For crosby, p.15
For Crosby, page 15
I removed my headphones and the country music filtered faintly into the room. “I’m allowed to be pissed.”
“Of course you are. Crosby showed weakness, but not every guy can be Caden or Forester.”
“Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?”
She leaned against her desk and crossed her arms. “I just want you to get over this.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never seen you as happy as you were with Crosby.”
“Do I look happy to you?”
Finlay cocked her head, not liking my sarcasm. “As much as you think he’s hurting you, the only one he’s truly hurting is himself.”
“Yeah. And I’m allowed to not wanna sit by and watch it happen. Besides, it’s not like he’s calling me.”
“Ever think there’s more to it?” she asked.
Of course there was something more to it. But he wouldn’t freaking tell me.
“Between the tree, jockstrap, and hot gel, he’s put up with all of it. At some point a guy cracks. You know him better than I do. Why hasn’t he?”
“He doesn’t want to make waves on the team,” I said, hating how lame the excuse sounded in hindsight.
Finlay grabbed her coat from the chair and slipped it on. “Even I could only take so much of Grady before I made him think I put a laxative in his drink last year.” She moved to the door and pulled it open, turning to look at me. “Maybe once you figure out what’s really going on, you can go back to making those gaga eyes at Crosby.”
I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but I said nothing. Because there was nothing to say. I walked away from him and he let me go.
Finlay’s lips twisted regrettably. “I’ll see you at Caden’s.”
I nodded, and though I wasn’t in a partying mood, I owed it to her, Caden, and Forester to celebrate the football team’s big championship win with them.
Finlay stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
We’d been roommates for over a year, and this was the first time she was seeing my stubbornness in full force. It was one of my greatest strengths. I’d always been someone who believed in what I thought. What I said. What I did. To hell with everyone else. But had I acted too rashly? Had I been too quick to give up on Crosby? Had I been like everyone else in his life and abandoned him when he needed me the most?
Grrrrrr.
I grabbed my phone to turn off my music and a picture I’d taken of him in a towel at the hotel popped up. I hadn’t removed it from my home screen yet—probably because who wouldn’t want to see a hot guy every time they turned on their phone? Or maybe it was that hot guy I wanted to see.
Damn him for being weak.
Crosby
I suited up in the bathroom down the hall then stepped into the locker room before my next game. Every eye averted mine. I hadn’t seen my teammates since the Icy Hot incident. And, since I refused to tell Coach who tampered with my cup, he hadn’t allowed me to practice with the team. I think he thought I’d cave and eventually tell him, but a sex tape hanging over my head was a powerful deterrent. I knew Coach was torn—wanting to punish me for my silence, but feeling sorry that my chance with the scout got blown—because he arranged for me to have ice time alone so I could practice.
Jeremy rounded the corner and stopped short, spotting me in the locker room for the first time in a week. He stared me down, but my eyes never wavered from his. He still hadn’t released the video. Xavier and I decided he was playing a mind game with me, knowing the waiting for it to drop would’ve been more torturous than the actual video being out there.
But I had news for Jeremy. Despite the video hanging over me and me not getting back out on the ice last game, I wouldn’t let him win tonight.
Sabrina had been wrong. I wasn’t the guy she once thought I was. I wouldn’t be that guy again.
I’d wanted to be a pro hockey player since the first time I was fitted for skates. I had that natural ability coaches talked about when interviewed after games. Skating came easily. Scoring came easily. And body checking assholes came easily. I tasted hockey in everything I did. It was part of me and nothing Jeremy did was going to stop me from achieving my dream of playing it.
After Coach’s pregame speech, I lined up in back of my teammates as they filed out of the locker room. I was eager to get onto the ice, wanting to redeem myself after the last game and curious to see if Sabrina had shown up. I’d given her front row tickets to the remainder of my games before shit hit the fan, but deep down I knew she wouldn’t be there.
The lights in the arena dimmed and music echoed off the walls. I followed my teammates onto the ice, circling the perimeter of the rink like my life depended on it. But no matter how quickly I flew around the ice, it didn’t make Sabrina appear in that empty seat in the front row.
Coach’s whistle blew and we skated over to the bench, gathering around him holding his clipboard. As he spoke, my eyes drifted to the empty seat.
Since arriving at school, it had all been about getting through this season and making it to the pros. This had been the first time I’d put someone else before me. And what did I get to show for it? An empty seat and a broken fucking heart.
Sabrina
Music blared inside Caden and Forester’s two-story house on the outskirts of campus. It was a shock the cops hadn’t broken up the party already since so many people showed up to celebrate the football team’s victory. By nine o’clock, the house had reached capacity and bodies filtered outside into the front and back yards.
In my quest to find Finlay and Caden on the second floor where Caden’s bedroom was, I weaved my way around familiar faces and climbed the stairs. Unfortunately, people filled the upstairs hallway creating a virtual wall. I turned back around and made my way downstairs and headed toward the kitchen.
