The cabin, p.2
The Cabin, page 2
“It is.”
“I’m aware.” Devon grabbed her by the shoulders and planted a kiss on her forehead. “You’ve mentioned it thirty-three times in the past two days.”
“I haven’t.”
“You have. Makes me think you don’t trust me.”
Fiona gazed at her husband appraisingly. It was amazing. No matter how intimately you knew someone, the right circumstances could completely change their appearance. Devon was one of the most responsible people she knew. He was brilliant, a successful family law attorney, son of a university professor and an anesthesiologist, a loving husband and father.
But this morning, he’d painted a cartoon grin on his usually solemn face. His flannel shirt was rumpled, and the buttons strained over his middle. When had he began to develop a paunch? His jeans were stuffed into hiking boots so new they squeaked. And the smooth, brown, cheek she loved to kiss was fuzzy with the beginnings of a vacation beard.
Her husband looked like one of Caleb’s Build-A-Bear stuffies come to life. Children might cling to plush toys when they were feeling frightened, but she did not. Teddy bears provided no real security.
Devon’s eyes widened comically. “Why are you looking at me that way?”
“You look like you’re going to Country Bear Jamboree.”
“There are still bears in Big Bear.” His smile widened.
“Exactly.” Fiona emphasized this point with her hands. “Real bears, not Disney characters.”
Devon hefted a backpack onto the bed. “I’m prepared. Look.”
She wandered over.
He pulled out a flashlight the size of a car battery. “Flashlight.” He shoved it in again, then yanked out two large water bottles. “Hydration is important in the cold. People often don’t feel thirsty in low temperatures, but they need to drink.”
Next, he showed her sunglasses in two sizes. “To prevent snow blindness,” he said. Then he waggled a can of bear spray at her and nodded sagely. “See?” And finished the backpack tour by proudly displaying a first aid kit and several protein bars. He must have Googled “What to bring on a winter hike.”
He’d obviously hoped the bag would set her mind at ease, but it had the opposite effect. “You’re taking Caleb hiking? He’s three and a half.” Her voice rose several decibels.
“He’s almost four.” Devon held up both hands, palms forward. “And I’m not taking him hiking, but some of the sledding trails are secluded. We’ll have to walk a ways to get to them.”
Fiona crossed her arms over her chest trying to contain her fear. “Why not take him to the public runs? They’re all set up for kids. It seems so much safer.”
“Public is exactly what I’m trying to get away from.” Devon zipped up the pack. “I want him to experience nature. To see snow in the woods the way I saw it as a kid.”
Fiona turned a laugh into a cough and covered her mouth with her hand. Devon grew up in a suburb of Chicago. There’d been snow in the winter, but she’d never seen a forest when they’d visited his parents. A couple of trees between houses maybe, but nothing that could be called “woods.”
He hefted the pack over his shoulder, grabbed Caleb’s suitcase and his own duffle bag, and walked out of the bedroom.
Fiona followed. “I get that, Dev, I do. But he’s so little.”
“I not little,” a very little voice piped up. Caleb popped out of his room and skipped to his mother’s side. He looked like a mini-Devon with blonder hair and paler skin. He wore a blue flannel shirt, new jeans, and a pair of tiny hiking boots.
“Where did you get the outfit?” she said.
Caleb stopped and stared down at himself as if he’d forgotten what he’d put on. “Daddy buyed it.”
“Nice.”
Caleb took her hand and pulled her toward the living room. “When are you coming to Big Bear, Mommy?”
“Monday night or Tuesday, sweet ’ums. I have to work because Aunt Olivia is going away, too.”
“You’re coming before Santa.” Caleb’s lower lip dropped on one side.
“Of course,” Fiona said. “I wouldn’t miss Christmas with you for anything.”
Devon scooped him up, buried his face in his son’s stomach, and blew a belly fart. Caleb squealed.
“We’re going to have some guy time first, right, buddy?” Devon said when Caleb’s feet were on the floor again.
