“I told her I love you. I’ve loved you since I first saw you.” There was a moment or two of silence. “She knows I had to try…to save you. She said it’s because you are the light to my darkness.”

  I literally brought my hands to my chest. The tightening I experienced was debilitating. My heart constricted, my tears fell freely now. I was washed out, emotionally spent.

  “Amber.” Jen paused for what seemed to be a very long time, “I can’t make our worlds collide, I can’t make the impossible, possible.” Jen looked down at her hands.

  I had a hard enough time coming to grips with the fact I was in love with a person who wasn’t breathing, now trying to convince someone else of something I myself had a hard time coping with. Impossible.

  “But I can try to clear it up so you can see what you need to see…. so you can both decide.”

  There was no deciding. My decision was already made.

  I nodded. My head and heart felt heavy.

  “Jen, I can’t be without him.” I trailed off, “Won’t be…”

  When I heard no reply I knew this would not be easy.

  Chapter 20

  We got back to my house before either my mom or Tim got home from work. I pulled Troy up the stairs behind me.

  “I don’t know about this Amber.” He whispered.

  I shut my bedroom door and sat on the bed patting the space in front of me for Troy to sit. He raised his hand to my face and brushed away the remnants of my tears.

  “Listen Troy. There is no way I’m gonna let you walk around aimlessly every night.” I looked into his eyes; the warmth I saw there gave me the courage to continue. “My mom and Tim don’t have to know anything. You don’t eat so that’s not an issue, and if it were I’d sneak you food. They can’t see you…so that’s not an issue.” I stopped. Troy looked to be deep in thought. “Seems the only issue is that they might think I’m nuts when they hear me talking to you…guess I’ll have to watch out for that.”

  “They can’t hear me.” Troy offered.

  “I know, but if they hear me talking to you…well, let’s just say they have reason to be worried if I’m always talking to myself.” A small giggle escaped me as I thought of my mom listening at my door.

  “Amber, you have to give all this a lot of thought. Think about everything… really think. What kind of a life is it for you to be with me?” A sad look washed over his features. “You’re young… pretty…”

  “Stop. Stop right now.” I raised my hand to his mouth. “I don’t want to be without you, ever. Don’t you understand that? I thought you understood how I felt.”

  His eyes didn’t leave mine as he slowly nodded.

  “Good.” I pulled my jacket off and tossed it onto the chair in the corner. I lay back on my bed and patted the space next to me. Troy hesitated for a moment then after pushing his boots off, he lay on the bed and put his arm around me.

  ***

  Each day seemed to blur into the next. Time was neither friend or foe, but I feared it. I was always afraid I’d wake up and find Troy gone. I spent the rest of my summer with Troy and Jen, trying to enjoy the time we did have and I cherished each minute, each smile, each laugh. We went to the movies, the beach. When school started again, Troy walked me back and forth.

  I was truly happier than I have been in so long. I loved our long talks at the table where we first spoke. I loved the time we spent in our park. I loved the long walks we took, the easy conversation. Most of all I looked forward to his kisses. They had the power to leave me breathless. Each touch of his hand caused a thousand different sensations in my body, leaving me weak and wanting more. Always wanting more. The fact that we couldn’t take it to the next step was frustrating to say the least. I wanted Troy in every way a girl wants a boy, but because things were as they were, that was not going to happen. I took what I could and gave him everything I am. I loved him so much. It hurt that we couldn’t be together in the real sense of the word. Troy never once mentioned he was unfulfilled or wanted more. He just stood by me.

  We were still unable to hang out with my friends together, except Jen, for obvious reasons. And when we were in public, I had to watch my every move so to not cause suspicions or rumors.

  ***

  We had a few rough patches as we waited patiently for Jen to have the sight or vision so that Troy could act and we could do what Madame Leila instructed. Troy would get to feeling all guilty about taking me away from my life and people that he referred to as ‘breathing’, but I refused to let him win these silly arguments. He even tried to talk me into dumping him and going out with Jason, who I have come to love dearly.

  He was a great friend and a good teacher. I sensed he had a little crush on me, even though he kept telling me that he was happy with Carrie. And on top of it all, Jen developed this major crush on Jason. Could it get any more complicated?

  Doubt it.

  Senior year was amazing. There was a charge of electricity in the air. Students were getting excited and anxious to begin their new lives; going away to college, starting new jobs. I have to admit, I was jealous. I wanted a normal life. I wanted to go away to college. I wanted to be able to walk down the street holding my boyfriends hand; showing him off to everyone.

  Troy was adamant about me attending college. He didn’t want anything to hold me back. He didn’t want anything or anyone, especially him, keeping me from reaching my full potential. I always told him that I was exactly where I wanted to be, with him. And that he’d have to trust me. He’d have to believe in me, like I believed in him. But that didn’t stop him or my mom and Tim, who collectively and constantly pushed me into applying for colleges, but I delayed whenever possible. I kept avoiding or circling around the topic. Changing the subject whenever it was brought up.

  As the year wound down, the senior class began making preparations for the prom. Senior prom. Wow, was all I could think. Not in a million years did I ever think I’d see this day, and to be actually looking forward to it was mind-boggling.