I heard Grady’s big mouth before I saw him at the kitchen table, chugging what looked like a pitcher of beer. When he slammed it back down on the table, the people around him cheered. I rolled my eyes knowing how much he loved the attention.
Somehow, he spotted me across the crowded room. “Sabrina!”
I spun around, trying to get away before he made some kind of scene. No such luck.
“Where you going?” he asked, slinging his arm over my shoulders.
“Just checking out who’s here.”
“Then you needn’t look any further. You found me.”
I shook my head as he walked me toward the living room. My entire body tensed as soon as we stepped into the crowded room. Hockey players sat around the coffee table playing a card game. My eyes shot around, searching the room for Crosby. Once I realized he wasn’t there, I released the breath I’d unknowingly been holding. But just because he wasn’t in the living room, didn’t mean he wasn’t somewhere else in the house.
Anxious butterflies filled my stomach. What would I say to him if we came face to face? Would it be uncomfortable? Difficult to make eye contact? Awkward?
“Hey, Sabrina,” Jeremy called from the sofa.
My eyes narrowed on him. Why wouldn’t he just go away?
“Who’s that?” Grady asked, all brotherly and protective like Caden and Forester usually were.
I shook my head. “No one.”
A few of the guys seated with Jeremy turned to see who he’d called to. Their eyes widened when they spotted me and they snickered. Did they know Jeremy and I had gone out? Were they amused by the disgust on my face? Or did they just think I was with Grady now?
“You wanna play flip cup in the kitchen?” Grady asked me.
I didn’t, but the strange attention I was receiving from Jeremy and his friends was beginning to make me uncomfortable. Grady turned us away from them and we headed toward the kitchen, but I didn’t miss the whistles and catcalls that followed us out of the room.
“Sabrina,” a guy called from behind us. Over the noise it sounded like Crosby.
I froze. Unprepared for what I’d say to him, I pulled in a deep breath and glanced over my shoulder. I relaxed when I spotted Forester squeezing his tall body through the masses to get to me.
“You missed your shot, Forester,” Grady told him as he stepped in front of us. “She’s all mine.”
Forester patted him on the shoulder. “Got news for you, bro. She’s not that easily won. She makes guys work for it.” He glanced to me. “Right, Sabrina?”
“Not many guys can handle this,” I said.
Forester laughed and Grady’s eyes cut to mine. “Do I really have no shot?”
“No shot,” I said. “But, if it helps, I’m not really looking for anything. Need a break from guys for a while.”
“Finlay told me about the hockey player,” Forester said.
Grady glared at me. “Hockey player? Are you kidding me? Those guys are pussies.”
Forester and I laughed, but Grady looked thoroughly repulsed that I would’ve dated a hockey player over him.
“Do you see how many pads they wear?” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “Pussies.”
It was comical coming from him. But the pit in my stomach brought on by the thought of a certain hockey player, who clearly wasn’t there, just wouldn’t go away. And I spent the rest of the night pretending to enjoy the party.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
February
Crosby
I crossed campus with the straps of my backpack clutched in my cold hands. I had no idea February in Alabama could be so unforgiving. Across the quad I spotted Sabrina walking beside Caden’s roommate, the one they call Forester. It had been two weeks since she walked out of my life, and it took everything in me not to quicken my pace and approach her. Instead, I watched from a safe distance. A cold knot formed in the deep recesses of my gut at the way her smile beamed when she spoke to him. At one time that smile had been reserved for me.
I stopped walking and watched as Forester placed his hand on her head and messed up her hair, like a big brother would to his sister. Maybe she wasn’t moving on with him, but she would move on. I’d given her no reason not to. And if that video ever went viral, she’d do more than move on.
Xavier had been keeping an eye out for it, and it still wasn’t out there. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t torture waiting for it to be released. I was constantly wondering what Jeremy was waiting for. What I’d do to push him to do it. Maybe he already had the time planned out. Who the hell knew...
Sabrina hurried away from Forester and climbed the steps to the psych building.
Images of our time there over Christmas break plagued my mind. All the nights I’d snuck her in. All the times she’d kept me company...and busy. Now the building was nothing but a reminder of how much my life sucked.
Sabrina
I rushed inside the building and ducked around the corner, leaning against the wall and dragging in deep breaths. It hadn’t been easy to avoid Crosby the way I had been. I didn’t realize how many times our paths would’ve crossed over the course of a day if I hadn’t taken up new routes to classes and found different places to eat.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I slipped it out and lifted it to my ear. “Hey, Mom. How was the cruise?”
“Oh, my goodness. It was so nice and relaxing. But we missed you.”
“I know. School always gets in the way. I should just quit and travel the world with you guys.”
“Bite your tongue,” she admonished.
I laughed.
“So, how’s the new semester going?”
I glanced around at the students rushing in and out of the building before I turned to face the wall to obstruct the noise. “It’s fine.”
“Fine’s not amazing,” my mother said. “How’s Crosby?”
Why was Crosby the only thing anyone wanted to talk about? “I’m not sure. We’re not seeing each other anymore.”
“What happened?”
