Ruth, p.12
Ruth, page 12
Was the ‘I love you’ that almost slipped out of her mouth the truth? Or could it only have been a manifestation of her desire for him? How could she know?
After making such a horrible mistake, convincing herself she loved Tom, how could she trust herself? She’d been so certain he loved her, too.
That all ended so badly with her hating the man, ready to do him bodily harm if given the chance. He had wronged her so deeply.
On the afternoon of the twelfth, a rider galloped his horse away from the train—an odd occurrence. Where could he be hurrying off to in the middle of nowhere? Logan gave the drovering over to Star and trotted ahead.
Hopefully, he’d see what was afoot. An hour or so passed before he returned, carrying a hunk of red beef. Had someone killed one of the cowmen’s animals?
“Captain Gantt killed a bull buffalo. He’s passing out pieces to anyone who wants a taste but figures the meat might be tough. The animal was old . . . most likely left behind by the herd.”
Oh, not beef at all, but praise the Lord for His provision. Maybe she could tender it up if she started boiling it as soon as they stopped for the day. In the meantime, she’d beat it a time or two and try to break down some of its toughness.
Logan showed around four o’clock and wanted to try frying some, so she pulled it out of the pot.
Slicing off a few thin slabs, he salted it then when the oil was hot, laid the meat out in the pan. Though tasty, it proved plenty hard to chew. “Guess you best keep it boiling. Maybe we can have it for breakfast.”
“I could make a soup for dinner tomorrow, too.”
“Sounds good.”
“Be careful where you leave it, Pa. That black dog’s been coming around some.”
“You ever find out whose mutt he is?”
“No, sir. Some were saying he followed us all the way from Independence, after one of the greyhounds in season.”
“Hmmm, that so?” Logan seemed embarrassed by his daughter’s plain talk.
If forced to bet, Ruth would put that month’s sawbuck on him never explaining to his daughter about the ways of females and what the girl should expect. Star’s time to become a woman wouldn’t be too far off.
Perhaps she should ask.
“Yes, sir, I suppose.”
“Someone must be feeding him.”
“I think different folks have fed him some, not any of those with the greyhounds. Poor thing looks like he’s starving.”
“Well, I’ll put the pot up before I bed down. We made fourteen miles today, but Burnett says we’ll not be taking any Sundays off for a while. Need to do a little making up for those days we lost to the rain.”
“But Pa! We need our day of rest. It isn’t one bit fair, taking our Sundays away on account of a storm. It wasn’t our fault.”
“He’s the boss, darling. We elected him fair and square to make the decisions.”
“See? That’s why you should have let us vote for you! So, you would be in charge, making those decisions. It just ain’t fair!”
“There’s plenty of travelers who agree with you, the loose-cow folks especially. They’re bickering about a lot—going too fast, not stopping in the best places for their stock . . . on and on.”
“If you were in charge, you’d set ’em straight!”
“Not me. I regret even letting Gantt put me on the council. If Captain Burnett wasn’t taking the brunt of it . . .” He stopped that thought with a shrug. “I don’t know how he stands up under it. Anyway, we’ll be doing what we’re told. Anyone up for a game?”
Star jumped up. “Not me. I’m getting in bed and reading while there’s still some light. I’m at a real good part. You’d like this one, Pa. The Two Admirals by James Fenimore Cooper. It’s really exciting.”
Logan turned to Ruth and raised both eyebrows. “Chess? Or checkers?”
“Chess, I suppose, but I ought to get both rooks and their pawns unless you want a rout again. You whipped me good last night. I’m thinking you were sandbagging me before the storm.”
“Then I get white.”
Star snickered and said a very sarcastic ‘you two’ over her shoulder as she crawled into the wagon.
Twice, she thought she had his king mated, but he kept slipping out of her grasp and wearing down on her. After he got one of his pawns to her back row and traded it for a second queen, she never had a chance.
