Her lips twitched. She didn’t seem offended or shut down. Either the cookies earlier hit the spot, or the kids had done wonders. Maybe it was physical activity. Maybe it was Lily. The Greenacre fresh air. Whatever it was, he was thankful for not being stonewalled again. “I appreciate the archaic sentiment. No one writes anymore. Or did you mean text and email?”

  “I could do that too, if you prefer.”

  “Letters. That’s kind of a nice thought. But they’re slow.”

  “I wouldn’t say they’re the fastest means of communicating, no.”

  “Plus, you have to buy a stamp.”

  “You do have to do that.”

  “Then again, I guess you pay for a phone plan and the internet.”

  “You do.”

  She hadn’t said no. She looked like she was having more fun with the idea than considering it, but it still gave him hope. Until she stared straight at him with the most intense expression and levelled him with some honesty. “You think we’re mates. That our futures are tied together and me not believing it doesn’t have anything to do with the reality of it. You think we need to stay in contact because of that shared destiny, whatever it might be. It sounds a lot like insta-love to me, which equals infatuation, which equals falseness. I’m not saying you’re lying or that you’re playing me. I just don’t think those are real feelings or that they should be trusted. If you want to write to me to get to know each other, or maybe send a few emails or texts, I would be open to that, as long as we maintain a friendship first. I was panicking this morning and I’m sorry if I came across as cold—”

  “You didn’t. I understood.”

  She looked relieved. “Okay. But I don’t want to write or email or text as a furtherance of just jumping into anything. It’s not that I’m scared of commitment, but I don’t just blindly rush into anything either. I’m too old for that. I’m starting to realize that I wasn’t in the right kind of love in my marriage. It was more of a friendship love right from the start. If there is other love out there, the kind that burns bright and hot and stays that way for a lifetime, then I want to be sure I find it, or if it finds me—and that’s what it truly is rather than just lust or obsession.”

  She wasn’t saying it didn’t exist. She wasn’t saying she wasn’t open to it. She was a lot more open than she had been that morning, but he did understand how fear and being overwhelmed with information and sensory crap could do that. She’d shut down to protect herself and to slow down all the things that were moving too fast.

  He was going too fast.

  He would have laughed at himself if he was anyone else and he was watching this play out. If he was reading one of his romance novels, he’d throw it down in disgust. Maybe this was like grief. You couldn’t put it into words so that anyone else would ever feel what you were feeling. You couldn’t make them understand by speaking or writing. That kind of sensation could only be understood by living it. What he felt when he looked at January was the purest form of trust, of rightness and of certainty. He wouldn’t talk about it again because he didn’t want to scare the pants off her.

  He didn’t want to think about her without pants on at all because that was too far, and it was a guarantee to pretty much slay him where he sat.

  “That’s very…”

  “Lame?”

  “No. Not lame. I was going to say—”

  “Responsible and boring?”

  “Gracious? I mean, gracious of you to accept my offer, but that’s not what I wanted to say. I think it’s smart. It makes sense to use caution. I’ve been going about this like getting in an old muscle car and driving it to its limit down a gravel road full of potholes, in the rain, at nigh, without seatbelts or airbags, and expecting to come out in one piece.”

  “Oh. Wow. That’s vivid.”

  One thing about being a shifter was his keen senses. The aroma of roasting meat suddenly flooded into the living room, or maybe he was just aware of it now that the heavy cloud of tension had lifted. “The roast is ready. I’m just going to go and get it out.”

  “Alright. I’ll come with you. Do you need help setting the table?’

  He hadn’t done that. Maybe he was stuck in bachelor ways because he hadn’t even thought ahead. Certainly, there were no flowers or candles, but if he’d set it up as a romantic dinner, he had the feeling that January would have felt duped and walked right back out.

  He hurried to the oven, grabbing the well-used red plaid oven mitts along the way. Lowering the door, the roast snapped and sizzled in the pan as he pulled it out and set it on top of the stove. He didn’t need a thermometer to tell that it was the perfect temperature. Whether he’d seasoned it right, or to January’s taste, was another matter. He hoped she liked it. This was more than a roast. It was an honor to be giving her this dinner. It was a gift. He wanted to do this for her. He felt privileged that she had agreed to come. Even if she knew nothing about the bear and didn’t have that knowledge crashing around in her head to contend with, he would have been so honored.

  He turned the potatoes off and walked the pot to the sink to drain them with the lid pressed up tight to the edge, so only a hot stream of steaming water poured into the stainless-steel sink and down the drain, raising a cloud of steam that he leaned away from.

  He’d cooked corn too. It was some of the corn that Thaddius grew in the garden that he fed the whole clan with. He’d always thought that he didn’t have a special role in the place, but that wasn’t true. Providing good food to see them all through winter and beyond, fresh and healthy food in the summer and fall, that was a big deal. He was always the one who prepared everything. In the fall, some of the members of the clan helped with canning so they had food put away, but Thaddius insisted on doing most of it himself. He’d cleaned all this corn, taken it off the cob, and bagged it up for freezing. It was the sweetest corn, even though it was months away from being fresh.