“Right.”
The tickling and pep talk had done their magic. Caleb sounded confident again.
“We’d better hit the road,” Devon said. “I’m supposed to pick up the key by three.”
“Don’t drive fast. There’s black ice.” Fiona cringed as soon as the words left her lips. She remembered her own mother throwing out cautions as she drove off on teen adventures and thinking she’d never do the same. Motherhood changes your DNA, however. She couldn’t help herself.
She followed Devon and Caleb to the car, buckled her child into his car seat, and kissed her husband. “Call me as soon as you get there.”
“Will do.” Her husband slammed the door of his Audi and rolled out of the driveway.
She watched the car until it disappeared at the end of the street, then turned back to her quiet house. Something rattled in the kitchen as she closed the front door. Her heart banged out a couple of extra beats before she recognized the sound as the ice maker dropping cubes inside the refrigerator. She laughed at herself under her breath. This was as good for her as it was for Caleb. Fears were hills to be climbed, and the view was always better from the top. That’s what her therapist said.
She wandered into the kitchen, poured herself a cup of coffee, turned her back to the counter, and gazed through the doorway to her empty dining room. Why had she been looking forward to this?
Two hours later, Fiona entered the Fish Bowl. Her gaze was momentarily caught by the Pacific Ocean sparkling through the picture windows and glittering on the tinsel garland slung across them. The blue view had earned her studio its name.
“Yay, you’re here. I have a couple of things to go over with you before I take off.” Olivia spoke without taking her eyes from the iPad in front of her. “I have a shipment coming in tomorrow—leggings and long-sleeved tops. Good for Christmas gifts.” She tapped at her keyboard. “I cleared a space on the shelves for them. And—” She paused as she finished typing, swiped a program closed, and looked at Fiona for the first time since she’d entered. “And the small medicine balls you wanted are coming in too.”
Olivia was nothing if not efficient. Fiona had hired her to run the small boutique connected with the Pilates studio when she was pregnant with Caleb. Liv quickly became indispensable.
“Great. What time are you leaving?” Fiona squeezed behind the counter and deposited her purse on a shelf beneath. She was a bit concerned about running the Fish Bowl without her partner but knew Liv would burn out if she wasn’t forced to take breaks now and again. She was dedicated. So dedicated, she sometimes made Fiona feel like a slacker.
“Not until eight or nine. Davy is sleeping now,” Olivia said. “He wants to drive through the night while there’s no traffic.”
“What about you and Brian?” Brian was their thirteen-year-old son.
“Brian can sleep through anything, and me? I’ll be up all night worrying about Davy falling asleep at the wheel.”
Fiona took her own company tablet from a desk drawer and turned it on. “I guess you can sleep when you get there.”
“I don’t know about that.” Olivia shook her head. “Brian has an entire agenda laid out. After we check in at the B&B, we’re going to rent snowshoes and walk around Lake Mary. When we’re done snowshoeing, we’re going ice fishing.” Olivia bent to drag her things out from under the counter.
Fiona perched on a tall stool. “I thought this was a snowboarding trip?”
The answer was muffled by the wooden cabinet. “It is, but we only bought single-day passes. They’re not good until Sunday.”
When Liv stood, her cell phone rumbled inside her tote bag. She rummaged around until she found it, then held it to her ear. “Yeah.”
A frown creased her forehead as she listened. “But we’re leaving tonight.” She listened for several seconds longer, the frown deepening. “All right, well, thanks anyway.” She disconnected the call and stared at the phone screen.
“Something wrong?” Fiona asked.
“That was the dog sitter. Her cousin’s wife’s sister is having a baby in Hesperia, so she can’t watch Crackers.”
“What does her cousin’s wife’s—”
Olivia held up a hand to stop the question. “Don’t ask me. I didn’t understand the connection. Something to do with watching her cousin’s kids so they could go to the hospital.”
“Are they letting extra people into the hospital now?” The virus that had shut down most of the globe was beginning to wane. Many businesses, like the Fish Bowl, had been allowed to open with limited capacity.
