Until september, p.19
Until September, page 19
Uhhhh… “Sure.”
They sat on the sofa.
“I don’t know what you’ve been thinking, but I want you to know what’s going on.” She was direct. “None of us care about you and Jack. In fact, it’s better. It’s okay to trade us in for someone you love, you know? Do you understand that?”
“Yeah,” he said, just then realizing it. “Actually, I do.”
“We were all shocked, but after it sunk in, we realized: everything makes sense.”
“Do they know you’re here?”
“No. I’m going to tell them tonight. We’ve been talking about it a lot, but we didn’t know what to do. We were afraid you were angry. But we want you to come back. With Jack.”
“Now that he’s not a threat.”
“Well, yeah. We’re not in love with you.” She gave a nervous laugh but didn’t smile. Then she leaned in close and whispered, “Is he here?”
“He’s sleeping.”
She sat back, seemingly content with the response. “I guess I should say this, too.”
“What?”
“You’re going to have to understand that we’re accepting and all, but it’s going to be strange.”
“I know.”
“Because you’re who you are and we’ve known you for so long—you know—it’s like Jack’s cool, no big deal, but with you—wow! With you we have to adjust. We have to resign ourselves to the fact that we can’t have you.”
She gave such a forced laugh Kyle wondered how long she’d rehearsed the line.
She cocked her head. “What’s that sound?”
He listened for a second. “That’s the clock.”
“It’s like the fucking Tell-Tale Heart.”
Kyle forced his own laugh, then, trying to sound casual, asked, “How’s Trent?”
Dana gave him an uneasy look. “He hasn’t really been part of these conversations. He told us you had a fight.”
“Yeah.” Kyle didn’t know if he was more nervous to find Trent hated him or that the girls knew what had transpired between them. It had been so raw, he still felt a tender blistering when he thought about it.
“He’s been really moody,” Dana said. “When he’s around, that is.”
“Where’s he been?”
“Alone, I guess.”
“Should I call him?” No, he shouldn’t, and he didn’t want to, and he couldn’t believe he’d asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how the fight went.”
That was one good thing.
“He’s finally gotten Veronica talked into it.”
“It?”
“The abortion.”
Kyle put a hand to his hairline. “Christ.”
“I wish it hadn’t come to this,” Dana said.
He wondered if she meant Veronica or himself.
Then they heard Jack in the entranceway. Dana stood. “Did we awaken you?”
Jack rubbed his eyes with balled-up fists like a child. “I hadn’t meant to nap so long.” He had a bit of sleep in the inner corner of his left eye.
“I should be going.” Dana smiled down at Kyle, then over to Jack.
“Don’t go on account of me,” Jack said.
“No, no.” She approached him, and she was only a little hesitant in reaching out her hand to take his. “Um.” She took a deep breath and a small step back. “Kyle can explain, but we’d like you to join us.” For a second it appeared she was going to hug him, and Kyle was so surprised he almost laughed, but then she stepped away.
“I’m glad you stopped by,” Kyle said.
“I am, too.” She smiled. “It needed to be done.”
When she was gone, Jack leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed. “What was that?”
“That was Dana Being Big.”
“Was she for real?”
“Yeah. Can you believe it? The girls are okay with us. Or so they think.”
“The girls?”
Kyle looked out the picture window. He could see the cloud of dust Dana’s car had kicked up.
“He needs time, Kyle.”
Kyle nodded, his gaze on the mulberry tree.
He was still sitting there, focused on it but not seeing it, when Jack went back to the porch and headed down to the water to splash himself awake, the screen door slamming in his wake.
He went to see her that night. Her street was hushed and mild in the humid early evening. When he brought the convertible to a stop in her driveway, he saw where he’d fallen. The demon that had terrorized him was not there.
When he climbed the steps to the front door, instead of knocking, and not knowing what he expected or hoped for, he crept to the side railing. On the trellis, the moonflowers were open and glowing like wraiths. The house next door was dark and quiet, its windows open to the tenderness of summer. He was surprised at his disappointment. Her presence would have soothed him.
