“You’re right,” he croaked. “Greenacre isn’t safe. You need to leave.”

  Chapter 20

  January

  “I think I’ll make a cup of tea.” It seemed the safest thing to say after a near silent, tense drive from the clinic. Good thing Tavish only lived a few minutes away. “Do you want anything?”

  “No. Thank you.” He was being way too quiet. There was something going on in his head that January didn’t necessarily want to know about, but she couldn’t just let him brood on it. She needed him to tell her what was going on. She didn’t want him to be hurting, if that’s what he was doing.

  He was worried about her. He’d asked her a dozen times at the clinic alone if she was okay and a few more times in the car.

  Tavish’s small kitchen wasn’t her kitchen, but it felt homey. She was comforted by the routine of getting the cast iron kettle, filling it, and putting it on the stove. She liked the way the gas hissed to life and little blue flames licked upwards, dancing and undulating.

  “January…”

  She turned and looked at Tavish. He didn’t seem like his usual self, standing over by the table. He was at an odd angle, as if he was still on the defensive, ready for threats. His eyes were narrowed, and the rest of his face pinched like he was in physical pain. He studied her so intently she was a little bit unnerved.

  “You need to go to your sister’s.”

  Her heart rate went from a fairly normal beat to elevated in a second. “Yes, I know. I have to tell her. The rest of my family too. I’ve been thinking about how to do that and—”

  “No. I mean, you should go there. As soon as you can. Stay there while I find you a place in Seattle, a safe place in a good area. I’ll come and visit. You can raise the baby there, and I’ll come spend time with you both. Or Phoenix. If you want to be away from here. Away from me.”

  “What?” She didn’t mean to yelp, but it came out shrill anyway.

  “I never saw it before, but you were right.”

  “No. No, oh god, Tavish, I was wrong.” He wanted her away from Greenacre because he now thought it was dangerous? How had they flipped opinions and sides on this? He was so ready to defend his home and the people in it yesterday. And then the incident with Clay happened and now he was worried that she wasn’t safe here and this wasn’t a good place to raise their baby.

  Sure, it was scary as hell, but she’d seen the way that Kier, Trace and Tavish handled the conflict. There was nothing brutal or animalistic about it—they’d diffused what could have been a disastrous situation. And that’s when it dawned on her, she had been worried that the shifter side was dangerous. But maybe it was the human side that got the anger, and the shifter side that knew how to diffuse it? Because in the wild animals generally found ways to coexist. There may be the hunter and the pray, or territorial disputes, but it was in no one’s interest to fight for no reason at all. The shifter side was the peacemaker.

  “Things happen. Here. In the city, anywhere.” Her pulse raced and she inhaled deeply, letting the air out slowly to calm herself. Shadows played over Tavish’s face as the sun came through the curtains at the kitchen window. He looked gorgeous. Sad and gorgeous and defeated. “I’ve been selfish, I was only thinking of myself before. I overreacted. I want to think of you. I’ve been pulling away from you right from the start, fighting myself.”

  Tavish sighed. She didn’t want him to sigh. She didn’t want him to be in pain. She wanted to give him everything he deserved, and he deserved so many good things. Not this mouthful of ashy tasting fear that he’d been served up. “That’s not selfish. I came into your life and messed it all up.”

  “No, you didn’t,” she insisted. “You didn’t mess up anything. You only made it better.”

  “It’s not better if I’ve torn you away from your family, uprooted you, changed your whole life when you weren’t ready and maybe weren’t even willing.”

  “I had a hand in that night, if I recall. I’m sorry if I implied otherwise.”

  She’d definitely participated. She’d been thinking about that night, wishing and aching for another like it, ever since it happened. She’d been trying to shut off her body so that her mind could overrule something base like sexual desire, but she had to admit she’d been doing that because she was scared. It hadn’t been like that, ever, with her other relationships, and certainly not in her marriage. She didn’t yearn for another person like she ached for Tavish. Her blood didn’t just go hot when she thought about him. It roared.

  He didn’t look convinced.

  “You haven’t uprooted me from anything. That night was a choice I made, and I don’t regret it.”

  His eyes widened. Did he think she’d ever had second thoughts about that? Her throat stung with regret at how she’d come back here and some of the things she’d said.

  “Coming back here was a choice. Staying would be a choice. I don’t want to be alone in making it, but you’re not tearing me away from anyone. Will I miss my brother and my parents? Absolutely. But we can visit and they can visit. They’d be coming up here for June as well. Having her near would be so wonderful. I’ve missed her so much. I love my nephews and I’d really enjoy seeing more of them. My life is here, though, with you and our baby. It’s a life I want to make together, even if we’re not romantically involved. Not that I don’t want that, but if it doesn’t work, I still want you in our child’s life. Glendy helped me realize that I can’t do this alone. I knew that but—”

  “You could, if you wanted to. It’s been done. Probably more often than we realize. There are solitary shifters out there. You’d have your family, so you’d never be alone. If you needed support, you could always ask and any one of us would be there to answer your questions or help you with whatever you needed. We’d get you through it somehow. I’d find you the best doctor out there for your pregnancy. Get Josephine to find the best specialist Phoenix has. If you ever need money, you wouldn’t have to worry about that. I can help you out financially and—”

  “No.” The word boomed out, sounding so final. “No, I don’t want that.”

