The line, p.20
The Line, page 20
“I’m good,” I said, glancing at Cole for some hint of what was going to happen. I could usually read him like an open book.
Not this time though. He just looked angry and desperate and ready to explode wide open all over this kitchen.
“God, Everly,” Joe blew out on a breath. “I don’t even know where to start.”
He looked so heartbroken and forlorn.
“How about the damn beginning?” Cole spat out, and my gaze flashed to him.
When he slammed his fist on the table again, a loud bang sounded in the room and I jumped. I stared at him, shocked at his outburst, but he averted his gaze from me and shook his head before breathing heavily through his nostrils and turning completely away from me. He gazed towards the ceiling and placed his hands on his hips with his back to me, so I looked back to Joe, imploring him to go on.
Upon letting out a sigh, Joe started. “I told you about my wife Anna.”
He smiled sadly and swallowed hard, like talking about Anna pained him. It probably did, but I couldn’t help but wonder what this had to do with me. Praying that it didn’t have to do with me.
“I told you she left because she was mentally ill and couldn’t handle the pressure after I lost my ability to walk. But what I didn’t tell you was that, when she left, she took my newborn baby with her.” He stared at me.
My air caught in my throat, and I was momentarily overcome with the feeling like I was suffocating. As if all the air in the room was so thick that I couldn’t draw any in.
I shook my head back and forth slowly, my breath a hard lump, still stuck in my throat.
“A baby girl,” he whispered, closing his eyes.
“A girl,” I repeated back on a breath, desperate to believe that what I thought he was telling me was wrong. Because that would mean he hadn’t come for me all these years. That would mean Joe had lied to me all fucking summer, even after I’d confessed everything to him. Even after I’d told him that I’d been homeless, that I’d become a thief to survive. I’d cried against his chest. I’d opened my heart to him and let him in, and he’d lied. It couldn’t be true. My Joe wouldn’t do that to me—he loved me too much.
“I couldn’t go after her right away. I was still recovering from the accident. So, I hired a private investigator to hunt her down. He found her months later, living in a homeless shelter by herself. Shelby was nowhere in sight.”
“Shelby,” I said, letting the name roll over my tongue, tasting it.
Joe smiled sadly, looking up at me, “Yes, Shelby.” Tears shone in his eyes, and I wondered if he thought I resembled the tiny baby he’d lost so long ago. “Anna told the PI that Shelby had died. Starved to death in the cold.”
The tears from Joe’s eyes slid down his cheeks, and I wanted to reach out and wipe them for him because I knew he couldn’t. But I couldn’t touch him. Not now. Not when I knew what he was going to tell me. What he was telling me.
“And, for almost twenty years, I thought she was dead. I thought I’d lost the only chance I’d ever have to be a father,” he choked out, his tears a constant stream down his face now.
I rubbed my hand across my face, surprised to find tears falling from my own as well.
“I thought I’d lost my baby girl,” he sobbed out, but then he smiled. He grinned through his tears. “Until four months ago. A nice woman named Louise called me. Said she’d been digging around. Said she thought she’d found my baby.”
God, I hadn’t thought about Momma Lou. She’d lied to me, too. Why? Why hadn’t she just told me the truth? Why did the people I loved most in my life desert me, lie to me, betray me? I couldn’t do this. Not even tough-as-nails Everly could do this. It was too fucking much.
I backed away from Joe and Cole, feeling like the room was closing in on me.
Joe rolled forward to me. “My girl finally came home this summer.”
“No.” I shook my head, terrified. “No, Joe, I’m not Shelby. I’m just Everly.”
I couldn’t be his sweet baby girl. I was not her. I was a thief. I was trash who had grown up on the streets. Nobody had wanted me.
I hiccupped on a sob when I thought of Shelby. Of what she would have been like had she grown up on this magical farm, with this man’s love. I instantly wished that had been true. How different our lives would have been, me and Shelby. I mourned for her as much as I did for myself in that moment. We’d almost had it all.
