The doctors date, p.20
The Doctor's Date, page 20
Smiling, Owen ran his fingers into Erin’s hair. “I know what you mean. If it helps, until Jack came along, Jared and Simon were the only friends I’ve ever had.”
Erin’s color was still high. “No… I’m that bad at dealing with people. I think my father thought it was funny, putting me in the position of human resources. Possibly it was his revenge, his punishment after all the years he tried to make me a successful administrator. I said I wasn’t good with people, so he put me in charge of people, period. I admit, at first I was terrified.” Erin let out a heavy sigh. “You mentioned how important our fights were to you, and I think it’s the same for me. You came for me as soon as I took the job. You didn’t shy from me because I was John Jean’s son. I was so shocked that I didn’t know how to respond and panic-fought, which only fueled you, and everything spiraled from there. I assumed you hated me, though.”
Owen’s heart lurched. “I admit, I didn’t like you because I thought you were the same as your father, that you wanted the same things he did, but not anymore. And as I’ve said, I don’t think you should be embarrassed because you haven’t had a relationship.”
Erin huffed. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want one. I didn’t know how to approach people.”
“You approached me fine.” Owen’s fingers slowed, and the moment hung between them, suspended.
Erin glanced over his shoulder. “I’ve told you some things about me. Will… will you tell me some things about you?”
Owen drew back. Not even the vision of Erin rolling onto his side and looking up at him, half-naked, heavy-lidded and quietly pleading, could penetrate the fog of fear that had risen to choke him. He’d told Jared he wanted to confess to Erin, but now, with the prospect in front of him, he couldn’t bear it.
Not yet. I’m not ready yet.
Erin’s hand on his knee quieted him. “How about we switch positions?”
How about we not? Owen swallowed and glanced at the door. “Dinner has to be ready by now.”
“I asked Jared to hold it for us.” Erin’s grip tightened. “Please.”
Owen couldn’t say no, but he was terrified. “What… what do you want to know?”
“Anything. Literally anything. I just told you more about me than I’ve ever told anyone, even Nick, who I always thought I was fairly close to. Being your pretend boyfriend felt more real than most of my actual life, and knowing this makes me feel so alone sometimes I can’t breathe.”
“I’m your real boyfriend now.”
“I know, but….” Erin curled into himself. “I don’t need to know all your secrets. But if you could tell me something to help me feel… connected… I’m sorry, I probably don’t make any sense.”
Sagging, Owen shut his eyes.
Then he tugged his T-shirt over his head, lay facedown across the mattress, and buried his face in his arms.
Walking closer on his knees, Erin touched the center of Owen’s back tentatively. “Where… where do you want me to focus?”
“Anywhere is fine.” Owen swam in his thoughts, then rode the wave. “I enjoy touch. I like to touch people I care about. That’s one thing you can know about me.”
Erin’s hands felt so good as they skimmed hesitantly across his skin. “It’s not something I would have guessed about you, before I moved in with you.”
“It’s not a detail I advertise. In fact… outside of Simon, who’s almost a little brother, I don’t touch anyone.”
“You touch me. A lot.”
“I know. I’m… glad you let me.” Owen stopped talking for a while, but he wasn’t as nervous anymore. “You’re right. The massage helps. How did you think of it?”
“I told you. I enjoy it when you touch me. It relaxes me. It seemed a logical extension.”
Owen let Erin’s touch infuse him with strength for a few minutes, then treaded carefully into waters that might drown him. “My mother used to rub my back this way.”
He held his breath.
Erin skimmed his hands across Owen’s shoulders, down the center of his spine. “I hope it’s a good association.”
A difficult answer. Owen considered how to reply. “Bittersweet. But I like your massage.”
He could hear Erin’s smile in his words. “I’m glad.”
Owen was so far out at sea he didn’t know how to return to shore. He decided the only way home was with Erin. “I like you. Having you here. Teaching you racquetball. Going to work with you. Going out with you. Helping you. Taking care of you. Being with you.” His breath came out in a shudder. “I like it a lot.”
