Being as he was my first and only, I never thought much of it until I experienced Chain. Chain was different; he made sure it was all about my pleasure, about my needs, about me getting off.

  He was enormous in size. I had to admit it was painful when he first launched his missile inside of me, but after a while the pain turned to pure pleasure and the night ended up being one I would never forget. His kisses were as sweet as they were lustful, and that tongue, what he could do with that unbelievably long, beautiful tongue.

  “Violet.” I tilted my eyes up to see Harrison standing in front of my desk. Talk about ruining the moment. I began to visually compare Harrison and Chain in my mind. Chain was tall, at least 6’2’’ if I had to guess. I wasn’t sure of his weight, but did it matter? He was toned in all the right places and looked amazing naked.

  Harrison was a handsome man, but rather short, standing at only 5’8’’, and he was extremely thin, weighing at the most 140lbs. He definitely lacked in the manhood department compared to Chain.

  I felt heat scorch across my face as his presence reignited the anger that still dwelled deep inside of me from his betrayal.

  “Harrison, I’m working,” I snapped as I glanced down at the paper in front of me. His hand grazed my back.

  “Don’t touch me,” I said, rotating my chair, swiveling towards the wall, away from his reach.

  “Violet, honey, please don’t be like that.” Be like what? Really, what does this man expect? That I fall into his arms and forgive him for what he has done? Not happening.

  I noticed a fading bruise around his eye and cheek.

  “What happened to your face?” I asked with concern.

  A scowl appeared. “Let’s just say Victor wasn’t too happy when he found out why you left the engagement party.” Damn Victor, my overprotective beast of a brother. I might be angry with Harrison, but never would I wish harm on him.

  “I’m sorry for what Victor did,” I murmured apologetically.

  “I deserved it, Violet,” Harrison said half convincingly. I knew Harrison well enough to know that he was faking the whole ‘I deserved it.’

  I had to agree with him on this, he definitely deserved it, although I didn’t normally condone violence.

  I folded my hands and cleared my throat.

  “What do you want, Harrison, why are you here?” He eased onto my desk, sitting with his legs dangling, sliding closer to me. His hand cupped the back of my neck, his fingers caressing gently. I tried to resist, but my neck was tense and aching from my night with Chain, so his fingers were well welcomed. I leaned into his fingers, closing my eyes, embracing his touch.

  “Maybe we could take the rest of the day off and talk at my place,” he murmured as his nose nuzzled against my hair, then traveled down my neck.

  “I miss you so much, Violet—so much,” his lips mumbled against my neck as he kissed it. What was I doing? I knew if I didn’t stop this I would fall right back into his arms and it was not something I wanted to do. I pulled away.

  “Harrison, I had sex with someone else!” I shouted out in the heat of the moment.

  I instantly regretted my words, covering my mouth and looking down. Why did I say that? Harrison stood and when I looked up at him a disturbed look was splayed across his face.

  “You cheated on me?” he asked fervently. I couldn’t help but giggle.

  “Harrison, we are not together, remember? And you know why, so don’t even try to put this on me.”

  He flattened his palms on my desk, leaning towards me.

  “It’s Chain Alexander, isn’t it? I saw the pictures with you and him all over social media! Please tell me you haven’t become one of the stereotypical females of Philly and added another notch to the bedpost of Chain Alexander!”

  What was he talking about? Then it hit me. Callie. That sneaky little vixen. I couldn’t believe she put those pics out like that—wait, yes I could. She could be quite evil to people who hurt me.

  Harrison’s words, ‘another notch on the bedpost,’ streamed through my mind. Did Chain and I even use the bed? There was the balcony, the living room floor, the kitchen counter and the—

  “Violet!” Harrison bellowed, interrupting my thoughts.

  “What,” I retorted.

  “Did you sleep with Chain Alexander?” he asked me.

  “It’s none of your business!” I responded hotly. Who did he think he was? He gave up the right to know about my private affairs when he cheated on me. I stood up.

  “You are my fiancée! I have the right to know who you are fucking!” he continued.

  “Ex-fiancée and how dare you talk to me like that! Do you kiss your mother with that nasty mouth?” I couldn’t believe he had the gall to curse at me! The one thing my father taught me was to always demand respect from a man, that a man who yelled or cursed at a woman was a dirty, filthy low-life. Harrison lifted my hand, staring down at my ring.

  “Ex, huh, then why do you still wear my ring?” I yanked my hand away from him, and then stared down at my ring.

  I had completely forgotten about the ring. Why did I still wear it? I suppose a part of me still wanted to hold on to him, hold on to the fantasy that someday he would be my husband. No matter what he did, I still loved him, I couldn’t deny that. The air left my lungs and I collapsed on the chair.

  “I don’t know why I’m still wearing it,” I murmured with a frown.

  “Because you know it’s not over, Violet, that’s why. Come on, let’s make up and move on,” he pleaded. I wanted to, I wanted to so badly; it would be way easier to forgive him than to deal with this heartache. But I just couldn’t. He broke his promise to me and it was something I knew I would never get over.

  I slid the ring off and placed it on the desk in front of him.

