The roof, p.1
The Roof, page 1
The Roof
A Novel
Nyk Brownsilva
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.
Any mention of actual places or products are trademarked by their perspective trades. I am not associated with any actual place or product mentioned.
Copyright © 2023 by Nyk Brownsilva
All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.
First edition 2023
Cove design by- Ivanol Lagos for paperback/ hardcover Ashley Santoro for the digital
ISBN, paperback: 979-8-9881333-0-8
ISBN:, hardcover: 979-8-9881333-1-5
ISBN, digital: 979-8-9881333-2-2
Published by
For my mom
If she could only see me now.
Contents
1. Cats and Dogs
2. Work and Play
3. Dammit
4. Connoisseur
5. Salt Lake's Finest
6. Finally
7. I am an Artist.
8. He's Perfect, Right?
9. Odd Fellows
10. Echoes in the Mailroom
11. Portrait of Friendship
12. Fighting Chance
13. Friendzone
14. Of Course!
15. It's Not You. It's Me.
16. Shell Shock
17. Listening to Train Stop Wizards
18. Family First
19. Hearts and Minds
20. Back to the Past
21. Letters that Change Us
22. Two out of Three
23. I'm the Baby?
24. To Paint a Tree
25. Rooftop
26. Letters
27. My Heart in San Francico
28. Backward Walking
29. Take Us Away Reginald
30. Becoming Sigmund
31. What is Smash all Truly About?
32. Head Jackass
33. She's Perfect
34. Giving a Wedding Toast
35. Should I Tell Him?
36. Drenched in rain
37. Back to the Beginning
38. Who asked you?
39. Ducks
Epilogue
Afterword
Acknowledgments
Also By
About Author
1
Cats and Dogs
Love is supposed to be an intense affection for another person. Yet in this moment, Jack feels nothing but the warm sand on his toes. A long walk on the beach. How has my life ended up in a cliché? he thinks, looking at the girl that declares herself his girlfriend. She is droning on about nothing that interests Jack. Jessica can sure talk about nothing. Dammit, Jack, concentrate! The argument in his head continues as he smiles at the tiny redhead clinging to his arm like it’s her property. She is petite, but she has a monster grip.
Jessica is a clingy girlfriend, something Jack has not experienced with other women he’d been with. However, that might be because he’s given no one the chance to get clingy. Before Jessica, his longest relationship was a one-night stand that ran into brunch.
How did I get here? He knows what attracts him to her. She dresses well, with a lacy white blouse and distressed denim that hugs her hips. But he did not know why she stays with him; it has nothing to do with his looks. Black hair, brown eyes, and smaller than average height weren’t exactly cover model material. “Appearances are superficial,” Jessica has told him. She likes his inquisitive nature and brilliant mind. That strokes his ego a bit. Maybe that’s why I’ve stayed with her this long, Jack thinks. He gets lost in his thoughts and doesn’t notice Jessica speaking until she tugs incessantly on his arm.
“Hey, earth to space case, anyone home?” She pretends to knock on his head. “Are you even listening?”
He stares into her sparkly hazel eyes. “No, I am. Uh—cheerleading… Go wildcats, woohoo.”
Judging by the shifts in her expressions, she didn’t appreciate his joke.
“I-I well… sorry,” he stammers.
“Oh my God! You haven’t heard a word I said, have you? Your body is here, but where’s the rest of you? Buried in the clouds, I presume.” Jessica let go of his arm, which she’d been squeezing so hard it had gone numb.
Jack clears his throat. “Sorry, I got distracted for a moment.”
“Distracted by what? Is there another woman? Who is this bitch?” Jessica slams her fist into her hand, berating him with questions. She looks like she is preparing to go to war with a nonexistent woman.
He puts his hands on her shoulders. “Jessica, it’s not another woman.” He hesitates. “I would never cheat, my father cheated on my mom, and I will not become him,” he says quickly, covering his mouth like he has just mentioned something he shouldn’t have. His body tenses as his jaw clenches. He hopes nothing else will escape his mouth. He couldn’t deal with the idea that someone might think of him as a cheater. He is many things, but not that. “I’m sorry. I was just enjoying my time with you. My mind got caught up in this moment,” he says in hopes this will reassure Jessica enough. He isn’t in the mood to argue right now.
“Aw, Jacky poo! I knew you cared about me.” She smiles, clearly pleased with his response. “Also, this is the first time you have ever mentioned your father. You’re finally opening up!”
“I’m an open book,” Jack says, finding her changing moods frightening.
“No, you’re a cat.” She places a finger on his lips. “Sorry, I work at a shelter, so I spend a lot of time with animals. I put people into two categories: cats and dogs. I know it’s weird, but you like me for my quirky personality. Having a dog differs from having a cat. Dogs are happy to be with people. They will sit there and wait for their owner to come home. Dog people are similar. They live for others. They are happy and open people and get their energy just being there for others. You probably know this, but cats aren’t like that. They are distant, live to be waited on, and are only loyal to those they feel deserving. Cat people are closed off and fiercely independent.”
