Complete works of a e w.., p.776
Complete Works of a E W Mason, page 776
The regret swelled during his journey to the coast. The scene he had just come through became, from much pondering on it, almost unreal, and, with the blurring of the impression it had caused, there rose a doubt as to the accuracy of his vision of Mrs. Branscome’s distress, which he had conjured out of it. His chivalry, in a word, had grown too quickly to take firm root. It was an exotic planted in soil not yet fully prepared. David began to think himself a fool, and at last, as the train neared Dover, a question which had been vaguely throbbing in his brain suddenly took shape. Why had she not sent for him? True, the locket was lost, but she might have written. The formulation of the question shattered almost all the work of the last few hours. He cursed his recent thoughts as a child’s fairy dreams. Why should he leave England after all? If he was to sacrifice himself it should be for some one who cared sufficiently for him to justify the act.
There might, of course, have been some hidden obstacle in the way, which Mrs. Branscome could not surmount. The revelation of Marston’s unimagined story warned him of the possibility of that. But the chances were against it. Anyway, he quibbled to himself, he had a clear right to pursue the matter until he unearthed the truth. Acting upon this decision, David returned to town, though not without a lurking sense of shame.
A few evenings after, he sought out Mrs. Branscome at a dance. The blood rushed to her face when she caught his figure, and as quickly ebbed away.
“So you have not gone, after all?” There was something pitiful in her tone of reproach.
“No. What made you think I had?”
“Mr. Marston told me!”
“Did he tell you why?”
“I guessed that, and I thanked you in my heart.”
David was disconcerted; the woman he saw corresponded so ill with what he was schooling himself to believe her. He sought to conceal his confusion, as she had once done, and played a part. Like her, he overplayed it.
“Well! I came to see London life, you know. It makes a pretty comedy.”
“Comedies end in tears at times.”
“Even then common politeness makes us sit them out. Can you spare me a dance?”
Mrs. Branscome pleaded fatigue, and barely suppressed a sigh of relief as she noted her husband’s approach. David followed her glance, and bent over her, speaking hurriedly: —
“You said you knew why I went away; I want to tell you why I came back.”
“No! no!” she exclaimed. “It could be of no use — of no help to either of us.”
“I came back,” he went on, ignoring her interruption, “merely to ask you one question. Will you hear it and answer it? I can wait,” he added, as she kept silence.
“Then, to-morrow, as soon as possible,” Mrs. Branscome replied, beaten by his persistency. “Come at seven; we dine at eight, so I can give you half-an-hour. But you are ungenerous.”
That night began what may be termed the crisis of Hilton’s education. This was the second time he had caught Mrs. Branscome unawares. On the first occasion — that of his unexpected arrival in England — he did not possess the experience to measure accurately looks and movements, or to comprehend them as the connotation of words. It is doubtful, besides, whether, had he owned the skill, he would have had the power to exercise it, so engrossed was he in his own distress. By the process, however, of continually repressing the visible signs of his own emotions, he had now learnt to appreciate them in others. And in Mrs. Branscome’s sudden change of colour, in little convulsive movements of her hands, and in a certain droop of eyelids veiling eyes which met the gaze frankly as a rule, he read this evening sure proofs of the constancy of her heart. This fresh knowledge affected him in two ways. On the one hand it gave breath to the selfish passion which now dominated his ideas. At the same time, however it assured him that when he asked his question: “Why did you not send for me?” an unassailable answer would be forthcoming; and, moreover, by convincing him of this, it destroyed the sole excuse he had pleaded to himself for claiming the right to ask it. In self-defence Hilton had recourse to his old outcry against the marriage laws and, finding this barren, came in the end to frankly devising schemes for their circumvention. Such inward personal conflicts were, of necessity, strange to a man dry-nursed on abstractions, and, after a night of tension, they tossed him up on the shores of the morning broken in mind and irresolute for good or ill.
