Flutter updated edition, p.1
Flutter: Updated Edition, page 1
COPYRIGHT
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
FLUTTER. Copyright © 2010 by Amanda Hocking. All rights reserved.
Third Edition © 2022 by Amanda Hocking. All rights reserved.
www.hockingbooks.com
Table of Contents
Other Books by Amanda Hocking
A Note from the Author
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-one
Chapter Thirty-two
Chapter Thirty-three
Chapter Thirty-four
Chapter Thirty-five
Chapter Thirty-six
About the Author
Other Books by Amanda Hocking
My Blood Approves Saga
My Blood Approves
Fate
Flutter
Wisdom
Swear
Letters to Elise (Prequel Novella)
Little Tree (Short Story)
My Blood Approves: Complete Saga (eBook Bundle)
Seven Fallen Hearts
Virtue
Tristitia
Superbia (Coming Winter 2022/2023)
Trylle Saga
Switched
Torn
Ascend
Frostfire
Ice Kissed
Crystal Kingdom
The King’s Games: A Short Story
The Lost City
The Morning Flower
The Ever After
Watersong Saga
Wake
Lullaby
Tidal
Elegy
Forgotten Lyrics: A Short Story
The Hollows
Hollowland
Hollowmen
The Hollows: A Graphic Novel
Valkyrie Duology
Between the Blade and the Heart
From the Earth to the Shadows
Stand Alone Novels
Freeks
Bestow the Darkness
A Note from the Author
These novels were originally published in 2010. When I wrote them, I was still in my early twenties, and I had a lot of internalized issues that I hadn’t confronted yet. While much of the original book was a fun vampire romp, there were also unfortunate moments of misogyny, body-shaming, and ablism, among other problematic elements.
That led me to have a difficult relationship with these books. When I was first writing the My Blood Approves Saga, I loved it completely. After I published it, I read a few reviews that eviscerated the books. Some of the complaints were justified (calling out the problematic issues) but it was still a jarring experience for me.
It took me a long time to be able to feel the original love and enthusiasm I had for Alice and her complicated world of vampire. Especially once I knew there were legitimate issues with the books.
So, I decided to re-edit them. I have left the overall story intact as often as possible, but I re-worked so much of the internalized hatred that Alice feels and how she expresses herself. The largest changes take place in Alice’s friendship with Jane and with Jane herself. When I was re-reading the books and editing them, I was genuinely surprised by how cruel Alice (and I, as the writer) were to her. I tried to fix that and show that Jane is a three-dimensional young woman and decent friend to Alice.
These are still imperfect books, but they are definitely kinder ones now. I have fallen in love with them (and Jack and Peter and Ezra) all over again, and I hope that you will, too.
For you long time readers, thank you for sticking with me all these years, and for allowing me to grow and change.
For new readers, thank you for giving me a chance, and I hope you find some happiness in these pages
Chapter One
Jack smiled at me from across the glass chessboard, and any thoughts I had about the game were completely lost. Since I made the transformation from seventeen-year-old human girl to full-fledged vampire three weeks ago, the ability to focus on anything had become much harder.
My new senses made Jack even more amazing. When he moved his hand to touch a pawn, the light, tangy scent of him and his blood washed over me. He was even more attractive than I’d ever known, and I’d spent far too many hours just gazing at him.
“Ahem,” Milo cleared his throat more loudly than necessary, considering he could grab my attention by changing the way he breathed.
Every sound was so much more magnified than it was before. While I couldn’t hear a butterfly flapping its wings, my hearing had dramatically improved. When it came to heart beats and blood, I was particularly sensitive.
“I thought you wanted to learn to play chess,” Milo said.
He sat behind us, perched in an overstuffed chair with one of his legs hanging over the arm. In human years, he was a year and a half younger than me, but he’d been a vampire longer than I had. With dark, wide eyes, he managed to look deep and mysterious, while as a human, he had just looked innocent and naive. The change sat with him immensely.
“I know,” I said, and my embarrassment amused Jack. “Just go over what a rook is one more time.”
Milo sighed. “You’re not even trying at all, Alice.”
“Be serious,” Jack chimed in, his tone very dutiful.
Our relationship currently bordered on unhealthy obsession, but that had to do with me turning and our recent bonding. Everyone assured us that it would eventually lessen to an acceptable level.
Without any effort on my part, my body would automatically tilt towards him. Under the glass chess table, he had started brushing his foot against my leg, trying to get me to pay attention to him. His touch, even through a sock against my calf, did insane things to me. My heart fluttered unabashedly, but at least I could hear his doing the same.
“Okay, I totally know what you’re doing.” Milo sounded disgusted.
I pulled my leg back. “Sorry!”
