Discernment, p.8
Discernment, page 8
I was crying when Sean came in the door.
“Dear God, what is it, Deborah?” He dropped to a knee before me, taking me by the shoulders.
The concern on his face split me more. I didn’t try to stop the tears or his embrace when he settled on the chaise.
“Althea!”
When she appeared, he instructed her to ready a touch of brandy. A little glass was soon in my hands.
I drank, swallowing the as best I could in my upset state.
“There, there.” He stroked my back. “What in the book upset you?”
I shook my head and wiped my nose with the handkerchief he’d given me.
“Not the book? Did Eliza do something to you?”
A strangled laugh broke through. “She didn’t come until you did, but with the feelings rippling from her”—I pointed to where her shadow hovered by his desk—“I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to drown me. She doesn’t like you comforting me.”
“Am I bringing comfort, Deborah?” His face held a look of expectation then relief when I nodded. “Good. You looked completely distraught. What is it?”
I straightened my dress and wiped my face. “I found out a secret Alvin’s been hiding from me.”
I took a deep breath and explained about wanting to surprise Alvin by adding my money to the bank, then forgetting the deposit slip until that morning. “Do you think they wrote down the wrong balance?”
“I doubt First National would make a mistake like that. Would you like me to check to be sure?”
“You can do that?”
“Darling, you have no idea the connections I have in this city. But to make it official, do you have the account number?”
I pulled the receipt from my bag and handed it to him.
He whistled at the total. The new-model candlestick-style telephone was brought to the front of his desk when he sat with ease, the earpiece lifted. Once the operator connected him to the bank, his posture straightened.
“Yes, I need the manager right away.” A pause. “Solicitor Spunner. Thank you.”
“Hello, Melvin. How are you doing today?” After a bit of small talk, and a lot of smiles, Sean settled back on the course. “Listen, I’ve got a potential client, and I was hoping you could do me the favor of quietly verifying an account balance for me.”
He gave him Alvin’s name and account number.
Then we waited what seemed like an hour for the banker to come back.
“Thank you, Melvin. You’ve been most helpful.” A laugh. “Yes, he’ll be able to handle any fees I throw at him. I’ll see you at the club later this week. Good afternoon.”
Sean hung the earpiece on the base and bit his lip.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” I said.
He nodded. “Your husband is richer than I am.”
“But what does it mean? And why didn’t he tell me? And more importantly, why are we living with his horrible aunt when he has the means of securing us our own home?”
“I don’t know, Deborah, but I don’t wish to think the worst of Alvin.”
“Nor I! It defies everything I’ve felt about him. I don’t know what to think or how to confront him, or even if I should. He knows how things are between Catherine and me. If he loved me, why would he make us stay when we could live elsewhere? Could he love her—love her more than me?”
“That’s impossible, Deborah.”
“Then what’s behind this astronomical sum of money?”
Sean took my hands. “Is that a rhetorical question or do you wish me to help you discover the truth?”
He studied my face as the possibilities raced through my mind.
“I have to know, Sean. Will you please help me?”
Nodding, he gave me a sly smile. “You can count on me to get to the bottom of this.”
Nine
When I walked home at four-thirty, Alvin was coming up the street. We met in front of the neighbor’s house. His smile seemed as true as ever, but I couldn’t help but feel it was a mask.
“Hello, Deb.” He kissed my cheek. “Where have you been?”
“Reading at Sean’s house. He has a European book, translated from French, that looks too expensive for me to want to risk bringing home in case something were to happen to it. Althea let me in, and I read in the library for a few hours.”
“That’s nice.”
He didn’t ask if I saw Sean, and I didn’t offer more information. Were we both living a lie?
“How was school today?” I stopped on the front porch and motioned to the rocking chairs to see if he wanted to sit.
He pointed up, signaling he wanted to go to our rooms. Fortunately, Catherine wasn’t in the parlor so we made it to the sitting room without trouble.
“The students have that beginning of the year boisterousness, coupled with testing out the new teacher.” He removed his messenger bag and slumped into my chair by the front window.
“Were you stern with them?”
“Three of the classes, but they needed it.” He grinned and held his hand out. He reeled me closer and tugged me onto his lap. “Just looking at you makes me feel relaxed.”
“I hope I’m all you’ll ever need, Alvin. You can talk to me about anything. Anything at all, and I’ll do my best to be understanding.”
“I know, Deb.” He closed his eyes and embraced me. “You’re a sensitive soul. It goes along with your vivid imagination.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. When the supper bell rang, I reluctantly stood. Alvin’s hand trailed down my back then gave my buttocks a playful squeeze.
“Alvin!” I laughed and turned to him.
“You’re making me naughtier by the day, Deb.” Alvin took my hand. “You aren’t shocked, are you? You look upset.”
“No, of course not.” I leaned in for a quick kiss. “It pleasantly surprised me. I love being your wife, Alvin. You don’t need to be shy around me.”
“I’m learning that. Be patient with me.”