Right after he lit the oil lamp, he cornered her king, and it was all over. Not wanting the evening to be over, she rocked back.
Dare she ask him a question she’d been pondering? Maybe an easier one would be best to start. “Logan, have you ever gotten the chills like you had the other night before?”
“No, ma’am, not that I remember. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, one of my uncles would get something like them sometimes. Never lasted long, but he had them pretty regular. They didn’t come on him until he visited a cousin in Florida. He said a lot of folks have it there, but it passes after only one night.”
“Did he see a doctor?”
“No.” She laughed. “You’d have to know him. He don’t truck much with ’em, to use his own words. He figured all they wanted to do was bleed you or put their hand in your pocket. Or both.”
Logan laughed. He had a deep, melodious chuckle that she loved the sound of. “Sounds like I’d like your uncle.”
Here was her chance. “You would. Do you remember much about that night?”
“Fancy a stroll?” He stood and extended his hand. “Let’s see if we can find the North Star.”
She let him pull her up. Her heart fluttered at the remembrance of the last time she stargazed with him. “I’m betting you can. Matter of fact, if I were a betting lady, I’d bet you can do about anything you put your mind to.”
Chapter Fifteen
Once away from the wagon, Logan didn’t even bother looking at the sky. The moon reflecting Ruth’s most pleasant features . . . all his eyes cared to feast upon.
For the longest, she stared back into his then focused her attention over his shoulder.
“That’s it, isn’t it?”
Without turning, he nodded. “I’ll take your word for it. To answer your question, I remember a lot about the night I shared the pallet with you.”
Stepping toward him, she held his eyes—too close for comfort. He could crawl out of his skin and cover her with kisses. By sheer force of will, he kept his hands at his side.
“Did you mean it? When you called me your love?”
“Yes, of course. When we’re apart, you’re constantly in my thoughts. I go to sleep planning a life with you; you’re in my dreams. What I have in my heart for you is real, abiding love.”
“In four weeks! Oh, Logan, how can you be so sure that it’s nothing more than lust? Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes. Tom claimed he loved me, and I . . . I was so certain that I loved him, but . . .”
“Ruth.” He put his hand on her forearm. “I am not that man. I know my own mind and the woman I married is dead and gone. To tell you the truth, I never thought I’d love again. Didn’t want to. I just . . . had no desire to bury another wife, but . . . then Star Jo came running into camp with you. I knew then and there,”
“Are you saying you loved me at first sight, because I—”
“I’m saying I knew. I can’t call that ‘knowing’ love. A peace came over me, down deep. You aren’t hard to look at, and I admit I was immediately attracted, but it’s a life together my heart desires, not physical intimacy.”
Her eyes widened, questioning with a tinge of sadness.
“Not that I’m after a celibate marriage; of course, I desire you that way. It’s just . . . that isn’t what’s most important. Not to me. I do love you, Ruth, and I hope you’ll agree to be my wife. Will you marry me?”
“Marry? What about Star? She obviously hates me.”
The absurdity of the situation struck him as ironic; a wry little chuckle escaped.
“How can you even think that’s amusing in any way? What’s so funny about it?”
“Do you know why she’s so upset about not getting Sundays off?”
“No, but if I’m to be frank about it, I don’t like it much myself.”
“Remember that cow-folks family you two met the Sunday before the storm? The one that brought along a young widow with them?”
“Yes, of course. What about ’em?”
“My daughter has designs on matching me with that lady. She’s convinced I need a wife, and I’m guessing somehow you convinced her that wasn’t going to be you.”
“Well, I . . . uh . . . that could be, I suppose. What did you tell her?”
“That I wasn’t interested. Didn’t tell her why though. I’ve been hoping the two of you will kiss and make up on your own.”
“She hasn’t given me the opportunity; I can barely get a word in edgewise. You’ve got a hardheaded little magpie on your hands.”
He chuckled again. “Isn’t that the truth?”
