Copyright © 2023 by C.E. Johnson

  All rights reserved.

  This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Except as permitted under the US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be re-produced, distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual places or events is purely coincidental.

  Cover design: Shanoff Designs

  Cover model photo: CJC Photography

  Cover model: Draven Barcia

  Editor: Sandra Dee, One Love Editing

  CONTENTS

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Also by C.E Johnson

  About the Author

  Preview of Watch Me Drown

  To all of those with an invisible illness, I see you.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Steph

  I can still feel the glee dancing through my veins from kicking that disrespectful, sorry excuse for a man in the nuts last night. The number of men who haven’t been taught basic human decency when it comes to a woman is mind-boggling. I don’t understand why men think women are so complicated. Tell me I’m pretty, feed me endless pasta, and don’t put your hands on me unless I invite them.

  So no, I don’t feel bad one bit that I kicked my date last night in the balls after he assumed I wanted his hand on my ass after knowing me for fifteen minutes. I giggle to myself, picturing him going down just outside of the women’s bathroom before Cole came running toward me. I probably didn’t even need to call Cole to come get me, but I just wanted some backup and maybe the comfort of a familiar face I trust. Because even though I don’t have the intention of finding lasting love, it still doesn’t feel good when I can’t even get through one damn date.

  Cole’s footsteps come close to his guest bedroom door for the third time in the last thirty minutes. They pause for a few seconds before I hear them retreat down the hall again and into his living room, where I assume he is soaking up his usual Saturday morning cartoons while eating an overflowing bowl of cereal. He could be the biggest man-child I have ever known in my entire life. But I wouldn’t have him any other way.

  Cole McBride has been in my life for as long as I can remember. He’s one of my brother’s best friends and one of the few men I trust in this crazy world. I guess you could say that he’s one of my best friends, too, because we stick together with a thick glue that’s held strong through many tragedies. I’m honestly shocked we all stayed around this small town, though, and so close to each other. Seeing where my life has taken me, I couldn’t be more grateful for that. Because I’ve needed my brother, Jaxon, and his three friends, River, Zayn, and Cole more than I could have imagined and more than they’ll ever know. I love each one of them with my whole heart, but Cole… Cole and I developed a different kind of bond over the years. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure when that happened.

  It could have been when Cole pulled me out of my kayak that flipped upside down in the creek with me still in it when I was thirteen. He saved my life that day. It could have been when Steve the Snake stood me up for the homecoming dance and Cole threw on one of my dad’s old suits, drove me to the high school gym, and tore up the dance floor with me. I thought Cole was going to kill Steve that night. But he slithered out of the school gymnasium before Cole found him, thus inheriting the name Steve the Snake.

  Or, it could have been when my parents were killed in a car accident and Cole held me while I cried for hours on end, refusing to leave my side as Jaxon dealt with everything. It doesn’t really matter when it happened. But Cole, whether he realized it or not, became my safe place. I’ve never told him that because, somehow, that feels like a betrayal to my brother. I love Jaxon, and I tell him a lot. Just not everything.

  The footsteps come again and pause outside the door.

  “For as many times as you’ve walked down this damn hallway, you should already be at your daily step goal,” I shout as I pull the comforter up to my chin.

  The door opens, and Cole cocks his hip, which is barely holding on to the waistband of his pajama pants, as he reaches one of his muscular arms up to grab the doorframe. It’s in this moment that I regret calling him in here. I can’t unsee how fucking hot he is. He exudes the classic boy-next-door vibes, and I had hopes that would fade as he got older. It didn’t, of course. He only aged like a fine wine. And I’ve aged like a piece of cheese left out of the fridge. Or at least it feels that way.

  He smirks at me as his grayish-blue eyes travel over my face, and all I want him to do is sway those abs across this floor and take me hard and fast in his bed. I wonder what his lips would feel like on mine. Would he kiss me gently, or would he take my mouth like he owns it? Either one would work for me.

  “’Bout damn time you wake up. I kept checking to see if there were sounds of life coming from in here. Do you realize it’s after eleven?”

  “Oh, shit.” I reach for my phone, but it’s not on the nightstand charger. I sit up and frantically search the bed, finding my phone under the comforter next to me. I tap the screen, but it doesn’t turn on. “I must have fallen asleep before I plugged it in. Dammit, Jaxon is probably freaking out, and I was supposed to call Isaac to let him know what time to bring Levi for his haircut today. I’ve just been laying here thinking it was early and waiting for my alarm to go off.”

  “Oh, princess, relax.” His smirk grows because he knows I hate it when he calls me that. “Jaxon is fine, and I’ve already confirmed Isaac and Levi’s appointment this afternoon.”