My dress was a bit rumpled from being curled on Alvin’s lap, and I’m sure we had an intimate glow about us when we entered the dining room. Catherine’s eyes narrowed as she looked us over.
True to her vicious form, she started a battle as soon as the food was served. “Were you off to Mr. Spunner’s house again today, Deborah?”
“I’m using his library while he’s at work. His housekeeper lets me in.”
“I saw him drive by on his way home over half an hour before I heard you and Alvin return. Did he meet you both there?”
“I met Alvin on the sidewalk in front of the house.”
“So you were alone with Mr. Spunner. That’s an interesting situation.”
“We were never alone, and it was only a short overlap of time. Nothing clandestine or planned, Aunt Catherine. You make it sound shameful for no reason.”
“The help is hardly a proper chaperone. Surely you see that, Alvin. If you don’t teach her how to behave, the neighbors will talk about her.”
Alvin’s eyes cut from her to me, but he kept chewing.
“Aren’t you worr—”
“Enough!” Alvin’s harshness put a stop to Catherine’s slander. “I don’t like the way you speak of my wife, Cathy.”
My hand went to his knee with a touch of thanks, but he didn’t make eye contact. For the first time since our arrival, Catherine didn’t ask us to stay in the parlor after dessert.
Alvin silently followed me upstairs.
“Deborah, I have to know,” he said as soon as we were in our sitting room. “Is Sean behaving himself around you?”
“Yes, Alvin, completely. He’s been a gentleman to me since we met in the park.”
“And who spoke to whom first?”
I paused, thinking back on the afternoon over a week ago. “He did, but he saw me watching him. I heard his voice, warm and caring. I turned to the sound and watched him with the children he’s friends with. I thought they were his family, and my thoughts were of you, how you would be just as kind and loving with our children as he was with them. And then I saw—it doesn’t matter. I watched with curiosity. My heart only has room for you. I’ve never loved another—and never want to love another. Can’t you see that Catherine is turning you against me?” I took his arm. “I’ve loved no man in my life but you. I may have had infatuations in my youth, but I’ve kissed only you. And since the day we met, you’ve been the only one I desire.”
His eyes were cold as he stared at me. I silently pled for him to say something similar to me in return.
He shook his head. “Don’t ask that of me, Deborah. I hear the truth in your words, but I can’t say the same.”
Alvin offered no explanation when he left. I dropped to the bed, turned my face into the pillow, and cried.
I woke when the door clicked shut. The room was dark, the residue of my stale tears stiff on my cheeks. I held my position, facing the curtained window. My shoes were kicked off but I was otherwise fully dressed, still atop the bedspread.
Alvin’s shoes dropped to the floor, then the sound of his jacket and suspenders coming off followed. My body tensed, unsure what to expect as I listened to him disrobe.
Soon his knee was on the edge of the bed, dipping me towards him, so I rolled onto my back. His fingers worked the buttons on my shirt, breath hot on my face and perfumed with alcohol.
I opened my eyes, watching his shadowy form undress me. When the buttons were all seen to, he pulled me upright, leaning me against his bare chest as he peeled the clothing down my arms. As soon as it was off, I hugged him.
“Deb.” He kissed from the hollow of my throat up to my lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have left without explaining, leaving you to imagine the worst. It’s not what you think, Deborah. There’s no one else in my life now.”
“You’ve been drinking. Where did you go?”
“Sean’s house. He listened to my sorrows, poured whiskey while we talked, and told me to get back here and make love to you.” He laughed. “He railed at me for walking out like I did.”
I smiled against his chest. “Good.”
“Do you forgive me, Deb?”
Nodding, I hugged Alvin tighter, determined to hold to him always.
***
The next afternoon, I returned to Sean’s house to read more of the Kardec book. Alvin never confessed what love he was burdened with, but knowing it wasn’t current was enough—for now. I was able to concentrate on the book, becoming deeply involved in the descriptions of the different types of mediums that the ringing of the telephone startled me.
Althea came to the door of the library. “Sean Francis is on the telephone for you. Take the line on his desk, and I’ll hang up in the kitchen.”
I settled at the desk and retrieved the earpiece, leaning toward the receiver. “Hello?”
“I won’t be so crass as to ask how your night was, but I hope all is well.”
The kitchen line clicked.
“Better than it was, Sean. Did Alvin tell you everything?”
“I believe he did. Are you reading, darling?”
“I was, thank you. What did Alvin tell you about his previous entanglements?”
“Now, now, Deborah. What men share while drinking deserves to be kept in confidence.”
“But I must know! He told me it wasn’t current, but—”
“Let that be enough.”
“Sean, I thought you were on my side.”
“Don’t be a goose, Deborah. I’m on the Farleys’ side—both you and Alvin. It’s not a competition.” He sighed. “Listen, if it will help you, I’ll tell you one thing—1906 was a year of heartbreak for both me and Alvin.”
“It’s over a girl from four years ago?”
“Yes, Deborah. You have nothing to be jealous over, all right?”
“Fine, but what about the bank? Did you question him about that?”
