Bare devotion, p.4
Bare Devotion, page 4
“No, nothing to speak of.” Her voice was low and throaty, and she wished she’d tendered her resignation. It would be so much easier, especially now when every damned hormone in her body was setting off emotions she didn’t even know she was capable of. But a deft noncompete clause she’d signed when his father had hired her prevented her from going out on her own just yet. She couldn’t afford it. And now the house needed to be renovated.
Brilliant blue eyes watched her with their usual alertness. “You sure about that, Sonja? You’re acting like something’s not sitting right with you.”
“It’s just this.” She motioned very slightly between them, using her finger. “Awkward with a capital A, am I right? We didn’t talk about it as much as we probably should have this morning.” Of course, dearest Deidre’s appearance had shut down any chance of the conversation they needed to have in private.
The curiosity in his eyes turned to frosted crystal. “Let’s get it out on the table, then.” He splayed both hands on the dark polished surface, and she wondered if he’d forgotten about the time they’d both arrived to work early, too early. They’d ended up here, naked, in under five minutes. Did he see her naked body as she’d knelt on all fours, waiting for him to take her? She shook her head, blinked.
“Sonja, you okay?”
“Fine. You were going to say?”
“Whatever we shared was wiped out when you decided to walk out on our relationship without the least bit of warning. You’ve never given me a chance to explain my side of things.”
“Wait a min—”
“No, hold up.” He shot down her attempt to interrupt him with a flick of his hand. “You made your choice. And you’ve decided to continue on at this firm. I’m guessing that’s so that you can make your share of the money to fix the house, right?” He waited for her slight nod. “We both need to raise the funds to get the house rehabbed well enough to sell. Fine, I get it. But don’t think for one minute that there is anything other than our working relationship at stake. We’ve always enjoyed that, correct? And I’m willing to work with you, until the day you decide to leave the firm. Because, let’s face it, I’m not going anywhere. This is my family firm. You, you’ll go out on your own or take a better offer elsewhere. That’s okay. Until then I expect the best you have to offer, and for you to kindly refrain from referring to what we shared on a personal level. It’s over.”
Sonja stared at the man who’d hung the moon for her and only saw the stamp of Boudreaux on his expression. The same look his father had when she’d told him to take the money and referral he’d offered her to quit when she and Henry announced their engagement and shove them up his tight white racist ass. He’d never fire her, not as a black woman in his otherwise very white, very male firm. And regardless of his racist views, Sonja brought in a lot of business for their firm that they’d otherwise never catch. She’d expected Henry’s father to give her a hard time, but not so much Henry.
She’d been a fool.
“Our professional relationship never had anything to do with our personal life. Why should it now?”
Henry didn’t respond but instead glared at her. He may as well have thrown a machete at her for how his silent gesture pained her.
The door clicked open, and Alesia entered with trays of lunch food, followed by two clients and Rick, the firm’s other NOLA attorney.
As she and Henry stood to greet them she eyed her almost-husband. Her ex-fiancé. The man who’d broken her heart.
Henry was tall and professional-looking, whether dressed in a classic suit as he was now or in cargo shorts and a T-shirt. He’d been born to inherit his father’s firm, a lawyer’s mind part of his gene pool. And until their wedding weekend, she hadn’t seen that he’d also inherited the insatiable need to make everything appear perfect. Hence the pristine wedding they’d almost gone through with. Henry wasn’t a people-pleaser though, especially not to his parents. He’d bucked their sensibilities and desires by choosing to marry her, a black woman from a bayou family. Henry had never seen her as anything other than the woman he’d decided to marry. She believed that.
What Henry had refused to see, however, was that his father was never going to leave the firm to Henry as long as Sonja was his wife. The firm was going to be dissolved and all of his father’s money locked up in trust funds for future grandchildren, be it theirs or his siblings’. Sonja didn’t care about the financials for her, but she cared for Henry. He deserved more, and his constant state of denial with his parents drove her nuts. Henry’s younger brother, Gus, had formed his own life with his shipbuilding business in New Orleans, and Henry’s sister, Jena, was very much her own person.