  “No, Violet, please, don’t do this, we can work this out,” he mumbled as he stared down at the ring.

  “No we can’t, it’s over, Harrison.” He knelt down and took my hand as he looked up at me. Tears began rolling down his cheeks. Watching him hurt ignited the emotions that I had begun to lock away deep in my heart. I couldn’t breathe, I felt like the world was crashing around me all at once, my broken heart revealing itself, the sadness coming to light. I did what any woman would do in that situation, I broke down hard. He grabbed me, pulling me from the chair into his lap, and held me tight.

  “Oh, sweetheart, I never meant to hurt you,” he said as he placed kisses sporadically across my face in an attempt to calm me. The breakdown was ugly. Snot was running down my nose faster than I could wipe it away. I was screaming out incoherent words, practically choking on the gazillion tears that restricted my throat.

  After I calmed down a bit, I finally blurted out the one question that had burned through my head from the beginning of our breakup.

  “Why, Harrison, why did you cheat?” He brushed the hair back from my face.

  “I don’t know why I did it, Violet. I honestly didn’t mean it. It was an accident,” he explained. Accident? After all my tears, hurt and pain, that was his answer, it was an accident? That was all he had to say? He truly wanted me to believe that he accidently fell into her mouth! Give me a break! I tried to pull away from him and he tightened his hold on me.

  “Violet, she meant nothing. I regret it completely, I promise you this. There hasn’t been one second since this happened that I haven’t regretted it. I made a mistake, I can’t take it back, but I know one thing, I can’t live without you, I need you,” he continued. Tears cascaded down my face as his words touched my heart, but not in a good way, in a painful way.

  “I just don’t know if I can get over this.” I did love Harrison, but this had nothing to do with love, it had to do with loyalty and trust, something he had crushed completely.

  He lifted my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles gently.

  “Can we just try? Let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much I love you.” A part of me wanted to forgive him; I still loved him so much and wanted to be with him. But the other part of me was hesitant. To me, without trust or loyalty, there was no relationship, so no matter how much I loved him, I had to accept the harsh reality: we would never work.

  “Don’t give up on us, Violet, please,” he continued. I wriggled out of his hold and stood up; he stood next to me. His hand slid behind my neck as he leaned his forehead against mine.

  “I love you, Violet,” he mumbled.

  Those three damn words that crucified me every time. My heart began to ache for him, my head spinning from the confusing thoughts that flooded it all at once. Should I give him another chance? He seemed to regret it; maybe it was just a mistake.

  But no matter how hard I tried to justify getting back together with him, I just couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive him for what he had done.

  “Please leave,” I whispered.

  “What?” he said with disbelief.

  “It’s over, Harrison.”

  With his head low he walked over to the door as I sat back down at my desk.

  “Before I go, I need you to know this,” Harrison mumbled as he stood by the open office door. I looked up at him. “I love you and you are the one for me, you will always be the one for me, Violet,” he whispered tearfully. His words silenced me and I looked down as he left the room.

  My emotions began to overwhelm me as the reality hit me hard.

  It was over.

  It was really over.

  The pain encircled me, the hurt resurfacing, and I had the urge to run to my house and to hide away in my room, curling up in my bed and withering away into my sheets as the depression began to engulf me again. The loss of love, the loss of a life together, the loss of Harrison and me, was more than I could handle. Tears began falling down my cheeks; I took the back of my hand, wiping them away. I sat back in my chair and that was when I noticed the ring still sitting on the desk. Why didn’t he take it? Did he still love me? Did he still want to marry me? I picked the ring up and slid it back on my finger. I smiled through my tear-stricken eyes as I stared at it, remembering when Harrison had asked me to be his wife.

  It was a surprise of course. We were vacationing in Fiji when he knelt on one knee, asking me for my hand in marriage. It was everything I had imagined it would be. He had flowers, champagne, the perfect speech and the perfect ring.

  What was I doing? This was definitely not the time to take a run down memory lane. I slid the ring off and placed it on the desk. I had to focus, focus on the reason why I was in this position in the first place, Harrison cheated, broke my trust and it was over. I needed to move on and forget about him, he was my past now. I needed to let go. But how do you let go of someone you have loved for four years? The man you were going to marry and spend the rest of your life with? I was so frustrated, confused and hurt, and my very recent liaison with Chain only sent me further into a sea of uncertainty, guilt and emotion. Wrapping my arms around my head, I buried my face in my desk and sobbed.

  “Vi, come on, stop it,” Vince said as he walked into my office. I lifted my head. He sat on my desk, twirling my chair towards him, then placed his hands on either side of my face, wiping my tears.

  “What are you doing in here? Don’t you work?” I asked him sarcastically. He let out a chuckle.

  “I saw Harrison walking out of your office, I was worried, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “I’m fine, Vince.”

  “No you’re not.” He was right, I wasn’t. I burst into tears and he took me into an embrace immediately.

  “When does the pain go away, when does it stop?” I cried out.

  “Oh, Vi, love is a beautiful but horrible thing, isn’t it,” Vince sang.