* * * * *
Mrs. Branscome received him impassively at the appointed time. David saw that he was expected to speak to the point, and a growing scorn for his own insistence urged him to the same course. He plunged abruptly into his subject and his manner showed him in the rough, more particularly to himself.
“What I came back to ask you is just this. You know — you must know — that I would have come, whatever the consequence. Why did you not send for me after, after — ?”
“Why did I not send for you?” Mrs. Branscome took him up, repeating
his words mechanically, as though their meaning had not reached her.
“You don’t mean that you never received my letter. Oh, don’t say that!
It can’t have miscarried, I registered it.”
“Then you did write?”
This confirmation of her fear drove a breach through her composure.
“Of course, of course, I wrote,” she cried. “You doubt that? What can you think of me? Yes, I wrote, and when no answer came, I fancied you had forgotten me — that you had never really cared, and so I — I married.”
Her voice dried in her throat. The thought of this ruin of two lives, made inevitable by a mistake in which neither shared, brought a sense of futility which paralysed her.
The same idea was working in Hilton’s mind, but to a different end. It fixed the true nature of this woman for the first time clearly within his recognition, and the new light blinded him. Before, his imagined grievance had always coloured the picture; now, he began to realise not only that she was no more responsible for the catastrophe than himself, but that he must have stood in the same light to her as she had done to him. The events of the past few months passed before his mind as on a clear mirror. He compared the gentle distinction of her bearing with his own flaunting resentment.
“I am sorry,” he said, “I have wronged you in thought and word and action. The fact is, I never saw you plainly before; myself stood in the way.”
Mrs. Branscome barely heeded his words. The feelings her watchfulness had hitherto restrained having once broken their barriers swept her away on a full flow. She recalled the very terms of her letter. She had written it in the room in which they were standing. Mr. Branscome had called just as she addressed the envelope — she had questioned him about its registration to Switzerland, and, yes, he had promised to look after it and had taken it away. “Yes!” she repeated to herself aloud, directing her eyes instinctively towards her husband’s study door. “He promised to post it.”
The sound of the words and a sudden movement from Hilton woke her to alarm. David had turned to the window, and she felt that he had heard and understood. The silence pressed on her like a dead weight. For Hilton, this was the crucial moment of his ordeal. He had understood only too clearly, and this second proof of the harm a petty sin could radiate struck through him the same fiery repulsion which had stung him to revolt when he quitted Marston’s rooms. He flung up the window and faced the sunset. Strips of black cloud barred it across, and he noticed, with a minute attention of which he was hardly conscious, that their lower edges took a colour like the afterglow on a Swiss rock mountain. The perception sent a riot of associations through his brain which strengthened his wavering purpose. Must he lose her after all, he thought; now that he had risen to a true estimation of her worth? His fancy throned Kate queen of his mountain home, and he turned towards her, but a light of fear in her eyes stopped the words on his lips.
“I trust you,” she said, simply.
The storm of his passions quieted down. That one sentence just expressed to him the debt he owed to her. In return — well, he could do no less than leave her her illusion.
“Good-bye,” he said. “All the good that comes to us, somehow, seems to spring from women like yourself, while we give you nothing but trouble in return. Even this last misery, which my selfishness has brought to you, lifts me to breathe a cleaner air.”
“He must have forgotten to post it,” Mrs. Branscome pleaded.
“Yes; we must believe that. Good-bye!”
For a moment he stayed to watch her white figure, outlined against the dusk of the room, and then gently closed the door on her. The next morning David left England, not, however, for Grindelwald. He dreaded the morbid selfishness which grows from isolation, and sought a finishing school in the companionship of practical men.
THE TWENTY-KRONER STORY.