Henry’s younger sister was a social worker who thrived on her job in New Orleans, but she was also in the U.S. Navy reserves and often traveled overseas. Jena had missed the un-wedding because she was somewhere in South America doing who knew what kind of operations for the government. She hadn’t gone to law school; neither had Henry’s younger brother, Brandon, always “Gus” to Henry.
It wasn’t about the money, which was significant, but about family legacy. Henry was the man to change it, to turn the law firm into a contemporary, relevant part of the community, serving diverse clients and causes. He saw that corporate law didn’t have to mean serving the same good ol’ boys his father had.
But Henry would never have the chance to improve upon his family legacy if she were around...unless he’d taken her up on her suggestion that they start his own family firm. She remembered offering her opinion after work last Christmastime. He’d looked at her like she had horns growing out of her head, so she’d dropped it. Thought Henry would come around to seeing he needed to start his own legacy. She’d been wrong. Henry was too loyal to the Boudreaux legacy. His father might be a jerk, but one of his great-grandfathers had worked to rebuild a free South after the Civil War. Henry wanted that to be his legacy.
The younger siblings had gotten the hell away from the family dynasty. But not Henry. Henry needed to be part of his father’s legacy in a way the other two didn’t. Because Sonja saw this, saw the need in the man she loved so desperately, she’d had no choice but to back out of their marriage. She’d do anything for Henry’s happiness, and Henry would never be happy without knowing he’d made a difference in what his father had begun.
He’d never forgive her for leaving him the way she did, and that was all right. Sonja didn’t want Henry’s forgiveness. She’d wanted his love, understanding, and trust, but her expectations had been too much.
Henry didn’t have it to give. And just as well—she hadn’t been completely honest with him. All of the discussions she’d had with his parents, no matter how acrimonious, should have been relayed to him.
And as she watched him, the one man she’d ever pinned all her hopes on, she had to face the cold hard truth. She was as unworthy of trust as Henry.
Chapter 4
Sonja was relieved beyond measure when the business meeting with the McNeelys wrapped up early. She needed a break and ducked out of the office to meet her best friend Poppy Kaminsky for a quick cuppa.
The promise of Poppy’s soothing presence made her pick up her pace, eager for the solace only a best friend can give. Poppy wasn’t in the café yet, so Sonja gave her order at the counter. When Sonja turned to find a table, Poppy walked in the door and offered her signature full-wattage smile.
Sonja waved. “Hi, boo.”
“Hey, girlfriend.” Poppy enveloped her in a hug, and Sonja soaked up every last drop of affection from the woman who’d been with her through thick and thin. Poppy took a step back and gave Sonja a once-over.
“Geez, Sonja, you look good, really good. Even though I know you’re feeling like hell.” Poppy’s wonder was evident in her open expression, the way she looked Sonja up and down like she was some kind of suffering fool.
Which she was.
“I’m okay. I’ll save us a table while you get your order.”
They sat at the tiny table, and Sonja waited for Poppy to ask the obvious.
“So you haven’t told him about the baby yet?” Poppy didn’t disappoint as she eyed Sonja over the frothiest cappuccino Sonja had ever seen.
“I couldn’t this morning. I tried to, at the house. I stopped in to take a look at it, and Henry showed up. And then so did Deidre.” She filled Poppy in on the Deidre scene, and the more awful exchange she and Henry had in the master bathroom. Poppy took it all in, compassion evident in her large eyes. Sonja couldn’t stand the feeling of being pitied and squirmed in her seat. “You know, Poppy, if that foam was any higher you’d fall in it.” Sonja preferred to keep their conversation on the light side, but nothing was ever that simple with her college roommate and soul sister. Poppy saw through Sonja’s bullshit and was never afraid to call her on it.