  Sure, they could order food from Seattle. Do grocery runs for everyone. But this was something so much better. He knew what a gift being able to grow your own food was.

  After draining the corn, he wanted to add butter and salt. He turned around to go to the fridge and ran straight into January, who had a handful of cutlery.

  Knives and forks clattered to the ground. She made a tiny gasp in her throat. His hands flew to her hips to make sure she didn’t fall over. He only intended to steady her, but as soon as he made contact, she leaned into his touch. Her eyes closed and her breath hitched. Her face tilted up just a fraction and that was it. That was all it took to set off the wild sparks that had been building ever since the first time they saw each other in that exam room.

  “January?” He had to be sure. One hundred percent sure.

  Her eyes opened just enough that he could see there was no hesitation there. She grasped his shoulders. Her touch burned through him, scouring his control and turning him inside out. He left one hand at her hip and bracketed her head with the other. Their lips met, hot fire and eagerness.

  He kissed her hard and deep, his tongue licking along the seam of her lips. She parted them, panting. The kiss went wild, desire like he’d never known flowing through him. Even when January rocked her hips against him, bumping up against his hard cock, she wasn’t close enough. Her hands clawed at his shoulders like he wasn’t close enough for her either.

  He picked her up and set her on the countertop. A cannister went sliding sideways, a mug careened towards the sink. Thankfully, it didn’t clatter in and nothing broke.

  She moaned against his lips, rocking into him again, dragging him closer as she nipped his bottom lip. “Please,” she whispered. “I need you, Tavish.”

  Hearing her beg was too much. He couldn’t keep her in the kitchen. He swept her back up and turned around, stepping on the fork she’d dropped so that it flung up under his boot. He let out a deep laugh before she recaptured his mouth, kissing him so passionately and fervently it was like they wouldn’t have another chance. It was like he’d said. Like all they had was now and he was living for this moment. He was so aware of the taste of her, the softness and sweetness. She was tight against him, the hard bulge in his jeans cradled between her thighs.

  He made it as far as the hallway before January’s sweet lips, her intoxicating kiss, the way her tongue swept into his mouth, boldly tasting and memorizing him, made his head go wonky. His balance went off and he half bumped into the wall and half used it to support them both. He propped January up there with her back to keep her safe and he tightened his hold on her, making sure she didn’t slip down or fall.

  “I want to feel you,” she panted against his lips. Her hands changed position, shifting and roving up under his t-shirt. He was glad that it was just the t-shirt separating them, but as her hands swept under the fabric, he only thought of it as a barrier between them.

  He raised his arms and pulled it away. Her hands immediately took over, exploring his muscles. She sighed as her fingertips traced veins, a few hairs, as they mapped out by feel every inch of his chest and shoulders.

  She kissed him again, even more desperate this time. He thought about how he hadn’t shaved since that morning and his face must be rough, but January sighed against him like she loved it. He kissed her thoroughly while he leaned into her touch. She flattened her palms against his chest and learned his body with her fingers.

  He wanted to learn her body too. He wanted to trace her with his fingertips, with his palms. He wanted to memorize her softness, her curves, every inch of beauty with his tongue, take her in with his eyes. He wanted to burn her into every one of his senses so that she’d be seared there when she left, impossible to forget. Even if he lost the knowledge of his own name, he wanted to remember every detail of her.

  As if she could read his thoughts, she dropped her hands away and found one of his. She arched into him and away from the wall so he could remove her sweater. It was soft, like it was made of clouds and held together by the same spun sugar that he tasted on her lips.

  “Are you sure?” He’d never wanted anything so badly in his life as he wanted her.

  “Yes. I’m more than sure. I want you.”

  “But if we do this, it could have consequences.” He figured she wasn’t just talking about being kissed up against the wall of his hallway. That if she wanted her shirt off and his hands on her body, she’d want more. He wanted more. He wanted all of it. He wanted to have her and taste her and pleasure her all night. There was no end to his want. He wanted her to stay, but if she didn’t want to, then he wanted her to be happy and fulfilled. He wanted her on her terms, when the time was right. He was well aware that this kiss might have to sustain him for a lifetime, but still, he had to make sure she understood what could happen.

  “I know,” she whispered, her hand squeezing his. “I understand that we need to be responsible. I’m on the pill. I’ve been on the pill for years. I…” She trailed off and he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes that made him want to tear down the world and roar. The bear thrashed in his skin, aware right below the surface. It was in no danger of bursting out, but it didn’t like that pain. All of him wanted to protect her. “I don’t think pregnancy is an option for me even if I’m not on the pill. There won’t be anything unexpected.” She laughed nervously. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m asking you to do this or that I’m saying this. I don’t… I’ve never done anything like this.”

  “Anything like this?”

  “I know that I’m not staying. I don’t know that I’m going to stay away. Not a one-night stand. That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t know. I mean, we hardly know each other. Maybe that’s what I mean. I’m usually so careful. So slow going. I didn’t think I wanted this. I thought it would be way too soon.”

  “We can definitely stop.”

