Kipling and war, p.12
Kipling and War, page 12
For you all love the screw-guns – the screw-guns they all love you!
So when we call round with a few guns, o’ course you will know what to do – hoo! hoo!
Jest send in your Chief an’ surrender – it’s worse if you fights or you runs:
You can go where you please, you can skid up the trees, but you don’t get away from the guns!
They sends us along where the roads are, but mostly we goes where they ain’t:
We’d climb up the side of a sign-board an’ trust to the stick o’ the paint:
We’ve chivied the Naga an’ Looshai, we’ve give the Afreedeeman fits,
For we fancies ourselves at two thousand, we guns that are built in two bits – ’Tss! ’Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns …
If a man doesn’t work, why, we drills ’im an’ teaches ’im ’ow to behave;
If a beggar can’t march, why, we kills ’im an’ rattles ’im into ’is grave.
You’ve got to stand up to our business an’ spring without snatchin’ or fuss.
D’you say that you sweat with the field-guns?
By God, you must lather with us – ’Tss! ’Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns …
The eagles is screamin’ around us, the river’s a-moanin’ below,
We’re clear o’ the pine an’ the oak-scrub, we’re out on the rocks an’ the snow,
An’ the wind is as thin as a whip-lash what carries away to the plains
The rattle an’ stamp o’ the lead-mules – the jinglety-jink o’ the chains – ’Tss! ’Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns …
There’s a wheel on the Horns o’ the Mornin’, an’ a wheel on the edge o’ the Pit,
An’ a drop into nothin’ beneath you as straight as a beggar can spit:
With the sweat runnin’ out o’ your shirt-sleeves, an’ the sun off the snow in your face,
An’ ’arf o’ the men on the drag-ropes to hold the old gun in ’er place – ’Tss! ’Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns …
Smokin’ my pipe on the mountings, sniffin’ the mornin’ cool,
I climbs in my old brown gaiters along o’ my old brown mule.
The monkey can say what our road was – the wild-goat ’e knows where we passed.
Stand easy, you long-eared old darlin’s! Out drag-ropes! With shrapnel! Hold fast – ’Tss! ’Tss!
For you all love the screw-guns – the screw-guns they all love you!
So when we take tea with a few guns, o’ course you will know what to do – hoo! hoo!
Jest send in your Chief an’ surrender – it’s worse if you fights or you runs:
You may hide in the caves, they’ll be only your graves, but you can’t get away from the guns!
[First published in the Scots Observer, 12 April 1890.]
* * *
Gentlemen-rankers were soldiers who enlisted in the ranks although, by education or background, they might be expected to serve as officers. They often signed up in the ranks as a result of some scandal. The chorus of this poem is well-known as part of the Whiffenpoof Song, which has been sung at Yale University since the early twentieth century.
Gentlemen-Rankers
To the legion of the lost ones, to the cohort of the damned,
To my brethren in their sorrow overseas,
Sings a gentleman of England cleanly bred, machinely crammed,
And a trooper of the Empress, if you please.
Yea, a trooper of the forces who has run his own six horses,
And faith he went the pace and went it blind,
And the world was more than kin while he held the ready tin,
But to-day the Sergeant’s something less than kind.
We’re poor little lambs who’ve lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We’re little black sheep who’ve gone astray,
Baa-aa-aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha’ mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
Oh, it’s sweet to sweat through stables, sweet to empty kitchen slops,
And it’s sweet to hear the tales the troopers tell,
To dance with blowzy housemaids at the regimental hops
And thrash the cad who says you waltz too well.
Yes, it makes you cock-a-hoop to be ‘Rider’ to your troop,
And branded with a blasted worsted spur,
When you envy, O how keenly, one poor Tommy being cleanly
Who blacks your boots and sometimes calls you ‘Sir’.
If the home we never write to, and the oaths we never keep,
And all we know most distant and most dear,
Across the snoring barrack-room return to break our sleep,
Can you blame us if we soak ourselves in beer?
When the drunken comrade mutters and the great guard-lantern gutters
And the horror of our fall is written plain,
Every secret, self-revealing on the aching white-washed ceiling,
Do you wonder that we drug ourselves from pain?
We have done with Hope and Honour, we are lost to Love and Truth,
We are dropping down the ladder rung by rung,
And the measure of our torment is the measure of our youth.
God help us, for we knew the worst too young!
Our shame is clean repentance for the crime that brought the sentence,
Our pride it is to know no spur of pride,
And the Curse of Reuben holds us till an alien turf enfolds us
And we die, and none can tell them where we died.
We’re poor little lambs who’ve lost our way,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
We’re little black sheep who’ve gone astray,
Baa–aa–aa!
Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree,
Damned from here to Eternity,
God ha’ mercy on such as we,
Baa! Yah! Bah!
[First published in Ballads and Barrack-Room Ballads (1892).]
* * *
Attitudes to looting on the battlefield – for long an accepted practice in British army life – were changing, since ‘with English morals’ they no longer suited.
Loot
If you’ve ever stole a pheasant-egg be’ind the keeper’s back,
If you’ve ever snigged the washin’ from the line,
If you’ve ever crammed a gander in your bloomin’ ’aversack,
You will understand this little song o’ mine.
But the service rules are ’ard, an’ from such we are debarred,
For the same with English morals does not suit.
(Cornet: Toot! toot!)
W’y, they call a man a robber if ‘e stuffs ’is marchin’ clobber
With the –
(Chorus) Loo! loo! Lulu! lulu! Loo! loo! Loot! loot! loot!
Ow the loot!
Bloomin’ loot!
That’s the thing to make the boys git up an’ shoot!
It’s the same with dogs an’ men,
If you’d make ’em come again
Clap ’em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot!
(ff) Whoopee! Tear ’im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
If you’ve knocked a nigger edgeways when ’e’s thrustin’ for your life,
You must leave ’im very careful where ’e fell;
An’ may thank your stars an’ gaiters if you didn’t feel ’is knife
That you ain’t told off to bury ’im as well.
Then the sweatin’ Tommies wonder as they spade the beggars under
Why lootin’ should be entered as a crime;
So if my song you’ll ’ear, I will learn you plain an’ clear
’Ow to pay yourself for fightin’ overtime.
(Chorus) With the loot, …
Now remember when you’re ’acking round a gilded Burma god
That ’is eyes is very often precious stones;
An’ if you treat a nigger to a dose o’ cleanin’-rod
’E’s like to show you everything ’e owns.
When ’e won’t prodooce no more, pour some water on the floor
Where you ’ear it answer ’ollow to the boot
(Cornet: Toot! toot!) –
When the ground begins to sink, shove your baynick down the chink,
An’ you’re sure to touch the –
(Chorus) Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
Ow the loot! …
When from ’ouse to ’ouse you’re ’unting, you must always work in pairs –
It ’alves the gain, but safer you will find –
For a single man gets bottled on them twisty-wisty stairs,
An’ a woman comes and clobs ’im from be’ind.
When you’ve turned ’em inside out, an’ it seems beyond a doubt
As if there weren’t enough to dust a flute
(Cornet: Toot! toot!)
Before you sling your ’ook, at the ’ousetops take a look,
For it’s underneath the tiles they ’ide the loot.
(Chorus) Ow the loot! …
You can mostly square a Sergint an’ a Quartermaster too,
If you only take the proper way to go;
I could never keep my pickin’s, but I’ve learned you all I knew –
An’ don’t you never say I told you so.
An’ now I’ll bid good-bye, for I’m gettin’ rather dry,
An’ I see another tunin’ up to toot
(Cornet: Toot! toot!) –
So ’ere’s good-luck to those that wears the Widow’s clo’es,
An’ the Devil send ’em all they want o’ loot!
(Chorus) Yes, the loot,
Bloomin’ loot!
In the tunic an’ the mess-tin an’ the boot!
It’s the same with dogs an’ men,
If you’d make ’em come again
(ff) Whoop ’em forward with a Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
Heeya! Sick ’im, puppy! Loo! loo! Lulu! Loot! loot! loot!
[First published in the Scots Observer, 29 March 1890.]
* * *
This is a generic Barrack-Room Ballad about the hardships of a soldier’s existence, made memorable by its lines about being ‘wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains’. These were much quoted during Operation Enduring Freedom, the US-led NATO invasion of Afghanistan from October 2001.
The Young British Soldier
When the ’arf-made recruity goes out to the East
’E acts like a babe an’ ’e drinks like a beast,
An’ ’e wonders because ’e is frequent deceased
Ere ’e’s fit for to serve as a soldier.
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
Serve, serve, serve as a soldier,
So-oldier OF the Queen!
Now all you recruities what’s drafted to-day,
You shut up your rag-box an’ ’ark to my lay,
An’ I’ll sing you a soldier as far as I may:
A soldier what’s fit for a soldier.
Fit, fit, fit for a soldier …
First mind you steer clear o’ the grog-sellers’ huts,
For they sell you Fixed Bay’nets that rots out your guts –
Ay, drink that ’ud eat the live steel from your butts –
An’ it’s bad for the young British soldier.
Bad, bad, bad for the soldier …
When the cholera comes – as it will past a doubt –
Keep out of the wet and don’t go on the shout,
For the sickness gets in as the liquor dies out,
An’ it crumples the young British soldier.