He returned to the door and rapped on it, peering through the screen, surprised to find the house as neat as it was, not knowing why he’d anticipated that it would be slovenly.
Then Veronica appeared, drying her hands on a dish towel. “Kyle!” she exclaimed. “Hey!”
“Hey.”
She looked at him expectantly through the screen door.
“You wanna take a walk?” he offered.
Neither of them spoke again until they were on the sidewalk. “Why are you here?” she asked then, and her voice was soft in the stillness of the neighborhood.
Why was he there? He hadn’t bothered to wonder why. And he suddenly wished he could take it back. Finally he said, “I don’t know.”
“Did Trent send you?” Like Kyle, earlier that day, when he’d also asked of Trent, she was unable to mask the yearning in her voice.
“No. He doesn’t know I’m here.”
Her shoulders fell as hope fled.
“How are you?” he asked. He didn’t know what else to say.
“Not good. How about you?”
They had come to the end of the block and turned the corner before he settled on a response. “It’s been an odd summer.” He could think of no other way of summing it up.
“You’re telling me.”
They walked in a comfortable silence, until, at the next corner, she sighed heavily. “Is there a purpose?”
He sighed, too, but his was thinner. All he could think to say was, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For it all, I guess. The fact that you’re getting a shitty deal. That you fell in love with someone who treats you like this.”
She gave him a small, sad smile. “I could always tell you were the nice one. Jack’s lucky to have a boy like you.”
He smiled at her, sickly, his heart lurching. It was startling to hear someone outside his circle reference his relationship with Jack. “How—how do you know…?”
“Kyle. Come on.”
Oh.
“We’ve got it scheduled for next week.”
Again with the “it.” “Do you think you’re making the right choice?”
“I didn’t realize I had one. I’m not going to raise a child on my own. I don’t even have a car.”
“Where are you getting it done?”
“A guy on the other side of the island.”
“He’s not even taking you into the city?”
“This guy’s okay.”
He wanted to say he was sorry again but realized how limp it was. Once they turned the next corner, he said, “Do you hate him?”
“Hate him?” She was incredulous. “If I hated him I’d have the baby,” she said colorlessly.
“What is it you see in him?”
She thought for a moment. “It’s how he kisses you… It’s like he means it.”
Were they talking about the same person? Trent was the type of guy who would expect a girl to give him a blow job, come in her mouth, and then not even thank her, as he heedlessly and consciencelessly ripped her world apart.
But he said nothing. He didn’t want her to justify herself. It would make him feel like he’d helped her rationalize it.
At the last corner, she stopped, and that was when he saw her eyes had become glassy. “Will you tell him I love him?” she asked dolefully.
He was shaken by how much he understood her despair. If things had gone another way with Jack… “Of course.” The grace of God.
When they came to her house, she stopped again, not turning to him. “I’m glad you came by. I had part of him with me tonight.” She patted her stomach. “Well, another part.”
The next afternoon, the weather gray and humid, Kyle and Sheridan went to town to purchase food for a barbecue. When they were in line at the supermarket, Sheridan suggested that Kyle run up the street for ice cream. “Strawberry and mint should do. Maybe some butterscotch.”
“And praline crunch for Jack,” Kyle said. “It’s his favorite.” He figured he knew more about Jack than Jack’s parents did.
He was halfway down the street when he heard his name. Glancing back, he saw no one. He was about to continue on when he heard it again.
Feeling foolish, he called out, “Hello?”
“Kyle, I’m down here.”
He took a few steps back and that was when he became aware of an alley between a hardware store and a seafood restaurant. In the alley stood Trey in a pair of khaki shorts and a violet and yellow rugby shirt. He put out a hand as if to keep Kyle from bolting, or attacking. “Don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Kyle demanded. “Don’t beat the shit out of you?” Almost enjoying himself, he stepped into the alley, hoping he appeared menacing.