  Tavish raked a hand through his long hair, ripping strands out of the elastic. He did it again, then brushed a hand over his jaw. Back up to the hair. His shoulders bunched, he paced two steps, then he pulled out a chair and sunk down hard.

  “I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you or the baby because I’d convinced you to stay.”

  She wasn’t sure if now was the right time to ask him about his parents, but she ventured to put her thoughts into words anyway. “I know you probably didn’t grow up with a mom. I don’t even think you knew her. I don’t want our child having to go without his dad. Did you know yours? Your dad?”

  Was it possible for someone to light up and their face fall with grief at the same time? “I did. He died a few years ago. He had a heart attack. He was old, though. Ninety-two.” She must have shown the surprise she felt because he gave her a lopsided smile. “When our baby is my age now, I’ll be in my late eighties.”

  “I’m so sorry about your dad. No matter how old someone might be, that’s so hard. It’s hard too becoming a parent later in life, knowing you might not be there for them as long as you want to be. I tried earlier and nothing came of it. I thought it wasn’t meant to be. I guess the time just had to be right. We didn’t plan this. Something bigger than us planned this. I refuse to believe it was just an accident, but even if it really was just us coming together and the chemistry being right at the right time in the right way, then, to me, that’s still a miracle. We might not have as many years with our child as we’d have if we were younger, but we can make those years count. We can make every single day count. Together in a relationship or together co-parenting, but I want to be here. I don’t want to be in Seattle. I think it would be best for our child to grow up here, learning about who he is.”

  “He?”

  “I’m just guessing,” January responded. The kettle went off, so she shut off the burner. “I’d say it’s a pretty solid guess.”

  “You’re right.” He shook his head. “God. Kier. Kier is going to be a dad.”

  She took a mug out of the cupboard, then on second thought, grabbed another. She’d make him tea anyway. Put in some sugar and cream. He looked like he could use something fortifying as badly as Kier looked like he needed it. She’d seen how pale he was sitting in the kitchen across from Trace at the clinic when she and Josephine came back down together.

  “Did you know?”

  “I didn’t.” He paused. “I did know he’d been seeing another shifter, one from the other clan, but I couldn’t say anything. It would be betraying someone else’s secret, and it wasn’t for me to tell.”

  “When?”

  “The other night.”

  “The other night?”

  “Last night.”

  The fight. The fight with another male. A male Tavish had startled because he was… meeting with his woman. Mate?

  “Yeah,” Tavish confirmed. “I didn’t mean to startle them, but they were being intimate.”

  “Oh.” Her face flamed hot even though she was beyond the age to get embarrassed by something like that. But the fight made even more sense. “I really overreacted, then.”

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you more.”

  “I understand now. It makes sense that he would have charged you. I was so scared about an accident happening to me or to our child, but I see now that those types of things don’t really happen often. You were right about everything you said. I took my worries too far and that was straight up fear talking.”

  He tensed. “Me too. Just now. Maybe. I don’t really know what to think.” His great big hands ended up on the tabletop, fingers laced together. If January didn’t go to him now, she thought she might lose him. He’d start to pull away in order to protect his own heart, but more because he thought he had to sacrifice what he wanted in order to save her. He’d been so selfless from the moment she met him.

  She went to him. There was enough room between him and the table that she could climb onto his lap. She straddled him since the chair had no arms, set her hands on his shoulders, and stared into his eyes. He was shocked at their position, but she could feel him responding, a hard bulge in his jeans throbbing at the inside of her thigh. It made her ache in response. She could feel herself getting wet, but she ignored that. She had to get this out before anything else.

  “I don’t want our child growing up not knowing his dad. I don’t want our son to have you in his life on the weekends or once a month, or just once or twice a year. Yes, I’ll miss my parents, but starting over here is something that I want to do. For our baby. For me. For you.” He shook his head, but she set her finger on his bottom lip. “We couldn’t have dealt with the flat tire ourselves and I couldn’t have stitched up my own leg, but the mouse? I’m pretty sure I could have found my lady balls and taken that out myself. I could have told you that I didn’t want to go to dinner that night, but I did. I could have left at any time, ran away from that alley. I could have gone back to Phoenix and stayed there. But right from the start, I think I knew. I didn’t want to give up who I am, but you never asked me to do that. I don’t have to lose me just because I’m here. I work from home, so I can be anywhere. I don’t have to lose my career, my hobbies, or the things I love.”

  She leaned in, so their lips were only an inch apart. His chest started to pump as he breathed harder and faster. The sound of those deep breaths sent a hot spark cascading through her veins. So did the fact that his pupils were dilated, and his cock pulsed between them again. “I think that I’m finding what I truly was meant to find. I know that I’m definitely finding more things to love. Places. People.”