THE SURGEON HAS a weakness for men who make their living on the sea. From the skipper of a Dogger Bank fishing-smack to the stoker of a Cardiff tramp, from Margate ‘longshoreman to a crabber of the Stilly Isles, he embraces them all in a lusty affection. And this not merely out of his own love of salt water but because his diagnosis reveals the gentleman in them more surely than in the general run of his wealthier patients. “A primitive gentleman, if you like,” Lincott will say, “not above tearing his meat with his fingers or wearing the same shirt night and day for a couple of months on end, but still a gentleman.” As one of the innumerable instances which had built up his conviction, Lincott will offer you the twenty-kroner story.
As he was walking through the wards of his hospital he stopped for a moment by the bed of a brewer’s drayman who was suffering from an access of delirium tremens. The drayman’s language was violent and voluble. But he sank into a coma with the usual suddenness common to such cases, and in the pause which followed Lincott heard a gentle voice a few beds away earnestly apologising to a nurse for the trouble she was put to. “Why,” she replied with a laugh, “I am here to be troubled.” Apologies of the kind are not so frequently heard in the wards of an East End hospital. This one, besides, was spoken with an accent not very pronounced, it is true, but unfamiliar. Lincott moved down to the bed. It was occupied by a man apparently tall, with a pair of remorseful blue eyes set in an open face, and a thatch of yellow hair dusted with grey.
“What’s the matter?” asked Lincott, and the patient explained. He was a Norseman from Finland, fifty-three years old, and he had worked all his life on English ships. He had risen from “decky” to mate. Then he had injured himself, and since he could work no more he had come into the hospital to be cured. Lincott examined him, found that a slight operation was all the man needed, and performed it himself. In six weeks time Helling, as the sailor was named, was discharged. He made a simple and dignified little speech of thanks to the nurses for their attention, and another to the surgeon for saving his life.
“Nonsense!” said Lincott, as he held out his hand. “Any medical student could have performed that operation.”
“Then I have another reason to thank you,” answered Helling. “The nurses have told me about you, sir, and I’m grateful you spared the time to perform it yourself.”
“What are you going to do?” asked Lincott.
“Find a ship, sir,” answered Helling. Then he hesitated, and slowly slipped his finger and thumb along the waist-band of his trousers. But he only repeated, “I must find a ship,” and so left the hospital.
Three weeks later Helling called at Lincott’s house in Harley Street. Now, when hospital patients take the trouble, after they have been discharged, to find out the doctor’s private address and call, it generally means they have come to beg. Lincott, remembering how Helling’s simple courtesies had impressed him, experienced an actual disappointment. He felt his theories about the seafaring man begin to totter. However, Helling was shown into the consulting-room, and at the sight of him Lincott’s disappointment vanished. He did not start up, since manifestations of surprise are amongst those things with which doctors find it advisable to dispense, but he hooked a chair forward with his foot.
“Now then, sit down! Chuck yourself about! Sit down,” said Lincott genially. “You look bad.”
Helling, in fact, was gaunt with famine; his eyes were sunk and dull; he was so thin that he seemed to have grown in height.
“I had some trouble in finding a ship,” he said; and sitting down on the edge of the chair, twirled his hat in some embarrassment.
“It is three weeks since you left the hospital?”
“Yes.”
“You should have come here before,” the surgeon was moved to say.
“No,” answered Helling. “I couldn’t come before, sir. You see, I had no ship. But I found one this morning, and I start to-morrow.”
“But for these three weeks? You have been starving.” Lincott slipped his hand into his pocket. It seemed to him afterwards simply providential that he did not fumble his money, that no clink of coins was heard. For Helling answered,
“Yes, sir, I’ve been starving.” He drew back his shoulders and laughed. “I’m proud to know that I’ve been starving.”
He laid his hat on the ground, drew out and unclasped his knife, felt along the waist-band of his breeches, cut a few stitches, and finally produced a little gold coin. This coin he held between his forefinger and thumb.
“Forty years ago,” he said, “when I was a nipper and starting on my first voyage, my mother gave me this. She sewed it up in the waist-band of my breeches with her own hands and told me never to part with it until I’d been starving. I’ve been near to starvation often and often enough. But I never have starved before. This coin has always stood between that and me. Now, however, I have actually been starving and I can part with it.”