Jack rubs the back of his head and grimaces. “So, is that a bad thing? Being a cat doesn’t sound great.”
“There is one thing that the cat person has over the dog. That is undying loyalty. In comparison, the dog person will share his bone with anyone who glances in his direction. The cat person won’t open up to anyone unless they trust them completely. When a cat opens up to you, consider yourself lucky. That’s why you’re sharing yourself with me makes me the luckiest woman on this beach.”
“Interesting,” Jack says. Her theory makes sense, though he doesn’t want to break the sad news that he would rather be a duck, because they have wings.
Jessica squeezes his arm again. “Jack, I love you!”
Her words terrify him. He stands paralyzed with the fear of breaking this girl’s heart. I can’t be responsible for that. He’s seen firsthand what a heartbroken woman looks like and never wants to be the man who causes that.
After Jack drops off Jessica, he sneaks into his mother’s house. She’s normally asleep but if he rummages loud enough, she may wake. He knows it’s rude, but he just left a girl who told him she loves him and if anybody knew what to do, it would be his mother. He knows she will help, but he didn’t expect her to round the corner with a bat. She is disheveled, black hair in tangles as she comes down in her pajamas, brown eyes wide with fear.
“Ahh!” Molly screams, swinging her bat until she recognizes Jack and places her hand over her heart. “Jacky, I thought you were a burglar. You know you should text me before you come over!”
Jack smiles as he lowers the bat from his mother’s hand. “I didn’t want to interrupt your slumber. Lord knows you need your beauty sleep!” He turns away to rummage through the cupboards again.
Molly tightens her grip on the bat. She puts the bat down and slaps him across the head.
“Ow, Ma, child abuse!” Jack says, rubbing his head, turning around, and realizes his mother is red in the face.
“Please, you stopped being a child the moment you moved out. Speaking of, why are you here? Don’t you have your own apartment you can ransack?”
Jack rubs the back of his head. “I would, but nothing beats a home-cooked meal.” He smiles like a child, but his mother is scarily intuitive and glares at him. “Fine, I may have just done a terrible thing.”
She takes her son’s hand and leads him to the small dining room table. “What is it? Did you kill someone? You know, the only murder I will accept is your father’s.”
Jack shifts in his chair, tussling his hair. “No, I’m afraid it’s worse!”
Molly fixes Jack’s hair. “Boy, the only thing worse than murder is genocide and not talking to your mother. Since you are here now that leaves genocide, so when do we expect the police to come?”
“Actually, they’re here now. I just told them to stay quiet so we could talk before I’m shipped off to Guantanamo.”
“Boy, don’t make me slap you again!”
Jack protects his head jokingly as he slumps down in his chair. “I think I broke a girl’s heart!”
“Oh, that’s it. You snuck into my house for that!” Molly puts her hand over her chest.
“And your home cooking!”
“Boy don’t bullshit me. You’r e eating a peanut butter sandwich. I’m sure you can make that in your apartment. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”
Jack sits up, fiddling with his hair. “You know Jessica?”
“That loud redhead you brought over for dinner last Sunday. Yeah, I know of her.”
“She told me she loved me.”
“And you told her to drop dead and go to hell?”
Jack nods but stumbles. “No! Damn, Ma! What did she do to you?”
“You should know. I never liked redheads. Why can’t you date a beautiful brunette like your mom?”
“Why would I want to date someone that looks like you?”
Molly reaches across the table and slaps Jack’s head once more. “Anyway, back to the subject at hand. What did you really say?”
Jack rubs his head. “Let me see if I can remember with all the head trauma. I said nothing. I just took her home and stayed silent the whole way there.”
“And why was this?”
“I don’t know. She’s a splendid girl, but things were moving too fast, and I didn’t want to end up…”
“Like me,” his mom finishes his thought fighting back the tears.
Jack knows he screwed up. His father left when he was a young boy. Even though he can barely recall his face, this has always been a sore subject with his mother. He looks at the worn Rolex on his wrist. Maybe if I hadn’t been wearing this. Regardless, he wouldn’t say it was her; it could never be her. She is the strongest woman he knew. He would be lucky to be half the man she wants him to be. This look of pain and grief is not what he wants to see. He grabs her hands and kisses them.
“No, Ma, I’d be lucky to end up like you.” Jack pauses carefully, trying to craft his words. “If I just leave, I’m afraid I’ll be like Dad.”
“Oh, Jacky, you will never be like that man.” Molly chuckles. “Unless you marry the girl, get her pregnant, fuck your secretary, and leave your family with not so much as a birthday card for your son.”
Jack looks at the worn-out Rolex again. His mom’s words made him think that maybe he never intended to receive the watch, but he needs to know what his next step will be. So, he asks, “What should I do, Ma? Just walk away or talk to this girl?”
“Obviously talk to her, you idiot!”