“You’re no fun,” Jack grumbled but made no attempt to touch me again.
Jack’s brother Ezra insisted we keep some distance for a while. My emotions tended to get the best of me. Anything passionate, like hunger or lust, overpowered everything, and I could actually kill Jack if we got frisky. So, we almost constantly had baby-sitters, in the form of Milo, Ezra, or Ezra’s wife Mae.
Jack decided that he wasn’t the best one to teach me chess, so he bowed out and let Milo take his place. Milo explained the rules to me again while Jack made himself comfortable on the couch.
His giant white Great Pyrenees, Matilda, brought her rope over to him so he would play with her. Even though he had moved away from us, my attention remained fixed on him.
“Alice!” Milo snapped his fingers in front of my face, trying to draw my eyes away from Jack. “I’m going to send him out of the room if you don’t knock it off.”
“Sorry!” I repeated.
Jack laughed, and that did nothing to help the situation. With sandy, disheveled hair, dancing blue eyes, and flawless, tan skin, Jack was attractive in his own right, but it was his amazing laughter that always got me. It was the clearest, most perfect sound I had ever heard.
Milo stood up, preparing to make good on his threat, but Ezra walked into the living room.
Handsome in a way that only a vampire could be, Ezra had presence like no other. Usually, he was imposing in a calming, peaceful sorta way, but today his russet eyes were unusually anxious. Mae followed close behind, her normal happy demeanor absent. She wrung her hands as they approached Jack, Milo, and me.
“There’s been some trouble,” Ezra said in his deep voice, edged with his faded British accent. “I’ve got to go take care of some things.”
“What trouble? What are you talking about?” Milo asked, and his voice raised an octave, the way it did when he was nervous. When he had first turned, I’d been afraid he would lose too many of his human traits, but for the most part, they seemed intact.
Ezra exchanged a look with Mae, but she shook her head. Jack had dropped the dog toy, and Matilda kept pushing it against his hand to get him to play with her again, but he ignored her.
“Peter,” Ezra answered finally.
At the mention of his brother’s name, Jack’s entire body tensed so much he frightened Matilda away.
I was still surprised at how little I felt when the topic of Peter was brought up. The painful bond I had with him no longer existed, but I doubted that I could ever entirely sever my feelings for him.
“Is he coming back?” Milo moved closer to me, as if I still needed protect ion.
Jack dropped his eyes to the floor, and he battled to keep his anger under control. He’d never forgive Peter for nearly killing me when I’d been mortal.
“No, he’s not coming back.” Ezra shook his head but kept his eyes on Jack, gauging his reaction to the news. “I don’t think he’ll ever come back.”
“He won’t if he knows what’s good for him,” Jack growled in a voice so low it barely sounded like his own.
“Jack, he’s still your brother,” Mae reminded him.
Jack rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair. “He was never my brother!”
Peter was 150 years older than Jack, so they weren’t related in the human sense of the word. Peter had been the one to turn Jack, so his blood had fused to Jack’s, creating a bond between them that was much stronger than any normal familial relation. Before that, Ezra had turned Peter, making a steadfast bond between the three of them.
Until I came along.
“It doesn’t matter how you feel about him,” Ezra told Jack, but there was an underlying hurt. “He’s in very real danger, and I’ve got to go help him.”
“What kind of danger?” I asked, and I felt Jack’s eyes flit over to me but I refused to look back at him.
“He’s…” Ezra furrowed his brow. “He’s killing vampires.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Peter,” Jack muttered.
“I thought he’d gone off the grid,” I said.
Three weeks ago, Jack turned me into a vampire, and Peter took off. Peter did that frequently, but usually Ezra had a way of getting in touch with him. This time, Peter disappeared, and despite his best attempts, Ezra had been unable to reach him.
“He has. But his actions have... become so egregious that word has travelled through vampire channels,” Ezra elaborated. “I received a phone call that others are seeking revenge on him. I plan to locate Peter and attempt to reason with him.”
Jack sneered at everyone’s concern. “Peter has killed vampires before, and he’s fought in wars. If there’s one thing Peter knows, it’s how to handle himself.”
“This is different.” Ezra’s worried eyes grew more somber. “There’s reason to believe he’s on a suicide mission.”
“I’ll go with you.” I stood up abruptly and knocked over the chessboard. My mind hadn’t yet caught up to what my body could do.
“You’ll what?” Jack asked with a raised eyebrow.
We hadn’t talked about Peter at all since I had turned, but apparently, we were not quite on the same page. But that didn’t change the fact that I knew exactly what I needed to do now.
“I’ll go with you, Ezra,” I repeated.
Chapter Two
I bent down to pick up the chess pieces, but Milo swatted my hands away.