  Isaac is my ex-boyfriend and the father of my son. Having a baby might not have been planned, and neither was our breakup, but I was so lucky it all happened with Isaac. The second the pressure of forcing a relationship that wasn’t working was gone, Isaac and I became good friends, and thankfully, we co-parent with ease. Not to mention I couldn’t have asked for a better bonus mother for Levi than Isaac’s wife, Tori. There are so many horror stories about co-parenting, and I thank God every single day for the dynamic we’ve managed to create for Levi.

  I drop my shoulders, exhale, and run my hands through my knotted hair, pulling it up into a ponytail and securing it with the elastic I had around my wrist.

  “Thank you,” I say, glancing up at Cole, who’s staring at the ceiling. I follow his eyes but don’t know what he’s looking at. “What are you looking at? Is there a spider or something?”

  “Would you please just wear the damn T-shirts you have here? I swear to God, Steph.”

  I look down to see my breasts nearly overflowing out of my tank top. I dropped the comforter without thinking when I put my hair up.

  “Oh please,” I say, trying to blow it off. “You’ve probably seen more boobs than a mammography tech. I’m sure they all look the same by now.”

  Cole has a long-standing reputation for having fun with women but never settling down with one. It’s just one more reason I’ve never told Cole how I feel. The only thing that would come out of doing that would be tragedy, and I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit disappointed Cole isn’t attracted to me in the slightest. Anytime he sees too much of my skin, he immediately gets annoyed and tells me to cover up.

  I pull the comforter back up to my chest and roll my eyes. “All covered up, Saint Cole.”

  A deep chuckle echoes in the room, and he locks eyes with me again. “I think we both know I’m far from a saint. Anyway, you okay after last night?”

  I scrunch my face. “Are you kidding me? Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  The playfulness in his usual soft features falls slowly. “Because you were assaulted.”

  “That’s pushing it, don’t you think? I’m fine.”

  “Absolutely not. The man was coming into the bathroom after you, Steph. What was his name anyway?”

  My heart picks up a beat, picturing him walking inside the woman’s bathroom. Giving Cole his name isn’t a good idea. “His name doesn’t matter, and that’s why you taught me a long time ago how to defend myself. And it worked, so can we move on, please?”

  Cole’s eyes pierce through me. “Fine. His name is Balls from now on, then.”

  I laugh and hope the conversation is over.

  “Why do you keep doing it?” he asks, his voice low and soft.

  “Doing what? Kicking assholes in the junk?” I laugh and plug my phone into the charger, hoping this conversation ends soon.

  “Why do you keep going out with them to begin with, Steph. That app is filled with nothing but pricks who want a quick romp in your bed and nothing more.” Cole swallows hard enough that I s ee the bob in his throat as the place on the left side of his jaw pulses like it always does when he’s upset about something.

  “I’m just having fun.”

  “Are you?” He angles his face toward the ground but side-eyes me as he lifts one eyebrow. “Fighting off men who clearly don’t have any boundaries every weekend is fun for you?”

  “First of all,” I say, putting my hand up to stop him, “it is far from every weekend, and second of all, I didn’t realize I bother you so much with it.”

  Cole takes a dominating step into the room, and my heart rate increases, just hoping this will be the day he has his way with me. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You always call me, understand? You do not bother me, and I will always be there for you. I just wish…”

  “Don’t.” I don’t like where this is going. The last time Cole tried to have a heart-to-heart with me about my life and what I’m doing, we ended up not speaking for four days. Because people who are afraid of the water shouldn’t be the ones telling you to get in the pool.

  “I’m worried about you, Steph. This past year has been…”

  “Nope,” I say, putting my hand up again. I wish I could tell him that I have yet to find a man as good as he is. One that I trust as much as I trust him. But he told me a long time ago that our relationship will never go beyond friends. So I’ve never tried to push it, even though I’ve wanted Cole McBride since I was a senior in high school. But I’m not prepared to talk to anyone about this past year. I’ve worked hard at hiding the truth up until now, and I have no intention of changing that. “I’m just having fun, Cole. I deserve that. Levi is gone with Isaac fifty percent of the time. Do you know how much that actually is? It feels like he’s always gone. I’m alone all of the time. It’s great for him, and I’m beyond happy he has a dad who takes such an active role in his life. And that means I have a lot of spare time on my hands when I’m not working. So sue me for going out and trying to find a bit of fun in this lonely-ass life.”

  Cole sighs, rolls his eyes, and moves back toward the door. “I get it, Steph. I really do. I just hate these creeps who think they deserve you.”

  He has no idea how hard it is for me to ignore it when he says things like this. It’s times like these where a little sprinkle of hope enters my heart that I think maybe, just maybe, Cole has a thing for me too. “Oh, come on. They aren’t all creeps. Addie found her husband on the same dating app. I think I’m just unlucky. And irresistible, apparently.”

  I laugh, but Cole’s solemn expression doesn’t budge.

  “Well, I’ll be happy when you find a good one that has a shred of respect and plans to stay for the long run.”