Across Owen’s skin, Erin’s fingers trembled. “But I’m so awkward. There’s so much wrong with me.”
“You’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
It should have been a moment of opening and accepting. Owen should have turned over, and they should have kissed, eased into lovemaking. Even before Erin withdrew, though, Owen knew that wasn’t how they would go. Erin had already explained. It was difficult for him to see himself this way, and the more Owen attempted to draw him in, the more Erin would shut him out.
Unless you show him you’re as awkward as he is.
You want to tell him. You need to tell him. And despite your fear, you know damn well this is the best time. At least get the conversation started.
Owen swallowed his fear and let the waters close over him.
“When I was young, my father used to hit me.”
He didn’t let himself notice what Erin was doing, only recognized he was there, anchoring. Owen simply kept talking.
“Never so much it left marks—well, there are a few, but none anyone saw and thought they should report. But he taught me to be afraid of other people, to be reluctant to trust them. It wasn’t what he did to my body so much as what he did to my mind. Eventually I figured out what he’d done, but I couldn’t change who I’d become. Sometimes I would want to connect with people, but it was as if my hand would only go out so far, and then there was glass. I couldn’t break it.”
Down, down, down. How deep would he go? Would he go all the way to the violin? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. He could feel Erin’s hands on him, which meant he could still breathe. He did so now, a long, slow inhale. “But I could reach you so easily. Even when I thought we were too different, when you were too like your father, I could reach you. So I guess that’s why I see you as perfect. You’re perfect… for me.”
He heard a soft gasp, and Erin’s hands stopped.
Owen’s skin came alive as Erin brushed a tentative kiss on his shoulder.
The room spun, or perhaps it was just the bed. Owen’s lips parted so he could take in air but move as little as possible, preserving the moment. “I’d wanted to ask you out long before you bid for me at the auction. I haven’t been able to look away from you since you showed up. Even when I thought you were nothing more than your father’s pawn.”
Erin tensed, then surrendered. “You’re not lying.”
Owen drew Erin’s hand to his mouth and kissed Erin’s fingernails. “I’m not lying.”
Erin rested his forehead on Owen’s shoulder, Erin’s hot, hesitant breath rushing over Owen’s skin. After a long pause, Erin spoke.
“You liked me, but you were still going to leave.”
The hurt in Erin’s voice cut him, but Owen didn’t understand. He let go of Erin’s hand so he could roll slightly to one side. “What do you mean?”
“Last fall. You said you liked me, but you were going to leave.”
Oh. When he was going to follow Jack and Simon with Jared. “Well… yeah, but as I said, I thought you were the same as your dad, so I didn’t—”
“I reversed the policy for you.”
Owen’s heart beat in his ears as he rolled all the way over and sat up.
Worrying his hands, Erin stared at the bed with flushed cheeks.
Owen couldn’t have heard correctly. “You reversed the policy for Jack and Simon. So they could be together, so they would stay.”
“I reversed it for you.” Erin cut a glance at Owen, sharp and clear, then looked down again. “I tried to explain it to Simon, but I couldn’t get the words out. I tried to convince him to lie low and settle for less, but he refused. In fact he didn’t simply refuse, he called me on the carpet, implying I was doing less than I should. I realized not only was he right, but also that you would never be with someone who behaved like I was. I didn’t know how to stop you except to make the policy go away. I knew my father would be furious, but I wanted you to see me do it, so you’d know. I wanted you to see I was that kind of person after all. Someone who would stand up.” The worrying of his fingers became intense. “Except it went so sideways. It worked out, I suppose, but it wasn’t quite as I envisioned. I certainly didn’t get to show you anything, and you didn’t—”
Erin couldn’t finish the rest of his sentence because Owen stopped it with a kiss.
He kissed Erin reverently, taking his face in his hands, Erin’s reveal shaking him in slow, sonic waves.
“Tell me,” Owen whispered against Erin’s lips. “Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything for you. Now, tomorrow—always.”
