She thought she was just going to have a bit of fun with a guy who was so beautiful that it made her body go into wonky disarray. She hadn’t signed up to be roped into this for life—but now that she knew what Tavish was, was that what was going to happen? And if it was, was it such a bad thing?

  She hadn’t slept last night, then rolled out of bed around the same time June was taking her kids out the door to get them on the school bus. She smiled at her sister’s questions about her road trip that morning and had managed to slurp down a full cup of coffee, despite her rolling stomach.

  Rolling was an understatement. It felt like coffee tidal waves slamming around in her belly as she pulled up in front of a cabin that certainly wasn’t one of those million-dollar rustic mansions. It was modest, but well built. Thick logs interwoven at the corners, but straight down the front and sides. A bank of windows, rectangles on top of rectangles, topped with triangles, peaked at the front to afford a panoramic view of the woods and mountains.

  “This is crazy,” she muttered to herself. She parked and turned off the ignition anyway and sat there with the doors still locked.

  The hair on the back of her neck prickled when she realized that she could sense Tavish was already inside, even though his truck wasn’t anywhere near.

  “Don’t be absurd. You can’t sense anything. It’s ten after ten and he said ten, so of course he’s already here. He probably walked. He wouldn’t be late for his alpha. Alpha. Do you hear yourself? Also, you’re sitting here having a conversation, out loud, in your car.”

  She sighed. Things were going downhill fast. She didn’t talk out loud to herself, even if she was a bit of an overthinker.

  There was no amount of overthinking that could be too much when it came to this.

  She hadn’t quite summoned up the courage to get out of the car when the cabin’s wooden door opened and a slim, beautiful woman walked out onto the deck. She didn’t bother pretending that she’d come out for any purpose other than to smile straight at January and welcome her into the cabin.

  On that note, she bailed out of the car and grabbed her purse, which had her phone inside. She’d turned on the tracker app that she’d made June install on her phone. Her sister thought it was a joke when she made comments along the lines of, “If I’m not back by this afternoon at two, call the cops,” but then, her sister thought she was going out for a lovely afternoon with a hunky man who was just a man and not at all a bear who was part of a clan of bears that the rest of the world knew nothing about.

  “Hi.” The woman raised her hand. She had a beautiful smile. Her bright blue knit sweater hung off her frame artfully, her jeans hugging her long legs. She had on bright pink slippers with flamingo heads. Could a woman wearing flamingo slippers pose a threat? “I’m Lily. Thank you so much for coming.” She waited until January marched her wooden legs up the porch steps. “I know it’s not easy,” Lily went on, lowering her voice. “Believe me, I know. When I found out, it was, well, beyond the freaking pale, that’s for sure.”

  “You’re not—?”

  “Nope. I’m from Seattle. I got a job out here teaching dance at the school and community center and fell head over heels in love with Sam. When I found out he was part bear, it took a while to get used to. I think you’re very brave to drive all the way out here, but I promise that nothing is going to happen to you. We’re all very kind and sweet here, not violent or scary.”

  “Um, okay.”

  “It’s perfectly normal to be scared and nervous.”

  January slammed her hands into her jacket pockets. She hadn’t even attempted makeup and had barely swiped a brush through her hair after her shower that morning. She probably looked like half-wild, unslept death.

  “I’ve only been divorced for just over six months. I was separated for a year before that, but I’m not even ready to date again. This was all my sister trying to push me into having some harmless fun. Now, all of a sudden, Tavish is talking about us being mates. It all seems so fast, and I don’t think I’m ready for all this. I barely know Tavish. I mean, he seems like a really great guy, but the whole situation…” January shrugged, she was still trying to get her head around everything. Away from Greenacre, in Seattle, it was all so clear. She knew if she had an ounce of common sense she just needed to go home, get on with her life and forget what she’d seen.

  But back here it all seemed so natural, so easy, like she could see herself slipping into this way of life. But that was crazy thinking. Her marriage breakdown was proof that there were no fairy tales and no happy endings—and she couldn’t let herself get drawn down that path again. At least not before she’d truly gotten over the divorce. “I’m not ready for anyone to be my mate. I don’t even live here and have no plans on moving. I don’t want to get trapped into this just because I know he’s a bear. I don’t even care about that. Truly. I just want to go back to Phoenix and resume my normal, regular life. A life I’m living on my own terms.”

  There. It felt good to get that off her chest. She needed to say it and she didn’t know if she’d be brave enough to do it once she got inside. Out here, the fresh, crisp air was bracing. Out here, Lily seemed like just a regular sweetheart of a woman whose kindness outshone and outstripped January’s fears. It was easy to put the words out. But inside? With Tavish so close by, watching her, making her feel strange things, turning her insides into quivering liquid, making her want to consider what it would be like to stay here?

  No. That wasn’t what she wanted out of life.

  “I shouldn’t even be here now,” she continued in a ragged whisper. “I let Tavish convince me that it would be alright. I should be packing my stuff and getting ready to go back to Phoenix.”