“I guess.”
“Well, I can watch Crackers.” The words popped out of Fiona’s mouth before she’d thought about them.
Olivia narrowed her eyes. “Fiona. You’re supposed to be taking a couple of days for yourself, to relax before the holidays.”
“I’ll be working anyway.”
“I know.” Olivia tipped her head to the side. “Work is one thing, but you don’t have to take on Crackers, too.”
“I love Crackers.”
“I’m sure you do, but he’s still an added responsibility.”
“He’ll be company.”
Olivia sighed. “Are you sure?”
Was she? She’d been looking forward to relaxing evenings home alone, bubble baths, a mystery novel she’d recently bought but hadn’t had time to read, wrapping presents while watching romantic Christmas movies. Dog walking hadn’t been a part of her plans, but Olivia needed a break. She’d been looking forward to this weekend for weeks.
“Of course. He’ll keep me safe while the boys are gone.” Fiona nodded at the dog bed that was a permanent fixture in the lobby. “And I can bring him to the studio during the day.”
Olivia stared at her for a long second. “You don’t have to walk him. You could just throw a ball in the yard.”
“I want to walk him,” Fiona said and found she meant it. “There’s a hiking trail near my house I’ve been wanting to investigate, but Devon isn’t into exercise, and I’ve been afraid to go alone. Crackers will be the perfect companion.”
Olivia brightened. “He loves to hike.”
“It’ll be good to have him there at night, too.” Fiona’s voice dropped. She hadn’t realized until that moment how much she’d been dreading the hours after the lights went out.
Not that she was afraid. She wasn’t. Not exactly. A better word was anxious. It wasn’t logical. Her half-brother was locked up, probably for life. He wouldn’t be bothering her. But past experience had taught her how dangerous human beings could be.
“Besides,” she continued. “Caleb has been after us to get him a dog. It will be good to see what it’s like having one in the house.”
Olivia climbed onto the other stool. “It’s a lot of work.”
“That’s not the problem. It’s Devon.”
“I thought Devon liked dogs? He always plays with Crackers.”
“He does, but you know him. He has to get a doctorate in canine behavioral psychology before we can adopt one. He’s researching breeds right now.”
Olivia laughed. “Mutts are easiest and healthiest.”
“Oh, he would agree with you after four weeks of investigation. But what combination of breeds?” Fiona turned her palm up. “German shepherd and... ?”
“Lab?” Olivia offered.
“Labs are great, but they are prone to hip dysplasia just like shepherds. He’s pondering hounds now.”
“They make good search and rescue dogs.” Olivia should know. Crackers was trained in search and rescue.
“Caleb will be in high school before Devon makes up his mind.” Fiona opened her email. “I’ve got Crackers, and you should get going. I bet you’re not done packing.”
“Tell Devon, from me, that there are some things you can’t learn virtually.” Olivia slid off the stool. “Dog ownership is kind of like parenting. Books are okay, helpful even, but experience is essential.”
“I tell him that every day. I’m actually a little worried about him having Caleb all to his lonesome.”
Olivia raised her eyebrows in question.
“Devon overthinks things. His response time is slow. Caleb moves fast. I keep trying to tell him being a dad isn’t like being a lawyer. You don’t have to prepare a brief to convince a three-year-old to put away his Lego blocks. It doesn’t matter if he likes or dislikes your decisions.”
“Amen,” Olivia said. “Brian has recently discovered the joys of debating. A simple statement like Brian, pick up your socks would turn into a three-hour discussion if we let it.” She raised her blue eyes to the ceiling and spoke in a pretty fair imitation of her son. “If a sock falls in the living room and no one is there to see it... ”
Fiona laughed. “Oh, my gosh. I didn’t even think of that. You’re right. We’re raising a future adolescent.”
“Exactly.” Olivia shouldered her tote bag and walked toward the exit. “I’ll see you around eight.” She paused and turned. “You don’t have to watch Crackers, you know. I could drop him at the vet’s.”