Erin clung to Owen’s arms, pulling him closer as he wrapped his legs around his body. “I don’t ever want you to go.”
Owen kissed Erin’s jaw, cradling him close. “Then I’ll stay.”
Erin’s hands were in his hair, sliding along his scalp. “I also want you to make love to me. Right now.”
“I’ll do that too,” Owen replied, trailing kisses down Erin’s neck.
Chapter Eleven
THE THINGS Owen Gagnon could do with his mouth should be illegal.
Obviously Erin didn’t have anything to compare it to, but he was confident Owen’s lovemaking skills were exceptional. Every time Owen’s lips slid down his skin toward an erogenous zone, Erin thought he might combust. Aware he’d given consent to go all the way, Erin shivered to his core with each brush of Owen’s mouth.
“Shall we do what we did with the massage and take turns giving each other pleasure?” Owen’s tongue flicked against the erect tip of Erin’s nipple. “Or should we be impatient and enjoy each other at the same time?”
“I don’t think I have the mental composure to be touched by you and do anything else.”
Owen chuckled. “Now you’re flattering me.”
“No, I’m telling the truth. Ah.” Erin shivered and threaded his fingers in Owen’s hair as his mouth closed over a nipple, not quite sucking, but lacing the sensitive area with so much sensation Erin felt the electric charge in every pore.
Owen traveled down his sternum, his abdomen, aiming for Erin’s waistband. He kissed the skin along it as he unbuttoned and tugged, taking the fabric all the way to Erin’s feet, then away from his body. “Is this okay?”
Nodding, Erin kept his hands in Owen’s hair as much as possible, not guiding so much as anchoring himself. “Yes. It’s absolutely fine.”
“You do understand my aim is to put your dick in my mouth.”
The mere mention of the idea made said dick significantly more erect. “The thought had occurred to me, yes. Please, continue.”
Laughing, Owen pressed a kiss on Erin’s hip. “I love you.”
The words hung in the air. Neither of them moved.
He didn’t mean it, Erin whispered to himself, quieting his silly heart. It’s a turn of phrase. It fell out of his mouth. Change the subject. But the same fool part of him that liked to bid wildly on bachelor auctions said, voice cracking, “Oh?”
Abruptly, Owen’s face hovered over his. He looked nervous. Serious. Terrified. “Is it too early to say that? Sorry. Though I suppose this is another confession I can make to you, one you can figure out on your own if you look hard enough. I love pretty easily. All the more reason not to let people in, because if there’s anything the world has taught me, it’s that this isn’t a safe thing to do.”
Why did Erin’s heart feel as if it were beating permanently in his throat? “I’ll be a safe place. A safe person.”
Was that ridiculous to say?
If Owen thought so, he didn’t bring it up. He only kissed Erin sweetly… and took his naked cock gently in his hand.
Erin gasped into Owen’s mouth, unable to think any longer. He could only surrender to sensation. Owen had felt him up a little through his clothes, but never touched him like this. Not until now. And as he broke the kiss, still stroking, he trailed his mouth across Erin’s body, and—
This time when Erin gasped, the sound was so dirty he shivered.
Wet, so wet—Owen slid up and down his shaft, tongue playing against the hardness, mouth sucking at the tip. Erin had thought of this, of Owen’s mouth on him, but it had always been so ephemeral, smoke passing through his mind. The reality rattled Erin’s core and made him feel like jelly. Electric jelly.
Sliding. Sliding. Wet, sucking, sliding…. He could hear the suction from Owen’s mouth. Feel the pull along his skin, his groin. So much touching. Hands on his thighs, holding his legs open, thumbs at the base of his cock. Erin tried to watch, but it was too much. He was going to come, right in Owen’s mouth, right in—
His orgasm came out of nowhere, a shivering rush, a wet sigh. He did ejaculate into Owen’s mouth, but Owen didn’t seem to mind. With a gentle brush against Erin’s thigh, Owen rose, wiping his lips with his fingers.