I stood there, shocked, betrayed, and hurt beyond words. I wiped the tears from my face with the long sleeves of my shirt. Cole looked at me like he wanted to come hug me, fix this. But this wasn’t something that could be fixed. This was a fucking mess, and I didn’t know if it would ever be better.
He made to come for me, but I threw my hands up. I didn’t even really know where I stood with Cole. Had he and Marla reconciled? How long had he known about Joe being my father? Fuck, my life had never been this messy, not even when I had been living on the streets.
I was learning a hard lesson. Having people in your life and loving them gave them the ability to hurt you, and it seemed that almost everyone I loved felt like destroying me today.
“How long?” I whispered at Cole.
“What?” he asked.
“How long have you known?” I cried out, my voice betraying every emotion I was feeling. It sounded raw and split open to my ears.
“No, baby,” he crooned, his face so sincere, so full of love, that I almost wept for it. “I’d never lie to you. I just found out, same as you. I—”
“No,” I said, backing out of the room. “No,” I cried. “I can’t do this now.”
“Please, Eve.” Cole came forward, his hands out in front of him like he meant no harm. And I knew he wanted to hold me, but there weren’t enough arms in the world to hold all of my pieces.
“I can’t,” I croaked out. “Not now.” I brought my eyes to Joe. “How could you? I told you everything. Everything!” I screamed, and the shrill sound of my voice scared the hell out of me. It sounded broken and hysterical. “How could you continue to lie to me after that? How?” I wailed.
I ran upstairs, my vision blurry with tears, my legs shaking in shock. Joe. My father.
I remembered how he’d instantly accepted me. How we’d laughed together until our bellies hurt. How he’d told me about his momma and his daddy. How understanding he’d been when I’d told him about my childhood.
I’d been so blind. This fucking place had put some kind of spell on me. I’d only seen what I’d wanted to see. I hadn’t seen the truth. How Joe and I looked so much alike, with our identical brown hair and blue eyes. How our connection had been almost instantaneous.
I looked around my room. No, Shelby’s room. I felt sick. Like the last two months had been nothing but a lie. Why hadn’t he just told me from the beginning? Was this some kind of sick test to see if I was good enough? Would he have even told me if it hadn’t been for Cole’s threats?
I wanted to throw up. What if he was never going to tell me because I wasn’t good enough? Because I was never good enough. My own mother hadn’t wanted me, and now, my father didn’t, either. God, and was Cole going back to Marla? Would I ever be enough for anyone?
My door opened, and I found a worried Cody standing in my doorway. I was more than relieved that Joe or Cole hadn’t come for me. I wasn’t ready to talk to them. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be.
I launched myself at Cody, and he grabbed me up, hugging me tight to his strong body. My torso shook against his. I wet the entire front of his shirt in tears.
“Shh,” he soothed me, rubbing my hair, my back.
“Promise me you didn’t know,” I mumbled into the front of his shirt, gripping big fistfuls of the material.
“I had no idea, baby girl. None.” He consoled me. “Please stop crying, sweet girl. You’re breaking my heart.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I sobbed. And I didn’t. I couldn’t trust anyone aside from Cody.
Rubbing his palm over my back, he said, “There’s nothing to do, baby girl. You’re just gonna take some time and think about things. Everything will work out. I promise.”
I didn’t think anything was going to work out. But I did need time to think things over, and I couldn’t do that in this house with Joe around. In Shelby’s room. I needed to get the hell out of there, and Cody was my only chance.
“How much do you love me, Cody?” I asked.
He used his thumbs to wipe the tears under my eyes. “Girl, you know I’m ride or die for you,” he said, smiling.
“Then you’ll take me to the bus station?” I questioned, hope in my voice.
He frowned, and I thought he’d say no. But then he said, “I’ll take you anywhere if you really want to go.”
“I want to,” I whispered.
His forehead wrinkled, and he pursed his lips. “Are you sure?” he asked, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’m sure, Cody.” I laid my head over his heart and squeezed him to me.
But the words sounded mucky and grimy in my mouth. I was a dirty liar. I’d never been more unsure about anything in my entire life.