  Vince used words as inspiration, but right now his words were not inspiring me or making me feel better, in fact they were making me feel worse. And besides, what did he know about love anyways? He went through women faster than I went through underwear.

  “Vince, can’t you just say don’t worry, Vi, it will get better?” I mumbled. He squeezed me quickly, before releasing me.

  “Okay, I promise it will get better.” He smiled.

  “When?” I needed an answer. I couldn’t take going through this anymore. The hurt was swallowing me up, the pain severing me into small broken pieces. I was becoming an entity of despair and hopelessness.

  “I can’t tell you that, but I do know this, you have to let go before you can move on if that makes any sense.” I knew he was right, but letting go was harder than he thought. How do you let go of a man you have loved for four years? How do you reprogram your mind to think of a man as your past that at one time was your complete future? My shoulders slumped as I let my forehead hit the top of my desk. This was so frustrating.

  “My head hurts,” my lips mumbled as I tapped my forehead against the surface of my desk over and over.

  “It’s because you keep head-butting your desk! Stop!” Vince responded as he placed his hand under my forehead, using it as padding between my forehead and the desk. He pushed my head up, forcing me to sit up.

  “How do you do it?” I asked him.

  “Do what?” he answered.

  “You know, date a bunch of women?”

  “Vi, I really don’t feel comfortable talking about my lady friends with you.”

  “Do you sleep with them all?” He lifted his eyebrow with a smirk across his face. “That is so disgusting!”

  “Vi, like I said, I don’t feel comfortable talking to my little sister about my lady friends.”

  “Maybe that’s what I’ll do, just sleep with a lot of random men,” I said, thinking of the brief reprieve from thinking about Harrison during my night of passion with Chain.

  “I don’t think so, Vi,” Vince growled. I smiled at him.

  “I’m just kidding, Vince, relax.”

  His eyes turned serious. “Look, it’s just going to take time, you need to relax and ride it out. I promise it will get better, okay?”

  I smiled at him. “Okay.”

  He stood up. “I have a meeting in five; I can cancel it if you need me to stay with you.”

  “No, go, I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  He gave me a quick hug then made his way to the door. “If you need me, you know where to find me. I’ll catch you later,” he said before he turned and left my office.

  ***

  Throwing myself into my work, I let the morning pass by me and concentrated more on the task at hand. I was in charge of the human resources department, but my father often had me doing things in the marketing division. I was setting up a new client we had signed called Larsen’s Electronics. We were launching a large campaign for the company—billboards, commercials, customized marketing packets, the whole shot. I glanced over at the time on my computer and realized I was in jeopardy of being late for the Larsen’s marketing meeting. I finished up inputting the final information for the client and made my way down to the conference room.

  The meeting was intense. I listened as the marketing manager threw out ideas and the graphics department displayed sketches of the billboards. I was very impressed with the billboard sketches; I had to admit that we had the best graphics designers on staff.

  I was exhausted as I left the conference room and made my way back towards my office. I felt a hand grab my arm from behind. I turned and my father smiled at me.

  “Hi, Daddy,” I said as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

  “Hi, little girl, how are you doing?” he asked me with worry in his eyes.

  “I’m good, Daddy.”

  “That little shit Harrison isn’t giving you any problems is he? I swear, Violet, if he does, I will bounce his ass out of here in the blink of an eye, you just let me know, okay,” my father said, furrowing his eyebrows.

  “No, Daddy, everything is okay.”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  He smiled as he kissed my cheek. “I love you, little girl, if you need anything you just come and see me, okay?”

  “Okay, I have to get back to work, I’ll see you later,” I said as I hugged him and turned to leave.

  Sitting at my desk, I stared out the window of my office, thinking. Why was I having such a hard time getting over Harrison? He cheated on me for God’s sake, what more of a wake-up call did I need?

  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t about being with Harrison, it was about being Harrison’s girl; my whole adult life had revolved around it. I had completely lost my identity, I had lost Violet Townsend. How did I let that happen?

  I refocused, swearing off men and making a promise to myself I would never lose me again. Never again would I be at a man’s beck and call, never again would I live only to please a man. And never again would I allow someone to break my heart. I could never survive another heartbreak.

  “Violet,” Callie called out as she walked into my office.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked her happily.

  “I’m here for two reasons. First I wanted to make sure you were alright, how are things going?”

  “Better than I expected.”

  “Did you talk to Harrison?”

  “Yes,” I muttered sadly.

  “It will get better, Violet,” she reassured me and I knew she was right and I knew I was healing, but it was just going to take time.

  “So what was the second thing you wanted to ask?” She smiled.

  “To see if you wanted to go to lunch. I’m meeting David down at Mesus.” Mesus was a Mediterranean restaurant that had been Callie’s and my favorite since we were teens.

  “Yeah, just let me get my purse,” I responded. I reached into my desk drawer, snatching my purse, and then followed Callie out of my office.

  Chapter 2.5 – Chain

  The office where I had my main headquarters was 8,600 square feet in its entirety. When I first leased the place, it was just David and me and the place seemed enormous. After five years, sixty employees later, the place felt like a sardine can, every inch used to the maximum of its capacity.

 

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