“I’m sorry—” Erin began, then stopped because Owen leaned over him, a satisfied grin on his face.
“For what?” Owen parted Erin’s lips with his thumb. “I enjoyed myself. Didn’t you?”
Enjoy was far too simple a word. “I came so quickly.” His face flamed. “I always do. I usually try to get it over with. I didn’t want to this time, but it felt so good and it just happened—”
Now he couldn’t speak because Owen kissed him, slow and sweet, tasting oh so faintly of Erin’s ejaculate. Whimpering, Erin slid his hands along Owen’s chest, then up his neck and into his hair as Owen’s tongue ventured farther into his mouth, taking up a rhythm that stirred heat in Erin’s groin. His cock couldn’t answer the call, but he responded to Owen all the same, spreading his legs and giving Owen a silent invitation to grind against him.
He accepted, though he moved with a slow deliberation that melted Erin into the sheets.
“Oh my God.” Shutting his eyes, Erin let his arms fall above his head and arched his body into Owen’s. “I feel like I’m going to explode into a million pieces.”
“Go on and explode.” Owen kissed beneath his ear. “I’ll put you back together if you do. I’ll hold you close. I’ll never let you go.” Though even as he said this, one of his arms released to push down his jeans, his underwear, and then—
Erin hissed and whimpered as Owen’s cock touched his. Skin to skin, velvet heat to velvet heat. Erin couldn’t go all the way erect, but he wouldn’t stay that way for long.
“This okay?” Owen kept his focus on Erin. “Not too sensitive?”
Holding on to Owen’s shoulders, Erin nodded. “It’s fine. Good. Perfect.”
“How about I add a little lubricant and take this up a notch? Still good?”
Taking deep breaths, Erin dug in his fingers. “Yes.”
It was more than good. As Owen gripped him with slick fingers, Erin forgot his self-consciousness about his lack of experience, forgot this was Owen Gagnon, the only person he’d ever fantasized about, and simply surrendered to this sense of safety Owen gave him. When Owen cradled his head to come in for another kiss as he thrust, Erin lifted his chin and his hips to meet him. He wasn’t holding anything back anymore. No more nerves, no more hesitation. Not now while they made love, and not when it was over.
Not if he could help it.
Erin didn’t come a second time, but he nearly did, a sort of mini, mental orgasm as Owen came on his abdomen. He accepted Owen’s slow, openmouthed, postcoital kiss, then lay languidly on the bed, waiting for Owen to come back with a warm washcloth to clean him.
Owen gave him a wicked but pure-hearted smile as he returned to the room. “You’re beautiful when you’ve been debauched.”
Erin threaded his fingers in Owen’s hair as soon as he came close enough. “Only when I’ve been debauched by you. Though to be fair, you’re the only one who’s done it.”
Owen nipped playfully at Erin’s palm. “I don’t want anyone else to have the privilege. I’ll do my best to keep you from wanting to inquire after other debauchers.”
I don’t have any interest in anyone else. Erin let his hand fall to the mattress. “I look forward to that.”
After tossing the washcloth across the room into a laundry basket, Owen tucked himself into the space beside Erin. “Stay with me tonight. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning, if you do.”
“You usually do anyway.”
“It’ll be an extra-amazing breakfast. I’ll bring it to you in bed.”
That gave Erin pause. “I’ve never had breakfast in bed.”
Owen nuzzled Erin’s neck. “Stay.”
Erin turned his face toward Owen, closing his eyes. “Okay.”
THE BREAKFAST Owen brought Erin truly was exceptional: ham and cheese soufflés in individual ramekins, paper-thin Swedish pancakes with berries, and honeyed hot cocoa. Better yet was how they ate from the same tray, and once Owen fed a bite to Erin, they ended up feeding most of their portions to each other, then kissing for so long they were nearly late for work.
Erin couldn’t quit smiling or touching his face and hair as he rode the elevator alone to the third floor. He was still having difficulty erasing the silly grin from his face when Nick knocked on his door at eleven.