“Okay, Ma. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I even say those three words ironically?”
Molly strokes her chin. “I have concluded…”
“Yes?” he asks with a mischievous smile.
“There is nothing wrong with you.”
“Okay. So why couldn’t I tell her?”
“Easy, she’s not the one.”
“Ma, you know I don’t believe in that crap.”
“Fine, she is not one of the women to whom you will say those three words.”
“How will I know?”
“One day, you will meet someone that will take all your words away, and you will want nothing more than to make her smile. She’ll make you do and say things you never thought you would. Instead of running away, you will embrace her when you find her.”
Jack doesn’t know what to say. He is quiet for a moment. “Did Dad make you feel that way?”
“Once, a million years ago,” she says. “Don’t let my past affect your future, Jacky. I know you’re a smart boy, but you can be so stupid sometimes. Promise me that when you find someone who makes you feel something, you will open up your heart to her.”
“I promise.”
“Good, now get out of my house.” She shoos him away with a smile.
“Ma, you know I love you, right?”
“I know. It’s kind of a requirement since you’re my son.”
“Okay, bye, Ma.”
“Love you too, Jacky! Bye!”
2
Work and Play
Jack looks at the building with disdain. It’s the same gray building he’s visited hundreds of times. He has been doing this for over four years. The air inside is always cool, almost uncomfortably so. He has an appointment. The only thing that would motivate him to show up to his appointment is the fact that the streets smell like urine, and the smog makes everything worse, like he is in an oven. Money and more pleasant smells, he thinks as he holds his breath walking in the building.
Inside, he approaches the receptionist, a stunning young brunette with a piercing gaze that tears right through him.
“Is Dr. Ramos in?” Jack asks, trying to compose himself. He glances at the name plaque on her desk, which has “Cindy Rose” scribbled on it.
Cindy, he thinks. What a beautiful name.
She wears a blue floral dress cut to show a modest amount of cleavage accented by the gold music note necklace that sits perfectly below her neck.
“Dr. Ramos will see you in five minutes,” she replies. A flush of pink colors her cheeks and she looks down nervously, arranging the papers on her desk.
Jack raises an eyebrow as if to ask a question.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” she says, not looking up to meet his gaze.
“Yes, I have five minutes and I’d like to use it to get to know you,” he says, leaning in.
Cindy chuckles. “You’ll need more than five minutes for that.”
Jack smiles excitedly. She is interested in talking. “I guess you’re right. Let’s start with a simple question: why do you work here, why not be a part-time model somewhere?”
“Are you saying I’m too pretty to work here?” she says, brushing her hair behind her ear.
“I never said that. You’re putting words into my mouth, Ms. Cindy Rose.”
“What’s your name, salesman? Who wants to hear my life story?”
“Jack Salinger, the guy who has a two o’clock at your service.” Jack looks down at his watch for effect. “I’m sorry, a 2:05 with Dr. Ramos. But I’d rather have an all-day o’clock with you.”
“Do you use that line a lot?”
“Almost exclusively.”
“Does it ever work?”
“Never.”
The red light on her desk turns green, signaling Dr. Ramos is ready to see Jack.
“It’s too bad,” Cindy says with a shy smile. “I was enjoying our chat.”
Jack pulls out his phone and hands it to her. “Add your number, please.”
She doesn’t hesitate and hands his phone back a few minutes later. “I guess I’m just going to have to get your life story over dinner!”
“You can get me dinner in five minutes?”
“I guess we can extend it to as long as it takes to get your story.”
Cindy smiles. “Okay, it’s a date!”
“Bye, for now, Cindy Rose.”
“See you soon, Jack Salinger.”
Eight months later
“Jack, wake up,” Cindy murmurs in his ear.
Jack lazily stretches his body and opens his eyes, smiling at the beautiful girl in his bed. He leans over to kiss her good morning and then grabs his watch from the nightstand.
“Not this tired old gag,” Cindy says, rolling her eyes.
“I thought you loved the watch gag?”
“I’m not in the mood for it this morning. Can you take me home?” Jack realizes she is already dressed and ready to leave.
“Sure, what’s the deal?”
“There is no deal. I just want to go home!” She crosses her arms, glaring at Jack, who is still trying to process the morning.
“You’re crabby this morning.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she says.
She’s woken up in a terrible mood today.
“I’m sorry. Let’s get some coffee and something to eat. That’ll put us both in a better mood,” Jack says hoping to avoid a conflict.
“No, take me home.”
“Fine!” Jack says, finally getting out of bed to meet Cindy’s unwavering glare.
They drive in silence that morning. Jack wonders why Cindy is on the defensive today. They have a solid relationship; only fighting over minor things, such as who has the better taste in music or if one of them says something out of turn. Today feels different. Her body language and tone of voice mirrors that of someone who doesn’t want to see him. Jack has seen this behavior in many clients before. Cindy is not some client, he thinks. Just give her space and she will come around.