“Heavens no! But I did do some digging today. I found out where the money is from. Once again, there’s nothing you need to be concerned about.”
“Allow me to be the judge of that.”
Sean laughed. “You’re a feisty one.”
“If it’s nothing illegal, why hasn’t Alvin told me?”
“I have a theory, but it’s only that. I suggest you stay patient until your strong, silent type is ready to talk.”
“Sean, I could throttle you right now!”
“Then I’m glad I’m not there. Enjoy your reading time, darling.”
The line clicked and I screamed my frustration.
Althea came to the door. “Ready for a coffee break?”
“I doubt I’ll be able to concentrate anymore today.” I followed Althea to the kitchen.
She was smiling when she set the table. “You and your husband are good for Sean Francis. I’m glad y’all found each other.”
“He’s been wonderful until today, but I suppose I can’t complain because he’s doing so much, even if he isn’t telling me everything.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say Sean Francis thinks these things would be best told to you from your husband.” She sipped her coffee. “Have you discovered anything useful in the book?”
I nodded. “Yes, clarity. For much of my life, I never knew what I was experiencing and the past few years was guesswork for something I thought I was alone in. I don’t feel so odd anymore.”
She nodded. “I’m sure that’s a comfort.”
“It is. And I’m going to work on mastering the overwhelming sensations I get in certain places, so I needn’t run away. I’ll try to come back tomorrow, if that’s all right.”
“You know it is. Come anytime.”
When I returned home, I rested on the bed since my sleep was interrupted the night before. I dosed off. The next thing I knew, Alvin was leaning over me, grinning like he won a prize at the fair.
“You’re cute when you sleep.”
I laughed and sat up. Alvin perched beside me and brought our lips together.
The bank account!
The words were loud in my mind. I knew it was time to breach the subject, but his kisses were so sweet, and Alvin was in no hurry to stop. My arms went under his suit jacket to his suspenders. I followed the line to his waistband.
“Deb! You don’t play fair when you try to tickle me.”
“I remembered something, Alvin.” I reached for my purse off the edge of the dresser. “I used some of the cash I had from my father to buy the dress last week and decided to put the rest of it into your account. At First National, I told them your name and address and turned over thirty dollars. They gave me a deposit slip, but I forgot about it.”
I handed him the receipt and he took it with a look of bewilderment.
“I wanted to surprise you with a contribution, but when I finally looked at the balance they recorded…well, I think they might have put my money into the wrong account. Do we need to check with the bank about it?”
He glanced at the paper and slipped it into his pocket.
“I’ll take care of it. And thank you for contributing. I know you wanted to get furniture for the sitting room, but you chose to think of me.” His voice hitched and his embrace was complete tenderness. “It means a lot, Deb.”
Alvin’s reaction made no sense. He didn’t deny the total, but he was moved by my tiny deposit in comparison.
At supper, Catherine spoke about attending a women’s auxiliary meeting the following morning. Relishing the thought of not having to deal with her, my mind wandered to ways to make the most of my freedom. I could take more time in the kitchen, stretch out in the parlor, or lounge in the rose garden. I’d be the queen of the castle for a few hours.
My pleased smile must have stoked Alvin’s interest. He excused us immediately after dessert and brought me to the bedroom where no concern other than our mutual passion stirred me that night.
The weightless lethargy of my sated body continued into the next morning, only managing basic toast and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Alvin was just as preoccupied with how we spent our night because he left without his lunch. I hid it in the icebox so Catherine wouldn’t see it and set to work making a pie crust.
With Catherine gone, the cherry pie on the cooling rack, and Sabine busy polishing silver, I slipped upstairs. At the top of the flight, I turned to the right for the first time. The back hall seemed to go on forever as I went toward the door at the end.
Catherine’s room was open. Stopping in the doorway, I peered inside. The red drapes on the windows gave it an eerie glow as the fabric rustled in the breeze, creating the illusion of a crimson pulse behind the closed curtains.
Vile.
I felt dirty just looking inside. When I touched the doorknob to pull the door shut, goosebumps bloomed up my arm. I shuddered and went to my room to prepare to bring Alvin his lunch. He had his break at eleven-thirty, and I wanted to be at the school several minutes before that so he wouldn’t make alternative plans.
Boots on and purse in hand, I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich for myself should Alvin wish to eat together. I loaded his metal lunchbox and my reticule and food into a handbasket I found in the pantry.
I was soon on Government Street, where I caught a streetcar. Riding it downtown and around back westbound on the north side of the busy street, I disembarked at the corner nearest Barton Academy.
The gleaming white building and its towering cupola were as impressive as they had been when Alvin and I went exploring our first weekend in town. The shadows were still there too, though they could have been students in the upper windows this time. The open gates welcomed me to enter like a trap. Dozens of girls were in the yard, talking and eating. White shirtwaists were the main fair along with a multitude of solid colors for their ankle-length skirts.
When I stepped through the black gates, a wave of despair washed over me as powerful as the one that struck me at the cathedral. Then the flickers came.