“Stop deflecting.” Poppy’s eyes were sharp. “The baby. You should have told him by now. How do you know that crazy bitch isn’t going to try to move in on him? Or do something else to scare you?”
“You mean like leave a squirrel boiling on my stove?”
Poppy’s eyes widened in recognition. “Yes. It’s not funny, Sonja. You said yourself you think something’s not right with her. Take it from me, there’s a lot more going on there. I should know—I went pretty crazy myself when I found out my ex was cheating on me. She could be a real psycho, though. Look what she did showing up in front of you like that at the wedding.”
“You did your share of over-the-top tantrums in front of your ex’s family, too.” Sonja didn’t want to hurt Poppy, but it’d been all over social media. Poppy had quite the reputation as a wronged woman out for revenge before she’d found her happiness in New Orleans.
Poppy put her chin on her hand. “I did. And I’m telling you, if I hadn’t had your wedding—I mean, you know—to focus on and escape to, who knows when I would have stopped going after Will and that pathetic excuse for an assistant I had?”
“You were wronged.”
Poppy shook her head. “That’s my point. Deidre was wronged, too, even if it was a long time ago. And she has more than Henry as an ex, right? She’s got a lot of bitter to spew. Henry and you are her most convenient target right now.”
“It’s hard to reconcile the sweet Southern belle I met that day and just saw at the house with the woman who made his life a living hell. And I don’t think she’s actually crazy, just incredibly self-absorbed and used to getting her way.”
Poppy nodded. “Exactly. That describes me a few months ago, too.” Poppy stirred the dusting of cocoa into her coffee, making it look more like café au lait. “Henry’s one tough dude, if he put up with all of that in college and even Brandon never knew about it.”
“He and Brandon were estranged back then, remember? I know it looks to you like they’re the best of brothers, friends, but it’s only been since the we—since the rehearsal dinner. What, three, four weeks?”
“Almost four.” Poppy’s smile was back. The daze of new love.
“Feels like a lifetime ago.” Sonja sipped her seltzer water. It was all she could manage this afternoon.
“And you still haven’t told him you’re having his baby.” Poppy’s face was open, nonjudgmental.
“No. There hasn’t been a right time. And now with the house flooding, the fallout being more than I imagined it would be, it’s harder than ever to nail down the right time to talk to him. I tried this morning, like I said, but it was a no-go.” She sighed. “It’s making me wonder if I shouldn’t pick up and go.” Not that her bank account could support it.
“You’re kidding, right? You already took off from your wedding and Henry. How did that help anything, really? You have to tell him, Sonja. Henry’s not a monster. No matter how much you try to make him out to be one.”
“I’m not trying to make him anything. It’s all on me, I know that.”
“Your trust issues.” Sometimes Poppy’s frankness wasn’t refreshing. It was sobering, almost painfully so.
“Yes. My trust issues.” Sonja tore her cocktail napkin into tiny bits as she spoke. “What was I thinking, marrying that man, any man? You’ve known me the longest, Poppy. I was happy living with him. Why the hell did I agree to tie the knot?”
“There’s something else you’re not telling me. Does it have to do with his parents?” Par for the course, Poppy wasn’t going to let her veer off course again.
“No. Yes. Yes, they don’t help matters. But I can’t blame their racist view of the world on my decision to leave Henry.” As she mouthed the words, her stomach curdled but not from morning sickness. From regret, sorrow, the grief she’d yet to process through.
“I really thought you two had worked through all that. But if you haven’t told him about how awful they’ve been to you, Henry wouldn’t see anything to be concerned about.”
The Boudreauxs had left New Orleans proper after Katrina and made the family firm headquarters in Baton Rouge. Henry’s father had opened a satellite office in New Orleans that he assigned to Henry right after Henry passed the bar. It enabled the legacy of the law firm to continue, and to in fact expand their client base. But Henry’s father didn’t have to sully his hands with working through a post-Katrina New Orleans, or the racism it unveiled in all its depravity to the world.