One week. Apparently, that’s how long it takes for a man to reach his fucking wit’s end. It was also how long Eve had been gone. I had known she would leave, but there were a few things I hadn’t anticipated. Like how quick it would be. Or that she wouldn’t say goodbye. That was the one that really chapped my ass. Christ, it hurt.
Fuck, I missed her.
I’d gone up to Eve’s room that night determined to calm her down but found all of her belongings gone, the room as clean as it’d been when she’d arrived. It was like she hadn’t even been there at all. Like maybe I’d dreamt her up for the summer, and the thought of that made me sick, because if she wasn’t real, then that meant she wasn’t coming back. And I just couldn’t have that.
I’d grilled Cody nonstop since then, but he said that he didn’t know where she’d gone, only that he’d dropped her at the bus station. And the thought of that, well, it made me want to fucking kill someone. My girl. Out there all alone again. Pain gripped my gut in its tight fist. This was fucking torture.
Fucking Cody, taking my Eve away.
At least she had the money Joe had paid her for the summer, I told myself. But still, every time I thought of her out there without me, I felt panicked—wrecked.
And, just like every night since she’d been gone, I sat across from Joe, barely saying a word. I was livid with him, and he fucking knew it. Every bit of this was his fault. The only reason I even showed up at dinner was to find out if he knew anything about where she had gone, if he’d heard from her.
So, tonight, one week later, I sat across from him and asked him the same question I’d been asking for seven days.
“Have you heard anything?” I scooped some food into my mouth. It tasted like sawdust, but I chewed and choked it down.
“Nothing,” he said quietly, just like he had every night before.
Missy tried to spoon some food in his mouth, but he refused to open.
I knew he was hurting, but I was too.
Usually, we quietly finished our meal, sometimes with Cody and Missy looking at us like we were never gonna be the same. Maybe they were right, because I didn’t know how I was ever going to forgive him for having chased off the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Tonight, Joe switched it up by saying, “I don’t know how to fix this situation or make things better with Everly, Cole. Even when I do find her, I don’t know how to fix her. She’s suffered years of abandonment.”
I listened to Joe, and every word out of his mouth only made me angrier and angrier. How dare he? Eve was fucking perfect. Even with all of her imperfections, she was still a million times better than anyone at this table.
I slammed my fork down on my plate. “She doesn’t need to be fixed, Joe. She just needs to be found.” Emotion clogged my throat, so I paused, trying to contain it because it felt like it was going to spill all over this damn room. I stared Joe in the eye. “She just needs to be found and loved for the person she is, flaws and all. Just like she’s done for us all summer.”
I got up and threw my napkin onto my plate before storming out of the kitchen with the biggest fucking chip on my shoulder I’d ever had. Turned out my love for Eve weighed a hell of a lot.
“Cole!” Joe shouted.
I paused, turning around. “Yeah?”
He seemed as shaken up as I was. Like neither of us was going to make it without her. “Then find her and bring her home.”
“I’m working on it,” I said gruffly, walking out the back door and letting it slam behind me with a bang.
And I was working damn hard on it. I’d been calling Louise every day. And, every day, she’d tell me that she hadn’t heard from Eve but she’d call as soon as she did. She’d also told me how stubborn Eve was, and I’d smiled like a loon because it wasn’t like I didn’t know that already. And I told her how much I loved Eve, how she’d made me happy when I’d been so sad. How amazing she was. How I needed her to come home like I needed my next breath. Sometimes, our talks would last seconds, and other times, we’d talk for hours about her Little Bird. After only one week, I could completely see why Eve loved Momma Lou like she did. In fact, I was banking on the fact that she’d go to her.
But it had been a week, and I was becoming desperate. There was some consolation in all of this. And that was the phone calls. Eve had been calling my phone late at night when I was asleep or during the day when she knew I was working and didn’t carry my phone. I was hoping it was because she was missing me like crazy, like I was missing her. I couldn’t be sure because she never left a message, but I thought maybe she was just calling to hear my voice.
So I’d started carrying my phone with me at all times, terrified I’d miss a call, but if I answered, she only hung up or said nothing at all. Fuck, it killed.