  “No!” She palmed his face with both hands and stared urgently into his eyes. “No, Tavish. That’s not what I meant. I don’t want to stop. I want you more than anything. I feel like if I don’t have you, there’s a good chance that I’ll die. It sounds so melodramatic, but—”

  He kissed the words off her lips, grasped her around the waist, and easily carried her into his bedroom. “It’s not melodramatic at all,” he whispered, laying her down on top of the patchwork flannel quilt on his bed. “I feel the same thing.”

  They were connected. They’d had that instant awareness of each other from the first time they met. It made sense that he’d share her feelings and understand perfectly what she was talking about. Even if he didn’t understand everything or share everything, he did get this.

  He’d never wanted anyone like he wanted her. There would be no one for him ever again. If he didn’t have her, he felt like he would die slowly and surely, until there was nothing left of him at all.

  Chapter 14

  January

  “I’ve thought about you every single day since I met you,” Tavish said as he knelt on the floor in front of her.

  She propped herself up on her elbows, and then sat up. They both wanted the same thing, but he was waiting for her. Not just to say it, but to make utterly sure that she was okay with this. He didn’t tear her clothes off and immediately ravish her as soon as she’d given her consent.

  She was overheated, wearing too many layers, and eager as heck to get her clothes off. She stripped her sweater away, then her tank top. It took her no more than a few seconds to wriggle out of her jeans. She wasn’t a lace and push up kind of girl, and she’d worn a soft, comfy white sports bra and a set of matching boxer-type panties. None of it was sexy or enticing.

  Tavish’s lips parted and he stared at her in awe.

  “I’ve thought about you just about every minute of every single day since we met.” There was no sexy way to take off a sports bra that didn’t have a clasp in the back, but this wasn’t one of those breath hindering contraptions. It came off pretty easily, if not sexily.

  She watched Tavish’s face. Watched the man she knew to be strong and steady and able to handle just about anything get more flustered. He flushed slightly and his lips parted even further. He was pretty much gaping at her, struggling to keep his eyes on her face.

  The boxers were looser fitting too, and she shucked them easily.

  Without saying anything, she flopped back onto the bed and waited, her breath hitched so tight in her lungs, exhaling felt impossible. She’d been bold. She’d taken the lead. But now what?

  She was lying naked, and even at twenty, she hadn’t been a ten or anything. Twenty wasn’t forty, though, and she knew there were places on her body that didn’t look so pretty anymore. Her breasts weren’t as pert, her hips were a little curvier than they ever had been, her butt was fuller than she’d like.

  Tavish stood up, and when she opened her eyes, she found him looking down at her. With even more awe than before.

  “Dear god, you’re so beautiful I can barely even breathe.”

  Her first instinct was to scoff, but she fought against it with everything she had, just like she fought to cover her breasts or the parts of her that she thought of as less than perfect.

  Tavish took her hand and helped her sit up. He pulled her straight into his arms and kissed her soundly. Kissed the doubt right out of her. She drowned in the sensation. She loved the way he cradled her in his arms. The fit of their bodies. The kiss wasn’t as red hot as it had been before. It was slower, but burned brighter because they were taking their time. She thought about every detail of it this time. About how right it felt to be with this man and how it still couldn’t change her mind because feeling right was just a feeling. It wasn’t a fact.

  But damn it, she was going to have this night. She was going to have this night for herself and for him and nothing was going to change that or take it away from them.

  Just because she was leaving didn’t mean that she wouldn’t find her way back. She wanted this more than she’d ever known she could want something or anyone.

  After kissing her breathless, Tavish settled her on the mattress. He lifted her legs and put her feet on the bed, then guided her to the edge. He knelt down, parted her legs, and kissed his way up her thigh all the way to her center. He breathed deeply, taking her in, and then he licked her like she was everything in his world and he was obsessed with tasting her, pleasuring her, making her come undone.

  She gasped and then whimpered, parting her legs further, giving Tavish access to all of her. Her hips bucked into his face, and he let them. He just adjusted himself accordingly. He teased her with his tongue, and then brought two fingers to her entrance. He didn’t give her what she wanted, even when she writhed against him. He teased her instead, until her hips were thrusting up and down, pumping against his tongue, trying to take him inside her. She was so empty. He could fill her. He could make her come with his fingers and his tongue and his lips and nothing would ever be the same in her life again, but she wanted to shatter for him like that.

  It didn’t take long. The way Tavish teased her and licked her, sighing like he’d never tasted anything half so sweet in his life, brought her climax on hard and fast.

  He licked her through all the moaning, thrashing pleasure. He licked her folds, strayed gently over her clit, teased at her entrance without giving her what she still craved enough though the pleasure was still sweeping over her. She felt like she could pass out with it, but the stars cleared fast, and the black edges followed. When she opened her eyes again, the room was filled with magnificent color.

  And the most beautiful man she’d ever known. Inside and out. People said that and it always sounded so cheesy, but this didn’t feel cheesy. It felt like she was a river who had been flowing in so many different directions her whole life, but now she was pointed straight at this man. That scared her because she hadn’t planned for him. She didn’t know how to handle this without going back home and trying to make sense of things without any distractions. She had a life in Phoenix, and if she ever wanted to come back here, which she had to admit that she did—she had to get things settled there.

 

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