“It’s more complicated than that. It’s about his entire future, the firm’s future. And let’s face it, if we were meant to be I would have been able to tell him about it all right away. Who did I think I was, protecting him? His mother?”
“You still care about him.” Poppy’s soft words sent her heart hammering.
“Of course I do. I always will care about his welfare. But we’re not ever going to be a couple. We’re through.” She blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears from falling. Oh boy, she did have a lot of grief to still work through.
“Even with the baby surprise?”
“Don’t throw that at me. We both know I don’t need a man to be a good parent.”
“I’m not saying that. You’ll be the absolute best mother. Which is why I know you’ll want the baby’s father involved. Especially when the father is Henry. Henry, Poppy. Not some dude you hooked up with in a one-night stand, or a guy who’d been abusing you that you had to leave. Henry.” Poppy’s steady gaze at once nailed Sonja to the spot, making her see how foolish her actions were, while also conveying the depth of respect Poppy had for her ex.
“You lost your objectivity when you fell for Brandon.”
“Maybe. A little. But do you know what’s really happening with me, Sonja? I’ve realized that in order to make the most of my life, I had to shed everything I knew before. Not because I was a bitch in my previous life, which we both know I was.” They shared a laugh, which Sonja treasured. Even in the midst of her personal crisis, Poppy still made her laugh with little effort.
“What did you shed, besides your career in New York?” Sonja was loath to bring up what she knew had hurt Poppy deeply. Not only did her fiancé cheat on her, but because of Poppy’s over-the-top temper tantrum at The Plaza Hotel, the entire social media world had been privy to her unprofessional behavior. It had cost Poppy the contract of her dreams, and the promise of financial freedom, when a major chain department store canceled its design contract with her last minute.
“I let go of the overly heavy expectations I put on myself. I expected to keep going in the same business forever. Even though I knew I wanted to reach out to the world in a more local community way, I had no idea how to implement it or make it happen. By falling on my butt, I landed here in New Orleans at the perfect time. The boutique downtown that I work in was looking for extra help, and it gave me an office and apartment where I had space to think and figure out my next steps.” Poppy had given Sonja the apartment key as soon as she committed to move in with Brandon. Sonja was grateful for the place to call home since the river house was gutted.
“I have to figure out my next steps now, I suppose. Not just with me, or my job, but the baby. How am I going to manage the hours I work and raise a kid? It’s one thing to say I can do it, hell, we have a lot of friends doing it. But putting it in motion...”
“Which is why you need to tell Henry. You’re not in this solo, even if you don’t want to marry him.”
Poppy had her there. But with sharing parenting came the reality of having to see Henry regularly, as he helped raise his child, which he would. Henry did nothing in half-measures. She snorted, thinking about how he’d insisted on a full-scale society wedding ceremony. She’d gotten her way with the more casual entertaining during the days leading up to the wedding, but Henry would accept nothing less than being married in front of the entire world in the cathedral downtown.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m thinking about how far from myself I went to attempt a marriage with Henry.” Poppy stayed silent, so she went on. “I never wanted all the fancy stuff. I’m getting rid of my car, going for something more economical, environmental. Why didn’t I do that right away?”
“There’s no sin in enjoying nice things. You’d worked and studied so hard for so long. Stop beating yourself up.” Poppy had been her strongest supporter when she’d decided to apply to law school their senior year in college.
“If I don’t look at myself, then I have to look at Henry, and I don’t know why he didn’t trust me enough to tell me the full story on Deidre.”
“Ask him.”
“That’s my point. I shouldn’t have to ask him.”
Poppy snorted. “Did you think that just because you found the right guy for you that everything else about it would be easy?”
Sonja blinked. Had she?
“You lived together for almost three years, Sonja. You knew him, you know him.” Poppy was in her wise sage mode, which Sonja usually found humorous as Poppy had wild curly blond hair, big amber eyes that were offset by her porcelain skin, making her look a little like a Celtic witch. Today it only made Sonja want to curl up under the covers. There was too much to process.