“So, we found the North Star. Papa said it would always lead me home.”
“And here you are. Wherever you are is my favorite place to be, Ruth. Please. Say you’ll let me build a home for us to grow old in. You, Julia, Noah, and Star, we can be a family.”
“I have been thinking . . .
Not able to resist any longer, he wrapped her in his arms. His lips met hers and begged never to leave, but as much as he hated it, she pulled back. “Logan, I . . .”
“So will you?”
“If, and mind you this is hypothetical, if we were to wed, how would that work? Think on that. Are you and Star going to swap sleeping places?”
“No, ma’am. I haven’t really thought about how we could get ourselves a little privacy now and then.”
“Well, it deserves some thought. It seems to me that getting married would be a ludicrous thing to do. Out here on the prairie. In the middle of nowhere. With so much ahead of us. Why, we can’t even know what we’re going to have to face.”
“That’s just it. That’s the very reason.”
“What?”
“Us. We. So long as it’s the two of us, with God’s help, of course, we can face anything. Together. So will you?”
How could she?
But just as importantly, how could she not?
“What if you’re wrong and it turns out to be only lust of the flesh that’s drawn us together? What if you get tired of me?”
“It isn’t, and that will never happen. You won’t get tired of me either. I’ve seen it. Star has, too. You’re in love with me, Ruth. Why don’t you just believe it?”
Though she didn’t know how to answer, she knew with all certainty she wanted him to hold her some more. She loved being in his arms with her head on his chest, hearing his heart beat. It was . . .
It was the most wonderful of places to be. She took his hands in hers and squeezed. “You know God hates divorce.”
“I’ll vow to love you until death parts us, Ruth. I’ll never stop loving you and couldn’t even think of losing you once you were mine. I’m a man of my word. You know that.”
She closed her eyes. Without a doubt, she could never find a better man. Opening them and peering into his eyes, she beseeched him to understand.
“What if Star never comes around? I would never ask you to choose between me and your daughter.”
“She will. She came around with Alice, but if not, like you said, she’ll be of marrying age before long. When Noah’s older, we’ll tell him about Alice, but you’ll be his mother.”
“Does Julia have to know about Tom?”
“That’s your call. At some point, I would think she needs to know, but I’ll never say a word to her about it.”
“If . . . I did say yes, do you think we could wait until we get to Oregon? I’d like a wedding. I know there will be no time for a fancy honeymoon to get away alone together, but I would like to know there would be some privacy.”
“If you say yes, I’d do anything you asked. I’d like our wedding night to be special, too, with it being just you and me. Not just stolen moments of passion here and there.” He half chuckled. Besides the mirth she loved, it held some sorrow.
“I’ll wait for you. It might drive me mad, but we can wait until trail’s end if that’s what you want to do—wherever that happens to be.”
“You will?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good. Then yes! I’ll marry you.”
Wrapping her up, he sealed the pact with a bevy of the most wonderful kisses.
“Should we wait to tell Star?”
“Why? Let’s tell her in the morning so she can stop her matchmaking.”
“If you say so.”
Too soon, he led her back to the wagon, gave her one last little lingering kiss then helped her into the back.
Mis’ess Logan Carmichael Manchester had such a nice ring to it. Best of all, he agreed to cover her sin.
Julia would never know what a horrible man her father was; she’d only know of Logan, and he would be the best of fathers for her baby girl. Her heart might just slip out of her chest and float right up to Heaven, it felt so light.
Oh, Father God, why would you bless me so? I deserve nothing . . . but You . . .
I LOVE YOU
Her eyes popped open. Who was that? Had Logan slipped into the wagon? She raised her head and searched the darkness . . . no one but the children. It had to be . . . Didn’t it?
“Father, I love You, too.”
Star climbed out of the wagon, took care of her business, then headed toward the cook fire. A breathy giggle stopped her short. What were they doing? She hurried into what little light the fire afforded.
Both of them looked guilty, like she’d almost caught them doing something they shouldn’t.
