Forever comes in threes, p.20
Forever Comes in Threes, page 20
Carl: You’re live in five, four, three, cueing music.
“Good morning. This is Dr. Lee, and this is Finding Natural Balance. I hope you’re all back with me after the long break. We were talking about decisions to make changes in our lives after living through the devastating pandemic. The podcast was on hiatus because I’ve been making some huge changes in my life and, honestly, trying to regain my own balance amid all of it. In making those changes, however, I learned a few lessons I want to talk about today.
“When life stops teaching us lessons, it’s not because we’ve learned everything there is to know. It’s because we’ve stopped listening. I could throw a lot of euphemisms at you like ‘united we stand, divided we fall’ or ‘no man is an island’—that saying goes for women, too—but I want to talk about taking time for true introspection. The imbalance you feel as we’ve emerged from the pandemic might be more internal—baggage you’ve been carrying all along—than external, like a job or lifestyle. Bear with me for a few minutes while I share a bit to make my point.
“The pandemic lockdown basically imprisoned most of us in our houses and apartments, turning our homes into office, school, and living space. The virus killed many of our family members, friends, and neighbors. The experience has caused a lot of us to reconsider how our priorities are weighted between career, family, and ourselves. I’m still optimistic this experience will be a good thing for our society.
“However, the pressure of our confinement also acerbated some of our worst shortcomings. I’m not going to blame social media, because it’s just a vehicle we’ve used to air our lowest nature in vitriol, careless criticisms, and deliberate misinformation. And we’ve become conditioned to ignore the damage it’s doing to all of us.
“I know a lot of you have subscribed to follow and add to the back-and-forth between this podcast and Timed for Success, hosted by efficiency expert Dr. Perry Chandler. Most of you probably watched Rayna Shine’s vlog Podcast Prattle episode that featured Dr. Chandler and me. Ms. Shine intended to throw gasoline on our professional disagreement and fire up her subscriber numbers. To do that, she originated and spread—my people later discovered—the false rumor that the debate between the podcasts was a marketing ploy to draw more listeners. We still don’t know, and I don’t care to know, if she hired trolls to initiate the entire debate.
“I don’t care how it started because I’m ultimately to blame for taking the bait and making remarks that denigrated Dr. Chandler and her expertise. I am deeply ashamed for giving in to a side of myself I didn’t realize existed. If I could erase that vlog and what led to it, I would, because it has cost me the person I’d come to love more than my career and more than myself. I’ve been rightly humbled and deserve everything reaped from what I sowed.
“I’ve shared all that to announce I am ending the Finding Natural Balance podcast, because I clearly haven’t yet found my own balance. I only hope my failure will spur some of you to take a deep look inside yourselves and ask if what you post online truly reflects the person you want to be.”
The chat line went crazy, and her staff was swamped with incoming calls, but Ming tossed her headset onto her desk. The chat line would stay open for a few hours to let them talk among themselves, but she wasn’t taking calls…unless the caller was the person for whom her heart still ached, the person she needed if she was to ever find her balance.
Chapter Seventeen
Tucker stared at Perry from his blanket on the small sofa in her office while she booted up her computers and prepared to check her business email. She was used to his watchfulness, guessing that he was afraid she’d send him away again. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. In her mind, he was the lonely child she’d been, ignored by her parents and passed from babysitter to babysitter before being left pretty much on her own.
“Hey. Who’s my handsome boy?”
His tail thumped against the sofa. She’d set up his crate in its old spot in her bedroom, but he slept each night on her bed, his nose touching her shoulder or his back warming her leg. Did he fear she would slip away while he was sleeping? She often saw him lift his head and become very still, as though listening for someone. She worried that he was hoping his pack would also find their way back to them.
She was about to offer him another treat, although he’d already had his daily limit, when an alert pinged from her email. She stared at the search bot that notified her any time her podcast was mentioned online. She hadn’t received an alert from that bot for almost two weeks. The website link to this latest mention was Finding Natural Balance. Had Ming posted a new podcast? Did she even want to listen? The personal line on her cell phone rang. Julie. She answered the call, but her cursor still hovered over the alert as she warred with herself over whether to click the link.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“I know you got the alert. Have you clicked on it yet?”
“No.”
“Do it. You need to listen to that podcast.”
“Julie, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, Perry.” Julie’s voice softened. “I’m your best friend and love you like a sister. Well, maybe not like a sister because I wouldn’t have sex with my sister—”
“Julie, just spit it out.” Perry loved her, too, but sometimes Julie had trouble getting to the point.
“You need to get your head out of your childhood and grow up, honey. Ming is not your mother. You’re miserable, she’s miserable, and it’s ludicrous that you two haven’t talked this out. I’m laying the blame for that on your doorstep.”
“You’ve talked to her?”
Julie paused. “A few times, but it was Danny, the guy she worked with at the adoption event, who told me she’d taken a leave of absence from volunteering with them. He said having to split up your trio took an emotional toll on her. A couple of days after she turned them over to him, she wanted them back, but they’d already been placed in new homes. All except Molly, so Ming made a big donation to their general fund and filled out the paperwork to adopt her.”