“I’ll do it,” Milo said, pulling glass pawns out of my hand. “You get busy letting them talk sense into you.”
“Alice.” Jack’s expression remained more confused than severe, but his breathing got heavier.
Part of me did still care for Peter, and not because it had once been ingrained in me. Peter had been wronged in all of this, too, and though he definitely behaved badly — very, very badly in terms of attempting to murder me. But considering he was a vampire in an incredibly complex situation, it didn’t seem fair to me he’d been ostracized by his family while Jack and I had been embraced.
“Alice, you don’t need to go with,” Mae said.
“I know I wouldn’t be any good in a fight, but maybe I could get through to him,” I said.
Mae turned to Ezra, looking expectantly at him to shoot me down, and I think that’s the only reason that Jack hadn’t freaked out yet. They all assumed Ezra would thank me for my sentiments but tell me that it was better if I stayed home.
“She has a point,” Ezra said carefully, and that’s when everybody got upset.
Mae touched his arm and tried to plead with him that I was far too young to go anywhere, let alone on a crusade to save Peter from a suicide mission. Jack jumped to his feet, but he couldn’t seem to decide whether he was angrier with me or Ezra, or maybe Peter. Milo finished setting up the chess set and smacked me on the arm.
“Ow!” I scowled, rubbing my arm. “What’d you do that for?”
“Because you’re an idiot and I can!” He was a rather over-protective younger brother, but he had always been the sensible one.
I knew it was stupid, but as soon as Ezra had said that Peter was in danger, my heart flipped. If anything bad happened to him, it was my fault. If I left his family alone, the way he repeatedly begged me to, then he wouldn’t have run off into the mess that he’s in.
“Ezra, you can’t seriously be thinking of taking her with you,” Jack said.
His fists clenched at his sides, and his eyes were frightened. It killed him that I cared anything for Peter, and it might literally kill him if anything happened to me.
“I can keep her safe, and she might be the best chance I have for talking Peter down.” Ezra held his hands palm out towards Jack, trying to calm him. “I have to try anything.”
“I am so sick of this!” Jack shouted. “I should’ve just killed him when I had the chance!”
“Jack!” Mae yelled. “You don’t mean that! Don’t say things like that!”
“I would love to stay and have this argument with you, but we really need to get on a flight out of here,” Ezra boomed over us all. “Alice, if you’re coming with, you need to pack for the cold. I’ll go book the flight and get our passports ready.” He turned to walk down the hall to his den, ending the conversation.
“Ezra!” Jack made a step after him, but Mae stopped him.
“I’ll talk to him. You take care of her.” Mae nodded towards me.
She hurried after Ezra, and Jack turned to me. He looked at me for a moment, trying to think of precisely what he wanted to say to me, and I took a deep breath before he could mount his argument.
“You’re not going to talk me out of this, Jack.”
I brushed past him so I could run upstairs to my room — to our room — but both he and Milo followed right on my trail. With my quick, clumsy steps, it was amazing that I didn’t fall down the stairs, and if I had, that would’ve done very little for my case.
Jack had been sleeping in Ezra’s den downstairs since I had turned, but all his things were still in here since it was his bedroom. The closet was full of both our clothes, and my wardrobe had expanded since I had moved in. Ezra and Mae had set me up with an expense account and credit cards a few weeks ago, and my new vampire body required all new clothes.
I went into the massive walk-in closet, rummaging around for bags. Jack had hot pink luggage, but I didn’t have time to question it and pulled them out. He stood in the doorway, and Milo was behind him, both of them glaring at me.
“You’re actually packing?” Milo asked. “You can’t really be considering going with Ezra.”
“He’s right. This is stupid,” Jack agreed. “It’s ridiculous and dangerous, and you don’t even know where you’re going. How can you even pack for that?”
“Ezra said it would be cold,” I reminded them.
I loaded my bag with sweaters and jeans and socks. Vampires didn’t really feel cold, and in fact, we preferred it to heat. But if we were to walk around in a blizzard wearing a tee shirt and shorts, humans would question it, so we dressed to fit in.
“Jack, just forbid her from going or something!” Milo said.
“I can’t forbid her from doing anything,” Jack replied tiredly, but he definitely wished he could. “And if I tried, it would just make her want to do it more.”
I threw a pair of boots in the bag and then struggled to zip it up. Obviously, I was much stronger than the stupid metal zipper, but I hadn’t figured out how to use my strength at all.
“Here.” Jack knelt on the floor next to me so he could zip up my bag for me.
“Thank you.”
“Alice, why do you even wanna go?” Jack asked.
“We wronged him, too, Jack,” I told him quietly, and he rolled his eyes.
“He nearly killed you, Alice!” Jack shouted.
“He didn’t mean to,” I insisted, and that was only half a lie.