“Good morning, Sissy.”
“Is it?” She grabbed the hot pad, filled her a cup, then sat down cross-legged beside her Pa.
“I’d say so. Wouldn’t you, Miss Ruth?”
“Oh, yes, sir. Of the very finest kind, I’d say.”
“Humph, seems like quite the regular kind of morning to me.” Star took her a sip of coffee. They were up to something; otherwise, why would they be so chipper? “What have you two been doing?”
“Well, I was going to wait to tell you until it was just you and me.” He glanced over and winked at Miss Ruth.
Was he flirting with her? Didn’t he know that wouldn’t do him any good?
“I asked Ruth to marry me, and she said yes. We’ve decided to wed at trail’s end.”
“What? No! You can’t Pa! She’s not right for you!” She whirled and faced Miss Ruth. “What are you doing? Why’d you say yes? You already said he wasn’t good enough for you!”
The woman stood from the rocker. “Star! I never said any such thing! I told you I thought your father was an amazing man.”
“So amazing you didn’t want to marry him, right? You said you would never want to marry him!”
“I never.” She looked at Pa like she didn’t want him to believe it or something. “Now calm down, Star, and think about it. What I said was ‘Let’s just wait and let things work themselves out.’ Isn’t that right? Didn’t I say ‘Let’s see what happens’?” The nursemaid had such a smug expression on her mug.
“You might have said that, but I’ve got my mind set on a new woman for my Pa. Maybe I don’t think you’re good enough for him now!”
“Star Jo, do not talk to Miss Ruth like that. We’ve fallen in love with each other, and we’re getting married when we get wherever it is that we decide to settle.”
She turned her gaze to the traitor trying to steal her father away. “Oh, I see how it is. You got in the family way just like you did with Julia.”
“Star. Stop it.”
She looked at Pa. “The Lord got us out of that mistake with that horrible Alice, but you’re going to ruin our lives one more time? Why are you doing this? I’ll bring that young widow over today so you can meet her. Just wait.”
“Star Jo Manchester. I don’t want to meet anyone, and there’s no waiting to be done. It’s decided. I can’t believe you’d say such a horrible thing. You apologize right now to Miss Ruth, or I’ll find me a switch and turn you over my knee.”
She only glared.
“Miss Ruth and I are getting married because we want to, not because we have to. We love each other.”
“Don’t do it, Pa.” She turned to Miss Ruth again, careful to take the meanness out of her tone. Her father hadn’t threatened to whip her in . . . She couldn’t remember when.
“What about Tom? He’s the one whose name you’ve been calling at night in your sleep. Ain’t that Julia’s pa? Isn’t that who you really true love? You said true love was so important!”
Pa tossed his dregs into the fire; the hiss matched the steam coming out of her ears. “That’s enough, little girl. We’re getting married, so you best get used to the notion. No more matchmaking, no more nothing. You need to stay out of my business.”
His lips thinned, and he gave Star the look, the one she hated but submitted to. What could she do but shut her mouth? For sure, she didn’t want to get switched like a baby.
Pa just might do it, too.
Her cheeks flushed and tears welled, but she bit her lip. No way was she going to let that father-stealing, lying Ruth Downum see her cry. Why did she ever go to that café that morning? What a stupid idea!
She should have kept on looking for a goat or a cow to buy.
Noah woke wanting attention. Star jumped up. No matter what, her brother needed her, even if Pa didn’t. His cries woke Julia, so Miss Ruth stood up, too.
“If you can see to Noah, I’ll take care of Julia.”
She managed a yes, ma’am, but if not for Pa, she wouldn’t have answered at all. As soon as she was alone in the back of the wagon with the hired lady, she couldn’t help herself.
“I told you he was mine.”
The declaration was both humorous and concerning. Ruth busied herself changing Julia and held her own counsel. Nothing she said or did right then would convince the girl that she and her father were a match.