  I had no disillusion. I knew it would be a challenge, but I had every intention on attending with Troy. We made plans. We would play our song and dance outside under the blossoming pear trees where we first met.

  Troy was getting really anxious and seemed tense. He never was anything but calm and collected and now he seemed at odds. It almost felt as though he were pulling away from me.

  The night of the prom was getting closer. My mom and Tim were concerned that I wasn’t going with a boy.

  “You’re a beautiful girl Amber, surely you must’ve been asked by dozens of boys.” Tim said.

  He was right. I did receive my share of invitations, and so did Jen. But we told them that we made a pact that we would go together, stag, and dance with every other girls’ date. They laughed but I could see that there was some real concern there.

  My senior year at Summit High was coming to an end and I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to the friends I’ve made during the past year and a half, but I was anxious to move forward. I just didn’t know how. We were spinning our wheels and getting nowhere.

  ***

  That night, while Troy lay next to me I had a dream. It was so vivid, so real it took my breath away. My father was walking towards me looking as handsome as I remembered him before the accident. He had a smile on his face; a warm smile. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tightly I could feel his heartbeat. I could smell his cologne; the one mom loved and always bought him on Father’s Day signing my name to the card.

  “Amber.” His voice was just as I remembered; soft spoken, confident.

  I just gazed at him.

  “I miss you so much baby.” He squeezed me a little tighter.

  “I miss you too daddy. I’m so sorry.”

  I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream how sorry I was, but the tears wouldn’t come and the words got caught in my throat.

  “Amber.” The tenor of his voice changed. I knew that tone. It meant listen and don’t speak. I gave him my full attention.

  “I need you to do two things for me. Can you promise me you’ll do them?”

  I just nodded.

  “I want you to take care of your mother for me. I miss you both so much. She seems happy, is she?”

  I just nodded.

  “And I want you to be happy. You did nothing wrong baby. You need to let go of all the guilt you’ve got buried inside.”

  I shook my head.

  “Amber, There is something else. I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?”

  I nodded.

  “Something is going to happen.”

  I must have had a quizzical look on my face.

  “Amber, I know about Troy.”

  I felt my body stiffen under his fingers. I looked into his eyes, holding my breath.

  “I know he saved you, and I owe him a debt of gratitude.”

  I just looked at him.

  “If it weren’t for him…” his voice trailed off.

  I think my mouth fell open.

  “Amber, baby. He did something…”

  I shook my head emphatically, afraid he would do something that would cause Troy to go away.

  “Baby, don’t get upset. I can see the good inside him. He is good. Pure of heart. He loves you. Be patient, everything will be okay.”

  I looked up again and he smiled.

  “I love you Amber, I always will.”

  Then he was gone.

  I woke up turned on the light and I ran through the house crying, calling him. My mother awoke. Tim ran after me following me from room to room trying in hushed tones to calm me.

  “NO. He was here. DADDY!” I screamed out.

  “You’re upsetting your mother. Amber, you must have been dreaming.”

  I remembered the first thing my father asked of me.

  “Mom.” I ran to her. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I was dreaming. But it was a good dream. Mom.” I wrapped my arms around her shaking frame. “It was a good dream. He misses us and he loves us.”

  I remember Tim walking me to my room. I think he went downstairs to take care of my mom who I’m sure was as I last saw her, sitting on the couch smiling and crying into her hands.

  Chapter 21

  When I awoke the next day, Troy wasn’t there. In fact, after I ran like a loon through the house calling after my father, I don’t recall seeing him after I climbed back into bed. I called his name softly. No answer. I sat up in bed and tried to remember the vivid dream I had the last night. I stood up, rushed to get my robe on and quickly walked down the hall.

  As I silently walked down the hall, my bare feet nearly undetectable, I could hear Tim’s hushed tone as it drifted out of the kitchen. I could hear my mother’s whispered replies as well. I was relieved she didn’t sound distressed, or upset.

  I slowly walked down the stairs. Pretty sure I wouldn’t see Troy there. Maybe he needed to clear his head…get some air. Who am I kidding? He’s not breathing. He won’t be needing air too soon.

  “Hi” I said softly as I stepped into the kitchen.

  Mom was at the table, dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank top, coffee cup firmly in her hand.

  “Hi you.” She said to me.

  “Hello Amber, can I interest you in some pancakes?”

  “Works?”

  “Of course, do I look like someone who doesn’t know how to serve my women pancakes?”

  “No. You look…you look perfect.” I smiled sheepishly.

  “Coffee?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I sat next to my mom and grabbed her hand, squeezing it slightly.

  “I love you Ambs, my lamb.”

  “I love you too mom.” I turned and looked at Tim’s back. He was adding batter to a fry pan. “I love you too Tim!”

  He spun around so quickly I thought he may fall, but the look he gave my mother and me melted my heart.

  “Amber…” Tim said. His voice broke slightly.

  I raised my hand to stop him before he uttered another syllable. I knew what he was going to say. Heck, we all knew what he was going to say.

