Its not all roses, p.1
It's Not All Roses, page 1
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2023 by Maia Terry
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For more information, address: maiaterryauthor@hotmail.com.
First paperback edition February 2023
Book design by Kaylee Beeman -Beauty Bee Branding LLC
This book contains explicit language and mature themes that may be triggering to some. These include mental health topics such as panic attacks, PTSD, depression, self-harm, attempted suicide (mentioned briefly), alcohol use (mentioned briefly), physical and mental abuse, and off-scene, sexual assault.
To my younger self, I hope you’re proud.
Rosalind
2 Years Prior
I can’t believe I let Amelia drag me to this game. It’s not that I hate basketball, I actually enjoy it. I’m just not in the mood to pretend to be upbeat and happy right now. However, after the fight I had with my mom this morning, I know that staying at the house wouldn’t be the smartest move.
“Earth to Rose.” Amelia waves her hand in front of my face, grabbing my attention.
“Sorry, I spaced out,” I say, turning to look at her. “What were you saying?”
“I was just telling you how I wanted you to meet Trevor tonight,” she says with a smile.
Trevor is the guy she has been talking to for a few weeks. I’ve never seen her act like this over a guy before, so that in itself makes me intrigued to meet him.
“Oh shoot, I knew I should’ve brought my interrogation notebook,” I tease.
Amelia smacks my arm with the back of her hand and turns her attention back to the game. Now that the star player is no longer a red shirt, our school has one of the best basketball teams in the conference. No one knows what happened or why he got red shirted to begin with. Of course, like with any campus, there were plenty of rumors flying around. But no one could back up the claims.
At the sound of the final buzzer, the crowd jumps to their feet, cheering for yet another victory. While people mill about and the players head to the locker room, Amelia and I wait in the stands. Once the majority of the crowd has gone, the guys begin trickling out of the locker room. Amelia squeals and climbs down the bleachers as she sees Trevor. Following behind her we come to a stop at half court.
“Rose, this is Trevor,” Amelia says as she introduces us.
“It’s nice to meet you, Trevor. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.” I give Amelia a wink and she groans in embarrassment.
“Hey, Trev. Do you want to go to Tony’s? I’m starving,” a voice from behind me says, interrupting our conversation.
“You guys okay with that?” Trevor asks as he looks between Amelia and me.
“I love Tony’s,” I say before turning to the man behind me. I fight to keep my jaw from dropping.
The man behind me is none other than Atticus Reed. I try to be subtle as I take in his appearance. He is a good six inches taller than me, with curly brown hair and the bluest eyes. Tearing my eyes away from his face, I notice the tattoos that decorate his left arm and appear to vanish under his cut off.
“Hi, I’m Atticus,” he says with a smirk, clearly catching me looking at his tattoos.
“Rosalind, but you can call me Rose,” I reply with a smile.
“Nice to meet you, Rose,” he says before looking over my head at Trevor. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”
Once we arrive at Tony’s, we find a booth at the back of the restaurant. Amelia and Trevor slide in on one side, leaving Atticus and me to sit on the other side. I smile sheepishly as I slide in, and Atticus follows.
“What kind of pizza does everyone like?” Trevor asks.
“Meat lovers,” Atticus and I say at the same time, and I laugh.
When the waitress leaves after taking our order, Trevor and Amelia instantly fall into a conversation clearly lost in their own little world. I look over at Atticus who is already looking at me. I feel my cheeks flush and I advert my gaze just as the bell dings. My eyes follow some of the other players on the team as they mill by our table, letting Trevor and Atticus know they played a good game. I notice a few of them from class, but I realize I don’t know any of them by name.
“You guys coming to the party tonight?” One of the players asks as he comes to a stop at the end of our table.
“Nah, thanks for the invite, Murphy. But we are just going to hang out and eat some pizza,” Atticus replies. When he says Murphy, the name clicks. Derek Murphy. I’ve heard it announced several times during games.
“Oh, come on,” Derek says. “I’ve got some kegs coming, and there’s going to be beer pong.”
“Oh look, here’s our food,” I interrupt as the waitress comes up to the table.
Derek grumbles as he walks away, and Atticus looks at me. “Sorry if you wanted to go. I didn’t mean to answer for you.”
“I don’t do parties, so it’s totally fine,” I assure him and grab two slices of pizza.
As we eat, the four of us make small talk. It’s amazing how the conversation just flows between us. I never make friends this easily, but it seems like Trevor and Atticus are the missing puzzle pieces for Amelia and me.
Once we are finished eating, we sit and talk for another hour before we exchange numbers and Amelia adds us all to a group text. I'm actually sad to see the night end.
On the drive home, Amelia glances over at me. “How did you like Trevor?” she asks nervously.
“He made a good first impression,” I answer, giving her a reassuring smile.
Amelia lets out a relived sigh before putting her car in park in front of my house. “Thank goodness.”