  A sharp pang slices through my chest at his words, and just like that, the hope is gone. It’s the same thing that happens every time. Based on Cole’s actions, he doesn’t want to settle down, and I guess from where I stand on the matter, I have no room to judge.

  There was a time I thought Cole would be the man for me. But teenage crushes rarely end up becoming what you hope they will. It’s hard to keep the physical attraction I have for Cole under control, and I’ve never acted on my feelings for him. It came close after prom, but there’s too much risk. Too many lives that would be changed and a small town that would get even smaller if shit went bad between us.

  Looking back now, I’m glad we didn’t kiss that night on my front porch in my homecoming dress, soaked to the bone from running through the rain. It would have changed everything, and I’m not sure I could have survived these last few years without having him by my side.

  “Anyway, I’m heading to Sunrise for lunch. Are you coming?”

  “What about your truck?”

  Cole left his truck at the bar last night and drove mine to his house. My parents getting killed by a drunk driver is enough to never drive even with one sip of alcohol. I don’t usually have a drink when I go out on these dates so I’m certain to keep my wits about me. But since I was in Airabelle Valley, I went ahead and had one. That was before my date, Louis, became king of the dickhead club.

  Louis was so insistent on coming to Airabelle Valley so I didn’t have to drive out in the country late at night to come home. I thought it was a sweet gesture, but after his unwanted advances, it felt contrived. I think he had every intention of trying to get me to take him back to my house. I was nervous he might try to follow me home after…well, after I kicked his ass.

  Jaxon made up this stupid rule that since he’s my big brother, I’m always supposed to call him first if I need someone. But ever since our parents died, he’s been struggling with fear and anxiety. Thankfully, his panic attacks haven’t been so bad since he met Holly, but the guilt that floods me when I hear the panic in his voice when I call is unbearable sometimes. So Cole and I have an understanding. I call him, and as long as I’m safe, we don’t need to tell Jaxon all the useless details all the time.

  “I walked back to the bar after you went to bed last night and drove my truck home.”

  Red flags pop up in my brain. “You didn’t go looking for him, did you?”

  “His car was still there.”

  “Cole.”

  “Don’t worry. I got in my truck and drove back home conflict-free.”

  “Good.”

  An ear-piercing meow comes from the doorway as Freddy, Cole’s menace of a cat, walks into the room. I like animals, but Cole has raised this cat to be just as much of a pain in the ass as he is. He has his cute moments, but they are few and far between.

  “Hey, buddy,” Cole says, picking the black cat up from the floor and scratching his chin. The cat closes his golden eyes for one second, pushing his head further into Cole’s hand before meowing loudly and bolting from his arms. He zips around the room as if he’s just taken a hit of speed, jumps on the bed, and bites my foot through the comforter.

  “Oww!” I shriek as Freddy hisses as soon as he lays eyes on me. He gives me an evil stare down before he bolts from the bed, around Cole’s legs, and back out of the room. A crash of some sort comes from the living room, and Cole curses as he turns.

  “Hurry up if you’re coming with me. I’m supposed to meet the guys in fifteen minutes.”

  “Which guys?”

  “Just Zayn and Jaxon.”

  “Hmmm…no, thanks.”

  “Oh, come on. What if they’re still trying to hook me up with Faith? Ever since Jaxon and Zayn have found Holly and Ella, they won’t leave me alone about settling down.” A look of exaggerated horror comes over Cole’s face.

  “Cole McBride, you would ruin poor Faith. As in, obliterate.”

  “Gee, thanks. But also…yes.” Cole taps his chin. “Might be fun, but…”

  “Absolutely not. You leave that poor unsuspecting girl alone.”

  He gets a mischievous smile with his bright white teeth and sparkle in his eye. This man has damn near ruined me without ever laying a hand on me. He would annihilate Faith, the sweet and quiet librarian. She deserves someone who is going to treat her like the beautiful person she is and stay with her for the rest of her years. She’s not a one-and-done kind of girl like Cole likes.

  “So you’re not coming, then?”

  “As fun as it sounds going to lunch in a stained T-shirt, sweatpants, and my hair looking like a bird made a nest in it so Jaxon can grill me about all my life decisions, I think I’ll pass.”

  Cole chuckles. “Well, when you put it that way, fine. But if I call for backup, you better show up.” I nod. “Otherwise, I’ll see you at the shop later?”

  “Yep. I’ll be there for Levi’s haircut.”

  “I’ll lock up when I leave, and you can just go out the garage.”

  “Got it.”

  Cole leaves the room, knowing I’m not one for saying goodbye. I hear him yell at Freddy, followed by some kind of glass hitting the floor and then Freddy’s claws scraping around the hardwood floors as he shoots past the open door like a blur. I push myself out of bed, shut the door, and get dressed.

 

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