  The air between them went electric and all she had to do was tip herself forward and there was no more distance. The heaviness and uncertainty she’d felt since she’d left Greenacre and Tavish evaporated and it was just them, and a certainty that seemed resolute. She met his lips eagerly. One hand stayed on his shoulder and the other twisted into his hair. She pressed herself to him, and he slid both hands behind her back.

  She’d been waiting weeks to taste him, and when he tasted her back, his tongue licking at the seam of her lips, she gave in without hesitation. She let him dip his tongue into her mouth. She was just as eager, thrusting her sensitive breasts up against the solid wall of his chest. The pressure sent a tingling through her that went straight between her legs. His hard cock was trapped between them and even though there were layers of clothing in the way, she could still feel almost the whole length of him.

  Her tongue caressed his, their breaths messy and wild. She gasped when his hand came between them, creating a trail of fire down her neck and then lower, as he cupped her breast. She wriggled against him, thrusting that orb deeper into his hand. She whimpered, her brain scrambling at the pleasure, but she had enough rational thought left to reach between them and tug hard at the sides of her green cardigan. The buttons slipped through the holes easily.

  Tavish did the rest, peeling her sweater away. She had a plain black camisole underneath, a long, tighter fitting one, but his solution for that was to slide the straps down her arms along with her bra straps, and free the hooks at the back. The camisole dropped down to her waist, exposing her breasts. They were more sensitive than they ever had been.

  Like he knew that, Tavish was gentle. He cupped one, taking care as he ran his thumb over the peak of her nipple. She arched back, closing her eyes and losing herself to it. She felt him shift and then his mouth was there, his warm tongue laving over that peak until she wanted to cry out. She grasped his shoulders and allowed a controlled whimper instead.

  She needed him. She needed him like this. She needed him in ways she wasn’t even ready to admit yet and in ways she was just starting to learn. In her life she’d been lots of things. She’d learned how to be a daughter, a friend, a sister. She’d given her attention to her business, to a thousand different things. She’d always been independent. This wasn’t about losing that, but it was about learning how to give herself up to someone else completely. It was about making room in her heart to protect him when he did the same. She’d never taken that risk, but with Tavish, that risk wouldn’t burn her down or reduce her to ashes. That risk was only about rewards, being protected and protecting in return. Learning how to care and be cared for. One day, how to love and be loved. How to make a world where it was just two people, a world within a world within a world.

  January guided Tavish’s face back up to hers and kissed him like she could tell him all of that with just her body. He didn’t want her just because she was carrying his baby. He was willing to let her go to let her be happy, or at least let her be away from him in order to think about how best to do that. This man was selfless. He thought of everyone else before he thought of himself. He put his friends, his job, his alpha above his own wants and needs. He was a good man and he’d make a wonderful dad.

  Everything else aside, she wanted to be here right now. She wanted to be kissing him, writhing on his lap, purring under his attention. She wanted his touch to bring her to life in ways she’d never felt before. She wanted to keep exploring the attraction between them, keep finding out how far their chemistry would go. She knew that a healthy relationship couldn’t be maintained just for the sake of a child. She wanted to stay, and she wanted whatever there was between them to keep flourishing and getting stronger.

  She kept kissing him, but when she wriggled her hips, bumping into that hard bulge in his jeans to try to relieve the pressure she felt, he groaned.

  “Can’t do this in this chair. Can I take you to the bedroom?”

  She was far too old to be a tease—playing with someone’s desires and emotions just wasn’t okay. “Yes. Please.”

  Just like before, he lifted her by her hips and held her securely against him. She held on to his shoulders and he carried her and kissed her all the way down the hallway and into his room. It wasn’t smooth and there was a little bit of fumbling when he couldn’t get the door.

  He made sure to set her down on the bed with ultimate care. She wasn’t fragile, but she appreciated that he was gentle. She sat on the edge, probably looking quite ridiculous with her camisole around her waist, but she didn’t care. Especially not when Tavish stripped off his hoodie and t-shirt and then kicked off his boots and shucked his jeans. He gave her a shy glance before he peeled off his boxers and threw them onto the pile.

  She could have looked at him for a lifetime. It was insane that anyone could be that jacked. He wasn’t just a big man, he was rippling with muscle. She sighed as she took in his six pack, his strong legs, the bulging muscles and corded veins in his arms. She made sure she looked back up at his face instead of the other impressive parts of him. Her cheeks were still on fire anyway. She gave a nervous laugh.

  “Let me help you,” he said smoothly. He knelt down at her feet, taking off her shoes. He undressed her easily, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans and removing them like they were nothing but air even though she would have been fumbling and useless at it. He slid her camisole up over her shoulders and over her lifted arms. Her panties went last, and he took as much care with the plain, boring cotton boyfriend shorts as he would have with hundred-dollar lace.

  Tavish surged up and spun them onto the bed. She ended up on top of him, pinning him, straddling his hips. This was a much better position than in the chair. For one, they were both naked. It gave her butterflies to be this close, to have the strongest of men lying underneath her, waiting for her to take control. He looked up at her, his pupils still huge, and now his cheeks were flushed too.

 

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