“Be careful going home,” I say as I get out of the car. “Make sure you let me know when you make it home,” I remind her before shutting the door.
Walking up the sidewalk, I realize that my mom’s car is gone. She must be working another late shift. Typical. Anything she can do to avoid me after our fight. I unlock the door and go inside, making my way upstairs to my room. Stripping out of my clothes, I throw them in the hamper and walk to the bathroom, turning on the shower.
When it’s finally warm enough, I climb in and sigh as the warm water runs over my body. I close my eyes and lean my head against the shower wall. After a few moments, I grab the shampoo and begin to wash my hair. Once I rinse all the soap out, I reach for my razor out of habit.
I started self-harming almost two years ago, after my dad left. My mom decided that it was all my fault and has spent the last two years making sure I didn’t forget it. So, for the last year and a half, this has been my routine. With a sigh, I look down at my razor and let everything else disappear.
After I get out of the shower, I make sure to tend to the fresh wounds on my thigh before I dress and climb into bed. Grabbing my phone off the nightstand, I scroll through the group chat that has been blowing up for the last twenty minutes and smile.
Atticus: I’m thinking we need to go bowling tomorrow night if everyone is free.
Amelia: Oh, I love bowling. I’m free.
Trevor: Hell yeah, man.
Sign me up. Bowling is my favorite.
Thus, the tradition of Friday night pizza and Saturday night bowling was born.
Rosalind
Present Day
“Hey, Rose,” Derek calls as I stand to leave our biology class.
Ugh, not again. I think to myself before turning around and flashing him a smile. “Hey, Derek. Excited for the scrimmage tonight?”
“You bet,” he says, coming to a stop in front of me. “I was wondering if you’d like to hang out after?”
“Oh, I would, but I can’t. I have plans already,” I lie.
“That’s what you always say,” he says, his smile dropping instantly. “Why won’t you just give me a chance?”
“I’ve told you countless times, Derek. I’m not interested,” I say before pushing past him.
He reaches out and grabs my arm before leaning close to my ear. “When will you realize that Atticus wants nothing to do with you?” he growls. “Nonetheless, you’ll come around. They always do.”
“Please let go, you’re hurting me,” I whisper as I struggle against his grip. Glancing around, I notice we are the only two in the room now, but the next class should be coming in soon.
He releases my arm and I hurry out of the room, not looking back. Seeing my group of friends in the distance, I pick up my speed and throw on my signature smile as I try to shake off the feeling of Derek’s hand on my arm.
“There she is,” Atticus says, throwing his arm around me. As he does so, my mind goes back to what Derek said. Do I want Atticus to want me?
“We were just talking about what we are doing after tonight’s scrimmage,” Amelia says with a smile as she loops her arm into Trevor’s.
“Oh, I can’t do anything tonight guys. I have a biology test tomorrow and even though finals are over, it’s still a big portion of my grade, so I need to study,” I say with a frown.
The other three look at me with displeased faces. “What a party pooper,” Trevor teases.
I roll my eyes at them and shrug. “Sorry, some of us have goals after college, Trevo r.”
“Your words. They wound me.” He puts a hand over his heart and frowns.
“Alright, alright. That’s enough, you two,” Atticus says before letting out a soft chuckle. “I have to get to class, but I will see you at the scrimmage at least, yeah?” he asks with a hopeful smile.
“Absolutely,” I promise, before waving goodbye to him. Trevor and Amelia leave not long after that and since I have the rest of the afternoon free, I head to the library to get some extra studying in.
My phone buzzes on the table as Amelia’s name pops up on the screen. “Hey, I’m leaving the library now,” I tell her in a hushed voice as I pack up my books.
“Hurry up, it’s getting chilly out here,” she whines on the other end.
“Oh, it’s not that cold.” I say as I walk to my car. Putting my books inside, I tell Amelia I will be right there and shut my car door. It’s a perfect night out, so I decide to walk instead of driving my car over to the athletic center.
When I arrive, I find Amelia standing outside, shivering. “It’s about time,” she says as she breathes into her hands.
“You are so dramatic,” I say as I roll my eyes and laugh. “Come on, wouldn’t want you to get frostbite.”
We find our usual seats and watch the boys warm up. Not long after we are settled in, the game begins. The crowd cheers as the guys score point after point, with Atticus being the lead scorer. Time seems to fly by and when the final buzzer sounds, our team walks away with their second victory of the season. Even though this was a scrimmage, everyone treats it as though it was a regular game.
Checking the time on my phone, I look over at Amelia, who is still seated. “I’m going to head on out,” I say as I lean down to hug her.
“Okay! Be careful on your way home,” she says as her eyes scan the players walking out of the locker room, obviously searching for Trevor.
“I will. Tell Attie I said good game and I will call him later.” I turn and walk down the bleachers, before walking out into the cool night. While Amelia was exaggerating earlier about how cold it was, it is unusually cool for Tennessee this time of year.