“I want to apologize,” Trey said. “We were friends before, and I—I don’t know why I acted like I did. I’m sorry.”
Kyle felt himself deflating. He supposed that meant there wasn’t going to be a confrontation.
“I hadn’t realized,” Trey continued more quietly, “I was in love with you.”
“We hardly know each other.” Kyle regretted saying it immediately.
“I know.” Trey nodded, eyes on the ground. “But I was really hurt by your rejection.” He gave Kyle a wistful expression. “So…can we be friends?”
The plea held the dubious promise of heat lightning. But he did look repentant. And though it would have been fun to make him suffer, Kyle knew he wouldn’t be troubled by him if they were on good terms. So when he spoke, he didn’t look away so Trey couldn’t. “I don’t think we’ll be friends, but now we won’t be enemies either.”
Trey had wanted more, but he accepted the terms. “Tell me. …Do you love him?”
It felt good to say “Yes,” because he knew Trey could not harm them. But he didn’t delight as much as he’d anticipated in the slowly numbing look on Trey’s face.
Then Sheridan stepped into the alley, two brown paper grocery bags in his arms. Kyle turned, ready to walk away, to spare Trey the dignity of introduction. But then he decided that an introduction would show Trey just how close he was to Jack. You weren’t with someone’s parents unless you were part of the family. So he turned back and presented Sheridan.
Trey was almost bashful. “Hi, Mr. Averill. We met at the Founder’s Day dance.”
“Yes,” Sheridan said. “Nice to see you again.”
“Same here.” Trey gave a respectful nod.
“We’d better get back so Kyle can get this chicken on the grill.”
Kyle turned to Sheridan. “Yes. We’d better. Trey distracted me, so I haven’t gotten the ice cream yet.”
As they headed down the sidewalk, Sheridan said, “What’s that kid’s story?”
“Oh, Mr. Averill,” Kyle said with confidence. “He’s not part of the story at all.”
Sheridan nodded as if Kyle had confirmed something. “That’s good. He’s too pretty. People who are too pretty don’t have character.”
The next day, Kyle drove to the center of the island, where the roads were dusty and they were surrounded by farmland. He brought the car to a stop, then turned to Jack, both of them shirtless. “I’m going to teach you to drive,” he pronounced.
“Now?”
“What better time?”
“Here?”
“What better place?” He grinned.
Jack grinned back and leaned over and kissed him on the lips, lingering, fingers on his chest. “You’re right, as always.”
Kyle hopped out of the car and ran around to the passenger side while Jack slipped behind the wheel. A farmer, far out in his field on a tractor, waved, and Kyle waved back, sliding to the middle of the seat, so his bare leg brushed Jack’s. Jack put a hand on his thigh and squeezed, then turned the key in the ignition until there was a grinding noise. Kyle reached over and clutched his hand. “It’s already running, Puss.”
Jack cocked his brows. “And so the lesson begins.”
Kyle kicked off by explaining the gas pedal and the brake, how to signal, and how to adjust the mirrors, before moving on to the dashboard. “The speedometer is connected to a coaxial cable,” he began. “Inside the coaxial cable is a hose that’s connected to the transmission—”
Jack clasped his hand. “Love, I don’t need to know how it works.”
“Doesn’t that help you understand?”
“The second you said ‘coaxial cable’ I completely dropped out of the conversation.”
“But if you don’t know how it works, who’s going to fix my car?” he teased.
When the tutorial was complete, Jack had only one question. “Why can’t I drive with both feet?”
“That’s just the way it is.”
“That’s stupid.” He put the car in gear and they started rolling forward, his right foot covering the gas pedal, his left, the brake. “Why not?” he shrugged. “It’s more comfortable.”