Crum-, crum-, crumples the soldier …
But the worst o’ your foes is the sun over’ead:
You must wear your ’elmet for all that is said:
If ’e finds you uncovered ’e’ll knock you down dead,
An’ you’ll die like a fool of a soldier.
Fool, fool, fool of a soldier …
If you’re cast for fatigue by a sergeant unkind,
Don’t grouse like a woman nor crack on nor blind;
Be handy and civil, and then you will find
That it’s beer for the young British soldier.
Beer, beer, beer for the soldier …
Now, if you must marry, take care she is old –
A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest I’m told,
For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
’Nough, ’nough, ’nough for a soldier …
If the wife should go wrong with a comrade, be loath
To shoot when you catch ’em – you’ll swing, on my oath! –
Make ’im take ’er and keep ’er: that’s Hell for them both,
An’ you’re shut o’ the curse of a soldier.
Curse, curse, curse of a soldier …
When first under fire an’ you’re wishful to duck,
Don’t look nor take ’eed at the man that is struck,
Be thankful you’re livin’, and trust to your luck
And march to your front like a soldier.
Front, front, front like a soldier …
When ’arf of your bullets fly wide in the ditch,
Don’t call your Martini a cross-eyed old bitch;
She’s human as you are – you treat her as sich,
An’ she’ll fight for the young British soldier.
Fight, fight, fight for the soldier …
When shakin’ their bustles like ladies so fine,
The guns o’ the enemy wheel into line,
Shoot low at the limbers an’ don’t mind the shine,
For noise never startles the soldier.
Start-, start-, startles the soldier …
If your officer’s dead and the sergeants look white,
Remember it’s ruin to run from a fight:
So take open order, lie down, and sit tight,
And wait for supports like a soldier.
Wait, wait, wait like a soldier …
When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
So-oldier of the Queen!
[First published in the Scots Observer, 28 June 1890.]
* * *
This is another colourful epigraph – this time from Kipling’s novel The Light That Failed, which focused on General Wolseley’s expedition against the Mahdi (in relief of General Gordon) in Sudan in 1884–5.
Ride to Kandahar
Then we brought the lances down – then the trumpets blew –
When we went to Kandahar, ridin’ two an’ two.
Ridin’ – ridin’ – ridin’ two an’ two!
Ta-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-a!
All the way to Kandahar,
Ridin’ two an’ two.
[First published as ‘Barrack-Room Ballad’ in The Light That Failed in Lippincott’s Monthly Magazine, January 1891.]
* * *
Here we learn more about the realities of life in the British army ranks, as rendered in the Barrack-Room Ballads.
Route Marching
We’re marchin’ on relief over Injia’s sunny plains,
A little front o’ Christmas-time an’ just be’ind the Rains;
Ho! get away you bullock-man, you’ve ’eard the bugle blowed,
There’s a regiment a-comin’ down the Grand Trunk Road;
With its best foot first
And the road a-sliding past,
An’ every bloomin’ campin’-ground exactly like the last;
While the Big Drum says,
With ‘is ‘rowdy-dowdy-dow!’ –
‘Kiko kissywarsti don’t you hamsher argy jow?’1
Oh, there’s them Injian temples to admire when you see,
There’s the peacock round the corner an’ the monkey up the tree,
An’ there’s that rummy silver grass a-wavin’ in the wind,
An’ the old Grand Trunk a-trailin’ like a rifle-sling be’ind.
While it’s best foot first …
At half-past five’s Revelly, an’ our tents they down must come,
Like a lot of button mushrooms when you pick ’em up at ’ome.
But it’s over in a minute, an’ at six the column starts,
While the women and the kiddies sit an’ shiver in the carts.
An’ it’s best foot first …
Oh, then it’s open order, an’ we lights our pipes an’ sings,
An’ we talks about our rations an’ a lot of other things,
An’ we thinks o’ friends in England, an’ we wonders what they’re at,
An’ ’ow they would admire for to hear us sling the bat.
An’ it’s best foot first …
It’s none so bad o’ Sunday, when you’re lyin’ at your ease,
To watch the kites a-wheelin’ round them feather-’eaded trees,
For although there ain’t no women, yet there ain’t no barrick-yards,
So the orficers goes shootin’ an’ the men they plays at cards.
Till it’s best foot first …
So ’ark an’ ’eed, you rookies, which is always grumblin’ sore,
There’s worser things than marchin’ from Umballa to Cawnpore;
An’ if your ’eels are blistered an’ they feels to ’urt like ’ell,
You drop some tallow in your socks an’ that will make ’em well.