He got up from his chair and timidly laid the piece of gold on the table by Lincott’s elbow. Then he picked up his hat. The surgeon said nothing, and he did not touch the coin. Neither did he look at Helling, but sat with his forehead propped in his hand as though he were reading the letters on his desk. Helling, afraid to speak lest his coin should be refused, walked noiselessly to the door and noiselessly unlatched it.
“Wait a bit!” said Lincott. Helling stopped anxiously in the doorway.
“Where have you slept” — Lincott paused to steady his voice— “for the last three weeks?” he continued.
“Under arches by the river, sir,” replied Helling. “On benches along the Embankment, once or twice in the parks. But that’s all over now,” he said earnestly. “I’m all right. I’ve got my ship. I couldn’t part with that before, because it was the only thing I had to hang on to the world with. But I’m all right now.”
Lincott took up the coin and turned it over in the palm of his hand.
“Twenty kroners,” he said. “Do you know what that’s worth in England?”
“Yes, I do,” answered Helling with some trepidation.
“Fifteen shillings,” said Lincott. “Think of it, fifteen shillings, perhaps sixteen.”
“I know,” interrupted Helling quickly, mistaking the surgeon’s meaning. “But please, please, you mustn’t think I value what you have done for me at that. It’s only fifteen shillings, but it has meant a fortune to me all the last three weeks. Each time that I’ve drawn my belt tighter I have felt that coin underneath it burn against my skin. When I passed a coffee-stall in the early morning and saw the steam and the cake I knew I could have bought up the whole stall if I chose. I could have had meals, and meals, and meals. I could have slept in beds under roofs. It’s only fifteen shillings; nothing at all to you,” and he looked round the consulting-room, with its pictures and electric lights, “but I want you to take it at what it has been worth to me ever since I came out of the hospital.”
Lincott took Helling into his dining-room. On a pedestal stood a great silver vase, blazing its magnificence across the room.
“You see that?” he asked.
“Yes,” said Helling.
“It was given to me by a patient. It must have cost at the least £500.”
Helling tapped the vase with his knuckles.
“Yes, sir, that’s a present,” he said enviously. “That is a present.”
Lincott laughed and threw up the window.
“You can pitch it out into the street if you like. By the side of your coin it’s muck.”
Lincott keeps the coin. He points out that Helling was fifty-three at the time that he gave him this present, and that the operation was one which any practitioner could have performed.
THE FIFTH PICTURE.
LADY TAMWORTH FELT unutterably bored. The sensation of lassitude, even in its less acute degrees, was rare with her; for she possessed a nature of so fresh a buoyancy that she was able, as a rule, to extract diversion from any environment. Her mind took impressions with the vivid clearness of a mirror, and also, it should be owned, with a mirror’s transient objectivity. To-day, however, the mirror was clouded. She looked out of the window; a level row of grey houses frowned at her across the street. She looked upwards; a grey pall of cloud swung over the rooftops. The interior of the room appeared to her even less inviting than the street. It was the afternoon of the first drawing-room, and a debutante was exhibiting herself to her friends. She stood in the centre, a figure from a Twelfth-Night cake, amidst a babble of congratulations, and was plainly occupied in a perpetual struggle to conceal her moments of enthusiasm beneath a crust of deprecatory languor.
The spectacle would have afforded choice entertainment to Lady Tamworth, had she viewed it in the company of a sympathetic companion. Solitary appreciation of the humorous, however, only induced in her a yet more despondent mood. The tea seemed tepid; the conversation matched the tea. Epigrams without point, sallies void of wit, and cynicisms innocent of the sting of an apt application floated about her on a ripple of unintelligent laughter. A phrase of Mr. Dale’s recurred to her mind, “Hock and seltzer with the sparkle out of it;” so he had stigmatised the style and she sadly thanked him for the metaphor.