The fact that she was calling gave me some small comfort though. My girl was okay. She was probably still devastated, but she was still alive and well enough to pick the phone up. I had tried to call her back more times than I could count, but her phone was always off. I had a feeling she only turned it on when she made an outgoing call. I wanted to hear her voice too, only her voicemail had that stupid computer automated message that made me want to throw my phone across the room every time I heard it.
I lay in my bed, cradling my phone in my hand like the damn thing was going to ring any moment even though I knew that it wouldn’t. I’d been doing this all week. She only called when she knew I was busy or asleep, she never left a message, and the few times I’d answered? Nothing. I rolled the metal around and gave it a hard stare, an idea coming to me. She didn’t want to talk to me. She just wanted to hear me. Well, I’d make sure she heard me loud and clear.
The message started off the same, the same way it did every time I called.
“Hey, this is Cole. I’m not around, so leave a message at the beep.”
Closing my eyes, I basked in the only luxury I had right now: the deep timbre of Cole’s husky voice.
I pressed the warm phone hard against my ear, waiting for the beep. Only it didn’t come this time.
“Eve,” Cole said through the phone, and I gripped it harder against my ear on a gasp, thinking I’d heard wrong.
There was a long pause, and I held my breath, afraid I wouldn’t hear his next words with my own air whooshing in my ears. I wished I could see his face. I could picture it in my mind at this time of night—sweet, chocolate eyes peering at me from all the hard, manly angles of his face. The day-old stubble running along his jaw and his chin. His perfect mouth always begging to be kissed. My body ached as I thought of that face.
“Baby, I miss you. Beauty misses you, too. I went out to brush her today, but she didn’t want anything to do with me.” He chuckled and blew out a long sigh.
Wetness slid down my cheek and dampened the pillow beneath my head.
“We all miss you.”
A sob bubbled up out of me and sounded too loud in the quiet, empty hotel room. I bit my lip to stifle it. I wouldn’t hear him over my cries.
“I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. I’m always thinking of you, Eve.”
His voice sounded like he smelled, all thick and rich, gravelly and smoky. I wished I could press my nose into his shirt like I’d done so many times before. He’d never know how much his smell, his voice, his kindness—just him—comforted me. It wasn’t his fault all this had happened. He was just a victim of circumstance, much like myself. It didn’t matter though. I couldn’t go back there.
“I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
The beep sounded and the tears came like waterfalls then. Through blurry eyes, I dialed Cole again and again and listened, intent on absorbing every word into my skin so I’d remember it. I memorized the hitch in his voice when he said Eve. The slow breath before he called me baby. The quietness when he said he missed me. The firm way he said he was always thinking of me. I couldn’t forget a single inflection in his voice. I wanted this memory to play whenever I needed it, and I knew I’d be needing it plenty.
“Why?”
It was the very first word that passed my lips when Momma Lou opened the door. I’d given myself two weeks to calm down. To have this conversation rationally. But I’d knocked on that door, stood on that porch, and waited, and for the first time ever, I’d felt like this cute, little, humble house in the country wasn’t my home. It made me furious. And, once again, her betrayal suffocated me. Tears burned my eyes. My face was hot with rage. Clearly, two weeks hadn’t been enough time, but at this point, I didn’t think two years would have, either.
“Little Bird,” Momma Lou breathed, her voice part relief at seeing me okay and part remorse over how she’d lied to me.
I knew her face better than I knew anyone’s, and I didn’t want her damn remorse or relief. I wanted answers.
“Why?” I demanded again, my fists clenched, my heart pounding in my ears. I thought of my time at the hotel on the outskirts of town the past two weeks and only grew angrier. I thought of the tears I’d shed for virtually everyone I’d loved—everyone who had lied to me. How everything had changed in the blink of an eye. How I’d gone from being blissfully happy to so very alone. How I’d curled up on that old mattress and longed for my bed at the big house. How I’d longed for Joe’s smile even though I hated him. How badly I’d needed Cody to make me laugh. How I’d wished Cole had been lying next to me because I missed him so much that my bones ached with it. Instead, I’d clung to all I had left of Preston’s—the hat Cole had given me, the picture of Margaret, and Cole’s voice messages.