“She has Molly?”
“Yes, thank God. She was being fostered at a home with a bunch of other dogs and was refusing to eat.”
Perry closed her eyes as relief flooded her. “And JT?”
“Danny said JT went to that couple you told me about…Tom and Bob. Is that a gay couple?”
“No. Bob is short for Roberta, I think.”
“Whatever. Now put on your big-girl panties and listen to her podcast.”
After they ended the call, Perry clicked on the link. Nothing had changed on the website except for a posting that advised listeners the website was closing in a few weeks, but the podcasts would be available for download until then. Perry clicked on the download button for the episode that had just been posted, then stared at the file. She was afraid to open it. Something bumped against her calf, and she realized Tucker was poking her with his nose. He made his little worry noises, so she lifted him into her lap and clicked her mouse to open the file.
“The podcast was on hiatus because I’ve been making some huge changes in my life and, honestly, trying to regain my own balance amid all of it. In making those changes, however, I learned a few lessons I want to talk about today.”
The tears began to fall the minute Ming’s melodic tones came through her speakers, and Tucker plastered himself against her chest.
“I know a lot of you have subscribed to follow and add to the back-and-forth between this podcast and Timed for Success, hosted by efficiency expert Dr. Perry Chandler. Most of you probably watched Rayna Shine’s vlog Podcast Prattle episode that featured Dr. Chandler and me. Ms. Shine intended to throw gasoline on our professional disagreement and fire up her subscriber numbers. To do that, she originated and fed—my people later discovered—the false rumor that the debate between the podcasts was a marketing ploy to draw more listeners. We still don’t know, and I don’t care to know, if she hired trolls to initiate the entire debate.”
“That bitch. If I could get my hands around her neck—”
“I don’t care how it started because I’m ultimately to blame for taking the bait and making remarks that denigrated Dr. Chandler and her expertise. I am deeply ashamed for giving in to a side of myself I didn’t realize existed. If I could erase that vlog and what led up to it, I would because it has cost me the person I’d come to love more than my career and more than myself. I’ve been rightly humbled and deserve everything reaped from what I sowed.”
Perry didn’t hear the rest because her brain was replaying the words she never thought she’d hear from anyone.
“…because it has cost me the person I’d come to love more than my career and more than myself.”
Her tears became sobs, and Tucker licked her face, whining. “Oh, Tuck. I let my fear and pride fuck things up royally.” She buried her face in his wiry coat. “At least I still have you. I’m so glad you didn’t forget me after I let you go. Don’t ever give up on me the way I gave up on Ming.” He grunted and licked her on the chin.
Regret settled over her. She hadn’t allowed Ming a chance to explain. She’d jumped to the conclusion that Ming was using her in a marketing scheme without even tracking down the source of that rumor.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She looked at the clock. “Want to go see Molly tomorrow?” she asked Tucker. He jumped down from her lap and danced around barking. Perry laughed. “Tomorrow. It’s too late to go tonight, and I need to pick up some things before we head out.”
She hadn’t decided yet what to say to Ming but pondered the possibilities as she retrieved Tucker’s leash from the hallway coat tree. As she watched the scruffy little terrier twirl in circles after she mentioned their nightly stroll, she was certain that, like Tucker, she would never quit until Ming accepted that she was the one, the only one for her.
Chapter Eighteen
Ming blinked in the bright sunlight that was warming her. It had to be midmorning, judging from the sun’s position, which meant she’d slept about five hours despite being wrapped in two scratchy wool blankets and lying on the ridge’s hard, rocky surface. She was stiff and still exhausted, groaning as she gingerly shifted to sit up and extinguish the now-unnecessary battery-powered lantern.
She had driven the Gator to the ridge just before sundown. Molly had barked and protested, but she’d left her in the house. The lovable old dog had been sleeping more and eating less lately. Her passing could be closer than expected, and a night on the ridge might be too cold for her arthritis. Her eyesight and hearing failing, she also could wander off and fall down the steep side of the ridge that overlooked the farm buildings.
Ming had felt a little ridiculous sitting in the pool of lantern light as dark settled around her. She was no mystic and certainly not Native American. But she had promised her grandmother that she would trust Joseph, so she’d reached inside to clear her mind of everything except Perry and how much she longed for her.
She’d visualized reaching out to connect with her and again relived her memories of their time together. After a time, she began to see visions of a future together—her and Perry—then a scene of them and all three dogs together. That image cut through her like a knife and jerked her from her meditative state. That vision would never come to pass because JT and Tucker were gone. Maybe none of it would happen. Perry would never come, Molly would pass away, and she’d be forever half a soul.
Her face had been wet with tears as she returned to reality and realized the night had mostly passed. The sky was a black void no longer studded with stars or softened by moonlight. It was the dark hour before dawn.
