use instead of hiking it back to San Giovanni and we can go to work together tomorrow morning!”

  “Sounds great by me! So fill me in on what you have been doing since you left us three months ago”

  “Emma and I went to Navplion in Greece to see my friend and his wife. We went island hopping. We went to Samos, Kos, Crete and Cephalonia. We went to Cephalonia because I has always wanted to see where my uncle died in the Cephalonia massacre, he was one of the 5,000, he was with the Acqui Division in 1943. Then we flew from Athens to see my family. Emma left early because she had her fill of being insulted. I cannot understand why Antonella was such a cow.”

  “Which island did you like the best? I loved Samos, less touristy. So what are we going to do with Arctic Antonella? Get her a boyfriend she can freeze? Get her sent to some place in Africa? Emma will not come back to you unless she is out of the equation. I know Emma. And your mother was awful with her! Again either things change or Emma just won’t put up with it. I have known her forever! Unless India changes her dramatically I don’t think she will put up with the hassle of your friends and relatives, present company excluded of course!”

  “So what do I do?” Carlo looked at his friend in despair. “I can’t not see her for so long....it is going to be nearly quarter of a year before I see her again. I need her; it actually hurts to be away from her.”

  “Then I suggest you go to your mother’s place, take them out to supper and insist they listen to you. Tell them what you have told me but refer to Arctic Antonella as a lady not a cow! They love Antonella and she would bring more solid security to your family. I suggest you then go round to Antonella’s place and tell her that you are going to marry Emma and there has never been any thought on your side that she would become your wife. When you have everything tied up...start saving some coppers if you have to and get out to visit her....take it easy I suggest going to see her in about 4 weeks when they finish their time in Kerala and go to Rajasthan. I think you would only get in the way of their time there. Don’t invade insinuate....you will have far more success. Perhaps I should come with you and keep Georgina happy...I really liked her! That way we can make up a foursome! Just my idea...let me know!!”

  “Wow! Fabio would you really do that for me?” Carlo looked ecstatic.

  “If you ask I will come, I am due some holiday...so why not, I have just finished with Anna, so I am free! I don’t think that Georgina should be made to feel like a gooseberry...she deserves more and she is Emma’s closest friend so if you make her happy she is bound to pass on positive vibes.”

  “I will need all the help I can get!”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

  Lao Tzu

  5.00 am the alarm sounded...I swear one day I will fling this thing out of the window! Emma crashed back onto the pillow, 10 more minutes of snooze then the alarm would be Space Oddity reminding her of the day ahead. In an hour the day would start with meditation and yoga, and then she would be sent to heaven at the hands of Prasanthe and her daughter Neela, as they massaged her and administrated the Ayurveda treatments. Then she would go to the beach with Georgina and they would sunbathe and swim. Lunch would be served according to your “Dosha” Vata, Pitta or Kapha, apparently she was more Vata! After lunch they walked to the village and mixed with the local children, both took videos and notes sending them back to the UK for approval and pay checks. In one thing Georgina had been right, days went by when Carlo began to fade to a pleasant memory. After the village they had 2 hours of lessons about Ayurveda a day, followed by tea in the garden and an hour of yoga followed by meditation. Supper was at 20.00, by which time they were tired, so spent little time with their fellow guests enjoying the evening activities, these ranged from workshops about stress management or De-tox to cookery lessons. Some guests watched the talented local girls dance in the moonlight by the bonfire which was lit most nights.

  Georgina and Emma’s cottage was on the beach. They could hear the waves crashing onto the beach. They sat and chatted on their veranda, listening to the waves splashing on the sand and sipping their tisanes, which the resident doctor had prepared for them. The sweet smell of Sandalwood incense engulfed them.

  Emma sighed “I feel so good, I never believed it was possible to feel so well...I mean inside and outside! This place is awesome...and to think we are being paid to be here!” she looked down at her deep golden tan ”and a suntan in December not bad!! I thought we would be washed out by the monsoon; instead it is actually quite pleasant. I am glad we will be here for December though because the rain drastically reduces then! I love the smell of the grass after a downpour.”

  “I love catching the rain on my tongue and whirling around in the warm rain...I like being soaked not like in England!” Georgina confessed.

  “Talking about England have you sent your article? I have sent the film; I think I got some good shots of the garden after the downpour this afternoon. Aren’t we going on the backwater tour tomorrow? That should be great fun!”

  “It is great to have no communication here but at the village or the office. They are so kind to let us use their office when we send our stuff...I don’t feel guilty though since we are here for such a long time! Are you glad you came Emma?”

  “Yes and to think I nearly did n’t come, I was too upset about Carlo...there are some days here when I really don’t think about him at all.”

  “Is that good or bad?” Georgina asked

  “Good because it means that if things are the same I won’t die inside again...I actually physically hurt...it was a real pain...I felt overwhelmed by how strong my feelings were for him...I know I could not possibly stay with him and his aggravating family though!”

  “That Antonella sounded really awful...have you managed to forgive her yet through hard meditation? I am not sure my skills of meditation are up to that!!”

  “I think I have...she is just a very insecure sad woman who cannot cope with other people’s happiness. As for his family...let’s say I am working on it...if I were a mother my son’s happiness would be paramount...of paramount importance. It is like some kind of regency novel....arranged marriages, marriage for money, glittering jewellery and empty heads!” she laughed sadly ”I swear I saw enough Fendi and Prada bags to start a shop not to mention Gucci and Hermes and Louis Vuitton...it is kind of sad that everything there is show and superficial...your car, Your bag. Your clothes and your jewellery....it is not what you are it is what you have....in England we are taught that what you are is more important...Italian aristocrats do not go around in faded out of fashion jeans because their family estates need repairs!! I am not all that sure if I want this for the rest of my life and you hear of so many Italians getting separated...what happened to the Big Mamma family?”

  “Well, when we get back Emma you must decide. You cannot leave him hanging onto a dream forever if you don’t think it will happen. I like him, I think he is good for you and I love to see you spoilt and he is the most romantic man I know...mind you I must say I found your friend Fabio quite delicious! I think he quite likes me too!”

  “Oh! How exciting! I love Fabio I have known him for many years and we even went camping together. Don’t worry nothing happened!! Now his family are lovely!! His father is an Admiral in the Navy and they love sailing...so if you want to pursue that line of thought think about learning sailing and waterskiing! He even has a nice sister and brother; his mother is lovely too...nothing deranged about his family and friends. I love him like a brother....oh wouldn’t it be cool if we all ended up together...I could run round to your place if the going got tough!!”

 

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