“Would you stop?” Fiona said. “I want Crackers.”
“It’s just, I don’t want to be one of those people.”
Fiona laughed. “One of what people?”
“The people you take care of. Because you do, you know.”
“I do what?”
“You are a born caregiver, but I want to be equals, friends, not a burden.”
Fiona felt her face grow warm. Devon had said something similar to her not long ago. She’d complained because he’d missed dinner again, and they’d argued. His parting comment—before he stormed off to the bedroom—was, “You act like everything and everyone in your life is your responsibility, Fiona. Sometimes, I feel like another task on your to-do list. If I didn’t, I might spend more time at home.”
“We are equals. You’ll be doing me a favor by leaving Crackers with me.” Fiona paused. “I’m a little nervous about being home alone at night.” She hadn’t wanted to make that admission, but it was the truth.
Olivia searched her face for a long minute. “Okay,” she said, and the door closed behind her. Fiona stared at her friend’s blond head through the glass as it disappeared down the outdoor staircase. The loneliness she’d felt when Devon and Caleb drove off that morning crept up on her again.
What was wrong with her? She was a grown woman, a strong woman both physically and emotionally. Her therapist had fired herself and suggested Fiona keep her number only in case of emergencies. She’d said Fiona had come through the terrible events following her father’s death with flying colors. So why was she so on edge?
Her phone dinged with a text message. She glanced at the screen. It was Devon. We’re here, safe and sound. I’ll call after I put Caleb down tonight.
This was followed by three pictures, the last was her grinning son laying in the snow, spread-eagle, with the caption: Our little angel.
Her expression matched Caleb’s as she viewed the image. This trip would be good for all of them. Fiona copied a shot of Caleb and Devon in a goofy pose and opened her Instagram app.
She pasted in the picture and typed: Sledding in Big Bear for the first time, and Mom gets a weekend alone!
Alone. She’d forgotten was that was like, which was probably why it made her nervous. She and Caleb were together constantly. As much as she loved being a mother, her son needed his father too. Devon had admitted he felt both a little jealous and a little left out, which was encouraging.
She’d tried not to micromanage him after the comment he’d made about feeling like a task on her list, but she was concerned about how little time they’d spent together lately. She wanted Devon to want to be with Caleb, to want to be with her. Hopefully they’d do some quality male bonding while she took care of things at work. Then Monday late afternoon or Tuesday she’d head up the mountain, and they’d celebrate Christmas in the snow together.
The front door jangled, interrupting her thoughts. A tall, lean woman in yoga pants entered. “I’m here for the four o’clock Reformer class.”
Fiona opened the reservation app on her iPad. “Name?” She took the woman’s information and sent her to the back room. “I’ll be there as soon as our other student arrives,” she said.
A busy evening of personal training and small group sessions followed a busy afternoon of the same. It was dark by the time Fiona locked the studio door behind herself and headed to the parking lot. A frisson of nerves bristled the hair on her arms as she hurried across the dimly lit asphalt to her car.
Watching Crackers for the weekend was a win-win. Liv could get away for a well-deserved break, and Fiona would have company. She clicked open the driver side door and slid inside.
Do we ever grow out of our need for security blankets? She buckled her seatbelt, case in point. The compression of the strap across her chest was comforting. A large furry animal to cuddle, especially one with sharp teeth, would be even more comforting.
7.1.3
DEVON
The road twisted and narrowed until it became a single track of frozen ground. The blanket of snow covering everything made it difficult to know where the lane began or ended. It also covered the patches of black ice Fiona had warned him about. Devon thought of her each time his tires lost traction. Thankfully, Caleb snoozed through the slipping and sliding.
Fiona would hate this. She liked to be in control of her environment. She enjoyed walking outside and greeting neighbors on her way to the mailbox. She felt secure when familiar things and familiar people surrounded her. Devon had wanted to leave the known world behind, at least for the week.