“I really don’t feel like talking about it.”
“Oh, honey.” There was a long pause on her end. I knew what came next. And I really didn’t want to be lectured. “If love was easy, there wouldn’t be so many divorces.”
“Mom, I just met the guy. I wasn’t thinking about marriage.”
“I know that. It was an analogy. You need to graduate and find a job before you consider settling down with someone.”
“Actually...finding a job might take longer than I initially thought.”
“Why?” I could hear the fear in her voice. “Are you failing a class?”
“No. But I think I might wanna go to law school.”
A deafening silence filled her end.
“Okay, you can pick your jaw up off the floor now. I know it sounds crazy, but I think I can do it.”
“Of course, you can do it,” she said, sounding surer than even I was. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. You never mentioned you were interested in law.”
“I know. But I think I’ve got what it takes.”
“There’s not a doubt in my mind you’ll make an amazing lawyer.” I could hear the pride in her voice. “You’re determined and strong and you care about other people. Hold on, I want you to tell your dad the big news.”
“Tell your dad what?” my dad said, getting on the phone.
“Hey, Dad.”
“What’s your big news?”
“I’m thinking of declaring a major in pre-law. Then going to law school.”
“No way?”
I laughed. “Yup. Your daughter’s gonna be a lawyer.”
“Thank God. I was wondering how you were gonna take care of us when we got old.”
“Easy buddy. I could still put you in a home.”
His laughter rumbled through the phone. “So, no engagement to that hockey player then?” I knew his little girl’s happiness was his top priority, so I almost felt bad admitting my relationship with Crosby had failed.
“No. We’re not seeing each other anymore.”
His laughter quickly disappeared and his protective side took over. “He hurt you?”
I pulled in a frustrated breath. “No. He let some people hurt him and did nothing to fight back. You always taught me not to be a punching bag. And for some reason Crosby is.”
“That’s his choice,” my dad reminded me.
“Yeah, and it’s my choice not to stick around to see it happen.”
“Did you ask him why he’s doing it?”
“I thought I knew. But now I have no idea.”
“You think his family issues have something to do with it?”
“I have no idea. I never wanted to pry.” I guess I didn’t know Crosby as well as I thought I did. I only knew what he wanted me to know. And a relationship couldn’t work like that. He made sure of it.
“Well, go easy on him,” my dad said. “He’s had it tough.”
“Yeah.” Crosby had had it tough. There was no denying that.
“Ever wonder why people want to hurt him?” my dad asked.
My dad’s words stilled me.
He was right.
I’d been so focused on why Crosby didn’t fight back. Maybe a better question would have been why wouldn’t Jeremy leave him alone?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Crosby
I tipped back my bottle of beer, watching the hockey game on the wide screen in the bar. Chekhov, a five-time pro all-star, took off with the puck, dodging his opponents effortlessly on the screen. Unfortunately, the noise mixed with the music in the crowded bar made it impossible to hear the commentators calling the game.
“He’s a beast,” Xavier said from the stool beside me. “Who knows, bro, after your two goals tonight, you could be playing beside him next year.”
I may have scored a couple goals, but that didn’t matter if the people who mattered most weren’t there to see them. A tap on my shoulder had my head whipping over my shoulder.
A brunette from my history class stood there, her low-cut shirt leaving little to the imagination. “Hi there.”
“Hey.”
She slipped onto the empty stool on my right and spun to face me. “Who you here with?”
I ticked my head to the side. “Xavier.”
“Hey,” Xavier said, leaning forward so she could see him on the opposite side of me.
She gave him a cursory look before her eyes jumped back to me. “I love your ink.” Her hand landed on my bicep and drifted over my arm. “I’ve got a couple too. Wanna know where?”
I lifted my bottle to my lips and finished the rest of my beer.
“If he doesn’t wanna know,” Xavier said. “I assure you, I do.”
She huffed, obviously not getting the attention from me she hoped for. “Heard you scored tonight,” she said, seemingly taking a different approach.
I nodded.
“Twice,” Xavier added.
Her eyes never left mine. “If we take it back to my place, you might be able to make it three times.”
Xavier choked on the other side of me.
“Sorry,” I said to her. “I’m sure you’re a great girl, but I’m just chillin’ with Xavier tonight.” With that I focused back on the hockey game on the TV. I watched intently until I felt her leave my side.
“Dude,” Xavier said.
I looked to him.
“You’re either a rock star or a complete idiot.”
I laughed.
“The girl invited you home with her and you sent her packing.”
“I wasn’t interested.”
He snorted, his eyes searching the bar for wherever she’d disappeared to. “Who wouldn’t be interested in that?”
In the past, I assumed girls hit on me because I played hockey and had an impressive body. But now my father’s words played in my mind. And I hated the fact that anything he said stuck with me. But had he been right about girls’ motives? Would I ever really know why someone was with me?
Someone tapped my shoulder and my body tensed. I was in no mood to deal with any more drunk girls. I turned slowly.
“I thought that was you,” Caden said, standing there with his hands in his pockets.