  “Don’t worry. No one is going to stop you from leaving or living the kind of life you want. That thing about mates? Maybe he shouldn’t have come out with it like that, but when you have an inkling, you have an inkling, you know?”

  “No.”

  “I know. I didn’t get it either, not at first. It’s not like how regular dating works. You can meet your mate and be on opposite ends of the world. You can know your mate is out there and forever long for them and ache for them, but live a separate life if that’s what needs to be done. I know Tavish. He’s a good man who has a sweet, gentle soul. He might be big and burly and do security around here and be Sam’s guard, but he’s also his best friend. He doesn’t just work at the clinic because he was designated for the job. He truly loves helping others. You want to leave here and never see him again? He’d let you make that choice no matter how much it hurts him.”

  “Hurts him?” A sharp pain stabbed through January. She recalled all too well the terrified, vulnerable expression in the bear’s eyes and then in Tavish’s when he’d shifted back in that alley yesterday. The only thing she’d wanted to do was protect him, even if that seemed irrational in the face of what she should have done, which was run and protect herself.

  Something more than human compassion and kindness kept her rooted to the spot. It brought her back and it made her sit in that truck. It brought her here this morning.

  Whatever it was, it was strong enough to override her good judgement, self preservation, and all her hopes for a future that was dictated solely by herself.

  Tavish had described mates as being kind of like destiny. Though even he had trouble describing what that actually meant, because a lot of their stories had been lost through the centuries, and no female shifters had been born to their clan for over a hundred years. The closest thing he could compare it to was fate. Fate. Did she really believe in anything like that?

  Lily reached out and set a hand on January’s shoulder. She didn’t feel it through the puffy coat and at the same time, it was almost like she’d been touched with a red-hot poker. It took all her energy and will not to pull back. She got drawn into Lily’s smile instead. “I know what you’re going through. Trust me, I know it’s not easy. Anger, denial, shock, resistance, desire… it’s all normal. Everything you’re feeling is perfectly normal. Sam and Tavish don’t expect anything different.”

  “I’m scared he’s going to tell me that I have to stay here. As a prisoner,” January admitted. Why the heck had she come, then, instead of getting in her car and heading straight back to Phoenix? “I’m scared that even if I wanted to hide, I couldn’t.”

  “It’s not like that. We’re not like that. You’re definitely not a prisoner. You’re a good woman.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  Lily laughed. The sound was pretty and light, like the wind, like it belonged out there blending in with the wilderness just past the front porch. “I know, but I trust Tavish’s judgement. He’s been here for an hour, telling us what happened and assuring us that on a scale of wonderful people, you’re one of the best he’s ever met.”

  “Flattery,” January insisted, but then wondered why she’d said so. He wasn’t flattering her. She wasn’t even there. “Maybe he just wants to make sure that no foul accidents befall me.”

  “No accidents. Just like me or Josephine or Glendy—we’re all human women—you can leave at any time you choose.”

  Lily’s expression spoke volumes. It said that even if she was offered the world instead, she would never, ever leave. It also said that the rest of the women felt the same. Not because Greenacre was beautiful itself or magical or wild, but because they’d found love, a love stronger than reason or sanity or human bonds. And right there, in her open and honest expression, was the truth of what she was implying about January.

  That if she gave it even half a chance, she wouldn’t want to leave either.

  So she couldn’t. She couldn’t give it half a chance.

  Her life wasn’t here. She didn’t want to stay. She didn’t want to get involved in another relationship and run the risk that it would fail. She wasn’t looking, because she didn’t want her heart to be broken again.

  Chapter 11

  Tavish

  When January walked into the cabin behind Lily, pink-cheeked from the cold, hair tangled from the breeze, smudges under her eyes from lack of sleep and a determined set to her jaw, it took all his self-control not to rake his eyes over her, burning her with his intense stare, until he made sure she was okay.

  Had he doubted she’d come? Not for a second. She said she would. He trusted her word.

  Was he afraid that she’d steel herself against him before he even got a chance to plead his case, a case that he knew was an irrational, uphill battle? Yes. Yes, he was.

  He didn’t want her to see that, so he hid his worry behind a smile. She didn’t return it. Her eyes whipped away as soon as they landed on him, darting over to Sam, around the comfy, homey living room, and then back to Lily. Lily was her safe place. He could tell by the way her shoulders curled in slightly with relief and the way Lily edged half an inch closer to January.

  Before he could say anything, she crossed her arms. Her body language said that she had something she wanted to get out and she wasn’t going to be talked out of it. He stayed silent. He could always refute anything she said or try to come to a sort of compromise. He’d fight for her if he had to.

  “Lily said outside that I’m not a prisoner.”

  He gaped at her. He and Sam shared mutual what the fuck looks.

  “You’re not a prisoner,” Sam confirmed. “I’m sorry if you thought that’s what this meeting was about. It’s not. We just want to make sure you’re okay after what you saw and what you now know. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “And I wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do anything rash to Tavish for accidentally exposing himself to an outsider,” January continued.