It took a few tries before he got the hang of braking, but as they passed through rolling farmland, he began to relax. He even began fiddling with the radio, though he never drove over 35. Kyle instructed him on how to make turns, reverse, and even how to pass a tractor. They waved at the farmer as they eclipsed him. The farmer honked and waved back.
Once they were clear, Kyle kissed Jack’s silken shoulder. “You’re doing great.”
“Nothing to it.”
The scintillating scent of Jack’s warm, dry maleness surged immediately to Kyle’s groin. His essence never failed to arouse him. He took his hand and put it over his own maleness. Jack whooped with surprise and grabbed his hand back. “I can’t believe you distracted me with that!” he exclaimed joyously.
“Turn right at the next road. I want to have you out in the open.”
They parked between two enormous fields of prospering goldenrod. Monarch and swallowtail butterflies meandered jerkily above the sea of gold, a shimmering palette of shifting oranges and blacks and yellows.
Before Jack could take the key out of the ignition, Kyle was kissing him. He grasped one of Jack’s hands and placed it on his chest, over his heart, while angling back and leading with the other, spreading his legs, submitting. Jack reached down to liberate himself. Kyle caught his bottom lip between his teeth, grunting, as Jack, unfettered, positioned himself.
“It’s all about you,” Kyle panted, his breaths short and hot. “My beautiful Christopher Robin.”
Jack breathed wetly, directly, into him, into his moist, wanting mouth, their chests sweaty and surging. “My golden king. The angels smiled on me the day we met.”
“No, they smiled on me.” Kyle beamed like a fool.
“Must you always argue?”
“I’m clarifying.”
They laughed lustily.
Kyle had never felt so alive, so complete, so potent as he did in that moment, looking into the face of the boy he’d first seen sitting on that dune in his white. They took each other in, understanding, in a quiet moment of insight.
Then Kyle pulled Jack into him, their chests and abdomens and hips moving in a rhythm they’d conceived.
When they were spent, Jack lay his head on Kyle’s heaving chest, and they were still. A monarch shuddered and trembled over their glowing, gratified bodies. They lay like that for so long, Kyle felt sleep closing in.
Then Jack breathed, “I wasn’t real until you loved me, Kyle. I wasn’t born until I came to this island.”
Kyle kissed the fingers of his hand before moving to the underside of his wrist, his lips lingering on the sensitive flesh, the percolating code he had broken. “This is just purgatory,” he murmured. “Our real life starts in September. That will be the pretty time.”
They fell silent again, Jack’s fingers on the flatness of Kyle’s stomach. “I can hear your heartbeat.” He hmmmed contentedly. “It makes me feel strong.”
That night Kyle and Jack went to meet the girls for dinner at Claudia’s. Insects bounced and danced around the porch light as Kyle knocked. Jack squeezed his hand. When the door opened, the first thing Claudia noticed was the fact that they were holding hands. Jack immediately dropped Kyle’s and looked at her guiltily.
She gave a half-forced, half-sincere smile, but was unable to hide her surprise. “Don’t worry,” she said, regrouping. “We already know, remember?”
Jack smiled self-consciously, and Kyle found it endearing.
Claudia stepped back, letting Jack enter, and then she looked to Kyle. “Hi,” she said uncertainly.
“Hi.” He didn’t smile.
“Do you hate me?”
“I don’t know,” he replied not untruthfully.
Before he could say anything else, she said, “I’m sorry,” and she was.
He shook his head as though he could still hardly believe what a bitch she’d been. “You were relentless.”
“Maybe I’m just as sentimental in my own way. And just as resistant to change.”
He said nothing.
They hugged and it was clear their friendship would continue—albeit in a different form from what it had been.
“My parents are at Carly’s,” she said as they entered the dining room. Grape hyacinths sat in a vase on the table.
“But look what they left us.” Dana held forth a golden key on the flats of both palms like it was the holy grail. It was the key to the liquor cabinet.
“Where’re Trent and Carly?” Kyle asked, before remembering. “I mean—”
“Carly’s in the kitchen,” Dana said.