As I’m passing the science building, I get the feeling of someone’s eyes watching me. I glance around nervously but see no one, so I shrug it off. Just as I walk past the alley between the science and arts buildings, someone reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling me into the alley.
As my eyes adjust to the sudden darkness, they grow wide as the person who grabbed me comes into focus. Derek’s hand is on my throat before I can even make the first sound.
Why didn’t I wait on my friends?
Atticus
Man, does it feel good to be in bed. I sigh as I sprawl out under the covers, scrolling through my phone. Even though it was a scrimmage, it was a tough one. I decided to stay back and take a shower before heading home. When I came out of the locker room and Amelia told me that Rose had left early to finish studying, I was a little bummed.
Coming across Rose’s contact, I pull up our conversation. She told Amelia she would call me later but has yet to do so.
How’s studying going?
I send and wait for those three bubbles to pop up. After a few moments, there’s no reply and I raise my brow.
Missed you after the game. I’m sorry I took so long to get out of the locker room. Next time I’ll skip the showers.
It’s okay. I’m fine. Really tired. Going to head to bed. Goodnight.
Okay… goodnight, Rose. Sweet dreams.
That’s odd… she is never that short with me. Is she mad? I’ll have to pull it out of her tomorrow. Sighing, I place my phone on charge and before I know it, I’m drifting off to sleep.
The next morning, the incessant beeping of my alarm pulls me out of my sleep. Rolling over with a groan, I hit snooze and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The day after a game is always the worst. I’m tired, both physically and mentally. All I want to do is sleep.
However, my scholarship is dependent on my grades and my status on the basketball team. I may be the star player, but I have academic expectations to uphold as well. I’m constantly reminded that life isn’t just basketball, even though for me, it is. Its what earned me a full ride to Savanna University.
Climbing out of bed, I go to my closet and skim through my clothes. Once I find the jeans and sweatshirt I was looking for, I change and then head to the kitchen to grab myself some breakfast. After making a mental note that I need more groceries, I swipe a banana and a bottle of water off the table and head out the door to class.
Pulling into the parking lot, I head toward the area where our friend group usually parks. Trevor and Amelia are here already, but it doesn’t look like Rose is. Glancing at the time on my phone, I frown. She’s never late, and our professor is strict on arriving in a timely manner. I lean against the side of my Jeep as I wait for her.
After five minutes, it doesn’t appear that she will be arriving soon, so I head on into the building. Making it into the classroom with five minutes to spare, I find my usual seat and check my phone one more time to make sure Rose hadn’t texted. Sliding my phone back in my pocket after seeing no new notifications, I let out a sigh.
The professor begins his lecture, and about ten minutes into it, Rose walks in. Professor Graham gives her a look and then continues his lecture. When Rose sits down beside me, I turn to look at her, the lecture long forgotten.
Taking a moment to really look at her, my brows furrow. She has a smile that could light up any room that she walks into. I look forward to seeing that smile every single day. Today, though, she seems anxious. She is chewing on her lip, and her eyes are darting around the room every so often. She begins to fidget with her fingers. One of her tells that indicates her anxiety is rising.
In an attempt to calm her, I place my hand on top of hers, but it causes her to jump, and she pulls her hand away. There’s no denying the hurt that flashes across my face, and I slowly pull my hand away. When she notices what she’s done, she gives me an apologetic look and then turns her attention to the professor.
For the rest of the class, I try to focus on the lecture. It seems impossible though, because my mind is running a hundred miles an hour trying to figure out what is going on with the strawberry blonde beside me. When the professor finally dismisses us, Rose rushes out of the room.
Grabbing my books, I follow her. “Hey, Rose…” I say as I catch up to her. “What’s going on? Why are you avoiding me?”
She glances over at me and shrugs. “I’m not. I just had a long night studying.”
“Right…” I say, trailing off, leaving nothing but uncomfortable silence between us as we walk toward our next classes. We are in different ones, but mine is in the same direction, which gives me time to pull something out of her. “I’ve known you for two years, and I have never seen you in a scarf,” I say, trying to make some type of conversation.
“I wanted to try something different,” she snaps as she pulls the scarf tighter around her neck and I let out a sigh. Clearly, she doesn’t want to talk to me.
“Okay, well, I will see you after class,” I say as I turn to go in the direction of my class.
I have no idea what is going on. She says she’s fine, but I call bullshit.
Rosalind
It’s almost dismissal. It’s almost dismissal. I chant to myself repeatedly. This is my last class of the day and then I’m free. My fingers are sore from clenching my pencil so tightly today while I’ve tried to keep it together.
With last night heavy on my mind, I glance over at Amelia, who is already looking at me with her face scrunched in confusion. I quickly look away from her and pretend to be writing something down.
My friends have done nothing to deserve the rudeness I have been giving them all day, but I can’t help it. If I tell them what happened, they will all lose it. I can’t deny that my heart broke a little when I saw the look on Atticus’ face after I flinched away from him. He definitely didn’t deserve that, but it was just instinct.