  We had a fabulous breakfast, compliments of my Step-dad, who happens to be a hell of a chef, as well as a hell of a dad. It felt right. It felt good and I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I smiled as I remembered my dad’s smile. He seemed happy, and at peace.

  “I got your dress from the tailors this morning. You may want to try it on again, in case.” Mom said.

  “Holy cow…Prom…tonight.” I panicked. Where was Troy? I needed to talk to Jen.

  “Yeah, I’ll do that. I just gonna’ call Jen.”

  “Okay.” She said as I rushed out of the room and up the stairs.

  “Stag…I just don’t get it…” I heard Tim say and mom laughed.

  “Kids.”

  ***

  I reached into my pocketbook and pulled out my cell dialing Jen’s number.

  “I was waiting for you. What took so long?”

  “You didn’t even say hello.”

  “Oh, Amber, I think we’re past that.”

  “Have you heard from Troy? He wasn’t here when I woke up.”

  “Umm. No. I haven’t spoken with Troy.” The tone in her voice was weird. Odd.

  “Okay. Well, if you hear from him, tell him I’m looking for him.”

  “I will. Are you okay?”

  “I will be.” I declared.

  “Good. How does your dress look?”

  “Haven’t tried it on yet, mom picked it up from the tailors today.”

  “A little last minute. I expect my date to look hot.” She giggled.

  “Funny.” I laughed. “I won’t disappoint.”

  “Good to know.” She paused, “Gotta go. Mom’s calling me. I swear, you’ think it was her senior prom she’s so nervous.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Make sure you call me if you hear from Troy.”

  “I will.”

  After I hung up, I sat cross-legged on my bed. Where the heck could he have gone? He has no family…no friends.

  I briefly thought about contacting his aunt and uncle. I wanted them to know…what? What the heck can I tell them? He is dead and doing well?

  I bounded down the stairs and grabbed the dress hanging over the door to the family room, grabbed it and ran back up the stairs and unzipped the bag. I was so excited to see it. It was even prettier than I’d remembered when mom and I went shopping. A stunning strapless dress in cream and black, with a corset styled top, and slim black bottom. ‘Very classy’ my mom said. She was right—as usual—it is very classy. The black shoes were comfortable and the purse matched the cream color of the bodice perfectly.

  I tried it on and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Both my mom and Tim looked up. My mom’s eyes teared up immediately. Tim’s breath hitched.

  “The boys are gonna be clamoring for a dance.” He smiled proudly.

  “You look beautiful baby.” My mom managed to breathe out between sniffles.

  “Thanks for everything Mom. Tim. For putting up with me and all the pain I…”

  “Don’t say another word.” Tim cut me short and walked over to my mom placing his hands on her shoulders. “You are going to knock those boys off their feet.”

  Mom nodded.

  “Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you…for everything.”

  I turned and lifting my dress so I could walk up the stairs, made an elegant exit; away from the love-fest I’d started in the kitchen.

  I hung the dress up over my closet door and sat down on top of my comforter, waiting for Troy to make a reappearance. Picking up the remote control for the TV, I pushed the play button and the movie Ghost jumped to life on the flat screen.

  How absurdly appropriate.

  I fell asleep before the ending. The sound of my cell phone blaring jolted me awake. It took me a minute to focus as I looked at the caller ID.

  Jen.

  I grabbed the phone and pushed the button quickly.

  “Hey.” I said, my voice scratchy. “Have you heard from Troy?”

  “No.”

  “Darn. Where the heck is he?”

  “Are you almost ready? If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to smack Melissa in her face.” Jen said. It seemed as though she were trying to change the subject.

  “I just need to shower and dress.” I laughed, “why?”

  “She keeps telling me that her prom was so much better. How her dress was extraordinary.” She huffed. “I wish I could explain that in no way was her prom going to come anywhere near as perfect as ours is going to be.”

  “From your mouth…” I said.

  “I’m sure you’ll hear from Troy.” She paused, “let’s try to have a great time, okay?”

  “Absolutely.” I got up and undressed and walked into the bathroom. “I’m going to have the time of my life tonight. I’m jumping in the shower. Talk to you soon.”

  I heard her giggle as I was hitting the end call button.

  Chapter 22

  My mom applied my make-up as I sat patiently at the edge of my computer chair. I blew my hair out straight and let if flow down my back, just like Troy liked it. I pulled my dress up, letting my mom zip me up, as I slipped my feet into the black satin pumps that matched my dress; feeling very much like Cinderella.

  I heard the doorbell ring and new it was Jen. Throwing my make-up essentials into my purse, I carefully made my way down the stairs. I may have looked the part, but I was in no way an expert in navigating the floors in three inch heels.

  Jen stood inside the family room, looking even more beautiful than I’d hope to look. She wore a hunter green gown that looked perfect with her complexion. Her light brown hair hung down her back in a cascade of curls, complementary of Missy, I’m sure. Her makeup was flawless and she rocked four inch open toe shoes. She looked incredible. She had a shimmering hunter green delicate shawl wrapped around her shoulders, dipping low to one side.

 

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