Her legs had been so cramped from holding the same position for hours, she’d stretched out between the blankets and immediately fallen into a deep sleep…until now, when the sun woke her. She squinted at her surroundings. Her eyes felt dry and burned. She didn’t want to think about what she’d see when she returned to the house and looked into a mirror. Crap. Molly. She needed to let her out to relieve herself. Unlike the boy dogs, she would hold her urine until she got a bladder infection before she’d pee in the house.
Ming loaded the blankets and lantern into the Gator, but movement at the farm below caught her eye. She frowned. Someone was unloading plants from an unfamiliar truck next to the house, but her eyes were too dry and the sun too bright to make out who it might be. Damn. She wished she’d thought to bring sunglasses.
Remembering her urgency to let Molly out of the house, she jumped into the Gator and raced down the rugged farm road so fast she nearly bounced out of her seat.
* * *
Perry grunted as she lifted the last plant down from the truck’s tailgate and carried it to the terrace. She was second-guessing her carefully arranged display when Tucker barked an alert. Then she heard the motor of the John Deere Gator approaching from between two newly cultivated fields. Oh, God. It was time to face Ming. She ditched her ball cap, throwing it through the truck’s open window, fluffed her short hair, and brushed at the soil clinging to her clothes. Ugh. She was sweaty and filthy after unloading the plants. Not very sexy.
But as the Gator drew closer, she saw that Ming didn’t look much better. She was covered with dust, her long, black hair a windswept, tangled mess. And she was the most gorgeous woman Perry had ever seen. Her beauty wasn’t just physical. It permeated Perry’s whole being.
Tucker danced around the Gator with joyful barks until Ming got out and squatted to hug him and kiss his head.
Perry waited her turn and swallowed against the lump closing her throat as Ming stood again and stepped closer. Her eyes held all the unanswered questions between them, and the speech Perry had practiced suddenly eluded her. She blinked, not caring about the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Perry?”
“I’m sorry.” Once she choked out those first words, more flowed…not from her prepared speech, but from her heart. “I was wrong, and I’m so miserable without you because…because I love you. I’m in love with you, and not seeing you is killing me. Even if you won’t allow me another chance today, I’m not giving up. I’ll be back tomorrow and the next day and the next until you love me, too.”
“Oh, baby.” Tears dripped from Ming’s eyes, too, as she closed the final distance between them to cup Perry’s face in her hands. “I already love you. I made mistakes, too, and was angry for a while, but I never stopped loving you.” She drew Perry down for a kiss—no tentative brushing of their lips, but long, deep melding filled with apology and promise. The details of who was wrong about what no longer mattered.
They parted and laughed together when Tucker jumped against their legs and barked.
“You already got a kiss from me,” Ming told him, still hugging Perry. She couldn’t let go now that she had Perry in her arms again.
“Julie told me that you still have Molly,” Perry said. Tucker barked excitedly at the mention of his packmate.
Ming stepped back. “Oh my God. I need to let her out. She’s been in the house all night by herself.” She hurried across the terrace and flung open the door. “Molly. Sorry, girl. Let’s go outside.”
No Molly appeared, but Tucker ran into the house, barking as he ran from room to room.
“She’s probably asleep in your bedroom,” Perry said. “She keeps a tighter schedule than I do, and it’s about time for her morning nap.”
They went to the bedroom, but her bed and the dog bed in the corner were both empty. Ming knelt to look under the bed, and Perry dug her keys from the pocket of her jeans.
“I have a penlight on my key ring.”
Ming laughed but took the offered penlight. “You are such a lesbian,” she said.
“Lucky for you,” Perry said, returning the tease. “And so are you.”
“I’m a doctor. I never know when I might need to check pupil response or look down a throat or into an ear.” She had missed their playful banter and was happy to so easily fall back into it.
“Good point.”
Ming shone the light under the bed but saw only a collection of dog hair and dust bunnies. She really needed to hire a cleaning service since she spent almost all her time in the greenhouses. She accepted Perry’s hand to help her stand again and shook her head. “Maybe she’s fallen asleep in one of the other rooms.”
Ming tried to ignore her growing uneasiness as a search through the house failed to locate her.
“Hey, did you know your front door was ajar?” Perry asked.
“No. I’ve got a guy coming out tomorrow to look at it because the lock doesn’t engage unless you push hard on it. We’ve searched everywhere in here. She must have gotten out.” They both had seen Molly use her short legs to paw open a door or retrieve a ball wedged between furniture.
They went outside and called for her but got no response. Ming scanned the fields, newly plowed in preparation for a winter planting. No Molly. Her fear swelled as she turned toward the woods that bordered the fields. So many dangers were there, and Molly had had all night to wander until she was lost. “Maah-lee.” Their calls were becoming desperate shouts, and Tucker added his sharp barks as he raced around the yard.
Ming finally turned to Perry. “She’s been going downhill lately, sleeping like the dead and eating less and less every day. I don’t know exactly how old she is, but I’m afraid—” She couldn’t finish the thought, must less voice it.
“No. Don’t think it,” Perry said, wrapping her arms around Ming. “We’ll find her.” She let go of Ming and slapped her own forehead. “I should have thought of this before.” She called Tucker over. “Tuck, where’s Molly? Go find Molly.”