  Sam cleared his throat. He shifted on the couch, clearly uncomfortable with that direction of thought. “No. We don’t punish people here. Especially not for accidents. We like to guide people more constructively towards behavior that helps us as a whole and provide the support or whatever else they need to get there. Being a shifter doesn’t mean perfection. We’re just so glad that no one else witnessed anything.”

  “There’s also the fact that Sam and I are best friends,” Tavish insisted. “I promised that nothing bad would happen today. You came because you gave your word, but I was hoping you came because you wanted to, and you didn’t feel obligated.” Tavish was still rolling her words around in his head, while she’d started out by saying that she was worried about being held prisoner, she’d just come out and asked his alpha whether he’d get punished for revealing himself. She was worried about him… Did that mean she felt something for him as well?

  “It’s not that I didn’t want to. It’s more that I was thinking about this all night and I’m not ready to get into a relationship or whatever this is right now.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything about being mates,” Tavish groaned. He clapped his hands onto his knees. “I didn’t do a good job explaining what that really is.”

  “I was worried about it, but Lily filled me in. She said you could be mates and exist in different parts of the world.”

  “Yes. But I was hoping that you—”

  “Would stay? That’s not in my plan. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to lead you on when I agreed to that date. Half of it was my sister, and half of it was me wanting to go. But I don’t want to jump right into another relationship so soon after my divorce, especially not one of this seriousness. I don’t want to move here. Most of my family lives in Phoenix. I’m happy there. I know that June probably said something else, about how you could convince me to stay here, but I really just don’t want to. I like my life. I miss my life.”

  A shadow crossed over her eyes. It made Tavish think that she wasn’t telling him everything, or that she didn’t fully believe everything she was saying. Maybe she did miss her family, but maybe she wasn’t all that satisfied with her life the way it was.

  His whole body started to tingle. It was like every limb had gone to sleep at once. It wasn’t a good feeling. His gut didn’t feel good either and his chest was heavy. It felt a lot like drowning. As if he’d been turfed overboard and was sinking into the black depths of a watery grave because he couldn’t swim.

  “That’s fair enough,” Sam said. He took over where Tavish couldn’t. “You’re free to make your own decisions. We’re here to support you in whatever you choose.”

  “I can’t just, come here, stay here, be a part of this because I found out. That’s not what I want.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want cookies and tea?” Lily asked. “I pushed back my class from this morning to after lunch so that I could be here. I thought you’d be more comfortable to have another woman here. Someone who could offer a unique perspective on what you’re going through, given that I went through pretty much the same kind of process. Not the same, but similar. Anyway. I made cookies before you got here. Can I tempt you with chocolate chip goodness?”

  January hesitated. Something flashed in her eyes again and her lips quirked at the edges. Maybe the normality of Lily’s gesture had come at the right time, Tavish noticed she kept getting a deer in headlights look about her and he desperately wanted to offer some comfort—but given he was the cause of her unease maybe it was better to leave it to Lily and her cookies. Though almost as soon as the softening in her expression occurred she seemed to shove it away and get her game face back on, which was mostly her looking stern and unmoved. “That would be great. Thank you.”

  She was being polite, but it seemed like a small win.

  Tavish could understand that she’d spent all night thinking and overthinking. He could see that what she felt now wasn’t the same as what she’d felt in the truck. She’d come to some sort of conclusion or solution that involved her leaving, getting as far away from him as she could. She didn’t want to necessarily shut him out, she just wanted her own freedom. He couldn’t fault her for that.

  And yet, it still made every part of his body hurt.

  “I’m sorry that I blurted out the mates thing. I’m just not used to keeping anything inside.”

  “Tavish is the most open, big-hearted person I know,” Sam agreed. “He does have a filter, but he wears all the important stuff on his sleeve and puts the rest out there. As a good friend, I appreciate his honesty.”

  “But there’s a time and a place,” Tavish quickly added when January tensed. It looked like she wanted to spring up and bolt.

  He was always honest, and he did have trouble keeping his innermost thoughts, if they were important, from the important people in his life. That had always been true. In Greenacre, it was always a blessing and never curse. In the outside world? It hadn’t been the right time. He saw that now. He knew it as soon as he’d said it, but it was like the words took on a life of their own and flowed out before he could stop them. Maybe it had been the thought of her leaving and returning to Phoenix? If she’d been closer, then maybe he wouldn’t have had the urge to tell her so soon. But the thought of her upping and heading off to the other end of the country was unbearable, and if she was his mate then he wanted her to know—needed her to know. Then he’d had the painfully awkward task of trying to explain a concept that the whole clan was still muddling through and trying to make a definition for.

  It was different for everyone, he was sure, but main commonality with taking mates—at least where Sam, Trace, and Thaddius were concerned, was that the knowledge of the connection was immediate.

  He used his better judgement now and kept just how much January’s leaving would hurt him hidden deep inside. Not only was grief a private burden, never able to be put adequately into words, writing, or any other medium, but she wouldn’t be receptive. She would think he was telling her that she couldn’t go.

 

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